Heartbroken and next day moved on. Why?

calvert6183
calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anyways, I have always never understood this and maybe someone can help me understand. It seems so many people will date someone for years, married for years, love one died, or are crazy about someone will move on the next day after the breakup or divorce. I dont understand how one can be so heartbroken and claiming how much they miss and love someone and then want to date the next day.

I see it on here all the time, people post how broken they are and crying and then next day they found a new person and are crazy about them. When I love someone and it doesnt work out, I need time to heal, focus on me, and reflect. The last thing I want to do is get back out there that soon to deal with the games that come with dating. It just seems people are so replaceable these days like an iPhone. Im sure this scares people who do believe in true love.

It also seems thats the answer people give when they have friends who just got their heart destroyed is to date someone else immediately. Maybe im old or just out of touch with how things work these days. IDK. Sorry for this, just always wanted to know.
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Replies

  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    Well, you know the saying

    The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else......
  • xTenaciousJx
    xTenaciousJx Posts: 555
    i have no clue, i agree with you. it would take me a long time to move on.
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
    Some people are unable to be alone for any amount of time so just move on to the next person like a conveyor belt.

    A friend and I both lost our Mum's at a early age - her Dad was practically with someone just months after. Yet my Dad is still alone. Just think we all cope in different ways - who really knows whats best?
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
    Well, personally, it helped me get over a bad break-up. It wasn't "the next day" but it was about 2 weeks later. I'd always been in serious relationships since a teenager, so after the last break-up, I decided to try a "friends with benefits" scenario. Is that for everyone? No. But it helped me cope with it. Which also worked out fine for me...since my "friend with benefits" is now my boyfriend of 3+ years.:tongue:

    What I'm saying is, it helps some people. Everyone deals with things differently. It doesn't mean people who act the way you described are scaring people, or that they themselves don't believe in true love. Love is different to each and every person. No one feels exactly the same as anyone else.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    some people would rather be with someone than be alone, so they find a replacement straight away...
  • Usbornegal
    Usbornegal Posts: 601 Member
    Some people will do anything to not think or feel in difficult situations. Immediately going on to a ne relationship, dating, etc., is a huge distraction that keeps them from thinking about their loss. Unfortunately this also keeps them from learning the lessons of their life so they are highly likely to keep making the same mistakes.

    Either that, or they were more interested in being in a relationship than caring about who they were in the relationship with.
  • firedad
    firedad Posts: 59
    Well, you know the saying

    The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else......


    ^ beat me to it. But this.
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
    Some people are unable to cope with loss and try to deny or ignore it.

    Other people are over-dramatic about a break up, complaining simply to complain, and let their true emotions show after the fact.

    There could be any number of reasons but people handle emotional reactions differently.
  • hypallage
    hypallage Posts: 624 Member
    Well, you know the saying

    The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else......

    This kind of works as a distraction, fwb's but not dating. It has taken me a long time to move on after my last relationship, even now I'm not totally sure I'm ready to date again....
    I do know people though that are incapable of being single - for them being with someone is a priority.
  • LilacDreamer
    LilacDreamer Posts: 1,364 Member
    Well I can say that wouldn't be the case for me....definitely. I am not the type to just get over someone and want to see someone else the next day.

    Meeting my husband was an absolute fluke, and he is the only person i've ever trusted enough to be intimate with....I don't know that I could ever see myself getting to that point with another person.
  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
    After my fiance and i broke up I dated completely unsuitable types for, god, 10 years. I didn't want to be alone, I needed to be loved, but I wasn't ready to commit and so chose people I subconsciously knew I'd never fall in love with / end up with.

    I think, think, I'm just coming out of that long grieving period now and have finally found someone I want to really make a go of things with.

    Sometimes, when you are heartbroken, you need comfort.
  • Pixie_star1234
    Pixie_star1234 Posts: 55 Member
    Well, you know the saying

    The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else......

    Unfortunatelly, this is so true. But moving from a relationship to another will only leave to disappointment and more heartache. I am not one that moves on quickly, but I would go out with someone new if I had the chance instead of sitting at home crying all day. In reality, I still miss and cry over the person I just broken up with and I can still miss that person over a loooong period of time, but that doesn't mean I am not allowed to go out with someone new. Even if I just sit there on the date and think of someone else. Silly, but it did happen to me.
  • godsoon
    godsoon Posts: 19
    I guess it depends on each individual
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
    We all react, respond and deal with crisis's in our lives in very different ways- no two people are the same, so you can't expect any two reactions to be the same!!
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    Some people can't be alone for more than 5 mins. Jennifer Lopez and Kim K. are two examples of that.
  • Jwanguy
    Jwanguy Posts: 115 Member
    Some don't like the feeling of being alone
  • kylejh
    kylejh Posts: 221 Member
    I don't get that either. I was in a very unhealthy relationship for 3 1/2 years, and broke up with her the same day I started my weight loss journey. For a while, focusing on fitness & my diet seemed to take away from obsessing about her, but that seems to be lessening. Now I keep thinking about wanting her to see how much better I look.

    I do believe meeting someone else helps, but can't imagine how people do that right away. At the end of it all, it's time passing that gives us perspective and the ability to really move on. Someone jumping right into a rebound relationship and thinking that will help is just fooling himself/herself.
  • bigdal77
    bigdal77 Posts: 69
    same here i can't imagine moving on the next door or month if i was heartbroken:brokenheart: it seems to me if people move on that quickly you might not of meant that much to them or its just how they deal with it
  • claire_90
    claire_90 Posts: 99
    I think most people move on publicly fast but privately they hold onto it for much much longer.

    I find the opposite more frightening, how people fall IN love so quickly. I cannot do that, I don't fall I very very very slowly edge my way in and by the time figure out I really want them they have moved on lol
  • setaylor86080
    setaylor86080 Posts: 210 Member
    I have found that many people just can't stand being alone and that they really didn't care about the person to begin with. It sucks and I know it isn't everyone but I swear sometimes it feels like it is lol. I on the other hand would be heartbroken for months or years if my husband was to just up and leave....or die
  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,226 Member
    I'm married, but if we were to break up I would take time for myself. I was never one to jump right into a relationship after a break up.
  • sel254
    sel254 Posts: 273 Member
    I know exactly what you mean. I was with my childhood sweetheart for 10 years before he died. I was only 21 and he was 23 when he passed away. That was 6 and a half years ago and I'm STILL single. I barely even spoke to any men for the first 4 years and was just concentrating on grieving and "healing". I officially started dating again at the end of 2010 but still have not found someone I want to be in a relationship with. I don't want to be "with" someone just for the sake of it so I will keep holding out until I find someone who I know is right for me. People throw the "L" word out there way too soon in a relationship if you ask me. I've had guys tell me they love me on a third date but when I point out that I don't know them well enough yet to love them, they love someone else the next week. Oh well...life goes on. I'm sure there's someone out there who will respect the fact that I need to do things in my own way and at my own pace :) My favourite saying actually came from an old colleague of mine in the Army - he said " Sel, you need a knight in shining armour, not a tosser in tin foil". Damn right! :D
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
    Sometimes the relationship is over before it ends. For example, a couple can try for months to fix their relationship, come slowly to the conclusion that it's not worth it, and then take some time to actually get around to breaking up. They've done most of their grieving before the relationship ended, might have an emotional spike when break-up time comes, then be fine afterwards.

    It's sort of the same thing with death. If someone is really sick and suffering, their loved ones do a lot of the grieving before the person passes, are sad at the funeral, and then are comforted by the fact that the person isn't suffering anymore. Alternately, if the deceased had a good run while life lasted and passed on peacefully, they can be really sad at the beginning, but recover quickly.
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    Because most of the time, they have known it was over for a very long time before getting up the courage to end it.
  • calvert6183
    calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
    Some don't like the feeling of being alone

    I get that but its crazy to me that some cant be alone for one night. Maybe im just too independent. IDK.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    I knew my husband was the one I wanted to be with almost immediately. He took 4 1/2 years of convincing though. He actually thought he would be giving something up by getting married to me. :laugh: If it wasn't for me he'd be broke, living in an apartment, and scrounging for pizza money in the couch. :laugh: (He'd be the first to admit that too.) Anyhow, at 2 points while we were dating he got cold feet and wanted to see other people. 1 time we just moved back to dating but free to see others and the other we broke up completely for 2 months. I was absolutely heartbroken each time. But I also went out and dated other people.

    I don't regret it a bit and it's not even that I "moved on." I KNEW hubby and I were supposed to be together but I wanted to show him that he wasn't my only option and he was lucky I chose him, not just the other way around. He hadn't really thought about that. He figured he could go out and date others and I'd be sitting at home crying to my roommate and missing him. He didn't much like that the very first party we both went to after we broke up involved me getting hit on by several guys. We were actually at his fraternity house at the time and I knew all the guys. They didn't much care for other guys hitting on me either and they threw 2 of them out and tried to intimidate a few others. :laugh:

    I never really cared about any of the other guys I dated but I also made it clear to them that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I figured if he was free to see what else was out there then so was I. I didn't see the point in sitting around sulking while he went out on dates with other girls.
  • fitpilatesqueen
    fitpilatesqueen Posts: 337
    So wrong. People should take time to recover. You can´t substitude someone like that, that way you don´t heal. My feeling is that people are not as much in touch with their feelings, they just go on like robots, this has made me not want to date. The fact that people disrespect and take others for granted makes me not want to date and I could go on but I won´t
  • LifeChangingExp
    LifeChangingExp Posts: 454 Member
    The last thing I'd want is another jail term, no thank you. A no strings attached would be perfect. :bigsmile:
  • mommajolynn
    mommajolynn Posts: 353 Member
    I'm like you OP. I can't just break up with someone I have been with for a while then jump into another relationship right away. But then again my relationships never seem to last past a year so.. lol

    The people that do that were probably so used to having someone constantly that to go without some there was very difficult.
    After I moved back to SA from living in Austin with my bf/fiance it was so rough sleeping alone that I started sleeping with a giant stuffed tiger. Weird I know but it helped me cope.
  • mandi2r
    mandi2r Posts: 228 Member
    After my 3-yr childish relationship ended, it was 2 weeks before I dated. But it was all the wrong guys.
    It was a total of 6 months till I would consider myself healed from that relationship.

    Then on the 7th month, I met someone and I'm still with him to this date (coming up on 4 yrs) and I don't see how I could get rid of him :P

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