Friends in the RED - to delete or not to delete??

13

Replies

  • ratherbeskiing
    ratherbeskiing Posts: 847 Member
    I would simply ask myself, why did I add this person in the first place. If there's no value to having them on there then get rid of them.


    yes. if u have been logging on for a long time and supportive I understand life happens BUT if you added me as a friend and were only on here for a week then peace out I only want supportive friends
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?

    I'm new here too but I am assuming "in the red" means going over on calories, or basically not meeting daily goals.

    I think, personally, it is a little bit much to cut someone for not meeting their goals. At least they are logging their food? I agree with others that they need support the most.

    I recently did not log on for a few days or maybe a week because my husband and I just separated and I just sunk myself into a hole. I didn't log on for anything. Imagine how I would feel if I did log back in and my friends had left me too because I was having a hard time?

    If you need more supportive friends, add them. However, I don't think unfriending people because they are having a hard time with life or meeting their goals constitutes the definition of a friend on your part. Why not message them and see if you can offer any help?


    The OP was referring to people being in the red due to not having logged on for so many days...
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    I love this! I don't delete for that reason. We are here to support and feel what kind of friends are we if we only think of ourselves. Those are the people who one day might give up cause there was noboby there to support them. My luv for my MFP girlfriends is unconditional.
    Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

    Again, I repeat the question... how can they be supported if they do not use the website?

    Being in the red means they have gone over on their calories. They ARE using the site...

    We are talking about not logging in, not that they are over.
  • dwclaire
    dwclaire Posts: 18 Member
    hi everyone!
    i have only 1 friend on here and i'd love to have more because i am struggling just as much as i guess anybody can be!
    please add me, it will keep me going and hopefully i can help keep you going!! :)
  • KristenCassandra
    KristenCassandra Posts: 140 Member
    I usually will wait a while and then message them if they aren't on for a week+ at a time. Like others said it's more than likely for a reason... trips, etc. I have deleted people, but only ones who are inactive for long periods of time AND never show support even when they are logging in. Really, it's up to you :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I love this! I don't delete for that reason. We are here to support and feel what kind of friends are we if we only think of ourselves. Those are the people who one day might give up cause there was noboby there to support them. My luv for my MFP girlfriends is unconditional.
    Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

    Again, I repeat the question... how can they be supported if they do not use the website?

    Being in the red means they have gone over on their calories. They ARE using the site...

    Okay... well the OP mentioned both which is where my confusion came in. If they aren't using the site, then cut them loose. If they are going over the 'calorie goal', that is completely different. My diary is set up so that I net my BMR each day... which means that if I go over my calorie goal, I still lose weight. You don't know how someone has their goals set up. Why are you judging people's diaries in the first place? I said earlier... I don't like diary nazis so if you have a problem with mine, then I welcome the deletion.
  • Shweedog
    Shweedog Posts: 883 Member
    The OP was referring to people being in the red due to not having logged on for so many days...

    I read her post a different way. She mentions friends in the red in the first paragraph. Then she discusses also contemplating deleting inactive friends. To me she was discussing two differnt things she may delete friends over. Being in the red, or over on cals, and inactive friends, or friends who do not log in every day.
  • tinana_RN
    tinana_RN Posts: 541 Member
    You don't owe it to anyone but yourself to be here, so if you feel like deleting someone, delete them. While I understand sometimes the people that fail to log in need the most support, they should be here anyway to support their friends, too... doesn't show much willpower to be gone for months, and then come back and be all butthurt because your friends deleted you. It's just the internet, and if someone's going to get upset that I delete them for not being active on the site, then I wish I'd wish I hadn't been their friend to begin with.
  • complicatedmoves
    complicatedmoves Posts: 84 Member
    If your more than a two weeks or so of being MIA.....I delete.
  • GermanicKnight
    GermanicKnight Posts: 445
    I go 28 days. Because it takes 28 days to break a habit!
  • Shweedog
    Shweedog Posts: 883 Member
    Okay... well the OP mentioned both which is where my confusion came in. If they aren't using the site, then cut them loose. If they are going over the 'calorie goal', that is completely different. My diary is set up so that I net my BMR each day... which means that if I go over my calorie goal, I still lose weight. You don't know how someone has their goals set up. Why are you judging people's diaries in the first place? I said earlier... I don't like diary nazis so if you have a problem with mine, then I welcome the deletion.

    Agreed. I think we are all capable of messing up. As long as what we are doing is working for us then more power to us. I go over all of the time and consistently lose. The numbers on MFP do not have to be set in stone. You have to find what works best for you. And again, maybe these individuals going over need more support now.
  • clairyfairy247
    clairyfairy247 Posts: 425 Member
    I think there is some confusion on the meaning of "in the red"

    Do you mean in the red as in over their calories every day? Or in the red as in they don't log on?

    I don't delete people for going over calories but I delete people if they come up in red on my friends list after not logging on for 3 weeks....

    Does anyone see what I'm saying?
  • meliad
    meliad Posts: 71
    If I got derailed for months I would probably want to start fresh with new friends anyway. I wouldn't want to have to explain myself to an old set of fit pals who have stuck to it and lost tons while I was wasting time.

    But that is just me.
  • tenikb02
    tenikb02 Posts: 36 Member
    This post just seems a tad judgemental. Obviously if they're in the red its a bad time for them. I have been in the red for a week before because it was just a really bad week. I was dedicated to logging, whether it was good or bad but with the help of MFP and their encouragement I slowly came out of the red. Be supportive and send a nice message instead, it might make their day. Geesh.
  • TurtleRunnerNC
    TurtleRunnerNC Posts: 751 Member
    If it has been a month or more I would delete. I always feel bad when I do but......... it makes no sense to have a friends list full of people who never log on.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Okay... well the OP mentioned both which is where my confusion came in. If they aren't using the site, then cut them loose. If they are going over the 'calorie goal', that is completely different. My diary is set up so that I net my BMR each day... which means that if I go over my calorie goal, I still lose weight. You don't know how someone has their goals set up. Why are you judging people's diaries in the first place? I said earlier... I don't like diary nazis so if you have a problem with mine, then I welcome the deletion.

    Agreed. I think we are all capable of messing up. As long as what we are doing is working for us then more power to us. I go over all of the time and consistently lose. The numbers on MFP do not have to be set in stone. You have to find what works best for you. And again, maybe these individuals going over need more support now.

    I'd also like to add that many people (myself included) use FitBit to record their daily activity. FitBit only updates when it is near its base which for me is at home. I work all day. My activity doesn't get updated until the evening so if you look at my diary at any time before 6pm est, it will look like I'm over in calories because I plan my meals in advance. I know that I'm going to get an adjustment from my FitBit at the end of the day so I eat over so that I can get to my 'net goal' for the day.

    Honestly, judging people because of their diaries is just stupid because you really don't know how they are using this website to their best advantage. Even having to discuss this issue is annoying. I really thought you were talking about people who don't log on for long periods of time. I hope you found the answers you were looking for OP!
  • 714rah714
    714rah714 Posts: 759 Member
    Nuke'em
  • kathyms13
    kathyms13 Posts: 497 Member
    i think deleting people who are struggling is childish. we are none of us perfect, we come here for support, who are we to disregard someone who is obviously struggling, the words care, help, understand come to mind, we all are valued human beings. If you only wont to be friends with people who are perfect and totally interested in you then it is sad. Mfp, is here for everyone.
    Before i go, one more thing op, please dont add me, im not good enough for you ....... or am i the better person.
  • Bumdrahp
    Bumdrahp Posts: 1,314 Member
    I have never deleted someone because they are in the red. I have only done a deleting is someone hasnt logged in in OVER a month.

    I think, if someone is in the red, and STILL logging their food... the must still want to keep track of what it is they are consuming..

    everyones weightloss journey is different.. some of us need more support than others.
  • thin1dayplease
    thin1dayplease Posts: 291 Member
    I saw someone was going to do the same, but read their profile first and they'd added a note on there that her husband had been in a car crash and sadly passed away so she would not be on for a while as she has 6 children, but really wanted her mfp pals to be in touch after. The point is, you never know what's going on in peoples lives and more than likely they will be back, we all slip sometimes.
  • miracole
    miracole Posts: 492 Member
    I tend not to delete friends at all, I mean if they are in the red I figure at least they're being honest about logging their calories (after all they could easily just log in half of what they're eating) and if they end up taking a break? as some people have said, life happens. For example, last week my entire house flooded due to a crack in an upstairs toilet and now I am living off the charity of dear friends while my entire house gets gutted and rebuilt. I'm still logging but I'll admit that I have been stress eating and my intake is not nearly as well thought out as normal. Sometimes a day can just be so ****ty that chocolate and fried food is a mandatory. If my "friends" on MFP judged me for it or got rid of me I'd be better off without them, after all a weight-loss journey is a personal thing, the friends option on here is for us to lend support and make contacts/share ideas, not to judge each other!
  • jzaz903
    jzaz903 Posts: 306 Member
    I delete people when they're not IRL friends, and haven't logged for about 2 months. Even IRL friends, I talk to them and if they have no plan on coming back I delete them.

    One time, a MFP friend that I had deleted requested my friendship again. She wrote a little note with her request about how she was getting back on track, and wanted my support again. I gained a lot of respect for her then, and I've supported her since. It took a lot I lady-balls to come back, and I have major respect for her.
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
    i wish I had the option for MFP for me to just uncheck the "so and so hasn't logged in for XX many days".
  • ji225
    ji225 Posts: 89 Member
    Wow!

    I am amazed that you would even think of deleting them for being in the red, or for not doing enough exercise or whatever??? as long as they are not offending you or saying bad things you dont agree with, why would you delete them??
    Seriously , you are making it sound like it all 'friends' dont confirm to your strict rules then they are out! perhaps you shoudl have aske them to sign somethign that told them the MFP friendship rules when you first friended them??
    Maybe they need to eat more and the low clas set here on MFP are not enough? Jeez they may be your friends on here, but clearly mean nothing to you really if you can be so fickle.

    I'm a bit shocked by this discussion to be honest!
  • KiwiKim25
    KiwiKim25 Posts: 61 Member
    Are you at your cap for number of friends allowed? If so, that makes sense to delete people if you feel you need more support. If you still have room for more friends.. I don't see how it would matter that they're in the red... Unless you feel bad for not helping them?
  • sweetheart03622
    sweetheart03622 Posts: 928 Member
    I just chopped half my friends list yesterday. Now, I'm done to only those that are supportive and I'm able to better support them. It's a win-win!
  • helencita13
    helencita13 Posts: 76 Member
    lol the misunderstandings are cracking me up - People, she doesn't mean those that aren't achieving their goals! She means those that are not logging in for a noticeable amount of time.

    I was wondering the same thing myself a few days ago. My problem is, the majority of my friends who haven't logged in for 2-3 months (I've only been here 3.5), are my real life friends!

    For others, I take it on a case by case basis. My time frame is 2+ months of not logging in and after I have messaged them for encouragement in effort to bring them back - also depends on the type of friend when they were here. If they didn't return the support then I chop them. While I'm sensitive to the possibility they might need support now more than ever, I'm confident I've given it a reasonable amount of time. Besides, it's not like we REALLY know each other, and I need supportive friends too.

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  • tinana_RN
    tinana_RN Posts: 541 Member
    If I got derailed for months I would probably want to start fresh with new friends anyway. I wouldn't want to have to explain myself to an old set of fit pals who have stuck to it and lost tons while I was wasting time.

    But that is just me.


    I agree with this, too.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    lol the misunderstandings are cracking me up - People, she doesn't mean those that aren't achieving their goals! She means those that are not logging in for a noticeable amount of time.
    Your lack of reading comprehension is worrisome. Did you not see the title of the thread and the first paragraph of the original post?
  • tinana_RN
    tinana_RN Posts: 541 Member
    Wow!

    I am amazed that you would even think of deleting them for being in the red, or for not doing enough exercise or whatever??? as long as they are not offending you or saying bad things you dont agree with, why would you delete them??
    Seriously , you are making it sound like it all 'friends' dont confirm to your strict rules then they are out! perhaps you shoudl have aske them to sign somethign that told them the MFP friendship rules when you first friended them??
    Maybe they need to eat more and the low clas set here on MFP are not enough? Jeez they may be your friends on here, but clearly mean nothing to you really if you can be so fickle.

    I'm a bit shocked by this discussion to be honest!


    The post is not about eating a certain amount of calories... lol

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