I need a hug and some advice

Big Hug...
You....deserve...better...move on, treat yourself as you would your best friend. You owe it to yourself..

::hug::

Feel free to bawl your eyes out. Consider switching your ice cream for either a "healthy" brand of ice cream, like Skinny Cow, or for frozen yogurt.

I once had an on-again, off-again boyfriend. What I learned from the experience was that being best friends and attracted to each other isn't enough to make a relationship work. Take time to get over it, learn what you need to learn from the experience, brush the dust off you, and move on.

The best advice I can offer is to "grieve" over the loss for a few days and decide right now that you deserve better than that. Focus on getting healthy and having new opportunities. You just never know what is in your future. Good luck.

Every relationship we have is in preparation for the ONE. I took me 7 years to find my 1, after a bad 1st marriage. Don't give up. Have faith!!!! Faith is huge and do the work (that means first dates, which are awkward but necessary).

Hug, most of us have been there and from someone who made it around the bend, it does get better!!

Oh, I also am a fan of therapy, never thought I would be (had a traumatic childhood, that I thought I was dealing with). But started therapy a few years ago (38) and it has helped me a lot having a neutral 3rd party that is paid to be dumped on ...... Hee Hee

Sounds like a Joan Jett situation "Hate Myself for Loving You"....

Ditch him... seriously ditch him - time for him to get off the free rollercoaster ride and for you to shut down for maintenance...

My daughter's father thought I was 'open' for that type of relationship after he chose to ditch me and our daughter and left me a single parent. Had the nerve to show up at my door in a trench-coat and nothing on underneath like that was something he thought I would be turned on by..

err....uhhhh.... no.... thankfully the police were around the corner and witnessed him flashing me... what a numbnut...

Awww, I feel for you. I had a male best friend for years and we crossed that line twice, realized it could end up killing our friendship and stopped. We still flirted, joked around about sex, but never went through with it again. If you guys are so close, then talking about it, maybe spending some time apart and reconnecting may be what you need to do. Just say "NO" and remember having a friend is more important than sex!!! Um, I think I showed my age with that comment - lol (a young 45) On another note, I was an emotional eater so the ice cream would have been right up my alley, BUT, just look at the label on the back and that a serving of ice cream is only 1/2 cup. If it's real or anything other than plain ice cream, your calories will be used up and then you'll be even more sad! If you can stop yourself from the ice cream binge, you WILL feel better in that you were strong enough to resist AND it will motivate you more towards your fitness goals! and THAT is something to smile about! By the way, I DO eat ice cream - either skinnycow snacks or lowfat/no sugar vanilla with fresh fruit, or that occasional baby size cone from DQ or McDonalds'!

I actually think he's right-he is a security blanket for you. His friendship and being desired by him make you feel so good. But sometimes being alone and even lonely is so much better for us than being in a relationship that depletes us emotionally. In the long run he is not someone who is going to help you be a better person and accomplish your life goals. You need to love yourself enough to let go completely.

IMHO being friends with someone you have that level of emotional involvement with is just too difficult. Be civil "aquaintances" if you can-but don't go beyond hell or have a nice weekend. Dont' ask or respond with more than a few words to personal questions. Create a bubble around yourself that he is not welcome in and don't seek out his presence in your life. It will be very hard and sad but there is so much waiting for you in this life and you need to love yourself enough to go down that path. Good luck!!!

I just looked at your profile and your inspirational quote is "because I'm worth it". And you are!!!! So show yourself some love and move on xo

You deserve better:smokin:

<hugs>

and if he was your best friend, the sex wouldn't be an issue. You deserve better.

Agreed - you deserve better. If he loved you, he wouldn't treat you this way. If he was truly your friend, he wouldn't treat you this way. He's taking advantage of the fact that you have feelings for him and making it work to his benefit, disregarding how torturous it is for you. A real friend would back away and allow you to heal.

I KNOW that's not what you want to hear. Believe me, I've been there. But stop now, take a breather, stay away from him, process your feelings, and work on healing from the situation. You need lots of time without him in order to move beyond this. And you DO need to move beyond this. He will never be what you want him to be. You might see the potential there, but potential is not reality, esp when he doesn't see it himself.

Oh baby girl I a, reaching out and giving you the biggest hug ever and I am crying right with you. I feel a smack in the face with this one, it is so hard when we develop friendships that we so badly want more and they feel like more to us and the other person is a jack *kitten*. I have been in bed crying all morning about someone I fell for head over heels and I am nothing to and I keep berating myself for not being good enough I need so badly to get him out of my life but can come up with about 1000 excuses not too. Brining it back to you, my point is, we can do it! When a relationship brings you down and makes you feel bad more than it makes you feel good, it is probably not a good relationship and is making you unhealthy and its not fair for you.

It is scary making that move, but tomorrow if he disappeared you would be sad, but you would move on with life and end up being healthier. You have the strength to do this my dear.

Hug!

It is easy for us to say from the outside but having said that, we probably see it a little clearer. This, too, shall pass. And you will find someone even better!

All great advice from above -
YES, value yourself more. I'm saying this from experience (not quite like yours), but he was exactly what you thought you deserved. You DESERVE someone who loves consistently. (P.S. I don't know if this would havs sunk into me if someone would have said this to me at the time, but looking at it now - SO TRUE!)

YES, security blanket! It was convenient & with no risk of rejection for you guys to use eachother for what you wanted from a real relationship. That kind of relationship was making it hard for both of you to move on.

YES, you will get a booty call from him! You have to stay strong and say NO!

Big hugs! While you're wasting your time with your 'friend' you're not allowing yourself the freedom to get out there as a single woman and have the opportunity to find Mr Right! Sure you don't want to lose this guys friendship but there's just too much at stake here........your sanity for one! A true friend would not play you like this. You know this situation doesn't feel right and it's not right. Let him go! Believe me you will know when you have found your perfect partner. Once you truly believe that this is the right way forward for you, everything will start to fall in to place and you will be back on track with your weight loss journey. I wish you every success xoxoxoxox

You need to focus on yourself. The mixed messages coming out of this relationship almost sound like my marriage ha ha! that laugh was for myself! Ugh. Anyway, you need to find out what it is you want right now. You love him, but are you 'in love' with him. He loves you as a friend and physically, but is he 'in love' with you. This needs clarity.

Put it on paper as a personal goal chart. If there's a specific car/job/career/study path/ financial goal/ holiday destination you need to get a pic of it and put it on your poster. In the centre you need to find your 'mantra' and write it down. my mantra is "You are a strong, independent and beautiful woman", Put this poster up in your room so you see it every single day, you get motivated by it every day and you become empowered by what it is you want in life. You focus will be on you, you will also find the man interested now chasing after you rather than you possibly chasing him. Men love a strong minded woman, who truly can focus on herself and her needs as well as others around her. Without reducing to being arragant of course matey! Thats too much attention on ones self lol.

If you are confused, well he isn't being clear about what he wants. If you are giving him an open relationship or a bed buddies level of relationship, well the man will take it. What you truly want is more important and by the sounds of things, you really do want a proper connected relationship. you are only getting this connection in a physical manner right now if its only the sex that brings you together. Nothing wrong with a 'bed buddies' relationship if thats what BOTH of you do want. It is hard to change what you've had before as well. If there hasn't been 'rules' as such you'll find it hard laying down the line. You can go into the discussion with the mindset and focus that you really are not only a strong 'physical' being but your 'emotional' being is starting to empower you and take control, and this is something you cant ignore. Asking him 'what do you want', well you may not get the answer you're looking for, but also you may end up with an answer he 'thinks you want to hear' right! Boys do this. People do this!

To start with you need to find out what it is you truly want and start by writing your thoughts down so you can figure out if its an emotional or physical reaction. You obviously do have a man in your life, so you are not destined to be alone, you are obviously attractive, do not play the lame game of "But I'll never have someone love me again". Its always there on your mind near a break up or difficult moment in a relationship. You are truly a fantastic person, who needs to focus on themselves for once. Wholey and Soley. If that means making a complete break with this guy for a week or month so you can find out how you feel about each other, then do it. If he's a true friend, he will be there for you in a week or months time. If he has love for you, you will hear from him, he will not give up. Dont settle for second best mate. Go out there and find out what you want, and then bloody well get it. If its him, well you will know. If he knows its you he wants, it'll be there clear. Take a break from each other. A full break. No touch, no contact break. see how you go after a week to reassess the situation and find out what the relationship truly is for both of you. You cannot deny yourself the best or the truth mate.

Here's to your future. Sex will be there again, friendship will be there again and true love will be there again for you. Go find what its meant between the 2 of you.

Best of luck my dear. Life is hard!