BUT MY HUSBAND SAID.......

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13

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  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    you know something im so tired of people who think im just some attention hungry plaything or whatever they make up in thier heads (haters) I worked hard on my body, i was borderline diabetic and heart disease and tryglicerides at 224 i was only 35 years old my health was like a 65 year old. I have authritis in my right knee form years of gymnastics, ballet and tap. I was fat, in sweat pants and pony tails, squizing into whatever i could, i was a mess. Pretty face or not, that has nothing to do with why i decided to get healthy, diabetes runs in my family type 1 and 2, my mother had a storke last week, and has been diagnised with type 2 diabetes, do you get it now. I have 3 kids 21, 19 and 13, i watn to live, see my grand kids and grow old. i just wanted one time in my life for my husband to say, that my wife- shes beautiful but shes mine. I feel like such a...you know what, you might make fun of me, think im hot, or even not all that, now imagine your husband or loved one- never complimenting you ever- but notices eveybody else-do you think I feel good, no matter what anyone tells me- im looking for what my husband thinks-does he notice??-he says nothing---am i making any sense here. or am i turning in to a rambeling ninny..:frown:

    Please know that I did not type this with angry feelings, or anger or anything-i'm just trying to put some perspective you may not have seen yet: Don't you see, though? Your husband apparently has a hot cheerleader wife that he gets to watch parade around and hop all over the place at games. He probably KNOWS other men look at you-and, being a man himself, he can probably get a pretty good idea of what they are thinking when they ARE looking at you. By not wanting you to do the fitness competition this may BE his way of saying "this is my wife, she's beautiful but she's mine". He might be tired of sharing the visual of your sexiness with other men. Maybe you should try putting yourself in his shoes and imagining how he might feel about all of it. Being a cheerleader seems like it would get you a lot of attention in itself, why do you need more? You look great! Your self worth is not based on whether or not he expresses how hot you are. I do appreciate that you have respect enough for him not to do it behind his back. I really think you should respect his opinion, and not do it, personally. I'm sorry that you feel he is not supportive. I have been there and it is a very discouraging feeling. :flowerforyou:
  • kazzari
    kazzari Posts: 473 Member
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    Fitness or figure? Figure is all about working hard to sculpt your physique and show it off onstage. I've watched one competition and, while the women look great, it isn't as if men are their to hoot and holler at the hot women. It is a competition and the people in attendance are other competitors, friends or competitors, trainers, all like-minded people.

    Fitness competition you put together a routine that shows off your fitness and is less about the physique. The one competition I went to, because I briefly considered figure competition, the girls in the fitness competition didn't have the muscular development of the figure competitors and didn't wear the scant bikini with heels to compete.

    Just clarifying. I personally decided not to do the figure training for a couple of reasons. One, I learned that sculpting a physique and all the pre-contest nutrition manipulation doesn't have all the much to do with being fit and healthy, which was my real goal. Also, I knew of someone who had a really hard time adjusting to her post-competition body. She had a meltdown because it was impossible to maintain that competition day look. I have heard this is common and so to me was not healthy mentally. Also, as I was in my mid-40's, I wasn't sure my body could handle all the isolation work that was required.

    As far as husbands...I'm pretty sure my ex would have felt that way, too. He was 16 years older than me and definitely felt threatened when I lost a lot of weight and started drawing attention from other men. Maybe if you take your husband to a few of these competitions he'll change his mind.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    Sorry, but I'm gonna side with him. A fitness competition is a "look at me" attention getter. Tell me good reasons why you want to do it other than that, and I might reconsider. Be glad he cares. I would never want my husband parading half naked to show other women "what he's got." But I wouldn't wear the outfit in your profile picture either, so we are surely different. Just giving another view point :D

    A fitness competition is not "parading around half naked" to show other women/men what you've got. It's an actual competition, and winners are judged based on their physique, not their "hotness."

    If my husband were in good enough shape to do it, I'd be pretty happy about that. Now, if he wanted to become a Chippendale, that's something else altogether.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    well, it might seem silly, but venting to complete strangers (without tmi) is going to get you honest opinions. plus help me decide how to approach him. its not even the fact that i migh or might not do the comptition, its the fact that it wasnt up for discussion, he treated me like a jerk, and didnt even give me a chance to say anything durring his shock and aw-i just stayed quiet to not add to the fire, you know what im sayiing...

    If you're being shut down and made to feel bad intentionally, there's something wrong. If you have to "be quiet to not add to the fire," then you are having to shut down to keep the peace.

    That's the larger concern, I agree.
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    it just bothers me the way he reacted,i was just saying how- you would have thought i said playboy not competition by the way his tone of voice changed.
    Lol- do that and scare his *kitten*!! :)
  • ifyouknew
    ifyouknew Posts: 68 Member
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    If you want to do it- do it anyway. Don't let his opinion stop you.
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    If it is important to you that you enter a fitness competition, then enter the fitness competition.

    Everyone has dreams and goals and they rarely match others'.
  • misty0413
    misty0413 Posts: 212
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    I say go for it. keep talking to your husband about. This is why I joined MFP because I have no support from my husband if I announce that I want to watch what I eat he will bring me home a cherry mash or some other type of candy. My husband is older too i guess he figures if I stay fat no one else will want me. Good Luck
  • lsorensen130
    lsorensen130 Posts: 32 Member
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    Girl, you know I love ya. We've been MFP friends for like 2 weeks now (lol). I think it is awesome that you have set such a huge goal for yourself. I'm a total goal-setter and I'm excited to hear about your progress. I do agree that you should take him to some competitions and see if he and you for that matter get that whole "look at me" vibe. Maybe post and see if there are others who have competed in those competitions and find out what their thoughts on the competition are. Marriage is about compromise so try to compromise. Again, I'm excited to hear about and watch your progress. Even if you decide to not do the whole competition thing, I'm sure you're going to kick butt as always and get even hotter :)
  • wackyfunster
    wackyfunster Posts: 944 Member
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    I haven't really seen anyone be selfish, just have differing opinions on which side of the fence to fall. One side may consider her husband selfish for not wanting her to do something that will make her feel more confident, another side may feel the way you do about others not seeing her that way.

    (I'm in a happy relationship. :flowerforyou: )

    It could be argued that pretty much any competition is a "look at me" competition. Would people feel the same way if she said she wanted to enter a marathon in the summer and he objected because too many people would see her running in fitness clothing?

    I think the actual non-selfish thing to do would be to have a heart to heart and see the reasons why each person feels strongly and go from there. :heart:
    I agree. Communication is key! The selfish people I was referring to are "ignore him and do it anyway!" folks. That is not a way to maintain a healthy relationship, IMO :)
  • ladyace15
    ladyace15 Posts: 88 Member
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    Bottom line is this: He does not want you to be "eye candy" at any competition for many oogling guys to see you in a bikini! PERIOD!!!!! It's not about him not thinking you can do it, he is just not very secure within himself to tell you the truth about how he feels. Men can love the heck out of you, but some just have a very difficult time saying/showing it. On the supportive issue, you should talk with him about helping to boost your confidence because you see so much in him, you would like for it to be reciprocated! Don't dumb yourself down or fall silent for anyone! You have feelings and they should be shared with your husband! No one ever said marriage and communication would be easy (as I'm sure you know after 15 years), but you have to get his attention and get him to understand that you deserve to feel just as important as you try to make him feel!

    I've been with my husband for 12 years and married for 6, so I know how rough some things can get, but that's the beautiful thing about marriage, when you go to God (not sure of your religion) together and pray for restoration and understanding, you will see a change!

    Be blessed and don't stress :happy:
  • BandedTriaRN
    BandedTriaRN Posts: 303
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    probably best to talk to him about it instead of ppl on here! Good luck whatever you do. But let him know, gently and without anger, how you feel...
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    lol at the brotha comment. but it sounds like all men that think like mine (if thats the case). I feel like i got alot of good feed back, and a few good points i didnt even think of that i will use in my convo- minus the comment about my profile picture"outfit"...really, anywho... i got the eye candy thing, but seroiusly, i could say the "chocolate fantsy thing too" and it does happen, but i laugh it off, i think its funny (as long as they dont cross the line) but one thing is for sure, i think men and women see things very different when it comes to the opposite sex. i really like to thank the guys (males) for the honest opinions on how men think about thier ladies. but i do think how you carry yourself asa woman would matter a lot, if you prance around like a show pony then i can see the negative in that for sure. but im more like a cartoon, lol i like to laugh and carry on, im not like a "jessica rabbit" if you know what I mean. but still i get your point. i love my husband. I just wish he could stand in my shoes for once, JUST ONCE.
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    It's not the 50's. You can do what you want.
  • jungleprincess
    jungleprincess Posts: 11 Member
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    so many good feelings out there from all those rooting for you! what's that saying, you won't know until try? or...failure comes from not trying? something along those lines, i think you get it. so what if you have to vent? your man should read this string and figure out that it is important to you and why it is important. you may even find it isn't all that important. to me, it seems like you're really trying to impress him ("I want him to see me")...dang, that is a lonely feeling, isn't it? you shouldn't have to keep impressing him is he that shallow (for lack of a better term) to see how vital you are to him already? sounds like you do your part (supporting him, keeping healthy and beautiful, inside and out (good for you on improving your borderline diabetes issues, let's talk!), and he SHOULD be noticing and appreciative already, and quit taking you for granted. i hate to say it, and we all know it, but there are other fish in the sea. no one should ever be in a relationship and lonely at the same time (i need to listen to myself sometimes too...).
  • jungleprincess
    jungleprincess Posts: 11 Member
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    wackyfunster said "Communication is key! The selfish people I was referring to are "ignore him and do it anyway!" folks. That is not a way to maintain a healthy relationship, IMO :)" OK...first of all - true, communication is vital, no doubt. but it isn't selfish to follow one's heart. and it shouldn't be referred to as "ignoring him" but simply to help him understand that needs are different for everyone, and her needs are as equally important as his needs are. he may not need it, but she may, and/or vice versa. Secondly, it's OK to bow down and not do (or do) what your partner wants??? OMG, not only may that be degrading, but even perhaps more than just a little controlling, dontcha think?? THAT is not a healthy relationship. The lady isn't out there stripping, for God's sake, or prostituting herself, it's a frigging competition! one they should both be proud of if she were to win!!! if she were a single lady, she wouldn't be having this issue, and she'd be supported, i am sure, by everyone else in her life. who knows where any of us would be if we didn't have something or someone holding us back? :flowerforyou: imchicbad:flowerforyou:
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    jungelpricess: well put. :) thats a good one. controling is a good word. thats what i was looking for when i said "it wasnt even up for discussion"...(lightbulb)
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    junglepricess, your the bomb.
  • wackyfunster
    wackyfunster Posts: 944 Member
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    wackyfunster said "Communication is key! The selfish people I was referring to are "ignore him and do it anyway!" folks. That is not a way to maintain a healthy relationship, IMO :)" OK...first of all - true, communication is vital, no doubt. but it isn't selfish to follow one's heart. and it shouldn't be referred to as "ignoring him" but simply to help him understand that needs are different for everyone, and her needs are as equally important as his needs are. he may not need it, but she may, and/or vice versa. Secondly, it's OK to bow down and not do (or do) what your partner wants??? OMG, not only may that be degrading, but even perhaps more than just a little controlling, dontcha think?? THAT is not a healthy relationship. The lady isn't out there stripping, for God's sake, or prostituting herself, it's a frigging competition! one they should both be proud of if she were to win!!! if she were a single lady, she wouldn't be having this issue, and she'd be supported, i am sure, by everyone else in her life. who knows where any of us would be if we didn't have something or someone holding us back? :flowerforyou: imchicbad:flowerforyou:
    The choices are not to either bow down or completely ignore. A relationship is an ongoing dialogue between two people. As soon as the dialogue stops, the relationship stops being functional. If there are problems in the relationship, and they are not being discussed, they will only get worse, not better.
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
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    He's got a point.

    But if you're already a cheerleader, I see little difference.

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