boyfriend mad at me for cheating!

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Replies

  • salasserrano
    salasserrano Posts: 3
    You should eat icecream once in a while. Don't deprive yourself too much. If you splurge, just cut down on some other things for the day and excercise like you nomally do. I think you should loose the weight for you. It's too exhausting trying to please everyone. :smile:
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
    First, you've lost alot of weight, congrats..

    But to the responses...Holy smoke ladies.
    You want to hang the guy for helping and being supportive. Yes , maybe it sounded like he didn't bring it up the right way.

    Men. We can't win no matter what.

    Would you like us to sit there while you eat the bad foods you shouldn't eat and say nothing.
    Or should we help out in motivating and say you don't ned this, it's junk.


    I've read this already online so many times. (That's why I don't agree with tempting foods in the house)

    It's ok, I'll just have one scoop, or one serving of ice cream.(In moderation right?)
    Now it went to the 2nd day in a row. Is this still considered in moderation?
    What if it went to the 3rd day?
    When is a man allowed to be supportive and help out.
    What if he threw out the ice cream after the 2nd day?



    I would like to ask all you ladies that responded, what if it was the other way around.
    What if your man lost weight, and he had a hard time before with sweets, and he decided he wanted to eat something that was bad for him, Chocolate bars, ice cream.
    First time you wouldn't say anything?
    But after the 2nd day? the 3rd day? Would you sit quiet?

    I know there are many women that would throw out those treats on their man.
    True?

    I agree that jumping to the conclusion that he's abusive and she needs to leave him is extreme. However...

    I think what most women here have difficulty with is that she said he DEMANDED she stop eating the ice cream. I would expect my husband to point out to me if I were sabotaging myself, but God help him if he ever DEMANDS that I do anything. I would never demand that my husband not eat something. Even when my husband's military career was on the line and he wouldn't go to the gym, I never once demanded that he go to the gym. Suggested, yes. It's not what her boyfriend did, but the way he did it. Very different. If it's a communication issue, they need to work on it before it progresses. If it's a control issue... well..

    i truly see both points.

    there are ways to go about talking to another person, ESPECIALLY a fiance'. the way he pestered her is not one of them. she stated she hadnt had ice cream in forever. so, whats the big deal? must be something else going on in his noggin.

    if it were me and my 'other' were in her shoes reaching for the frozen yumminess, i would ask if they had had a bad day or something, not say - you cannot eat that! if they said no, i really just want some ice cream i would say - go for it! just dont get all crazy after not having it in forever. then i would probably ask for a bite!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    and honestly, i dont keep the temptations around because its just me and i WILL eat them after a ton of excuses why its ok. the frequency i do it is a little tooooo often, so outta sight outta mind works a lot better for me personally.

    anyways, i hope you are able to figure out what might be bugging him. AND congratts on losing all the weight! :drinker: :flowerforyou:
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    First, you've lost alot of weight, congrats..

    But to the responses...Holy smoke ladies.
    You want to hang the guy for helping and being supportive. Yes , maybe it sounded like he didn't bring it up the right way.

    Men. We can't win no matter what.

    Would you like us to sit there while you eat the bad foods you shouldn't eat and say nothing.
    Or should we help out in motivating and say you don't ned this, it's junk.


    I've read this already online so many times. (That's why I don't agree with tempting foods in the house)

    It's ok, I'll just have one scoop, or one serving of ice cream.(In moderation right?)
    Now it went to the 2nd day in a row. Is this still considered in moderation?
    What if it went to the 3rd day?
    When is a man allowed to be supportive and help out.
    What if he threw out the ice cream after the 2nd day?



    I would like to ask all you ladies that responded, what if it was the other way around.
    What if your man lost weight, and he had a hard time before with sweets, and he decided he wanted to eat something that was bad for him, Chocolate bars, ice cream.
    First time you wouldn't say anything?
    But after the 2nd day? the 3rd day? Would you sit quiet?

    I know there are many women that would throw out those treats on their man.
    True?

    It's not about him being supportive, thumper, every woman wants a supportive man, but if she's stressed about it, it's obviously not positive support. No one can bully you into losing weight. We all know what we should and shouldn't be eating...It would make me miserable if every time I had a bowl of ice cream or a piece of chocolate there was someone over my shoulder saying, "You don't need that!" I know I don't need it, but that's my decision to make, ya know?

    She does need to look at whether he's controlling in other ways. If it's just about food, and he's good in every other way, then it's something a person could deal with...no matter how annoying it would be. No one wants their significant other to act like a parent.
  • aariel22
    aariel22 Posts: 37
    Thanks everyone for responding. I am not angry anymore. I went home for lunch and he apologized for being insensitive. We do have a lot of work to do on communication and control issues, but we have come a long way already. We have been together for over a decade- since we were teenagers- and we have already tackled several of life's greatest challenges together.
    I am glad that I stood up for myself since I think body-issues can be really destructive. Don't worry- I am not ignoring any red flags.
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
    Thanks everyone for responding. I am not angry anymore. I went home for lunch and he apologized for being insensitive. We do have a lot of work to do on communication and control issues, but we have come a long way already. We have been together for over a decade- since we were teenagers- and we have already tackled several of life's greatest challenges together.
    I am glad that I stood up for myself since I think body-issues can be really destructive. Don't worry- I am not ignoring any red flags.

    good for you girl! :flowerforyou: and thank you for the interesting topic! :drinker:
  • reefkeeper
    reefkeeper Posts: 26
    Ok. It is okay to tell her, without being a jerk, that it will not help with her end goal. It is also ok to tell her, if she wants it, to make room in her calories or exercise the sweets out. It is also ok to endulge. WHAT IS JUST PLAIN NOT RIGHT, is demanding anything of your better half. We are adilts and we do what we want. Doing stuff like that gives you eating disorders, not healthier eating habits. Ask my wife, she is a member of mfp also, and I have never and would never address it that way. I also have a relative who sleepeats from this kind of passive aggressive behavior.

    Just my .02 for what its worth.
  • burbuja
    burbuja Posts: 32
    This is just my opinion but I think your bf was wrong to tell you to not start dress shopping until you lost some weight. That's what I find wrong here. I think it's good for him to support you in your weightloss journey and tell you to put the ice cream away IF that's what you want.

    I honestly think he was wrong to have made the initial comment, if my husband of seven and a half years would have told me to loss weight before going dress shopping I would have seriously reconsidered, why...because you will sometime in your life gain a little weight or look less than flattering and he is supposed to be the person you trsut the most to be around, the person that will understand your bloated or that you look like crap because you've got the flu etc.

    This is MY personal opinion.

    Good luck with your weight loss journey and congrats on the success!
  • burbuja
    burbuja Posts: 32
    First, you've lost alot of weight, congrats..

    But to the responses...Holy smoke ladies.
    You want to hang the guy for helping and being supportive. Yes , maybe it sounded like he didn't bring it up the right way.

    Men. We can't win no matter what.

    Would you like us to sit there while you eat the bad foods you shouldn't eat and say nothing.
    Or should we help out in motivating and say you don't ned this, it's junk.


    I've read this already online so many times. (That's why I don't agree with tempting foods in the house)

    It's ok, I'll just have one scoop, or one serving of ice cream.(In moderation right?)
    Now it went to the 2nd day in a row. Is this still considered in moderation?
    What if it went to the 3rd day?
    When is a man allowed to be supportive and help out.
    What if he threw out the ice cream after the 2nd day?



    I would like to ask all you ladies that responded, what if it was the other way around.
    What if your man lost weight, and he had a hard time before with sweets, and he decided he wanted to eat something that was bad for him, Chocolate bars, ice cream.
    First time you wouldn't say anything?
    But after the 2nd day? the 3rd day? Would you sit quiet?

    I know there are many women that would throw out those treats on their man.
    True?

    I find it funny how everyone is quoting you so I thought I would do the same just to give you my opinion.

    I think in a marriage we do need to support each other but I also believe it would have been different if she would have been the one to say I don't want to dress shop UNTIL I lose some weight. Then I could understand he was probably just giving her some tough love, his way of saying or letting her know that she has worked too hard to let herself go with the ice cream...which to be honest would still be a little too much...it's not like she'll gain the twenty some pounds with one night of ice cream but I do see your point and I agree he was trying to be supportive but in my opinion didn't word it out correctly, who knows maybe he had a rough day at work etc it's beside the point. Like I mentioned before thumper I think you should take into consideration what she wrote before the ice cream. Imagine if your wife would have told you, you can't go tuxedo shopping until you lose weight. Would that have made you feel good about yourself?

    I'm glad they worked it out. :wink:
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