Friends in the RED - to delete or not to delete??

DMUND
DMUND Posts: 299 Member
in Motivation and Support
I hate to delete anyone from my friend's list. However, there are getting to be quite a few that are in the RED....a couple days here and there, ok...I'm fine with that. But "months", do I let them go and make room for new, supportive friends??

I would love to have lots of supportive friends. I am also torn as to delete the inactive ones, maybe they are going through a rough patch and will need the support when they get back on?? What are your thoughts??

Also, I'd love to support more people and have more people support me....so, if you like to join my "circle of friends", please send me a short message as to why you feel we'd make a great support system for each other.

Thanks! :D
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Replies

  • Shweedog
    Shweedog Posts: 883 Member
    I'd worry more about you and your goals. Also try being supportive of those people that have been going over lately. Maybe they are struggling with their diet/exercise routine and need a bit of support from YOU.
  • TaylorsGranddad
    TaylorsGranddad Posts: 453 Member
    I delete 'most' red friends not logged in NOT over calories (WE ALL DO THAT NOW AND AGAIN)... but some long term ones I keep, I do a MFP cull every so often too, I also don't have loads of pals... this isn't facebook :)


    Feel free to add me


    PEACE
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    I tend to go 2 weeks, like a two week notice but I have heard the argument that you should keep them. I say figure out a reasonable amount if time and cut when needed. Hope that helps.
  • lilbpixie
    lilbpixie Posts: 51 Member
    Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.
  • JoeGa
    JoeGa Posts: 25
    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?
  • ready2tryagain42
    ready2tryagain42 Posts: 202
    I usually delete the ones that go into the red..and if they are gone more than 5-7 days without logging. I figure that life got in the way for them like it did with me last year. It happens.
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    I'd worry more about you and your goals. Also try being supportive of those people that have been going over lately. Maybe they are struggling with their diet/exercise routine and need a bit of support from YOU.
    You meant time not logged not a bad diary right?
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?
    "has not logged in so many days"
  • dbarnaba1
    dbarnaba1 Posts: 1
    when your calories go over for the day, you are in the "red".
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    .
  • JoeGa
    JoeGa Posts: 25
    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?
    "has not logged in so many days"

    oh, I see. Thanks!
  • cfieds
    cfieds Posts: 29 Member
    From the point of view from one of those "not logged in in months" people:

    I got super busy with work and then hit a really bad spot with chronic pain issues...and it was a wake up call to have my neurosurgeon tell me that I really should lose the 30lbs I gained in the past year. So here I am again, much more serious than last time.

    Sometimes, those months are just life getting in the way.

    But then, I also would not be surprised nor offended if someone were to oust me from a friends list because I hadn't logged on in awhile--obviously, I wouldn't be very supportive if I'm not logged in!
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
    I don't worry so much about how long it's been since they've logged in. I mostly delete people who don't give any support back.
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
    I deleted a few that have been gone 8 months, 10 months, etc. If it is a week or 2 I don't. Sometimes life gets in the way and I fully understand. Like others have said maybe they are having a rough patch and will need the support more then ever when they return.
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
    I don't worry so much about how long it's been since they've logged in. I mostly delete people who don't give any support back.

    That too. I understand though that it can be hard to keep up with everyone.
  • SPBROOKS68
    SPBROOKS68 Posts: 561 Member
    I deleted 1 once and then got an ugly message from her about it, so I haven't deleted anymore since then :frown:
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    You never know what they could be going through.
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 6,467 Member
    I don't know if you need to delete them or not. That is up to you. But before you do, do you know by how many calories they are going over? I mean, I've been in the red a couple of times when I was over by less than 50 calories. And, I can go over by 300 or so and still be losing weight. It is just a guide, after all.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    delete them.
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    It looks like your husband ( I assume) hasn't logged in 8 days, this just got interesting!:laugh:

    Just playing around.:tongue:
  • beyondjupiter
    beyondjupiter Posts: 247 Member
    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?

    I'm new here too but I am assuming "in the red" means going over on calories, or basically not meeting daily goals.

    I think, personally, it is a little bit much to cut someone for not meeting their goals. At least they are logging their food? I agree with others that they need support the most.

    I recently did not log on for a few days or maybe a week because my husband and I just separated and I just sunk myself into a hole. I didn't log on for anything. Imagine how I would feel if I did log back in and my friends had left me too because I was having a hard time?

    If you need more supportive friends, add them. However, I don't think unfriending people because they are having a hard time with life or meeting their goals constitutes the definition of a friend on your part. Why not message them and see if you can offer any help?
  • netchik
    netchik Posts: 587 Member
    For me it's two months, unless I know why they aren't on. Almost a year here, and the trend seems to be more than 2 months and they are never coming back. Those who have sought out the same friends again when they made a fresh start.

    to the people getting snotty with the OP, I think it was a fair question. Those of use who are here every day are looking for like minded people which in most cases includes the same amount of committment. A week out because you're on holiday is fine, but for most of us this is not a part-time venture.

    i have no opinion on those who do come back when it's convenient for them, if it works for them, that's great!!
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
    I always double check their profile to make sure I didn't miss them saying "going on a 6-week vacation with no computer, be back then!" or something. Barring that, I delete after a month of inactivity, unless it's someone who I had a very supportive relationship with in the past, in which case I send a message.
  • leopard_barbie
    leopard_barbie Posts: 279 Member
    It's not that simple really is it? It depends what their calorie goals are for a start. At the moment I have my calorie goal set to maintenance so that I can easily see what my weekly calorie deficit is so with the odd exception I should never be in the red, even if I'm not actually losing. Everybody has different goals for their weightloss, I would read their comments and statuses and support them unless you feel they are having a negative impact on you in any way.
  • charanne52
    charanne52 Posts: 88 Member
    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?
    '
    It means that the person has not been logging in to MFP. Under the Friends Category the last log-in date is listed under each name and if they do not sign in on a daily basis the last date they did log in is highlighted in red.

    I'd be inclined to delete people from my friend's list if they have been absent for longer than three months.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
    I send them a PM before I delete asking if everything is ok-but if they are not logging in they don't see the message. I only delete people that don't offer me the same support I offer them.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Just checked...I have 10 friends in the red...a few of them, I know why. The oldest one, I will NEVER delete :cry:
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
    I just posted this on my wall last night lol

    friends who haven't logged in for months, what do you do with them?, delete them or leave them on your friends list........... I don't like to delete ppl in case they fell off the wagon and come back and really need supportive friends but I also don't want a huge friends list of ppl who are never here as I noticed a few ppl in posts saying that they don't friend ppl who have lots of friends ......... ... maybe I think too much about it :-/

    Ive decided (after a few comments) to leave them till they go 3 months then delete

    I feel bad deleting ppl who might just be the ones that need the support more ..... but if they dont log in for 1/4 of a year its unlikly I can help them :)
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    Plus a lot of people will state on their profile what well get someone "deleted".
  • AreneeG31
    AreneeG31 Posts: 256 Member
    I clean up my friends list regularly. I give them a month of not logging in and then I delete them. I just did this yesterday and three of them had deactivated their accounts. My thinking is if they havent logged on in a month then they arent utilizing the site for what ever reason and if the come back the can resend a request if they still want to be a friend on here. Im sure there's no hard feelings.

    Do whatever you think is best.

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