Lady watcher at my gym

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  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
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    Just tell the front desk to keep an eye out for this guy. It will probably take a little observation on their part to decide whether he's doing anything objectionable, so he wouldn't be able to trace it back to you anyway. :)

    And for everyone saying that it isn't an issue, I recommend reading Gavin de Becker's Gift of Fear. The basic lesson is to trust your instincts, and that bad things most often happen when people dismiss the warning signs along the way because they don't want to be the bad guy or overly sensitive.
  • ashlafer
    ashlafer Posts: 42 Member
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    If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

    I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.


    I have so much respect for this comment. Thank you for looking at the larger issue here...women should be encouraged to speak up for themselves. You're not a feminazi if you confront a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or less safe. You are a human being.
  • ashlafer
    ashlafer Posts: 42 Member
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    Just because something is legal doesn't mean it is socially appropriate or acceptable.
  • kelichik32
    kelichik32 Posts: 27 Member
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    stupid question here

    is he in good shape , if he is hen thee is a good chance that this kind of work out works for him , and he "might" be passing the time during sets , if how ever he not then he a ****ing creap

    Shallow but valid point :-)
  • Crumleygirl
    Crumleygirl Posts: 86 Member
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    I don't what gym you are a member with but at my gym they have sign up desks and stuff. Just go over there where the managers usually are and tell them or call them. You pay good money to go there you shouldn't have to be uncomfortable .
  • gregpack
    gregpack Posts: 426 Member
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    Now I feel like a creep. I watch other people work out, and I notice people watch me at time too. I am friendly and smile and say hi to everyone that walks by. I sometimes watch a workout class at the YMCA, but I'm not getting mental images for use later that evening when I'm alone. i watch it's because it's decent entertainment. I really don't think I'm leering at the women. As a matter of fact there is one particular guy who I enjoy watching. He's about 60 and I think bought his workout clothes in 1985, including his (very) short shorts and headband. I find it slightly humorous, but he's still out there busting his tail. The gym is boring enough as it is, I guess I'll have to keep my eyes on the floor from now on......
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
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    Now I feel like a creep. I watch other people work out, and I notice people watch me at time too. I am friendly and smile and say hi to everyone that walks by. I sometimes watch a workout class at the YMCA, but I'm not getting mental images for use later that evening when I'm alone. i watch it's because it's decent entertainment. I really don't think I'm leering at the women. As a matter of fact there is one particular guy who I enjoy watching. He's about 60 and I think bought his workout clothes in 1985, including his (very) short shorts and headband. I find it slightly humorous, but he's still out there busting his tail. The gym is boring enough as it is, I guess I'll have to keep my eyes on the floor from now on......
    The way you describe it sounds totally innocent, but do you go to the same gym as the OP? LOL
    I think that's why she hasn't reported him yet, because you just don't really know for sure if it's just curiosity or creepazoid.

    And congratulations for being almost to your goal! :)
  • fiveohmike
    fiveohmike Posts: 1,297 Member
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    The gym is a social environment. If you are uncomfortable in a social environment where people can look at you, you may want to go at a different time of the day.

    Its one thing if the guy is off in the corner yanking his one eyed helmet head, but if he is working out and what not so be it.

    Just for reference my cousin has a habit of doing this, but he is a has functioning autism...he cant help it. Food for thought.

    Also maybe he is shy and trying to get the courage up to chat at them, but fails everytime? People are too quick to jump and say someone is a creeper these days.
  • marz42
    marz42 Posts: 223 Member
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    Sounds like maybe you are stalking him. JK..lol

    I agree with this, not even kidding though. He pays to be there like anyone else. He can look at who he wants as long as he isn't touching anyone. I would be too busy working out to notice who is looking at who, as that is not my prerogative. You can have management harass him (or not), but understand that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's. Based on what you have described as his workload, especially with pilates and yoga, it seems to me that he is putting in work the same as everyone else. I go to a gym where "bros" are found in very high numbers, and it's clear whose there seriously and whose there socially. It's not my place to pass judgement though because they pay just like I pay. I'm the guy that people see walking through the parking lot at the grocery store, with my kids, and people lock their car doors anyway (just to be safe) so I know what it feels like to be singled out when you've done nothing wrong. Please be careful and make sure that his behavior is one of harassment, not just glancing a little harder than what is comfortable for you.

    Exactly my concern on why i havent said anything.. however he doesn't participate in the classes just leans on a piece of equipment and watches. As for me stalking him,, hardley..lol but I understand the comment..makes sense.. the only reason it caught my attention was because everyone else in the gym is moving and doing stuff and theres one person at a standstill. I also notice when the ladies hop on a machinne and just sit and read a magazine without doing a single rep. I'm not saying theres anything wrong with a quick glance at an attractive person, most if not all of us are guilty of it... however i couldn't seem myself standing there just watching.
    Also I have a daughter and i know if i caught a man looking at her the way he does the ladies at the gym.. he wouldn't make it out of the bulding. lol

    I've noticed a number of those at my gym too. They just SIT there on the machine, maybe doing one rep (and not on a heavy weight) goofing off and oogling. They may have paid they money too, but if they aren't actually using the machine, they should go sit on one of the resting benches. And it also makes it a pretty uncomfortable environment.
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
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    People are too quick to jump and say someone is a creeper these days.

    That's because every time a kid gets abducted, a group of people gets shot up, or blown up, or whatever, people say "Hey, that guy's behavior was a little wierd, why didn't anyone say anything?"
  • fiveohmike
    fiveohmike Posts: 1,297 Member
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    People are too quick to jump and say someone is a creeper these days.

    That's because every time a kid gets abducted, a group of people gets shot up, or blown up, or whatever, people say "Hey, that guy's behavior was a little wierd, why didn't anyone say anything?"

    Ah got it, we should just profile everyone. Heck if they are a little weird we should just lock all of them up and execute them. Problem solved.
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
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    People are too quick to jump and say someone is a creeper these days.

    That's because every time a kid gets abducted, a group of people gets shot up, or blown up, or whatever, people say "Hey, that guy's behavior was a little wierd, why didn't anyone say anything?"

    Ah got it, we should just profile everyone. Heck if they are a little weird we should just lock all of them up and execute them. Problem solved.

    Ridiculous oversimplification of my point.

    Which brings us full circle back to the reason she hasn't reported him yet, because SHE"S NOT SURE. Not every creep wears a sign that says "I'm a creep".

    And as far as profiling, you profile every single person you meet. It's human nature. When you are first introduced you mentally put them in a category, good or bad, consciously or not.
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    People are too quick to jump and say someone is a creeper these days.

    That's because every time a kid gets abducted, a group of people gets shot up, or blown up, or whatever, people say "Hey, that guy's behavior was a little wierd, why didn't anyone say anything?"

    Ah got it, we should just profile everyone. Heck if they are a little weird we should just lock all of them up and execute them. Problem solved.

    Or, alternatively, we should let people behave in socially unacceptable ways at large, and force those who are uncomfortable with it into solitary confinement???

    I think the autism point and the shyness point are both valid. I guess when I read OP's post, I assume she is like me in that she has a gut instinct. I have a sickly strong amazing gut instinct about things. I can tell when something is seirously wrong, and when something just kinda bugs me. I would say, if this guy is making me so uncomfortable I don't want to be there, I'd report him. If he just bugs me, I'd probably chat him up to vibe him out a bit more. If he was targetting me, I'd either report him or say something directly to him.

    If he is only kinda vaguely bugging me, I'd just let it be because sometimes things bug me and it's my problem.
  • nyteyz82
    nyteyz82 Posts: 43
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    I considered it today but the best thing I could come up with to say "oh look, fresh meat" when a new girl came in or " is it better when they run on the treadmill or are streching for yoga" neither seemed approprate. I tend to be rather blunt and non-sugar coating so i keep my mouth shut more often then not... lol

    Sorry but i have to say this...

    Gold, absolute gold!!
  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
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    What gym, Ill come beat his a*s
  • cheesy_blasters
    cheesy_blasters Posts: 283 Member
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    I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who works in an environment (co-ed college residence) where stuff like this can happen, so kind of in a similar position to one of the gym workers.

    We always tell our students to mention "weird behaviour" or if someone makes them uncomfortable. It's not necessarily because we're going to do something drastic about it asap, it's so we know that there is an issue and can keep track of it. We can record if there are numerous complaints, we can track if someone might be having emotional or physical problems that we could help with, whatever.

    It could be a developmental issue, an injury, a personal thing (maybe his wife/girlfriend is in the class), maybe he's a class A creeper, who knows. But I think it's better to say something and find out it's nothing than the other way around. Most of the time it's a misunderstanding or a simple conversation can clarify but sometimes there have been SERIOUS issues that arise.

    And in paranoid situations, it's good to have a history of behaviour so you can see if stuff has started to escalate incase you need to intervene (assuming that's probably not the case here, though).

    In all honesty, if this gym is like my work place, the staff have probably already noticed and made a note to keep and eye on it. Unless he's super stealthy.
  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
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    Unless he's super stealthy.

    Idk why I pictured a man in night vision goggles, camo and covered in fake leaves in a gym....
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
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    Unless he's super stealthy.

    Idk why I pictured a man in night vision goggles, camo and covered in fake leaves in a gym....

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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