How mean would it be ...

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13

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  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    I think you got the answer you were seeking from others. But the main lesson here is YOU cant change anyone....they have to change themselves. If you cant accept them as they are, get out right away. Dont wait. There is always someone else out there that you wont have to "change". :)

    Amen. It took me five years to realize I couldn't change him.. and I spent 1.5 of those years yelling at him and threatening to break up with him if he continued to do what he was doing. Finally, I realized that my threats were not going to get him out of that lifestyle. That is just who he was.. He came here from Eastern Europe, got involved in some crazy mafia type stuff, only associates himself with those kind of people, all of his friends are involved as well, etc etc etc.. and I realized he would never get out because he didn't want to. That is what his life has been from the beginning.

    So screw it. Im gonna find someone who doesnt need to be changed ! Thank you
  • johnny_66
    johnny_66 Posts: 12 Member
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    So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

    He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    It sounds so bogus :(

    I don't think marrying you would change his immigration status; if he is illegal then it stays that way! He could go back home and apply for a visa and return. JMHO
  • MonicaT1972
    MonicaT1972 Posts: 512
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    Why would you even post this so publicly with details. The internet is not an anonymous black hole. Do you not fear for your safety with the information you have dropped here?
  • turningstar
    turningstar Posts: 393 Member
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    Wait....you have a shared account with a man you know to be a criminal?! No offense, but that doesn't seem like a great idea. Get him off your accounts and out of your life. You can always ignore him, rather than change your number.

    Going into a relationship in hopes of changing someone.....doesn't usually work out. Good luck though! You'll be better off!
  • jaxandmaksmom
    jaxandmaksmom Posts: 262 Member
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    god i change my number to rid of a guy just cause he bugs me... for this situation.. i would move and change my number...


    lmao forget the loser your a hot girl get a good guy
  • Austin1988
    Austin1988 Posts: 243 Member
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    So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

    He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

    So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

    I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
    Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

    It sounds so bogus :(

    Please reference:

    The Sopranos
    Goodfellas

    Watch and learn. After all, movies teach us everything about life, right ;)
    Seriously though, it sounds like you got out of the relationship just in time. You don't want to be tied in with that kind of stuff.
  • Marll
    Marll Posts: 904 Member
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    So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

    He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

    So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

    I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
    Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

    It sounds so bogus :(

    "He's a good guy"

    involvement in crime
    illegal immigrant status
    force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    These things in my mind negate the good guy statement.

    I'm of the feeling that when you break up with someone you should sever ALL ties. Close all accounts that are joint, shut down any services, move out and away from each other, change your phone number and make sure that any mutual friends know which side of the fence they should be on.

    Secondly, while this may sound a bit goody-goody, if he's in the country illegally and commiting crime he should be reported to the proper authorities and removed from the country.
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    You make me feel ugly. Damn youre gorgeous....

    no way, YOURE GORGEOUS !! :)
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    Why would you even post this so publicly with details. The internet is not an anonymous black hole. Do you not fear for your safety with the information you have dropped here?

    Not really, he's very..foreign, lets just say.
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

    He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

    So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

    I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
    Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

    It sounds so bogus :(

    "He's a good guy"

    involvement in crime
    illegal immigrant status
    force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    These things in my mind negate the good guy statement.

    I'm of the feeling that when you break up with someone you should sever ALL ties. Close all accounts that are joint, shut down any services, move out and away from each other, change your phone number and make sure that any mutual friends know which side of the fence they should be on.

    Secondly, while this may sound a bit goody-goody, if he's in the country illegally and commiting crime he should be reported to the proper authorities and removed from the country.

    I know, after I read it .. i realized how bad he sounds... Hes not a good guy i guess, just a bad guy who treated me okay.
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    I don't think i could ever report him. I have no evidence anyway, just basically what I have been told, and also a little of what I have seen.
  • nextrightthing
    nextrightthing Posts: 408 Member
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    Totally off topic :-) but you have to watch "Walk off the Earth" do a cover on the Goyte song......it is fabulous. I really like that song. I warned this was off topic :-)
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?
    Are you out of your mind? Why do you have shared bank accounts with someone you know to be a criminal? I don't know what he is involved in but you could potentially be considered an accessory. You could also lose all of your money if his accounts are frozen.

    One of the first things people do when ending a relationship is to separate any of their joint accounts, including Netflix but certainly when it comes to finances. I'm baffled as to why you think that would be mean, instead of just the logical thing to do.
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
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    SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?
    Are you out of your mind? Why do you have shared bank accounts with someone you know to be a criminal? I don't know what he is involved in but you could potentially be considered an accessory. You could also lose all of your money if his accounts are frozen.

    One of the first things people do when ending a relationship is to separate any of their joint accounts, including Netflix but certainly when it comes to finances. I'm baffled as to why you think that would be mean, instead of just the logical thing to do.
    THIS. In my opinion if you still have ANY shared accounts (for anything) your relationship isn't over. Sure you may not be with him anymore, but a shared bank account is the DEFINITION of a relationship.

    Changing your phone number is a more drastic move that is rarely necessary after a break up, but considering the info you gave us I would say it's probably a good idea. Be safe and good luck :)
  • Derpina7
    Derpina7 Posts: 552 Member
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    He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?

    Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.

    ^ This
  • hanahlai
    hanahlai Posts: 281 Member
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    I would do it for safety reasons alone. You just never know! Not mean at all!
    So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

    He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

    So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

    I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
    Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

    It sounds so bogus :(
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    RUN and Hide fast as you can!!!
  • mistyladidah
    mistyladidah Posts: 210 Member
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    Wow, it sucks you have to deal with this.

    Honestly, I think you have every right to sever the shared ties you had together, even possibly the phone number. Maybe give the new number a few more days to see if he backs off a bit. I do think you should do him the slight courtesy of telling him what you are doing. Just one final text from you so that he doesn't just go to pay for something or watch a movie and it doesn't work... your safety is important, and he could get pretty angry.

    Ignore the song... it's catchy, but not really appropriate in this scenario.

    Now go eat something awesome, and then work out to something uplifting and about new beginnings. :flowerforyou:

    (oops, sorry, mom-mode!)
  • now_or_never12
    now_or_never12 Posts: 849 Member
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    Change your phone number and remove your name from everything joint.

    As another poster mentioned, if he's into organized crime... or any form of crime and you have a joint bank account with him you can be charged as an accomplice. You know he's up to no good. If he gets caught and accounts are frozen, etc there goes your money and if he decides to do something stupid with any shared credit there goes your credit rating too.

    Sever all ties and move on.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

    He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

    Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

    So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

    I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
    Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

    It sounds so bogus :(

    Change the number and don't look back.

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