How much family is too much family!

My family is just like your husbands family. I have a huge family and there is always something going on. I talk to my mom and others in my family every day and answer their calls whenever they call. My husband comes from a small family and does not talk to or see them often. I'm lucky in the fact that he enjoys spending time with everyone and often is the first to think of inviting everyone over. It took him awhile to get used to the fact that when he said "Do you want to invite a few people over?" That often means between 20 to 30 people. I asked him out of curiosity when I read your post if it ever bothers him and his response was "your family is the way things should be" It means the world to me how he feels about everyone and how willing he always is to help them. I bet your new husband would appreciate it more than you can even imagine. You may even learn to enjoy the closeness.

If my family is within 1000 miles of where I live.. then it's too close.

I've been married 27 years on Wednesday... Want to know my secret? COMPROMISE. And never jump him with a fight when either one first walks in the door.
Make a date... turn off the phones... take his hands.. look deep into his eyes... "let's talk Baby!",,,

One of the best pieces of advice I got from my Daddy was:

"You are a married woman now. We love you and always will. We refuse to take sides and will not help in solving a fight. You took vows to love and honor. Those vows are forever. Instead of whining to us, go talk to your husband and fix whatever the problem is. He is a great, honorable man. That is why you married him. GO TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND."

It hasn't always been pretty, but here we are 27 years later... Still talking... did we work everything out? Heck no... We are still talking.

Good luck sweetie!!!

Well, first of all you knew this before you married him . Accept it, because it won't change now. I think you can still come to a compromise that will make you bith happy. My husband's family has a very LNG standing tradition of celebrating Christmas eve; so even tough I had a tradition of going to midnight church service Christmas eve, I gave that up when we got together. Find a way to balance between you family events and his. Find the balance of how much and what events you can live with going to with his family and let him do the others without you. I also suggest that you form a group of friends that you do stuff with and balance that in as well. Successful marriages are all about compromising.

I absolutely agree with this. My boyfriend's family isn't as close as mine. We are definitely close. Visiting each several times a week and family dinner EVERY Sunday and I enjoy every minute of it. He doesn't understand it but knows its not going to change!

My advice isn't going to be popular at all judging by the way the previous posts are going.

I am of the mind that you married this man knowing how close he was to his family. It doesn't really matter that you warned him you expected him to change once married - you still married him knowing how important his family relationships are to him. Because you knew before and still married him, I don't think you should expect him to cut them off.

Certain compromises I can agree with such as not talking on the phone in the room you are trying to sleep in - that is just plain rude and disrespectful. Otherwise, just deal with it. You don't have to go to all the family functions and you don't have to be their new best friend.

I agree with this.
You took on his family as well as him when you married him.
It sounds as though there are a few specific issues you need to work out between you (ie. if their calls are waking you up, you need to discuss how he can take their calls without waking you) and whether you spend EVERY weekend/holiday/birthday with them. Maybe you need to sit down and make a list of the things that bug you (specific things) and ask him to talk about it rationally. If he has always been that way he's probably not going to change but the two of you need to find a way of making your own family that has room for his close connection to his parents etc but still allows you two to have a healthy relationship. The only way to do that is to talk about it.

I come from a family who isn't close at all, and my boyfriend's family is super close. I was really overwhelmed at first and wasn't really sure how to act around them. I didn't want to look snooty, but I didn't really know how to function within a family unit without being totally awkward. I just started doing little things with them, and over time I got more comfortable. I still don't interact with them as much as does, but I think that's okay. Do as much as you feel comfortable with...and you may even find yourself wanting more of a relationship with them. But if you compromise then I think he should too. Obviously you aren't trying to keep him from them, but I don't think cutting out the phone calls while you are trying to sleep, on a date, or stuff like that is too much to ask.

I come from a very close family - my husband does not. I don't see it talk to my Mom or sister daily - but several times a week. We also have big family get-togethers with all of the Aunts, Uncles and cousins and it is a loud, joyful time and I enjoy every minute of it. They are some of my favorite people on this planet. We have been married for 8 years, and my husband is still overwhelmed at times - but he also knows my family would drop everything to support us if we needed them. His family could care less.

Here are my thoughts on it: boundaries can be a good thing, especially when it comes to phone calls late at night. I agree with you there. But here is where I differ...instead of thinking that his family is too close and weird for wanting to spend time together, why not be thankful for them? After all, they are the people that shaped him into the man that he is, and aren't you in love with him? Why not respect him for his sense of loyalty to those that he loves - because isn't that what you also want from him? You can't fall in love with someone that has those types of qualities and then be aggravated when they are demonstrating those same qualities to others. Seems like a double standard. I also don't think that it is fair of you to ask him to change who he is. You also knew this going into it - if it was a concern before you were married, why did you think the ring was going to change his behavior? I'm not saying that to be snippy - but this is who he has been for years. You're not going to be able to change that overnight.

Talk to him. Set boundaries if you need to for your comfort, and make sure you are really communicating your concerns from an "I" voice - as in, "Honey, I know you love talking to your Mom late at night, but I really need to sleep. Could you please talk in the living room instead of the bedroom?" I bet, just from reading just this little bit about him, he would gladly move to the other room.
Best of luck to you. I know that it took my husband quite a while to get used to my family. And I love it when he joins us, but I am not offended when he doesn't want to go either. This will work out - just make sure you are communicating with him.

I can TOTALLY see where you are coming from!! I love my husband's family, but sometimes, it can be overwhelming. Sometimes you want to start your OWN family traditions, instead of being a part of already existing traditions. Try to remind him that YOU are his family, he should respect your wishes not to attend EVERYTHING.

I don't know what your plan is with children, but just know that it does NOT get better. You will only be expected to attend more family functions since you have children with someone in their family. I hope its better for you than it is for me. I will always be "the kids' mother" regardless of the 13 years I have spent trying to get them to like me. Such is life.