Dating while being plus sized...
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allifantastical
Posts: 946 Member
Recently I just got out of a relationship with someone who I thought I would marry. Needless to say I am devastated. I work from home and I am not very outgoing when it comes to approaching people in public. Unfortunately my size really effects my confidence. I don't want to jump into a serious relationship right away and I want to take some time to work on myself but it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with or to a baseball game, or just someone to have a meaningful conversation with.
The free online dating websites are a waste of time for me. Does anyone else have any suggestions as to where I should start looking? I was thinking about Eharmony but like I said, I'm not 100% ready to be in a super serious relationship.
And please don't tell me "when you stop looking, it will come to you." even if it might be true. I feel like since I work from home I have to put myself in the position, instead of it knocking on my front door. The only person who comes to my door is the mailman and he is way to old for me. :laugh:
The free online dating websites are a waste of time for me. Does anyone else have any suggestions as to where I should start looking? I was thinking about Eharmony but like I said, I'm not 100% ready to be in a super serious relationship.
And please don't tell me "when you stop looking, it will come to you." even if it might be true. I feel like since I work from home I have to put myself in the position, instead of it knocking on my front door. The only person who comes to my door is the mailman and he is way to old for me. :laugh:
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Replies
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eHarmony said I was unmatchable, lol.0
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I clicked "post reply" cuz I was distracted. Anyway, you're beautiful, you shouldn't have much trouble finding someone. I kinda went after my partner, poor thing, but he walked in my store looking hot and well....what could I do lol?
Unfortunately, I am a huge dork and wouldn't have any good suggestions. I notice guys making convo with me at the bookstore, not bad looking either, but I'm taken so I kinda cut it off.0 -
Grocery stores are a GREAT place to meet nice guys, also concerts, festivals, art fairs, and you might not be into it but if you are near a track, NASCAR/IndyCar/GrandAm races are good places to meet nice guys (not all of 'em are backwoods rednecks!). I'm married and a huge race fan and I meet nice single guys all the time that always ask me "well do you have any nice friends like you!" and I'm nowhere near my goal weight yet, so that's not an issue at all.0
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Honestly, if you aren't interested in a serious relationship right now, I would give the free dating sites a try. I didn't meet my current boyfriend there, but I went on a lot of fun and interesting dates while I was a member on OkCupid.com. I had just broken up with my ex and wanted to get out there and meet people, so it was a good time.
Also, meetup.com is fun - it's not really a dating site, but you get to meet people with similar interests, and it's nice for just meeting people (also, it kept me from holing myself up in my room feeling sorry for myself).
Use this time to have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself.0 -
"I don't want to jump into a serious relationship right away and I want to take some time to work on myself but it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with or to a baseball game, or just someone to have a meaningful conversation with. "
what is this "meaningful conversation you speak of":laugh:0 -
Hi! I am so sorry about your relationship ending. I have been there and it is devastating regardless of which side you are on.
I have been married for 11 months to a man I met on a free dating site (plentyoffish.com). We have been together 4.5 years now. I didn't place much faith in plentyoffish.com (POF, for short) or other free dating sites, since there seems to be a direct correlation between the subscription price and the quality of the subscribers. There are lots of unemployed, uneducated, etc. people on POF. But I always figured that since I, an employed, well educated, attractive, and intelligent woman was on POF, surely there must be a few similar men out there! And I was right. My husband was starting his last semester of college when we started dating, so he was a "poor college student" which is why he was using a free site, but he is now gainfully employed, has both bachelor's and master's degrees, and I would say he's pretty attractive
I wouldn't discount the free sites just yet, especially since you are just looking for friendship/casual dating right now. The way I saw it, was that it didn't cost me anything to be on them, so why not? Eharmony is good but unless you live in a very large city, you will probably have lots of matches that are 5+ hours away. It's also something I would wait on until you're ready for something long term. I think that anyone who pays Eharmony's high prices is most likely looking for something serious.
Also, I've been plus size my whole life and while dating is a bit harder because some men flat out don't want to date a PS woman, there are men out there who will. And if you think about it, if the guy loves you when you're PS, he'll definitely love you when you slim down, and that's how you know he's a keeper
Good luck!!0 -
I second the meetup.com suggestion. I probably went to 10-15 local meetups from this site when I was single. I met a few people that I still keep in contact with. It's a great way to meet new friends, and who knows, you might meet the love of your life!0
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Honestly, if you aren't interested in a serious relationship right now, I would give the free dating sites a try. I didn't meet my current boyfriend there, but I went on a lot of fun and interesting dates while I was a member on OkCupid.com. I had just broken up with my ex and wanted to get out there and meet people, so it was a good time.
Also, meetup.com is fun - it's not really a dating site, but you get to meet people with similar interests, and it's nice for just meeting people (also, it kept me from holing myself up in my room feeling sorry for myself).
Use this time to have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself.
I AGREE 100% !! dating sites don't mean "serious relationship" unless you allow to get to that point.0 -
There are terrific people everywhere ...... I've met nice men & women while I've been hiking ..... at the library ...... taking classes ...... at local ballgames ...... in the coffee shops & at the supermarket ....... at my gym ...... and volunteering ......
Oh, almost forgot ..... at the vet when my kitty was in for vaccines LOL
Smiling helps !0 -
what is this "meaningful conversation you speak of":laugh:
You know....ones you have under the covers. LOL just kidding!!!!0 -
Also, I've been plus size my whole life and while dating is a bit harder because some men flat out don't want to date a PS woman, there are men out there who will. And if you think about it, if the guy loves you when you're PS, he'll definitely love you when you slim down, and that's how you know he's a keeper
Good luck!!
That is so true! I always wanted to find someone when I was PS so I knew they would love me no matter what.0 -
Ya'Know I find that if your doing something YOU like, whatever that is, you'll invariable be hangin with others who like the same thing. Viola- meaningful conversation! I think, as its been true in my life, that its less about where/how do i meet people, but more what do I WANT TO DO? Find your passion- go for it0
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eHarmony said I was unmatchable, lol.0
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I used okcupid and I met my boyfriend that way. He was someone who also used to be plus sized and lost a lot of weight. I was plus size when we started dating and he really inspired me to finally lose that weight. Plus I knew he would eat the good food with me so it was helpful to have someone to keep me on track.
I have also had friends meet people with varying success using meetup.com. It's a way to meet people doing activities you already enjoy doing.
I've lost 75lbs since being with him (he's lost another 10-15lbs) and we are very happy together still 2 years later.
Don't let being plus sized/age/whatever else stop you from finding love again. Everyone deserves to be loved and you CAN find love again.0 -
I can't give any other advice other than the advice you said you did not want.0
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I met my fiance on POF and I was getting ready to cancel my account.. haha
you never know...0 -
Recently I just got out of a relationship with someone who I thought I would marry. Needless to say I am devastated. I work from home and I am not very outgoing when it comes to approaching people in public. Unfortunately my size really effects my confidence. I don't want to jump into a serious relationship right away and I want to take some time to work on myself but it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with or to a baseball game, or just someone to have a meaningful conversation with.
The free online dating websites are a waste of time for me. Does anyone else have any suggestions as to where I should start looking? I was thinking about Eharmony but like I said, I'm not 100% ready to be in a super serious relationship.
And please don't tell me "when you stop looking, it will come to you." even if it might be true. I feel like since I work from home I have to put myself in the position, instead of it knocking on my front door. The only person who comes to my door is the mailman and he is way to old for me. :laugh:0 -
try making new friends first- concentrate on being happy with yourself, and then when the time is right, look back into dating.
if you work from home, it may be a challenge to meet people- look in your area for groups with similar interests- book clubs, sports leagues (for fun types..), wine tastings- once you start making new friends, and you work on your fitness level, you will gain a new sense of confidneconfidence, which will help you be ready for a relationship!
Good luck- add me if you want a new friend!0 -
Just get out and be active. If you are doing things you like to do (concerts, festivals, whatever) then you will meet people who like those things too. Just be yourself -- like yourself -- and your size won't matter. When I was single at the bars (and almost 40), guys came on to me all the time because even though I was fat I had confidence and liked myself. All my thinner friends couldn't figure out what I was doing ... but it was just self-confidence. I met my fiance at the bar, he is 7 years younger and in great shape and loves me for me, not my weight. When his friends asked "why are you with her" .. he told them that I make him happy. Can't ask for more than that!! Good luck0
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I also suggest Meetup.com or maybe look into volunteering activities in your local community?? Maybe rather than focus on a relationship, you focus on yourself and bettering yourself not only physically but also emotionally. Sometimes giving back helps you get out there, meet new people in a different setting and see what the world has to offer. Make some new friends which in turn will get you out there even more in a new setting and then yes, the rest can just fall in place.
I did meet my boyfriend online, so I'm all for that too. But I've met some amazing people through school and volunteering. I find meeting people doing things I love are the best because then at least you have a common interest!!
Best of luck.0
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