Lady watcher at my gym

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13

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  • katy84o
    katy84o Posts: 744 Member
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    That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

    Hilarious!
  • IrishChick71
    IrishChick71 Posts: 311 Member
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    That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

    This made me laugh. LMAO!!

    But seriously... if it makes you or anyone else uncomfortable, say something to the front desk and they will keep an eye on him. Safety first above embarrassment.
    But Who hasn't been working out and looked up to find someone watching them? Could be a coincidence or maybe not. As long as they aren't drooling, following me or someone else they don't know about the gym or fondling themselves, I don't really care. I'm there for a reason and being oggled isn't one of them. :noway:
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    Okay, first of all, if he is doing super heavy weight for him, then 2-4 reps with very long rests in between is appropriate. That particular type of workout builds strength and power.

    That being said, eyeing all of the female flesh in the place while he is doing his rest between sets is totally inappropriate. Personally, I would very loudly call him on it so that every woman in the place knew to watch out for him. But I'm generally pretty bold. If you aren't as bold, schedule a time to meet with the manager. That way you can talk to them privately to fix the situation.
    16 years Certified Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor
    9 years Certified Sports Nutritionist
    Bachelors in Exercise Physiology with a Minor in Nutritional Science
    ACSM Certified Clinical Exercise Specialist
    NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist

    ^^ this. If he is doing high weights, the reps might be appropriate. but man, in between sets I keep my self busy with stretching! And logging! And well..not eyeing the meat! So I think it's ok to say something.

    What a dork that guy is. It would make me uncomfortable to work out near him.
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    Thankfully there is yet to be a law that tells me where I can point my eyes. I'm not saying I support leering, inappropriate comments etc, but looking or even thinking cannot be legislated or controlled. When I'm at the gym I try my best to focus on what I'm doing and ignore my surroundings. It doesn't always work, men are very visual, but I try.

    oh, the "men are visual" excuse again. I'd like to point out that women have eyeballs and libidos as well. It's not an excuse for bad behavior.

    We're not talking about noticing. We're not talking about a glance and a smile. No one is going to freak out about that. We're talking about leering. We're talking about a patron leaning on a machine and watching a class like it's there for his pleasure. And while it is not legislated, it *will* make women want to find another gym. The people who own the gym may want to keep the money of multiple female patrons than the money of one very unskilled leerer.
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
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    If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

    I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

    THANK YOU!
    There are so many people that refuse to acknowledge creeper behavior (intended or not) "oh, it's normal to look" and then, somehow, when something bad DOES happen, you hear all these...well, you'd have thought someone would have suspected... things, when really, someone DID suspect something, but was afraid to be labeled or pointed out for voicing their suspicions.

    So you say something to the desk, one of 2 things is most likely to happen:

    If he's innocent? No harm, no foul and he'll be aware of how his behavior appears to others.

    Sex offender/murderer in waiting? Perhaps you just saved someone a very bad night.

    You never know.....
    :noway:
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

    I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

    THANK YOU!
    There are so many people that refuse to acknowledge creeper behavior (intended or not) "oh, it's normal to look" and then, somehow, when something bad DOES happen, you hear all these...well, you'd have thought someone would have suspected... things, when really, someone DID suspect something, but was afraid to be labeled or pointed out for voicing their suspicions.

    So you say something to the desk, one of 2 things is most likely to happen:

    If he's innocent? No harm, no foul and he'll be aware of how his behavior appears to others.

    Sex offender/murderer in waiting? Perhaps you just saved someone a very bad night.

    You never know.....
    :noway:

    Not to mention, that if someone is making you uncomfortable, then you have a right to speak up! He doesn't have to be a full on sex offender to be told that his behavior is creepy and not ok.
  • leilamarchi
    leilamarchi Posts: 34
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    While I agree that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's, good money doesn't excuse him from behaving with respect, and if he's really doing some hardcore staring at the women in the gym, every time he's there, that's just disrespectful.
  • Nina2723
    Nina2723 Posts: 26 Member
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    Okay, first of all, if he is doing super heavy weight for him, then 2-4 reps with very long rests in between is appropriate. That particular type of workout builds strength and power.

    That being said, eyeing all of the female flesh in the place while he is doing his rest between sets is totally inappropriate. Personally, I would very loudly call him on it so that every woman in the place knew to watch out for him. But I'm generally pretty bold. If you aren't as bold, schedule a time to meet with the manager. That way you can talk to them privately to fix the situation.
    16 years Certified Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor
    9 years Certified Sports Nutritionist
    Bachelors in Exercise Physiology with a Minor in Nutritional Science
    ACSM Certified Clinical Exercise Specialist
    NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist

    It's hard for me to know if it is a heavey set for him or not as he is a seemingly fit guy and has to down grade the weight from where I set it, and I'm a super weak. That being said if h'es had an injury or illness then maybe thats his max right?
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    if he has an injury, he doens't need that big of a rest between sets. I injured my shoulder and had to downgrade my BP by a fair amount. I do them, but it feels like a waste of time and I hardly need a break at all. He should be sweating, making fugly faces, and the whties of his eyes should be turning bright red for it to justify 4 reps and 5 minute breaks.
  • nyteyz82
    nyteyz82 Posts: 43
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    There is a huge difference between a quick glance and saying to oneself 'She is putting me to shame i need to get my act together' (i do this every now and then and it motivates me to work harder) and glaring at someone for minutes on end.
  • Nina2723
    Nina2723 Posts: 26 Member
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    And you don't think it's at all creepy that you'll watch this guy for an hour each time you're at the gym? You're watching him so closely, you know exactly how many sets and reps he's doing?

    Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black to me.

    I see the point and knew I'd have several people make such a comment. Generally at the gym I have my eyes closed and am lip singing to my music... but I occasionally will glance around, make eye contact and a brief hello to other regulars... it struck me as odd that every time i looked around he was leaning on something watching the ladies. I brushed it off the first time as maybe he was legit tired.. or maybe a wife was in the class and he was "spotting" her. but after that it gave me the creeps and I pay more attention to my surroundings and yes him when he is there...i'd rather be right about my feelings then cause the guy grief if i'm insane. I keep my eye on anyone that makes me feel off.. espically when i am either alone or with my kids.
  • turningstar
    turningstar Posts: 393 Member
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    Men don't always know when they are gawking and staring at women inappropriately. I guess it would depend on how he is doing it. Ask some of the other ladies if they have noticed him. Men stare at me when I lift weights or run, but I don't really care. Now if the guy followed you outside or something....that's creepy.
    He has a right to be there, but so do you. If he is making you feel creeped out, talk to management, go to another part of the gym, or go at another time of day.

    Of course, you could always walk up and ask him if he likes the view! ;-)
  • Nina2723
    Nina2723 Posts: 26 Member
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    also, why not just talk to him?
    I considered it today but the best thing I could come up with to say "oh look, fresh meat" when a new girl came in or " is it better when they run on the treadmill or are streching for yoga" neither seemed approprate. I tend to be rather blunt and non-sugar coating so i keep my mouth shut more often then not... lol
  • jennadelane
    jennadelane Posts: 127 Member
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    Its really interesting to see the differences in responses between the men and women here. Very telling and kind of disappointing.

    If you are uncomfortable, you should voice your concerns with the staff. You don't have to make a big deal out of it with them, just quietly tell them to be on the look out. You're a "paying customer" too and have the right to work out in a safe environment! Good luck! :happy:
  • IvoryParchment
    IvoryParchment Posts: 651 Member
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    If he's looking at other women, it's their call to talk to the management. If he's looking at you, it's your call.

    If he were staring at me, I would call over, "Did you lose something?" And when he says, "No, why?" I would say, "You just seemed to be looking over here pretty intently for some reason. Never mind."

    My experience is the stalking creeps tend to be pretty timid if confronted. They stalk the women they think will fit into their fantasies. Getting scared and asking the management for help may help, or it may not, and if it doesn't, you're going to feel even more vulnerable. If you confront him, he'll likely never stare at you again because you will not be following the script he wants a woman to follow.
  • sbaldino29
    sbaldino29 Posts: 38 Member
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    That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

    U are too funny!
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
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    If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

    I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

    ^^^THIS!!

    I would wait till I see him again, make a note of what he's wearing, and call the manager right after you leave for the day, with a description. Odds are, they won't confront him right away anyway, but by notifying the manager, it will give him/her the opportunity to observe the behavior and maybe even review security tapes or something.
  • thedodgeruk
    thedodgeruk Posts: 132 Member
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    stupid question here

    is he in good shape , if he is hen thee is a good chance that this kind of work out works for him , and he "might" be passing the time during sets , if how ever he not then he a ****ing creap
  • ashlafer
    ashlafer Posts: 42 Member
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    Your gut is probably right. I highly doubt that if he actually needed the break, there is a valid reason for him to watch women and TEENAGE girls work out.

    Confront the manager. You will not only represent yourself, but also all the other females who are no doubt creeped out by this guy. Aside from being a pervert/creep, this guy is making gymtime uncomfortable for everyone around him. I really don't think management would approve of a sudden drop in female membership.

    In all honesty, I think you should go ahead and confront him about it. No matter if he truly has an ailment/valid reason or not, he is out of place in the way he behaves. Think about it this way: If he's not aware of the discomfort he'd causing (which is a possibility), your confrontation will give him an opportunity to learn and will actually help him.

    Start off with what you've been noticing: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been noticing that you've been....." Point out the things he has been doing that make you uncomfortable, and follow up with an open-ended question that gives him an opportunity to at least try to explain himself ("How do you think that has been affecting others?" "How do you think we can change the environment here?")

    I know it's uncomfortable confronting others directly (i.e. not through management). You have no reason to feel bad or out of place for confronting him. You are paying just as much money to use the gym as he is, and you are entitled to feel safe and comfortable there.

    Plus, you'd be setting a great example for women who are tired of being gawked at but have yet to find their voice and stick up for themselves.
  • ashlafer
    ashlafer Posts: 42 Member
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    I agree with the confrontation part. But calling somebody out for the first time in front of a large crowd will usually lead to embarrassment and defensiveness. He's going to be too busy trying to get out of the situation to really hear you out. If you're really trying to fix the situation (instead of just embarras him or get revenge or whatever), you should try to abstain from having him shut you out completely because he's embarrassed.

    I'd go for a quick private conversation in a public setting. As in, don't be completely alone with this guy, but make sure you're in a hallway or area of the gym where there is less chance that he will worry about eavesdroppers.

    That being said, drama doesn't really solve problems. For me, boldness isn't about calling somebody out in front of a large crowd, but rather standing up for yourself in a positive way.

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