You have GOT to be kidding me (Military Rant)!?!?!

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  • FitSuga
    FitSuga Posts: 262 Member
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    I completely understand having been there. Sorry you had to go through that.
  • ball858
    ball858 Posts: 395 Member
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    I am a CVO / CNO (Casualty Visiting/Notifying Officer) for the British Army - meaning if the time came I could be asked to deliver bad news of Injury or worse.

    I would NEVER call a spouse that was not directly involved with the soldier - only the family involved should be informed - WHAT WAS THIS WOMAN DOING???
  • bm99
    bm99 Posts: 597 Member
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    HORRIBLE.

    You absolutely need to tell someone about that call. I can't imagine how you felt.
  • Italianyc84
    Italianyc84 Posts: 192 Member
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    Thanks for the response, I will check out We Were Soldiers. I suffer from severe anxiety/panic attacks, so that makes perfect sense to me. I agree that what she did was very wrong.
    Ok, I know absolutely nothing about being in the military/being a military wife but I'm just curious--why would someone want to NOT be called? What types of phonecalls are you preventing? I know they deliver the REALLY bad news in person, so I'm just curious.

    I asked to NOT be contacted simply for the fact that I suffer from acute anxiety. ANY type of news about what's going on over there sends me into a panic. A sleepless panic. An images that do not turn off panic. Hence my personal choice to avoid all forms of news.
    KNOWING that they typically issue terrible news in official uniform does NOT change the knee jerk reaction you feel when you hear "We have lost someone".
    People that ARE familiar with the inner workings of military life understand the "gossip mill" and how it can get out of hand and leave you with many a sleepless night and an unnecessary ulcer. They will also understand that "Proper Procedure" isn't always followed the way it should be. That nosy bored spouses can evoke the worlds biggest fears with their apparent constant "NEED" to share what they just saw/ heard/read and provide details that aren't necessarily there. Especially when THEIR spouse is able to come home every night.
    Until this woman placed her uncalled for phone call, I had absolutely NO idea what was going on over there, nor did I have any desire to know. I enjoy my sleep, and thanks to her "fixing a rumor" that I didn't even know existed, I managed a very fitful 45 minutes last night.

    P.S. The closest "view" I can offer to you is to sit down and watch "We were Soldiers". It's a prime example of life from the wife's side.

  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
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    Thanks for the response, I will check out We Were Soldiers. I suffer from severe anxiety/panic attacks, so that makes perfect sense to me. I agree that what she did was very wrong.

    You're very welcome. It's a beautiful movie. It shows a pretty good example of life from both sides, however, I CAN tell you that my husband had NO clue what it was like to be on this side until I made him sit through the whole movie. And I can honestly admit that it opened MY eyes to how their life is (or could be) while they're on the other side of the world.
  • Discoveri
    Discoveri Posts: 435 Member
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    I am gobsmacked by that woman. I'm glad you spoke to someone already so that they can explain to her how horribly frightening it is to receive a call like that. I'm so sorry for the anxiety you must have felt.
  • obum88
    obum88 Posts: 262 Member
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    When dealing with a lot of family support personnel, i just remind myself that they are people and sometimes not trained right. But all this logic came back after my husbands deployment. She may have been nervous and blurted out the bad news first, but the chirpy goodbye is not cool, i would have personally went to find her.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Was the "rumor" clarified? I saw nothing in your rant about anything other than that.

    I am sorry to hear, though, that you have ZERO connection with military personnel, base, and family...
  • EricNCSU
    EricNCSU Posts: 699 Member
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    Wow.. un-effing-believable..... First off thank you for YOUR sacrifice, and THANKS to your husband for his service...

    Thoughts to the family who has made the Ultimate Sacrifice.. but WOW.. lets tell the whole command that their father/son/husband (or mom/wife/daugther) is not coming home....

    Poor tact... and usually the military handles things like this with the UPMOST respect and brevity.... unreal..

    And yes.. We Were Soldiers is an incredible movie and that's exactly what I thought... the scene where the taxi driver rings the doorbell of the commanders wifes house with a telegram in his hand (obvious what that meant) but it's not her husband who was killed, he couldnt find the right house.
  • nas24
    nas24 Posts: 880 Member
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    I'm sorry but i would have just went off on her *kitten*!!! Goodness! I think i would have died
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    She has no feelings for the family who lost their Soldier. Her actions was cold an unnecessary!!!!!!!!! I would've slapped her if I could if this happened to me...ugh! Prayers to that Soldier's family:heart:

    <----Wife of Army National Guard Veteran Soldier
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    thank heavens your husband is ok and OMG I WOULD BE ON THE WARPATH.....

    thank you for your sacrifices and his service (my dad was in navy, fave uncle was in air force)
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
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    Was the "rumor" clarified? I saw nothing in your rant about anything other than that.

    I am sorry to hear, though, that you have ZERO connection with military personnel, base, and family...

    Clarification just for you because you asked so sweetly :wink:

    So THERE I was.... lol. Just kidding.

    What happened was apparently the local newspaper had gotten a hold of the item (sailor from our base killed in action, name to be released upon notification of next of kin). These other wives apparently do not suffer from crushing anxiety and have been watching, reading and listening to the news. They began calling one another, speculating on whose husband it was, and telling each other the whole "No, it's yours. Nooo.. it's YOURS" garbage. Once the OFFICIAL notification was made, some one gave the IA Coordinator permission to go ahead and send a "YOUR husband is alright, but something DID happen" email. As far as anyone can figure out, this woman thought she was doing right by calling me since there was no email provided with my contact information (because I really just don't want to know). The fact that it clearly states DO NOT CONTACT (Because I just DON'T WANT to KNOW) was disregarded since she "thought" she was under orders to contact EVERY spouse on her list whether they provided an email address or not.

    So, I suppose the rumor I had no idea even existed until she called and scared the bejeebers out of me, has in fact been cleared up.

    And I'm not sorry in the least. This happening the way it did is a PRIME example of why I want nothing to do with them. Who in their right mind calls up a fellow wife and tells them, "Oh, it's not MINE, so it has to be YOURS". :noway: That's petty and childish. I gave up high school many years ago. I have no desire to relive it.
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
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    It surely doesn't sound like fun for you, but speaking of childish... there's now a whole thread of strangers bashing a soldier who was just trying to do her job. Think about it.
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
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    It surely doesn't sound like fun for you, but speaking of childish... there's now a whole thread of strangers bashing a soldier who was just trying to do her job. Think about it.

    Point taken.

    BUT.... I strongly believe this woman should have at least consulted with other individuals for clarification sake before placing that call. There was no need for her to include me in her notifications.

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