Real Question for Men!

Options
24

Replies

  • mfp_junkie
    mfp_junkie Posts: 359
    Options
    The sexiest thing about my wife is that she loves me and does a million little things for me. How she looks is lower on the list that makes me mad for her.

    If you think this is worth saving, how about couples counseling? It might help to have someone to talk about this with. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. That, and money, cause more breakups than anything else.

    I hope you can work this out.
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
    Options
    So, if he's not physically attracted to you, how is it that you're living together? You're not supporting him or anything are you? Cuz the only other answer I can come up with is he's gay and just hasn't admitted it yet.
  • Escarda
    Escarda Posts: 131 Member
    Options
    Ok I know you asked for "men" to answer you question... but...

    Yes sex for men is visual but for a man who truly loves his woman, no matter how skinny or overweight she is he will always feel attraction to that woman. For men sex is a thing of love, it is that moment in which he and his love are connected as one - I mean please please correct me if I am wrong (all you men out there) - for a man if a woman doesn't wanna have sex then there is lack of love.

    His issues go far beyond your weight and appearance... stress = BS, just saying... just tell him that sex is the best stress and pain reliever out there (research it, it is true)...

    As another person said, if you have self-confidence issues now just wait how bad it will become if you continue accepting this.

    this is completely true!
    If i get a headache i immediately ask my partner if we can have sex, so that the pain goes.
    When woman say they dont want to have sex because they have a headache, its just an excuse.
    An this is pretty much was your man is doing, but blaming it on other things, rather than a headache.
  • jscns
    jscns Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    You poor thing. No wonder you have no confidence!!!

    Your partner should love you regardless of your weight and should support you whole heartedly during your journey to lose weight. Your man doesn't sound like he's doing much of either of them.

    I know i'm not a man but i've been in relationships where my partner has knocked my confidence so low that i constantly felt like i wasn't good enough. Well, i got rid of them and now i'm married to a fantastic man that compliments me, supports me and helps me in every way he can. That is what i deserve and you deserve a guy like that too!!!
  • GrokOn
    GrokOn Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    He sounds pretty selfish... I think you can do better. If he is not attracted to you both of yall should move on. It doesnt sound like a heathy relationship. Are you really going to want to stay with him once you get to your goal and feel great about yourself? I think he will just be holding you back at that point. Even now he is holding you back. The fact that you are on here asking thos question is proof of that. If you were happy then this thread would not even exist. Find someone that makes you happy.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    Options
    Ok, my advice would be to leave and be on your own and let someone who deserves a woman find you... If you don't have kids or any other issues, I would not spend anymore time with him.
    Saying that I work in health care and work with alot of females and frankly it is amazing how much $#$& they will put up with just to have 'someone' So if you are going to put up with a bunch of stuff, at least have good sex :love:

    and never tolerate any physical abuse! I mean right now you are tolerating mental abuse and physical abuse it is not a huge leap to physical!
  • Mctree20
    Mctree20 Posts: 137
    Options
    It sounds to me that you are just simply not turning him on, or he is not turned on by you. You could try asking him what his turn on's are.

    Unlikely to get better even if you do achieve your goals.
  • ilyahna
    ilyahna Posts: 96 Member
    Options
    Maybe I made him sound worse than he actually is.

    He DOES support me in my weight loss. He tells me how proud he is of me, how much better I look as time goes on, and he compliments me often saying how pretty I look and so on. He doesn't always refuse me sex, and sometimes he even initiates it on his own, but he says if I want it to be a regular part of our relationship (i.e. that it happens often, rather than 1-2 times a month) then losing weight would boost his drive for it. I also asked him to be honest. He avoided saying this to me for almost a year until I finally badgered him into it and told him I would rather hear a hurtful truth than a lie.

    He never makes comments about what I eat, he never bugs me to go the gym, he doesn't put me down about my appearance. He in fact tells me how awesome I am as a person, and how much he admires me, and how much he loves spending time with me.

    Some people have asked about other aspects ... he is not on medications, but he probably should be for depression. I am in the mental health field myself, and I know it when I see it. He was also raised in a highly physically abused household and has a hard time with ANY type of intimacy, such as touch, hugging, kissing, etc. He's improved in that area dramatically since we've been together. I'm the first relationship he's had in 10 years, and he says he's avoided it because he feels like he is 'broken' after what he went through as a kid. He has never been to counseling for it, and he should, but I don't see it happening.

    Everyone says drop him, and I kind of expected that, but I don't want to. He doesn't need me for anything. He makes more money than me.

    I appreciate everyone's efforts to boost me up. I did give myself a personal ultimatum, and when I reach my goals (and I have self-esteem improving goals he can't affect), if he hasn't managed to learn to give, I will go.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Options
    I don't want to be mean, but AS A MAN... Your question has waaaaaaaay too many words.
    Simple isn't bad.
  • Mercenary1914
    Mercenary1914 Posts: 1,087 Member
    Options
    Would love to hear his side of this story....
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    Options
    tie him to the bed and sit on his face until he satisfies you !!!!!!
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    Options

    Some people have asked about other aspects ... he is not on medications, but he probably should be for depression. I am in the mental health field myself, and I know it when I see it. He was also raised in a highly physically abused household and has a hard time with ANY type of intimacy, such as touch, hugging, kissing, etc. He's improved in that area dramatically since we've been together. I'm the first relationship he's had in 10 years, and he says he's avoided it because he feels like he is 'broken' after what he went through as a kid. He has never been to counseling for it, and he should, but I don't see it happening.

    Some people are attracted to people who have alot of problems, and would not be interested in someone who has fewer problems... Anyway, nothing wrong with this "it is what it is" as Belachick always says....You are not a nurse or social worker are you?
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 627 Member
    Options
    I didn't read all the prior posts so sorry if I duplicate things. You have only been together a year? Honey, you should be in the honey moon stage of your relationship. Even if my husband doesn't want to have "sex" it never stops him from satisfying me. Get out, run and don't look back. Find someone who loves all of you! That may not be what you want to hear but believe me, when you find the right partner it makes it all worth it.

    What would you tell your daughter if she came to you with this dilemma? From what you've said you would bascially tell her that she isn't worth it and she needs to do what ever it takes to make him happy. BS!

    And you look young... Do you want kids? Although I know everyone is different (so I don't need a lecture). I gained 70 pounds with my daughter and getting that additional weight off was hard. How are you going to feel after having kids and knowing what he thinks of "extra weight"?
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
    Options
    If you have issues now they will get 10x worse when you get married. I think if he's saying it's your job to please him and he doesn't feel the need to please you then you will never change that. Be prepared for that attitude forever because he'll always have an excuse no matter how much weight you lose.
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
    Options
    NO excuse for his behavior! Hire someone to take him out and beat him like a government mule. Then change the locks. Work on being the best you that you can be. Maybe it won't be long until you actually meet a human male instead of something from the animal kingdom.

    Tom

    :-)

    ^^^Seriously LOL'd... Like almost fell out my chair from laughing so hard!

    And I was thinking the exact same thing.... OP, I really think this is something you should end. If your self esteem isn't much (which, with what you've described is why I'm thinking he started dating you in the first place. Poor esteem=easy to control) and he's throwing these types of comments your way, it's only going to get worse.
    Good luck to you sweetie. I wish you the very best. :flowerforyou:
  • Abrowe313
    Abrowe313 Posts: 189 Member
    Options
    sorry hun but your boyfriend is a f**king douche bag! "finish losing your weight if you want me to be more intrested in that" ??? tell him your not going down on him till he can last longer that a minute. you should probably not waste anymore of your time or energy in trying to please him, find someone who loves you how you are now, not someone who is gonna hold your goals over your head like a dog treat to get you to do what he wants
  • Fitfortat
    Fitfortat Posts: 47
    Options
    If you met him when you were 60 lbs heavier and he is suddenly complaining after all this time that you no longer turn him on and that if you lose weight he will "satisfy" you. Honey... drop him like a hot rock. I work in a job field where I am one of the few women and I've worked around nothing but guys for years. If a man loves you, he sees past all your flaws and accepts them. If he loved you from the start or was attracted to you and thats changed, its highly unlikely it will change back. You should be with a guy that loves you and wants you for exactly who you are right now. Change for yourself, for your confidence, and never ever for any man. Besides when you become smoking hot and healthy... you really gonna still want him? Take charge of your life, his choice is whether he's gonna be man enough to stay in it and keep you. Good luck!
  • Leylaos
    Leylaos Posts: 136 Member
    Options
    i wish u all the best trying to sort out ur problems u did make him sound bad in ur question so thanks for clearing it up ,the issues are oviosly more deep then i previousy thought n i think as a couple support eachother n be patient ,n if ur not happy move on also i would delete this thread as its not nice for ur man to have ur sex details on net isnt very nice so delete this thread n support eachother hope it works out ;)
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    Options
    I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, and I might be totally way out of line. But how much porn does he look at? everything you described in your post suggests he may be addicted to porn and covering up by saying you turn him off. Porn addicts (male) will often avoid sex because #1 they can't get it up or keep it up or #2 have trouble with PE. They often won't kiss or engage in foreplay that doesn't directly benefit them....you don't have to kiss a laptop...

    Lots of guys who prefer porn to the real deal will say they don't want sex with you because you aren't attractive enough. But the REAL truth is that they are avoiding intimacy and their own hand is alot easier than doing all the work with a real person. The worst part is that being with a chronic porn user will destroy your self esteem.

    Sorry if I'm being too graphic for you. And it's not my intention to offend.
  • ccmccoy09
    ccmccoy09 Posts: 284 Member
    Options
    Every relationship has their ups and downs, and people are not always on the same page regarding what they feel their partner should be giving (or accepting). It happens. You talk about it, you compromise, you move on.

    But the minute people starting guilting each other into doing something because IT'S YOUR DUTY AS A WOMAN, or his duty as a man, whether we're talking about doing the dishes and taking out the trash, or making enough to support the family and regular BJs, the respect is obviously gone.

    He has issues that you can't fix. Why not go on your own, and continue the work your are doing on yourself? Then maybe find a man who is strong enough to be your equal.

Categories