BUT MY HUSBAND SAID.......

your husband sounds like he's full of *kitten*....

you know something im so tired of people who think im just some attention hungry plaything or whatever they make up in thier heads (haters) I worked hard on my body, i was borderline diabetic and heart disease and tryglicerides at 224 i was only 35 years old my health was like a 65 year old. I have authritis in my right knee form years of gymnastics, ballet and tap. I was fat, in sweat pants and pony tails, squizing into whatever i could, i was a mess. Pretty face or not, that has nothing to do with why i decided to get healthy, diabetes runs in my family type 1 and 2, my mother had a storke last week, and has been diagnised with type 2 diabetes, do you get it now. I have 3 kids 21, 19 and 13, i watn to live, see my grand kids and grow old. i just wanted one time in my life for my husband to say, that my wife- shes beautiful but shes mine. I feel like such a...you know what, you might make fun of me, think im hot, or even not all that, now imagine your husband or loved one- never complimenting you ever- but notices eveybody else-do you think I feel good, no matter what anyone tells me- im looking for what my husband thinks-does he notice??-he says nothing---am i making any sense here. or am i turning in to a rambeling ninny..:frown:

I can definitely understand where you're coming from. That is no way for anyone to feel. IMO you should express all of that to him so he can understand how you feel, what effect his actions are having on you, and what you want from him. Guys are terrible mind-readers, and are raised to not really think about other people's feelings. This is not an excuse, but we can definitely benefit from open and honest communication. I'm sure he would be more supportive if he understood how much it means to you.

reaN : I think your right, I wouldnt go do it just to spite him, I have that respect- but, I think I need to think and gather my words- so i dont come off in the wrong way...and him-to cool down (this litterall just happened like an hour ago now), I do want to talk to him about it, but I was so shocked, hes never spoke to me like that befor, so I was speachless and stayed quiet, I fugured its not a good ideal to add gasoline to the fire-so to say. but i think it is insecurity, but I wanted to do it for me, not hey everyone look at me, im sexy look look!- but here all you almost forty and on your way over the hill married mothers, we can do it, kind of thing, and look back and say hey i did this once, crazy fun and laugh, people act like i said playboy or porn- and im not half naked if i do- its a bikini not a thong. sheesh.:noway:

I would say GO FOR IT! You worked hard to stay good looking. I see nothing wrong with that. Its not like you are going to be signing a contract with the bunny ranch or something. Truthfully if i had a body to be happy about my ole man would say go for it.

I would not even waist my breath trying to explain it. Once he sees you are doing well you might get a good job or something along that line. Guys need to be babied and told their doing a good job just to keep them going strong. We don't need as much although its nice to hear. You go for it girl and show him hes is not number 1!

Wow, bitter much? That is not constructive advice, and will certainly not help her relationship. What are you trying to accomplish with this?

Wow, surprised at the number of selfish people in this thread. Doubt any of them are in a happy relationship.

I am pretty sure my wife would feel the same way as your husband, OP, and I wouldn't blame her. What is the point of showing off to the world? Are you still insecure about the way you look? The only person whose opinion should matter is your SO. Call me old fashioned, but I wouldn't blame my wife for not wanting me to parade around half naked in front of the world.

Regardless, the answer is not going to be found on an Internet forum, but through honest and open communication and dialogue with your husband.

Just my 2c.

I haven't really seen anyone be selfish, just have differing opinions on which side of the fence to fall. One side may consider her husband selfish for not wanting her to do something that will make her feel more confident, another side may feel the way you do about others not seeing her that way.

(I'm in a happy relationship. :flowerforyou: )

It could be argued that pretty much any competition is a "look at me" competition. Would people feel the same way if she said she wanted to enter a marathon in the summer and he objected because too many people would see her running in fitness clothing?

I think the actual non-selfish thing to do would be to have a heart to heart and see the reasons why each person feels strongly and go from there.

Fitness or figure? Figure is all about working hard to sculpt your physique and show it off onstage. I've watched one competition and, while the women look great, it isn't as if men are their to hoot and holler at the hot women. It is a competition and the people in attendance are other competitors, friends or competitors, trainers, all like-minded people.

Fitness competition you put together a routine that shows off your fitness and is less about the physique. The one competition I went to, because I briefly considered figure competition, the girls in the fitness competition didn't have the muscular development of the figure competitors and didn't wear the scant bikini with heels to compete.

Just clarifying. I personally decided not to do the figure training for a couple of reasons. One, I learned that sculpting a physique and all the pre-contest nutrition manipulation doesn't have all the much to do with being fit and healthy, which was my real goal. Also, I knew of someone who had a really hard time adjusting to her post-competition body. She had a meltdown because it was impossible to maintain that competition day look. I have heard this is common and so to me was not healthy mentally. Also, as I was in my mid-40's, I wasn't sure my body could handle all the isolation work that was required.

As far as husbands...I'm pretty sure my ex would have felt that way, too. He was 16 years older than me and definitely felt threatened when I lost a lot of weight and started drawing attention from other men. Maybe if you take your husband to a few of these competitions he'll change his mind.

well, it might seem silly, but venting to complete strangers (without tmi) is going to get you honest opinions. plus help me decide how to approach him. its not even the fact that i migh or might not do the comptition, its the fact that it wasnt up for discussion, he treated me like a jerk, and didnt even give me a chance to say anything durring his shock and aw-i just stayed quiet to not add to the fire, you know what im sayiing...

If you're being shut down and made to feel bad intentionally, there's something wrong. If you have to "be quiet to not add to the fire," then you are having to shut down to keep the peace.

That's the larger concern, I agree.

If you want to do it- do it anyway. Don't let his opinion stop you.

I say go for it. keep talking to your husband about. This is why I joined MFP because I have no support from my husband if I announce that I want to watch what I eat he will bring me home a cherry mash or some other type of candy. My husband is older too i guess he figures if I stay fat no one else will want me. Good Luck

I haven't really seen anyone be selfish, just have differing opinions on which side of the fence to fall. One side may consider her husband selfish for not wanting her to do something that will make her feel more confident, another side may feel the way you do about others not seeing her that way.

(I'm in a happy relationship. :flowerforyou: )

It could be argued that pretty much any competition is a "look at me" competition. Would people feel the same way if she said she wanted to enter a marathon in the summer and he objected because too many people would see her running in fitness clothing?

I think the actual non-selfish thing to do would be to have a heart to heart and see the reasons why each person feels strongly and go from there.

I agree. Communication is key! The selfish people I was referring to are "ignore him and do it anyway!" folks. That is not a way to maintain a healthy relationship, IMO

probably best to talk to him about it instead of ppl on here! Good luck whatever you do. But let him know, gently and without anger, how you feel...

It's not the 50's. You can do what you want.

wackyfunster said "Communication is key! The selfish people I was referring to are "ignore him and do it anyway!" folks. That is not a way to maintain a healthy relationship, IMO " OK...first of all - true, communication is vital, no doubt. but it isn't selfish to follow one's heart. and it shouldn't be referred to as "ignoring him" but simply to help him understand that needs are different for everyone, and her needs are as equally important as his needs are. he may not need it, but she may, and/or vice versa. Secondly, it's OK to bow down and not do (or do) what your partner wants??? OMG, not only may that be degrading, but even perhaps more than just a little controlling, dontcha think?? THAT is not a healthy relationship. The lady isn't out there stripping, for God's sake, or prostituting herself, it's a frigging competition! one they should both be proud of if she were to win!!! if she were a single lady, she wouldn't be having this issue, and she'd be supported, i am sure, by everyone else in her life. who knows where any of us would be if we didn't have something or someone holding us back? :flowerforyou: imchicbad:flowerforyou:

He's got a point.

But if you're already a cheerleader, I see little difference.