Dating After Divorce

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JNick77
JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I've been separated from my wife for about two-months now and I've been dating somebody. I can see things are moving quickly but we have quite a bit of chemistry together, very surprising to me. I didn't really go into this relationship with any expectations and was just going to take it one day at a time, but I do find myself getting closer to her. I have about 3-months left on my lease before I'm going to leave and my initial plan was to get myself a small one-bedroom apartment. However, I'm getting the sense that as we get closer we might discuss living together. I'm really not sure how to feel about that. I don't want to jump too fast into anything but I can't ignore the chemistry we seem to have. I guess I have a little time left before I need to make any decisions.

Anybody care to talk about their post-divorce dating and how quickly it was before they moved on and got serious with somebody else?
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Replies

  • AzhureSnow
    AzhureSnow Posts: 289 Member
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    I have a strange history....
    I got divorced in January of 2008. I moved in with my best friend (eventually became my boyfriend, then my husband) in September of 2008. That first year was HARD. I was still dealing with a lot of emotions post-divorce and I was very fortunate that Nate and I had a solid friendship we had built years before we started dating otherwise it would have probably fallen apart. My best advice to myself would have been to wait 1 year at least before cohabitating again. Luckily for me, it worked out. We've been in a romantic relationship for 4 years now, married for two of them, and he's been my best friend for 6 or 7 years. It could have been destroyed by the emotional baggage divorce brings that doesn't always show itself right away.

    If you think your new love is really a keeper, then do yourselves and your relationship a favor and take it REALLY slow until the wounds of divorce have healed.

    That being said - good luck to you as you start this new chapter in your life.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
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    ok....so I was with my ex from 16-28....we were separated Oct 2010, he moved out in Dec 2010 I believe, we got divorced legally April 2011! I started going on date immediately....but met my current bf Jan 2011 (so about 1 month after he moved out, and 4 months before we were legally divorced). We have been togethor ever since, and he moved in in October 2011 (so about 9 months after we started dating)!

    my suggestion to you....find a few back up plans in case things don't work out...including a few month to months...and then think about it more when it gets closer!! if you are not ready yet....do the month to month until you are :)
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    You're not divorced yet, are you? Wait.

    Chemistry is easy to find. You won't really know your GF until you've been seeing her for much longer than 2-3 months. It's easy to cover up one's faults for a couple months.

    You owe it to yourself to take this slower. I've jumped in and been wrong a couple times, and it's really difficult to un-intwine lives once you live together. Not only that, but in my state, if you live in a domestic partnership you share some legal issues that you may not want to take on just yet.
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    You're not divorced yet, are you? Wait.

    Chemistry is easy to find. You won't really know your GF until you've been seeing her for much longer than 2-3 months. It's easy to cover up one's faults for a couple months.

    You owe it to yourself to take this slower. I've jumped in and been wrong a couple times, and it's really difficult to un-intwine lives once you live together. Not only that, but in my state, if you live in a domestic partnership you share some legal issues that you may not want to take on just yet.

    Yeah, trust me those issues are in the back of my head. We've actually known each other for a few years now and been friends for about a year. It's not like we don't know each other but the intimacy changes things a bit.
  • shellebelle87
    shellebelle87 Posts: 291 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

    If you're attracted to someone else, I wouldnt be moving in with your gf. Not unless you're sure it's her you want to be with, and she's not just a rebound.
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
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    My suggestion to you would be to get your apartment, have your own space, and get to know yourself again. :-)
  • kmende2
    kmende2 Posts: 16
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    I would have to agree! That's the best advice!
  • ryall70
    ryall70 Posts: 519 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

    If you're attracted to someone else, I wouldnt be moving in with your gf. Not unless you're sure it's her you want to be with, and she's not just a rebound.

    This or she won't be your girlfriend or friend for long!!
  • kmende2
    kmende2 Posts: 16
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    My suggestion to you would be to get your apartment, have your own space, and get to know yourself again. :-)

    I would have to agree! That's the best advice!
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    My suggestion to you would be to get your apartment, have your own space, and get to know yourself again. :-)

    Another good friend of mine has said that too. I am living on my own right now and am planning on getting my own place. I just sense that she's thinking about us moving in together.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

    You wouldn't happen to be getting divorced because you're incapable of being faithful, would you? I've dated guys like you. Tell your wife congrats and the poor souls who all think they're you're one and only I'm sorry.
  • Chantal34
    Chantal34 Posts: 128
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    Good thread. I will just sit back and take notes on this one.
  • toddx318
    toddx318 Posts: 51 Member
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    The best advice I can give is to give yourself time to heal.


    After mine, the best advice I got was this: Would you give someone a broken gift? No, right? If not, then don't try to give them a broken heart. Let your heart heal before you give it to someone else.


    Take some time, whether you think you need it or not. You'll thank yourself in the future.
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

    You wouldn't happen to be getting divorced because you're incapable of being faithful, would you? I've dated guys like you. Tell your wife congrats and the poor souls who all think they're you're one and only I'm sorry.

    Wow, nice post, thanks. My wife and I were married for 12 years and had a slew of issues that drove us to where we're at. Name those issues were a total lack of communication, inability to compromise, and a lunatic 21 year old son (hers) that I kicked out of the house because he got physical with my wife and threatened to kill me on occasion.

    Thanks again...
  • jhigg11
    jhigg11 Posts: 121 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

    You wouldn't happen to be getting divorced because you're incapable of being faithful, would you? I've dated guys like you. Tell your wife congrats and the poor souls who all think they're you're one and only I'm sorry.

    wow, that was really uncalled for. You should step back and take a look at what you just wrote. It was hateful. Don't comment if you have nothing constructive to offer.
  • jhigg11
    jhigg11 Posts: 121 Member
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    OP - 12 years is a long time. You need to take some time and grieve that relationship. Don't jump into another big commitment, you will regret it, because you will likely bring your relationship baggage with you. Enjoy your time getting to know yourself again.
  • focus4fitness
    focus4fitness Posts: 551 Member
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    I am remarried now, but when I was single I was super glad that I really took some time to be single. I had a ton of fun drinking my *kitten* off, hanging out with my girls and dating.

    My advice, don't jump into anything. Esp. if you're thinking you are attracted to someone else. When I met my hubby I knew he was the one. You'll know when you find that person and maybe she is that person only you can know that.
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
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    Thanks.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

    On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

    You wouldn't happen to be getting divorced because you're incapable of being faithful, would you? I've dated guys like you. Tell your wife congrats and the poor souls who all think they're you're one and only I'm sorry.

    Nice post. Go find another website where you can go cry a while.
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
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    My suggestion to you would be to get your apartment, have your own space, and get to know yourself again. :-)

    Another good friend of mine has said that too. I am living on my own right now and am planning on getting my own place. I just sense that she's thinking about us moving in together.

    If she really loves you, and the relationship is right and real, she will understand, and support your decision to have a space of your own, and not rush into it. :)

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