huge rant!
Replies
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WOW, u just layed some serious smackdown on urself!!! If u think its you then maybe theres something u need to change or u have a confidence or rejection issue. I'm not a shrink but I've seen it before. I used to have a rejection issue and it can stop you doing things and making friends. Why do u think its u?0
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So ive been under alot of stress and time managment has been horrible do to the fact its been the last month of school with last minute assignments and diplomas. I havent been there for my mpf friends or logged food for probably 2 weeks or something. However i appologize to my friends and will get back on track !
Now that thats out of the way...
To add to my frustration is my only (in real life) friend. She seems to just want to crush my happiness
All the time and its really annoying. She doesnt let me eat healthy what so everr. Shell buy the biggest / fattest meal for me and say i should stop trying to loose weight. She says "you dont need to". Im friggin 5'2 and 260 pounds!!! How the heck do i "not need to"?!
Besides the weight loss, she dosent want me to move in with my bf or even be with him! She says i need a new man etc when she knows we are perfectly fine together. She tries to get me to be mean to her bf so he can hate me. Yes she accually said that.when i asked why she said "because itll be funny!" She says we should both ignore him so hell get mad and itll be funny yet when we see him they are tickling each other, making out, etc. WTF ? Why does she try to ruin everything?! It cant be jelousy because shes the one turning heads -even men with gfs stare- wherever we go. She has the body, looks, and ..
Fakeness. Yes i say fake but thats a different story.
Bla!!! Im so annoyed atm
When she says that you don't "need" to lose weight, I would just look calmly at her and say something to the effect of " I know you love me no matter what size I am...however, I DO need to be healthy, and eating like that is NOT the way to get there".
When she wants you to do stupid stuff, tell her that you don't have time for stupid childish stuff like that.
When she says that you need to leave your BF, tell her you'll leave him when she leaves hers...
I'm glad you want to be healthy. I am the same height you are, and I started out at 228lbs. I felt pretty crappy ( health issues mostly) at that size, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to have another 30lbs to carry around. It is amazing what losing 15lbs can do--I feel so good now, and I am looking forward to losing more. Hopefully this summer you will have time to exercise and get stronger. Just yesterday I made some 6' tall guy look bad on one of the weight machines at the Y--I did 40 reps at 90# on the back extension, he did 12 reps at 120#
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I think it could be me because similiar situations have happened - not to this extent but i generaly get used then left so shes yet to leave o.o
Now im confused.0 -
You definitely need to distance yourself from this girl. It sounds like she is only pretending to be your friend. And probably wants you to stay heavy so she can go out with you and feel prettier in comparison - yes, there are immature and insecure women who do this. It also seems she does not want you to be happy with your boyfriend, because then you won't "need" her anymore, see who she truly is more clearly, and drop her like a hot potato (as you should!).
It is great to want to see the good in people, and maybe someday she will actually live up to the good you see in her. However, right now this girl is toxic, and you do not need other people's issues bringing you down.0 -
Shut the front door.
Seriously, put her on the other side of it and...shut the front door.0 -
Ahhh i cant keep up with comments because im on from my phone so ill just say thanks again everyone and i think i secretly knew i needed a new friend but just didnt want to face the fact id be friendless. Ps. I do reply to her when she says stupid things like be mean to so and so etc0
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I understand being friends with her because she was the only one willing to be your friend at that time...I get that, its hard to be in an enviroment where you feel like you don't have any support...0
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Please think more of yourself than to keep this person areound. True friends do not try to sabatoge a friend that is trying to have a healthier, happier life. Run, Run, Run, I'm sure you can find someone that will support you in what you want to do,.0
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honey im so sorry, but at the weight you posted, a good friend would be concerned about your health enough to help you get healthy. it sounds as if she wants to stay the hot friend. ive been there before. at 18, she is old enough not to play games like this. Im gonna friend you, if you ever need to talk! my kids are 20,18, and 12. im a good listener!@ anna, when i told people about this before they said shes "trying to be a good friend" that she dosent want me to be hurt or something anout weight0 -
I'd rather have no friends than have a friend like that.0
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That is a very strange friend. Thats not a friend if shes doing that. I would tell her up front that your upset with her.0
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I'd rather have no friends than have a friend like that.
^^this0 -
If u know ur getting used put a stop to it. Theres always ppl in this world that will climb all over you to get there own way and manipulate you. Trust me I know. I used to be a bodyguard and that world is full of spiteful, sneeky, greedy men. I'm in the UK. Bodyguard work used to pay £1000+ per week but I decided to stand my ground, grip the a**holes and work for far less. Beleive it or not I'm way happier now. Don't be so submissive to her, stand ur ground. She might not like it the first time but she'll see you mean it and odds are she'll also respect u more.0
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I noticed you said she's the one turning heads. Maybe this is why she doesn't want you to lose weight...she wants all the attention, and maybe she doesn't want to share the spotlight when you're fit and fabulous!!(You are already very beautiful, btw)
She doesn't seem like a very good friend, especially if that is, in fact, why she's doing this. She should care more about your health than having to share the attention!! Just my opinion...I hope things work out for ya!!! 0 -
I try to see the GOOD in her but everyday it seems to fade. I did tell her all this and it ended up with a huge fight ...
Honey, I had a best friend exactly like yours. She was my best friend for 9 years, someone I considered a sister. She was tall, blonde and blue eyed, and thinner than I was even though she was still chunky. She was outgoing, unafraid to flirt regardless of age or relationship status. She let her boyfriends hate me because of jokes she'd put me up to. The only guy she dated that tolerated me ended up a psycho. She envied my relationship with my mother, she envied my drawing talent and was constantly trying to copy my work and style.
She would cut off a conversation with me with no warning to talk to 10 other people, mostly guys, and return to me hours later. I was always her shoulder, she was barely ever mine. I spent hundreds on her in gifts, driving her places, paying for concerts and events and food, and she'd return it with used stuff she got on eBay when she made more money than I did.
Long story short, when I began dating and she wasn't at the time she tried to sabotage my relationship, she never wanted to hear my problems because I "had a man who could do the listening", and she still took up my time with her problems even though she wanted a man to fix them. The last two years I spent with her, if she was in my house or I was with her physically at a place after a few hours I was ready to kill her because she was so self-absorbed that personal property and time wasn't her problem. The last thing we ever did together was go to a concert of her favorite band. I ended up having an asthma attack because it was smoker-friendly (which I didn't know) and, this is the kicker, after the concert I had every band member that was out on the floor signing stuff looking for ME. Why? They wanted to see if I was OK and apologize about the venue. All she wanted to do was eye-hump a band member and make cutesy eyes at him, then she went and spilled coffee in the back seat of my car, didn't tell me, and I found out when I realized after I got home there was an empty Starbucks cup on the floor.
I kicked her out of my life. The night I did she posted all over Facebook that she was going to get sloshed because of me. She, two years later, managed to grab another old friend and made her contact me and basically call me a heartless cow because I was no longer their friends.
People like that are cancer. They're toxic. Their crap consumes your life more than your own problems do because they shove it right up your nose and into your brain. That's not a friend. A friend can be concerned about your relationship if there's visible problems, but they don't just demand you leave them because of their opinion. A friend doesn't want their SOs to hate you because it's funny, that's sadistic. I don't know what she was when you began being friends, but she's not a friend anymore. She's a cyst, a tumor, a clot in your arteries ready and willing to kill you and all you enjoy/love in your life at any moment.
Please tell her to hit the pavement and keep going. You don't deserve that crap. I put up with one of her kind 9 years longer than I should have just because I deluded myself things could get better if we talked about her behavior, if I did more than what was necessary of me as a friend for her to show her what a friend really was. None of it worked. People that far into themselves and their twisted sense of humors and opinions can't be reached that way, they probably can't ever be reached and in the end what they give us is not worth us trying.0 -
Of course people like you, sometimes communicating is difficult.
I don´t have friends that I hang around with or talk on the phone to every day.
My friends are long distance friends.
Ones I thought there must be something wrong with me and I blamed myself.
It´s not you, you have been burnt and you are aware and you are causious and maybe people sens that. If you are shy this is even harder. I had a friend that was abusive and in the end I gave up, I didn´t care if I had no friend because no friend was better than she was and I wish I had taken that step sooner.
Today I go to school every day and the people in my school are so much younger than I´m, they could almost be my children, they are that young so I´m not about to become their friend and I don´t expect them to accept me and that´s ok.
I may not have close friends but I know alot of people, yeah ok, sometimes I even feel lonely but that doesn´t last long though.
Stand up for yourself, push her a way a bit, maybe not all the way but keep a certein distance. I would recommend a seminar like self esteem seminar and go and attend to your hobbies, maybe you could find friends there.
Your soul, your spirit, your well being is so worth much more than this.
Good luck to you0 -
I confronted her peacefully and ... not being ruuude and she listenes to it then argued a bit then asked if we can go to the mall to shop. Outta nowhere in the middle of the friggin mall she freaked out "crying" and saying sorry she was "trying to be a good friend!" Etc etc. People stared like im the bad guy. This is always the case with her
She looks and acts innocent soo nobody believes my rant in person lol. Just saying this because some people said i should confront her; i have. Many many times. >_< i really do need a new friend huh..0 -
I would NOT call that a friend! She is an attention hog and probably wants you to fight with her boyfriend because she wants Drama. I know people like that. They are bad for you.. tell her, you wont fight with her boyfriend, you are going to lose weight, and you don't care what she says. (It'll feel good!)
Even if just over the internet, there are people here for you
You deserve to be healthy and happy, and you deserve to have support. 0 -
Sometimes it easier to blame others for our failures than ourselves. I should know. I'm the one who puts the food in my mouth. I'm the one who made myself a diabetic. I'm the only one to fix me. No éxcuses. You allow her to manipulate you.0
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I confronted her peacefully and ... not being ruuude and she listenes to it then argued a bit then asked if we can go to the mall to shop. Outta nowhere in the middle of the friggin mall she freaked out "crying" and saying sorry she was "trying to be a good friend!" Etc etc. People stared like im the bad guy. This is always the case with her
She looks and acts innocent soo nobody believes my rant in person lol. Just saying this because some people said i should confront her; i have. Many many times. >_< i really do need a new friend huh..
:mad: god! know i said this already but...what a f-ing b****0 -
@ jolene: yes, your right. I did allow her to manipulate me and probably do that with everyone because i want to hold onto the friendship. Sick of loosing people. Something i need to work on .0
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Sweetie, you appear to be a very wise and insightful person. I know it can be hard to dump a friend - especially if they are your only friend in real life. However, maybe you can achieve two goals (finding new friends and losing weight) by joining a weight loss group like Weight Watchers, Diet Workshop, etc. Then the third goal - dumping your non-friend - will be easier.
If there aren't any weight loss groups in your area that fit your schedule, perhaps your school or community offers some clubs or activities that might interest you. Again, meeting new people (away from your current friend) may increase your odds of making true friends. If nothing else, it will give you less time to spend with your current friend - that has to be a GOOD thing!
I've always said that the sign of true love/friendship is doing the things that are best for those you love. Your current friend is doing the complete opposite of the best things for you.
Wishing you all the best in your weight loss efforts and hoping your life is soon filled with fulfilling activities and caring friends!0 -
oh honey she needs to grow up! find someone new! that is not worth the headache
I agree and I also think the OP needs to grow up as well.0 -
Darlin what u do is up to you. I don't know if u've seen it yet but she obviously had you worked out and has a pattern worked out how to do it. 1 U confront, 2 SHE backs down, 3 U relax again, 4 SHE crys, 5 U feel bad, 6 SHE manipulates again, 7 U get hacked off but stay quiet, 8 SHE plays her games, 9 U have had enough and back to step 1. You really need to sort this out in ur own head. Make a decision. Execute your decision and stick to it, for ur own benifit.0
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this so called friend must have some self esteem issues of her own so she tries to drag you down to make herself feel better about herself. Personally, I would tell her to stop with the BS or the friendship isn't gonna last much longer. Friends should be there for each other and supporting each other. Myself, I don't give a rats *kitten* what people think of me or what I do with my life. If they have an issue I bid them farewell. Hope you have a great weekend and best of luck at reaching your goals and with your situation.0
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If she were a true friend, she would be supporting you, not trying to sabotage you. She's jealous, probably because she's afraid that you'll be successful, and she won't be "the pretty one" anymore. She's also very immature, and she shows that by trying to make you do things to get her bf to hate you. What's the purpose of that? So she can be more important.
She's controlling, and will continue to try to demean you and make your life miserable. You should find new friends - she is not a good person to be around. It's time to stop making excuses for her. Your allowing her to act out is enabling her. She won't know that her antics are not acceptable until somebody tells her to stop. Be the mature person in this relationship - or drop her as a friend.0 -
First... whats OP stand for?
@willy : i never looked at it that way but thats exactly the pattern! I felt bad and would do whatever she wanted to "make it up to her" etc . Its going to be tough getting rid of her >_<
@ savage: thank you. Yea i thought that maybe shes insecure but it seems IMPOSSIBLE. i swear its like walking with a hollywood star. Thats how much attention she gets0 -
^^^ What he said ...Shut the front door.
Seriously, put her on the other side of it and...shut the front door.0 -
@mz : i agree. Its just so hard
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@ jolene: yes, your right. I did allow her to manipulate me and probably do that with everyone because i want to hold onto the friendship. Sick of loosing people. Something i need to work on .
Honey, new friends can always be made even though it takes time. Don't hold onto moldy garbage just because you can't find something better on the shelves. What you have isn't a friendship. What you have is basic emotional abuse. She messes with you and then makes it like she's the victim or that something that's a big deal really isn't just because she says so.
Really, just tell her straight up you're done and walk away. Don't let her have the chance to say anything back. She's had her chance to talk and it's all been trash. Delete her number, block her online if you have contact that way, block her number if you have to, and just steer clear of places she frequents when you know she frequents them. Chances are she'll throw a major hissy fit, tell anyone that'll listen how awful you are (and if they know you, they should know better), and then she'll be over it. If she makes begging attempts I'd be surprised, but really considering what her view on this "friendship" is, it would be like taking a toy from a toddler. They get mad, they fuss, then they find something else to play with.0
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