To all the wives/mommy's out there...HELP!!

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24

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  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
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    I just have to remind myself that a happy mommy, means happy kids. I can't be the best mother out there if I'm miserable with myself.
  • rmchapman4
    rmchapman4 Posts: 152 Member
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    Hello Honey,

    Let me identify with you: I work full-time (w/ a stressful job); I have three children (who are busy in many outside activities); my husband is away from him with his job 90% of the time; and I am working on my PhD. Here is how I make it happen or not happen :)

    1. My children clean up behind themselves (your 3 yr old can put away toys and wipe his/her eating area ??)
    2. I focus on what I can ONLY do today
    3. I make myself exercise for at least 30 minutes
    4. I worry about the things I can control ( I can't control my husband's work schedule)
    5. I PRAY A LOT!!!

    Good Luck to you!
  • jenessae
    jenessae Posts: 23
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    I hear you! It's hard but it can be done. I have a full time job & a part time job, 3 kids and a hubby. Pretty much I get up at 4:30 every morning to get some "me" time. I start work at 7am and out by 4 in time to get kids to practices & games. So I have to work out in the morning. Dinner usually gets started the night before or I'll go home for lunch and start. I do my planning/grocery shopping Sunday morning since it's my rest day. Saturday is my cleaning day while hubby takes kids to practices. Believe me it CAN be done if you want it bad enough. I sacrifice a bit of sleep to work out but it makes me feel good and ready for the day!
  • p0pr0cksnc0ke
    p0pr0cksnc0ke Posts: 1,283 Member
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    I have a four year old and a one year old. I work full time and have about an hour commute both ways.

    I wake up at 5am to get my workout done while hubby and kids are sleeping. Yes it sucks getting up that early.. but I feel better throughout the day.

    I do bigger grocery shopping for staples on the weekends. But for fresh food, I go on my lunch at work. I don't get any special longer lunches.. I just go shopping for my hour lunch then eat my food packed while I am doing my work.

    I don't eat grains (just a choice..no allergy or anything) but my family does. So, I make meals for them and since I am not eating them, I usually have leftovers for another night. That gives me a break.

    I break up the housework to do something small daily. But, sometimes I let the dishes/laundry/chores sit..my family is more important than a super clean house.

    I make ME time. Even for just 10 minutes a night before I go to bed to read a magzine, pinterest something that I WANT to do. Keeps me sane and helps me unwind.

    It took me nearly a year to get a "rythym" down for this. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to juggle everything. You have to take a step back, figure out what your real priorities are and then schedule yourself. But, in your schedule,you deserve to have time for you too. Don't put yourself off to stretch yourself to the max for everyone else. :flowerforyou:
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    Two words for an exercise tip... Mommy Olympics.

    I have a 5 and 7 year old, and we do mommy olympics, and the kids love it! I lay on my back and do some of the following:
    - Flying feats: have them lay on my feet and I slowly lift them so theyre flying
    - Flying seats: have them sit on my feet and slowly lift them - burns the thighs
    *both are lots of fun when a couch is nearby they can fall on

    - tumbles: they stand at my head and I grab their waist, they lean forward into my tummy I slowly roll them onto my legs. They end up doing a somersault and landing on my feet. The slower the better the burn - works abs and arms
    - reverse tumble: they sit on my feet and I roll them back toward my head so they end up where the "tumbles" started

    - forward flip: they stand at my feet and lay on my legs with their head at my knees. I lift my legs and flip them up and over. Stabilize their shoulders at first and then grab their waist to finish the flip. Again works arms and abs and legs if they're heavy.

    Sometimes I let them bounce gently on my stomach, or sit on me while I do butt lifts. I've tried the pushup thing, but I can't do regular pushups, so that just doesn't work.

    The girls BEG for mommy olympics, I break a sweat, and (before we split) the hubby loved the view...
  • IamKendall
    IamKendall Posts: 21
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    My tips for you are: Accept help when someone offers. If someone wants to help with a chore thanks them graciously and let them. Prioritize... I used to knock myself out scrubbing floors every other day, bathrooms every day... windows every week... vacuum sometimes 2x a day... what i figured out is that it was killing me. For real. Learn that if your place is clean the tidy doesn't matter... (tidy is all the laundry put away, clean dishes in the dish rack don't matter etc) Try scheduling time for yourself. One of my young cousins has 2 kids that are just babies. She makes sure she gets to the gym. Hubby has chores he has to do too, he's not the only one who works. Try swapping kids with a friend to get in some gym / you time...
    Love yourself and know that you're not a failure if you're happy even if you need to dust or take out the trash. :flowerforyou:
  • degan2011
    degan2011 Posts: 316 Member
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    For me, another vice is TV. It is another thing I do to relax. It just gets in the way of all I want to achieve. I'm going to go home and delete all that is left on my DVR. Thanks for posting your story. You have helped me.

    I cancelled all my tv accounts. I used to have cable, for my mom, but when she passed away, I didn't feeling like paying the bill, so I cancelled it and used netflix live account for all my TV watching. It was a TIME SUCKER!! About a month after deciding once again to lose weight, I deleted my netflix account and cancelled our xbox live renewal so I can't get any of the free movie apps either! (cuz I will eventually)

    It was the BEST thing I ever did for my weight loss as well as my yard and my house and my kids!!! :) I have so much more time that I used to waist on TV. I still watch movies every now and again, but it isn't an all day event anymore, it is a treat.

    By the way, I have 4 kids and a husband who works late house as a deisel mechanic, so I know where you are coming from, too. :) Just cancel the TV all together, you pocket book will thank you, too. My kids even said they are glad the TV is gone if for nothing else than they see their dad and me much happier.

    Good luck!

    Nysia
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    I couldn't do it when my kids were young. Now that they are 9 and 13, I've learned to make lists and lower my expectations.

    Dinner during the week - I write the basic plan on the chalkboard in the kitchen, often just noting the protein/main course. Hubby can start dinner as he is usually home first. Steamed veg and a carb (often toast) finish it off.

    My kids help with laundry. They do the whites, fold the sheets, and fold/put away all of their own clothes. Yes, they look wrinkled, but I'm a happier person and therefore so are they.

    This summer, they're picking up yard work. Watering potted plants, deadheading, and weeding. They'll probably kill a few plants. So would I.

    We make enough to afford a lawn service and cleaning person; if you can pull that off (any neighborhood kids looking to make a few bucks?), it's a huge help. Hiring out also requires lower standards - no one is going to do it as perfectly as you can, because it doesn't pay.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Why does it always have to be the super-moms? There are PLENTY of single 24/7/365 dads like myself that make the time. Because it's either you do it, or your don't
  • rmchapman4
    rmchapman4 Posts: 152 Member
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    Hire a housekeeper!!!

    She may not be able to afford a housekeeper!
  • p0pr0cksnc0ke
    p0pr0cksnc0ke Posts: 1,283 Member
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    Why does it always have to be the super-moms? There are PLENTY of single 24/7/365 dads like myself that make the time. Because it's either you do it, or your don't
    :flowerforyou:
    HELL YES TO YOU!!!!!! :smooched: :smooched: :smooched:
  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
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    bump
  • Vraicroyant
    Vraicroyant Posts: 10
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    I used to be a working mom (9 years). Now I'm a stay at home mom. We do a lot of the same things you've already seen listed:

    Cook in batches or a couple times a week.
    Pre-pack meals
    Get the kids involved with chores
    Do a load of laundry each night (or once a week, whichever works best)
    Get your dishes done before you leave the house
    ...and so on.

    We've tried a lot of options and changed up our routine several times, even putting it on a schedule. When I was working full time, my drive was 2 hours each way. I was miserable and tired and cranky all the time. I didn't work well with the added burden of a schedule in the wee hours of the morning or in the later afternoon/evening when I got home. To top it off, my husband works shift work, so having him help out wasn't an option.

    What I finally figured out was to throw out everything I'd tried, everything I'd learned from other working moms, and just be flexible. If the dishes didn't get done THAT day, it wasn't an issue. It might drive me crazy after a day or two, but it wasn't that big a deal. If the laundry wasn't done on Wednesday, it wasn't a tragedy. The kids still had two more days of clothes clean (at least). My family andd their comfort came first, and most often that involved hugs, kisses, and relaxing with them for a couple hours in the evening.

    Don't stress out over everything that needs to be done so much that your family suffers. A cranky mom means an unhappy family. You're the emotional center of the family, the nuturer and caretaker, even if you work too. You have to figure out what works for you AND your family. It's a heavy burden, sure, but once you find your routine, it'll fit in like a missing puzzle piece.
  • AprilLBradley
    AprilLBradley Posts: 40 Member
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    i work full-time also (4-10 hour days) and i have 4 kids at home. i workout in the evenings as soon as i get off work or after the kids are in bed... even if it is past 9. i just have to make myself do it, even if it is only for 25-30 minutes. or if i am feeling extra movitated that day, i'll get up around 5 or 530 and work out in the mornings before anyone in the house is awake.
  • romme80
    romme80 Posts: 1
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    I know what you are going through. I work full time 9-5:30, I am a full time student, I have a four year old boy and a one year old boy, and my husband works for a hospital and is on call 24/7 pretty much. I had to make a set schedule, and say "ok this is what I have to do". Every day, Monday- Saturday, my days are like this....

    1) wake up and go to the gym everyday during the week to a 12wk shred class from 5-6AM. This way it is before my husband and kids wake up.
    2) I walk 20 minutes of my lunch break. I also bring my lunch and two snacks to work everyday.
    3) when I get off work, after dinner, I load the kids in the stroller and we walk everyday. It gives us family time with no tv or interuptions, to talk and spend time together.
    4) kids go to bed and then I go to bed. My house work has to be done but I usually do it on Saturdays and Sundays in between church.

    Its not easy but it is worth it. I have lost 39lbs since Febuary 1st. I take it one day at a time but I make sure to make time for myself. I do all my shopping for groceries Friday night after the kids are in bed. I run to walmart and do it. Its so much easier without the kids and husband, not to mention cheaper! I use my crockpot alot! This way I can start dinner before work and come home to a healthy meal without taking the time to cook it! Good luck! This fitnesspal has also been my life saver! I love all the support and advice I get on here!!!
  • Mceastes
    Mceastes Posts: 303 Member
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    A lot of good advice on here! I have two kids as well and when they were in the toddler years it was definitely more challenging. At their current ages (8 and 10), it is SO much easier. So take heart, you really just have a couple of harder years left and then it will be much easier to drag them to the store or get them to help with dinner. I have a treadmill and sometimes I still have to run at 10:30 at night (I'm not a morning person), but since they can entertain themselves, I can usually workout in the early evenings.

    Here are my best tips:
    1. Crock pot - you can cook for two dinners instead of one. This is soooo much easier than a new dinner each night. There are tons of crock pot recipes online.
    2. Put on a video or fave tv show for your kid while you workout in the living room. This is a good use of tv as babysitter in my opinion. If you workout hard, you only need 30 minutes. You can do this in the evenings while dinner is cooking and you're waiting for your husband to get home. If getting up extra early works for you, then great, but it doesn't work for me. Also, save long workouts/runs for Sunday since your hubby will be home.
    3. Grocery shop only one day a week - sounds like Sunday is your best day. Leave your kiddo at home with your hubby so you can concentrate and get it all done without distractions (like I said earlier, when he's a few years older, it won't be so hard to shop with him).
    4. Take your kid to the park and run and jump and play with him. You can do pull-ups on the monkey bars, walking lunges around the playground, play tag or race each other. Good for you and him.
    5. Ask for help! If your mom, mother-in-law, sister, best friend, babysitter, neighbor, etc. are available even just one day a week to help you out for an hour or two while you workout or do something relaxing just for you or have a quick date night with hubby then take advantage. My mom lives close and weekly date nights when the kids were like 3 and 5 were something my husband and I really looked forward to. Saved my sanity!! Asking for help is probably the best advice I could give to someone with a young child.
    6. Give up the dream of the perfectly clean house. As long as it's reasonable, it's good enough. I let that one go a while ago and it's really fine.

    These really are the hardest years, so sometimes you're just not going to get everything done. But anything is better than nothing and we can all find 15-20 minutes to throw a healthy meal together, run a get a couple of groceries or work up a sweat with some jumping jacks, push-ups and squats. Hang in there mommy - you can do it!!!
  • amber_gem
    amber_gem Posts: 23 Member
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    As far as the cooking goes, I've found that I chop up fresh veggies and put them in ziplocks two days a week. I go grocery shopping twice a week with a list and a food plan for half the week. Then just saute the bags each day for dinner. Same goes for fruit, pre-wash, prep, two days a week then into ziplocks. I make one meat item one day a week, like pulled chicken and bbq sauce, or chilli and do it in the slow cooker. Rest of the week we eat veggie burgers to fill in the gaps, which you can just zap in the microwave. My daughter eats whole grain chicken nuggets from costco, which are 11 minutes in the oven. I do hard boiled eggs in batches. We eat very simply and pretty much repeat the same things, it keeps the time spent short, and keeps it healthy. Every so often I will throw in a new meal for variety, but that's only a couple times a month.

    And I do a 20-30 minute workout video every other day. My 4 y/o does it with me. When my hubby comes home from work, I head to the gym if it is still open long enough to get an hour in. If he comes home late, then instead of the gym, we play tag in the house. De-stresses everyone.

    Cleaning, I do one room each day for 15mins in the morning. Not up to my mother's standards of clean (which I know because she tells me -- often), but I can live with it just fine. I can't do everything perfectly all the time - it's taken me years to be able to accept that.
  • lvhuse
    lvhuse Posts: 18 Member
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    Totally with ya. My hubby commutes 60 miles each way, and leaves at 5 am, getting home around 6 pm. I work full-time, and this past year I got to juggle my full-time job AND running my daughter to preschool 3 mornings a week, and then to daycare after that. My answer? I got up with my hubby at around 4:30 each morning, which afforded me a few extra kisses before he left for his commute, time for a workout, quiet time, cleaning a room or two, and packing food for myself and daughter for the day before getting her out of bed. I do most of my cooking on Sundays and then freeze stuff and I rely heavily on healthy crockpot meals. That way, when I get home at night I can easily throw in some laundry to wash while we eat, play games, go for a walk, whatever. Then dry and fold while hubby and I watch a show before bed. It's kind of insane, but I think because every minute of my day was coordinated, It all worked. Until, of course, it didn't! And there were days like that. Those days, I just shrugged it off and opened a bottle of wine and got back at it the next day. I'm actually having trouble adjusting now to the less-insane summer schedule! LOL!
  • sommerskins
    sommerskins Posts: 57
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    I am a mother of 2 small children, work full time, my husband works long hours and sometimes is out of town for weeks at a time. I had been a member of the gym since August, but wasn't eating right, so the scale of course wasn't moving. So, in February 2012 I made the committment to eat right and work it.... These are some of the things that I did to help me with dinner, family and kids.

    1. I use the Crock pot a lot more and make grocery list.

    2. I cook my meals seperately from my families. I have a white board and write out what they will be having for dinner each day of the week.

    3. At the gym they have a kids club (daycare) and I take them with me. This helps them see me getting healthy, they love it and I hope it is instilling in them for the future to want a healthy lifestyle. (if this is not an option, then maybe find a friend who is wanting the same thing and come up with a system, where you can work out going to the gym and she watches your kids and you do the same for her) or go for walks or hikes with your kids. Try to find ways to incorporate them into your lifestyle change. They also have healthy mom groups, try to find one in your area, so go on walks with other mothers.

    4. Joined MFP to be held accountable for what I put in my mouth. I also have other friends who go to the gym and we all hold one another accountable and just be very present. This is a lifestyle and about complete change, if you want it forever. It can't just be I will do this for a day, a year, a week, until this event or that event. It is FOREVER!!

    Good luck and know that anything is POSSIBLE, if you just put your mind to it. Just take baby steps and for me I always try to remember it is 80% what you put in your mouth and 20% movement.....As mothers/ women we are strong, determined, AMAZING creatures. YOu can do it!!!!
  • ladybg81
    ladybg81 Posts: 1,553 Member
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    You and I sound quite similar. I also work full time with a 3 year old and my husband has a super stressful job and works long hours and most saturdays and sundays. There is no magic potion for how I did it. I stuck with what MFP gave me and I lost the weight. I go to the grocery store every 2 weeks and get what I need for that time frame. I only buy healthy options so throwing something together is not that hard. My husband and I work out 3 nights per week after the little one is in bed. We are doing a weight lifting program at home so we are looking at about 45 minutes to an hour of really heavy lifting and lots of sweating and cursing and begging for it to stop.

    Let me give you an idea of our nightly routine. I get off work and pick up son. Come home and cook. Eat. Spend a few minutes with son. Bath time/ bed time starts at 730 and in bed by 8. 3 days per week we work out. After workout I take a shower, get lunches ready for the next day, decide what to have for dinner and put that meat in the fridge. Then I can sit. On the nights we do not work out, it's the same routine minus the workout.

    You just have to make up your mind that it is worth it to you. Only you can make that decision.

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