Question for everyone who just settles.
Replies
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I thought about quoting your post and inserting any other thing in the places where you mention exercise, health etc. but it seemed overboard.
Why don't people educate themselves more (education)
Why don't people explore the world more (travel)
Why don't people meditate more (meditation)
Why don't people give more (compassion)
In the end, it is about what we value most- and we are all different, have different priorities and ideas about health. There are only so many hours in the day.
I agree that it does come down to values, although for education and travel money helps a great deal. I just don't understand why more people don't value feeling healthy, and why it is isn't a bigger deal to them while they're gaining, as well as when they're losing. I once gained a lot of weight (for me) because of a medication. I felt awful, as if unable to control my own body.0 -
How do you define settling?
I'm at a healthy weight. (5'9" - 140 lbs) I can hike fifteen miles of rough, steep mountain terrain without stopping. I feel strong and fit and energetic. I have a good, balanced training schedule. I eat a widely varied diet of mostly healthy but also indulgent foods.
However, I could start trail running instead of hiking - it's more intense. I could choose to strive for longer distances, maybe 25 miles a day - it would improve my endurance. I could work really hard on my diet and training regime so I could have six-pack abs and totally ripped arms/legs.
I choose NOT to strive for these things because achieving them would take away from my quality of life. I don't want to spend more time in the gym or working out. I don't feel the need to be any stronger, faster, leaner. I don't like the way six packs and ripped muscles look on women. I don't want to start down the path of forbidden foods or force myself to eat more protein/fewer carbs. I like what I'm eating now, and enjoying my food is important to me.
Essentially, I'm already good enough the way I am. Maintenance is really all I strive for these days.
By what you say here I wouldn't consider that settling. You've found a pretty good balance in everything and you're pretty happy it seems.
I would consider someone who knows they can be better and doesn't like where they currently are but choose to do nothing about it to be settling. The same people who are like "I look good at a size 12 and 5'2!" but a few minutes later they're uncomfortable in a bikini or in their own skin. I see someone who doesn't try to do better but isn't as happy as they can be where they are to be settling.0 -
Precisely.I agree with the others - priorities.
A lot of people ask me why I don't try and lose more weight. I am at the high end of for ideal weight for my height. My answer? I'm happy here. I wanted to get that weight off to insure that I didn't follow on the same health path as my family members. After losing the weight, I've had medical tests done and they've determined that I am in excellent health. That my heart (a big issue in my family) is in excellent condition and does not show any of the early warning signs for the diseases and ailments that plague my family.
Now, I want to live life. I don't want to spend all my time at the gym. I do not want to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth. I do not want to have to evaluate every single calorie that I may consume.
Perhaps to some people it may appear that I am lazy or settling, but I do not feel that way. I am happy and content where I am and whether or not it pleases someone else is irrelevant to me. Could I be thinner? Sure. Could I be stronger? Of course. Could I be this or that? Probably, but those things aren't important or a priority to me.
We all have our own goals, wishes and desires.. If you achieve yours or are happy with yourself, is it really settling simply because someone else thinks you should be thinner, stronger, etc?
I don't think so.
Just because we aren't obsessing does not mean we are settling.0 -
It's because they are lazy, and I'm not saying that to be mean. My hubby finally broke down and told me that is why he hasn't jumped onto my fitness train yet. It's also a personal choice I think. Not going to lie, I thought about stopping right now where I am. I have already achieved more than I thought I could, but I too want to see where I can go.
Lazy might be your excuse, however I love to run, I try to run 5-10km 3-4 times a week as well as strength training 3x week, my hurdles that I am trying to get over are my eatting habits. As I said in my other post, the past 6 months I thought I was done, but turns out I am not going to just settle, so I have recommited myself.0 -
If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?
I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?
Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.
***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.
Love this as it sums up how I feel about my 'journey' right now. My original goal weight was 124lbs and I am now aiming for 119lbs which is the weight I was in my 20s/30s. As my fitness and stamina improve I want to see what else I am capable of so I keep setting new goals to achieve.0 -
I thought about quoting your post and inserting any other thing in the places where you mention exercise, health etc. but it seemed overboard.
Why don't people educate themselves more (education)
Why don't people explore the world more (travel)
Why don't people meditate more (meditation)
Why don't people give more (compassion)
In the end, it is about what we value most- and we are all different, have different priorities and ideas about health. There are only so many hours in the day.
I like this. life is about so many things and changing your physical health is just one part of it. I'm thinking about a lot of the teachers that I work with that are brilliant and could be very successful bu they choose to teach because that is what they love. some people are happy at different levels. I know people that will never step foot in a gym. they have an active lifestyle and are not in bad shape, but they are happy just being the way they are with no interest in the next level of fitness or running.
I'm going the other way and pushing myself so that I can enjoy a nice relaxing stroll though the tough mudder or warrior dash. I used to love that kind of stuff.
and I know that if I quit drinking I would be fit much faster, but I'm not going to because even though that would be the best way I would rather be happy and do it slow and steady and know that I can go out and enjoy myself and be fit at the same time.
did I confuse anyone as much as I confuse myself?0 -
I am a person generally content with mediocracy. I have been reflecting on this during this journey and changing this about myself. It is, of course, how I managed to become "okay" with the weight I have gained over the last 10 years. I found, at least for myself, it is (as much as I don't like to admit it, because I am perfect, you know! lol) a defense mechanism. If I don't try, I can't fail. I can tell myself that I'm comfortable, I've done enough, I don't have any desire to "insert random activity/accomplishment" here, but if I see/hear of someone else doing it, and I get a twinge of jealousy, then deep down I really do want that, don't I? And this is true (for me) in pretty much every aspect of my life. I'm a "get by" girl. Doing just enough to be at least average. And for me, I've decided that's NOT ENOUGH!
I see many of the comments taking the defensive about the original post, but she's not saying "why don't you do what other people think you can". She's saying "why don't you do what REALLY makes you feel SUCCESSFUL, instead of JUST ENOUGH to feel better?"0 -
I like this. life is about so many things and changing your physical health is just one part of it. I'm thinking about a lot of the teachers that I work with that are brilliant and could be very successful bu they choose to teach because that is what they love. some people are happy at different levels. I know people that will never step foot in a gym. they have an active lifestyle and are not in bad shape, but they are happy just being the way they are with no interest in the next level of fitness or running.
I'm going the other way and pushing myself so that I can enjoy a nice relaxing stroll though the tough mudder or warrior dash. I used to love that kind of stuff.
and I know that if I quit drinking I would be fit much faster, but I'm not going to because even though that would be the best way I would rather be happy and do it slow and steady and know that I can go out and enjoy myself and be fit at the same time.
did I confuse anyone as much as I confuse myself?
[/quote]
I see what you're saying. You're not giving it up for good, so you have to train your body to get better while still taking it in, otherwise, you'll just go back up. Makes sense to me!!
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I agree that what you said could apply to anything. It's all about priorities. Sometimes, what it takes to go the extra mile would make you give up a lot from other parts of your life.
For example - I am married, have a kid, work full-time (I am an attorney), and exercise 5-6 times a week for an hour at a time. I cook 95% of my meals at home, from scratch, I spend a lot of time with my kid. I had to give up something pretty major - a "dream job" that I had for three years, that a lot of lawyers would give their left arm to have. I stepped away because I didn't have time to cook, exercise, work, etc. Someone else with different priorities might think, "I can't believe she gave up that job, why is she so lazy? If she had this opportunity to have this dream job, why didn't she just work harder and keep it?" I know for a fact that a lot of people think that, and some of them say it to my face. My response? It wasn't worth everything else i had to give up. I had to decide. I couldn't do all the things that I mentioned above. If I wanted to work out a lot, I couldn't cook or spend time with friends. When I started running, I had to stop going out with friends on weekends, because I had to work. So at the end of the day, I gave up the dream job and moved to a position where I work only 40 hours a week.
I think there is a huge difference between someone who is overweight and won't do anything to improve her health, versus
someone who is working out but refuses to hate herself because she can't lose an extra five pounds. You don't have to give up much to walk for 30 minutes a day, but you do have to give up a lot to have a chiseled, perfect body, and you can't possibly criticize someone for not prioritizing that over all else.0 -
7 billion ways to live your life....0
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So before I let my lesser self call the OP an *kitten* and blow up I'm gonna just say this:
Live and let live.
It is nobodys place to deem someone as "settling" or "mediocre."
We came here with a goal whether we know it or not but we all damn sure will know it in the mirror, on blood test results or a number on the tag of some no stretch jeans. Ye? So buzz off and be happy. :flowerforyou:
My $0.02. :drinker:0 -
I think it's an excellent point to mull over in one's own mind. I can't say who is settling though when I look around at friends or others because I really don't know if they are settling.
I wonder if some people appear to be settling because they've already accomplished so much. For myself, my life is completely changed now. I still have a fair amount of weight to lose and I am working on it, but I'm also at a point where I have my life back. I am able to do things I couldn't do before so maybe some people had a goal of just getting where they could participate in their life again. For them, being a higher weight than someone else finds acceptable, may be what their goal was so they aren't settling
. 0 -
So before I let my lesser self call the OP an *kitten* and blow up I'm gonna just say this:
Live and let live.
It is nobodys place to deem someone as "settling" or "mediocre."
We came here with a goal whether we know it or not but we all damn sure will know it in the mirror, on blood test results or a number on the tag of some no stretch jeans. Ye? So buzz off and be happy. :flowerforyou:
My $0.02. :drinker:
The purpose of discussion groups is to find out what other people think. There was nothing inherently offensive in what the OP asked. Of course you have to decide what's right for you, but it's naive to act as though there are no standards, no criteria for judgment, whether or not we like them. Now if we think they're systematically unfair, then we can fight to change them.
Personally, I have problems of my own, and I'm around many examples of people who aren't doing anything despite an obvious need. They're nowhere even near "settling," they haven't started. As long as it doesn't affect me.0 -
So before I let my lesser self call the OP an *kitten* and blow up I'm gonna just say this:
Live and let live.
It is nobodys place to deem someone as "settling" or "mediocre."
We came here with a goal whether we know it or not but we all damn sure will know it in the mirror, on blood test results or a number on the tag of some no stretch jeans. Ye? So buzz off and be happy. :flowerforyou:
My $0.02. :drinker:
The purpose of discussion groups is to find out what other people think. There was nothing inherently offensive in what the OP asked. Of course you have to decide what's right for you, but it's naive to act as though there are no standards, no criteria for judgment, whether or not we like them. Now if we think they're systematically unfair, then we can fight to change them.
Its a matter of perception, and I'm here to take what I can and give what I can in a common-minded community, not engage in e-battles or reforms.
Again live and let live.0 -
So before I let my lesser self call the OP an *kitten* and blow up I'm gonna just say this:
Live and let live.
It is nobodys place to deem someone as "settling" or "mediocre."
We came here with a goal whether we know it or not but we all damn sure will know it in the mirror, on blood test results or a number on the tag of some no stretch jeans. Ye? So buzz off and be happy. :flowerforyou:
My $0.02. :drinker:
Clearly you're not too happy with you own goals to get this defensive. Maybe re-evaluate your life and find out why you're so content with being average or sub-par :flowerforyou:
Like I said originally, I don't know anyones definition of settling. It's defined in their own mind. I'm curious as to why people don't push to make themselves better for themselves, not for anyone else. If you know in your heart you can be better then why not try and see where it takes you.0 -
Because not trying and not caring is easier? Plus how do we decide what constitutes "settling" for someone else?0
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I've been thinking about this alot lately. At 300 i thought if i got just to 220 i'd be fine but now as i'm nearly halfway home i think i can do better. I think when i get to my goal i might pat myself on the back and set a new goal0
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So before I let my lesser self call the OP an *kitten* and blow up I'm gonna just say this:
Live and let live.
It is nobodys place to deem someone as "settling" or "mediocre."
We came here with a goal whether we know it or not but we all damn sure will know it in the mirror, on blood test results or a number on the tag of some no stretch jeans. Ye? So buzz off and be happy. :flowerforyou:
My $0.02. :drinker:
Clearly you're not too happy with you own goals to get this defensive. Maybe re-evaluate your life and find out why you're so content with being average or sub-par :flowerforyou:
Like I said originally, I don't know anyones definition of settling. It's defined in their own mind. I'm curious as to why people don't push to make themselves better for themselves, not for anyone else. If you know in your heart you can be better then why not try and see where it takes you.
I'm happy with my gaols because I've set them for myself and can adjust them as such.
And you don't know enough of anyone to play life coach, or at least nothing of me lol
Why so determined to e-influence?
Anyhoo, good luck!0 -
I agree with a lot of these, getting fit and losing weight takes time and effort. For me I decided Uni then finding a job were more important. I decided at uni I would do exactly what I wanted and not worry because it's only 3 years and most people only do it once. It was more about the experience than getting into shape. Then I got a job and moved 200miles from home where I didnt know anyone, was stressful and learning the ropes at my new job were more important to me.
Now I'm settled where I live and with my job I can give 100% of my time into losing weight, I always knew I would do it it was just a matter of when the time was right.
I think you need to get to the point of being obsessed about it to actually make a difference which I'm happy to say I'm totally obsessed now! I couldnt and wouldnt have wanted to get to this point of obsession whilst at Uni then regret it in later life.
xx0 -
I will never settle for anything in life. I don't want to look back and wonder what if and I know that my body and mind are capable of so much. To be fair; I came from biological parents who settled with everything in life then turned around and regretted it and abandoned it. I refuse to be any part of what they were or how they felt. I have set many goals this year and every time I reach them I set new ones bc I'm more motivated. My marriage, my life doesn't suffer at all bc of it. It actually has enriched it. I am 32 and back in school finishing a degree I set out for 14 years ago. And not sure I'll stop there. If people are happy and content with where they are in life great! Nothing wrong with that bc in their eyes maybe they aren't settling. For myself I'm always going to wonder what can I do next.0
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So before I let my lesser self call the OP an *kitten* and blow up I'm gonna just say this:
Live and let live.
It is nobodys place to deem someone as "settling" or "mediocre."
We came here with a goal whether we know it or not but we all damn sure will know it in the mirror, on blood test results or a number on the tag of some no stretch jeans. Ye? So buzz off and be happy. :flowerforyou:
My $0.02. :drinker:
Clearly you're not too happy with you own goals to get this defensive. Maybe re-evaluate your life and find out why you're so content with being average or sub-par :flowerforyou:
Like I said originally, I don't know anyones definition of settling. It's defined in their own mind. I'm curious as to why people don't push to make themselves better for themselves, not for anyone else. If you know in your heart you can be better then why not try and see where it takes you.
I'm happy with my gaols because I've set them for myself and can adjust them as such.
And you don't know enough of anyone to play life coach, or at least nothing of me lol
Why so determined to e-influence?
Anyhoo, good luck!
I asked a question because I like to understand other people. I didn't tell you what to do nor do I care to influence strangers on the internet. I'm too self centered to try and influence a bunch of randoms of course.
If your so happy then why is this even an issue? Just skip along on your happy merry way. If you have nothing useful to contribute aside from your self defense to an invisible e-attack then keep it moving.0 -
I have been overweight now for years. It is no longer shocking to me, it just is what I am. I don't hate myself for being overweight, I am pretty aware that it doesn't change my likability to other people in any way. My husband loves me, my kids love me, I love me.
I will have a burst of time where I will work on my body and then it will slip by me again. I lost a ton of weight after my daughter was born and then it came back when I had my son etc etc.
In some ways the gratification of the way I was living was worth the weight. I wasn't "settling", I was consciously deciding I would rather be fat than change my lifestyle. Truth is, being fat is easier. I would rather eat a burger and sit on my butt watching TV than work out. I was perfectly happy doing that every day.
I am 33 now and starting to see where it is impacting my health, being overweight, so it is obvious to me that I need to do something about it. I need to remind myself EVERY DAY in 10 years when my body is well into falling apart because of how I have been contentedly abusing it I will regret not doing something about it now. Both my parents have high cholesterol and high blood pressure because they didn't take care of it when they could. I need to not allow myself to be that person.0 -
Personally for me, my goals keep changing. First I wanted to just be under 200 (I was over 250) Then when I got into the 190's I didn't like that and same with the 80's, 70's, and now 60's...LOL. I have decided I want to look as good and fit as I possibly can. I take zumba, strength class, turbo kick, lift at the gym, treadmill, stair climber, you name it. My next goal is to be in the low 150's, I think at least right now that I will be happy with that. I also want to have a balance. I feel like for the last 15 months I pretty much have lived and died by my diet and exercising and I would like to incorporate some more cheat days, and possibly an exercise rest day every few weeks. I exercise every. single. day. My end goal is to be healthy, look fit, and be able to live a little by eating some bad foods occasionally and having a few drinks, which I could really use right now because my life is very stressful these days.
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Lol..you was honest0
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I like food and eating with friends and family without having to eat something "different." I want to lose some weight, but I don't want to be size three.......just not my goal.
What may be "settling" for one person may not be "settling" for another person. It may be our choice of what is important in life. We are all different.....
But, I understand the question. I ask myself the same kind of thing in other areas of life.Why do people settled for living together, or having babies without being married, or living on welfare, or getting drunk and not remembering what they did the night before, or dropping out of school/college, or driving fast and getting tickets, or....or...or...or...or..or......
Again, it's a case of different people with different priorities.0 -
It's so much easier to settle... Whether you're talking about your weight, or job or relationship, whatever, it's just so much easier!
For the record i am not one to settle, but I an see why people do.0 -
That thought is good when you are losing weight, but it could be a potential problem for those who have EDs.0
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I agree with the others - priorities.
A lot of people ask me why I don't try and lose more weight. I am at the high end of for ideal weight for my height. My answer? I'm happy here. I wanted to get that weight off to insure that I didn't follow on the same health path as my family members. After losing the weight, I've had medical tests done and they've determined that I am in excellent health. That my heart (a big issue in my family) is in excellent condition and does not show any of the early warning signs for the diseases and ailments that plague my family.
Now, I want to live life. I don't want to spend all my time at the gym. I do not want to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth. I do not want to have to evaluate every single calorie that I may consume.
Perhaps to some people it may appear that I am lazy or settling, but I do not feel that way. I am happy and content where I am and whether or not it pleases someone else is irrelevant to me. Could I be thinner? Sure. Could I be stronger? Of course. Could I be this or that? Probably, but those things aren't important or a priority to me.
We all have our own goals, wishes and desires.. If you achieve yours or are happy with yourself, is it really settling simply because someone else thinks you should be thinner, stronger, etc?
I don't think so.
You just said yourself that you think you could be all those things so its not settling because of what someone else thinks, you're settling to yourself because you're just content at that point. Nothing wrong with it either I think if it just not important to you. My question isn't about fitting into other peoples ideals. It's pushing yourself towards your own goals, ideals, maximum achievements really.
Some people know they can do better but they just don't feel like it. This can apply to anything really, not just health related issues.
But, if I am happy and content here -- how am I settling? That's my question. If you are happy with yourself, content with who you are and where you are... you aren't settling.
Settling is saying to yourself "I wish I weighed 130lbs, but I don't" and then not doing anything about it. Settling is accepting less than YOU want yourself to be.
I don't want to be anything else. So, I'm not settling in MY mind. I may be "settling" in someone else's mind, but not in my own.
If I'm happy with me and my life, there's no settling involved here.
I have to agree, if you are happy with you , then there is no settling involved.
I think the biggest thing is reaching your own goals0 -
I know what you mean. My original goal was just to get back to prebaby weight cause I thought that would make me happy, once I got there I knew I could do more. Than I set a goal to get to 140, reached that goal and wanted more. Ofcourse I set my 130-135 and said that would be my perfect weight. Well guess what, I was still not happy. Hit my UG of 125, I actually went down to 122. Now I am just trying to stay close to 125ish and see how things go.) 0
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I like food and eating with friends and family without having to eat something "different." I want to lose some weight, but I don't want to be size three.......just not my goal.
What may be "settling" for one person may not be "settling" for another person. It may be our choice of what is important in life. We are all different.....
But, I understand the question. I ask myself the same kind of thing in other areas of life.Why do people settled for living together, or having babies without being married, or living on welfare, or getting drunk and not remembering what they did the night before, or dropping out of school/college, or driving fast and getting tickets, or....or...or...or...or..or......
Again, it's a case of different people with different priorities.
just a question, whats wrong with being a size 3? I am a size 3 and I am the happiest person ever. I wasn't happy as a 14, I looked like crap and extremely unhealthy. I LOVE food, but I also want to live longer and see my kids grow.0
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