LADIES HELP! a mother's struggle - what do MFPERS suggest?

momof4ts · June 2012

Okay, I need to know what you would suggest when it comes to children and them needing to lose weight. Here is my situation.

I have three boys and a husband that are thin athletic and muscular. They can eat anything they want and NOT gain a pound!!!! Gggrrr......in fact my husband NEEDS the 40 pounds i am trying to loose. How is that fair in our world?!?!?! My daughter and i are different. I have NEVER been a twig but more BIG BONED 130 when i married 20 years ago, 150 after 3 babies but have slowly gain 40 pounds and GREW a STOMACH since turned 40 about 3 years ago. I was 190 when i started MFP 3 weeks ago but as of today am down about 7 pounds. I decided this summer i was going to be INTENTIONAL and get some weight OFF!! I could not believe how horrid i looked in my classroom end of the year picture!!!! So i am doing it! No more excuses!:sad:

Now to my daughter she is 10 years old and the youngest child. Slowly over the past two years she has become very obese. Mainly in her stomach She has stretch marks all over from the rapide weight gain!! Last week i thought for sure she would loose some weight as she had soccer camp for 3 hours inthe mornings and bball camp in the evenings. But instead she gained a half a pound. Then has gain 3 pounds since FRIDAY!!! She currently weighs 155 at age 10!!!! I originally planned on her and i working together this summer, but she has no interest AT ALL! I have to force her to ride her bike as i walk my morning 2.5 miles. But most days she simply will not go without me totally MAKING HER!!

Okay so how much should i PUSH or force her to just DO IT?!? I started the 17 day diet a week ago and would like to make her do it with me as it targets belly fat, but i have not MADE her yet. Something is just holding me back - why? I dont know, i feel cruel maybe? I dont want to hurt hher feelings but i know that junior high is coming and kids are CRUEL!!

She used to be themost outgoing social butterfly and happy friendly girl ever, but i have noticed her becoming more stand offish and shy the past year. I wonder if it is her weight gain??? Now she totally lacks self confidence and desire. She is a gifted athlete but i have had to force her lately to continue in sports.

I really believe we are at a crossroad with her and i KNOW which one i want her to be on! The path to health and activity and not the other path! With my children i have always taken a stand to the NON- NEGOTIABLES inlife, like drinking drugs church etc. I have never had to take a stand for health but now i believe i need t! I fear her life depends on it! Her brothers anddad have totally tried to encourage her also. They worry about wwhat is ahead for her if we dont get a handle on this situation!

Does this make any sense? I am at a loss as to what to do for her? Do i make her eat only certain things? Do i make her exercise? Do we do a sticker chart with goals? Is this a perfect case for TOUGH LOVE? Or would that be over reacting?

PLEASE give me your input!!! If there was an MFP for kids i know she would totally love that and that may motivate her! Is there one?

What do you wish your mother would have done for you?

Thanks for any help you can give!!

A concerned mother

freerangehuman · June 2012

This is such a tough topic! Have you thought about taking her to a counselor or a nutritionist? She could be in a cycle that she's having a hard time getting out of....I went through that at that age. I was shy and socially awkward because of my weight, so I dealt with it by eating more...thus the cycle keeps going. AND...she's about the age when kids start thinking that their parents are dumb and don't know anything. Sometimes an outsider can help give her a different perspective. Just a thought.

momof4ts · June 2012

I have thought about it! But not sure how she would handle that! She is so sensitive! She is so precious!

caraiselite · June 2012

you are her mother. you dictate what she eats, and you need make her exercise. period.

stop letting her walk all over you!

kids are cruel. you do not want her to hate you when she gets older for letting her be fat her whole life. trust me. nip that in the bud now.

stretch12d · June 2012

I would definitely consider this a 'tough love' kind of situation. She's sooooo young. You are the parent, you buy the groceries - make the right choices for your family. She needs to learn how to eat healthy (delicious) foods so that she can continue to make those healthy choices for the rest of her life.

Put your foot down, give her only food choices that are healthy, and of course control the portions! Insist that she gets out and gets exercise. Use incentives, anything... maybe a trip to a mall where you agree to make so many laps, followed up by a movie (with healthy snakcs packed beforehand so to avoid all of the unhealthy treats in the theater)...or maybe a little something from her favorite store... something, anything. I'm a mom of a 2 year old boy - I've never had to deal with this, and don't know if this comes even remotely close to being the right solution, but my heart breaks for your daughter, thinking of what she'll have to face with her peers, and the struggles that go along with it. There's a good chance she will battle this her whole life if not nipped in the bud now.

I hope that you find ta way to get her on track to a healthy life. It's got to be tough to be in that situation, and I wish you (and your daughter!!) nothing but the best on your journeys to becoming healthy & happy!

DeeDee2211 · June 2012

Talk to her Dr. about this, he or she may be able to recommend you to the right people for her to see, also make sure she doesn`t have any health issues. Good luck.

peeneenut · June 2012

What about trying a zumba class together? They are super fun & don't even feel like exercise....
As far as the food goes, I understand where you're coming from. My husband eats anything & everything & constantly buys unhealthy food & never gains a pound... As hard as it is, (I know because I'm going through the same thing) we as parents have to be good examples.... If we can keep our houses stocked with healthy foods, they (& us) will eventually learn to love them....and just keep encouraging her to be active & keep up with the sports she is good at.
Good luck with everything!

lilorphann · June 2012

My son is 16 and in the last year has lost 125 pounds. I blame myself for ever letting him get to such an unhealthy weight. When he started last year, he was nearly 300 pounds. And had steadily gained weight since about 8 years old. He endured lots of teasing and name calling.
Cutting out fast foods, fried foods, sodas, chips, candy, cookies, and junk is what did it for him. Plus, we did it as a family. He does exercise by walking and running now.
This past year in school, he was voted the vice president of his student body and voted most likely to succeed.
You definitely need to get control of your daughter's eating habits now.

DarkNebula84 · June 2012

Honestly, as a mother of 3 myself....You lost me when you said diet and your child in the same sentence! You do NOT want to put your child on a diet at 10 years old, that is just going to set her up for failure and she could possibly go through the rest of her life struggling with body image. She is a child! She needs to eat the right things and stay away from the bad things like processed foods and sugary drinks. She needs to go out and play and not sit around. Take her to the pediatrician and ask him or her for their thoughts as well. My daughter has been big since the day she was born and she is 10 as well, right now she is 110 and very tall for her age. She always looked plump up til this year, she grew into it and really looks great and carries herself well! It will take some time for her...and you

do not get discouraged, let her be a kid, motivate her and love her, compliment her and talk to her like a young lady because that is what she really needs right now, she doesn't want to feel like a little child or a disappointment. Good luck dear :flowerforyou: .

rcb1963 · June 2012

Her pediatrician is a good place to start. After talking with the doctor, you may want to have a talk with your husband and get his help too. Maybe a family exercise outing-walk in the park,trip to the beach throwing the frisbee, bike riding would be encouraging too.

ocliao · June 2012

4-2-1-0 what the pediatrician recommends for my 11 yr old. I should apply it to myself also 4 veggies a day 2 hours max elecronics 1 hour exercise 0 soda juice, diet soda

she also joined a swim team. did really well and gained friends, not weight
but she did get the swim cap that reads, "If swimming is supposed to be good for my figure, how do you explain whales?"

sarahrbraun · June 2012

I think the thing to do is to get the *boys* on board with you, and strive to have the WHOLE family eat as healthy as possible. My kids will eat constantly, so I strive to make the healthiest foods available for easy snacking--right now the favorites are berries and bell pepper strips. I wash the berries and put them in a mason jar in the fridge. The bell peppers I slice and put into a bag with a paper towel to absorb condensation. Because I have adopted a lower carb eating style, I eat a lot of salads. My daughter has begun modelling me and asking for a salad too. I make koolaid to drink, but I only put 1/2 cup of sugar in it, and I use 3qts of water instead of 2. Since it is summer, I have been buying ice cream--but I buy the 100 calorie portions from klondike.

When I think they have spent too much time on the play station, I take the controllers and they have to go outside and play for a few hours before they can have them back. I take my 6yo to the Y with me, and he is very active during "kid time". depending on who is awake, sometimes I take my 12yo daughter or my 16yo son with me--both have been on treadmills next to me!

kfitzs · June 2012

just make sure she knows that u love her and that she is beautiful and there is nothing wrong with her as a kid i had parents pushing me for all the right reasons (not weight related but related to appearance) and while they had the best intensions all i could think was why cant they love me for the way i am and it made me rebel against treatment so you really need to find away to get across the health implications if she doesn't lose weight and that thats the only reason why u think she needs to and just provide her with the right diet luckily as a kid she doesn't really have a choice in that its all up to you

kimmieyr1 · June 2012

Have you had your daughter see a doctor if the weight gain was rapid? I was diagnosed at age 11 with hypothyroidism. Rapid weight gain was my biggest symptom and culprit.

hdsqrl · June 2012

When my daughter was around the ages of 10-14, she was a fair bit rounder than she should have been, and now that she's 18, she absolutely hates looking at photos of herself back then. It turned out to be a case of growing "out" before she grew "up". Now, that said, she does still battle a bit of extra weight, despite 14 years of soccer and 4 years of competitive dance...all the women on my mom's side have hips and thighs like mad, and she and I are no exception.

Do I think you should "put her on a diet"? No. Do I think you should make an effort to not purchase junk food and encourage more fruits, etc? Of course. And of course encourage daily movement, but do it because it's healthy for everyone, not because she, specifically, has gotten bigger. I can guarantee you that she knows she's larger than her friends, and that she feels a bit badly because of it, but she'll also likely deny that's the truth if you ask her directly.

Do what you can to live a good example for her to follow, engage her help in fixing healthy meals, etc. One trick I did with both of my kids is I'd enlist their help in menu planning, and they each had to cook (or help cook) a meal of their choosing every week. It got them in the kitchen, got them interested in learning new techniques (I'd hoped they'd want to try new foods, but that wasn't the case) and helped prepare them for life.

I wish you the best...It's a tough position to be in, I know. :flowerforyou:

navysdg · June 2012

I'm not a mom, but I have battled my weight and my body perception since a child/ young adult. If you haven't involved her Family doctor or Pediatrician, I would. It's important to make sure that this is a simple case of too many calories in and not enough burned. There is nothing like taking a stand for health and nutrition, only to find out it's an undiagnosed medical condition. My family was very similar to yours growing up. My mom, sister and cousin could eat almost anything, but the same wasn't true for me and my father. Sometimes it takes the whole family eating healthier to have success and just cooking larger amounts for those with higher metabolisms. Good luck.

kelseyhere · June 2012

This is a very difficult topic, I agree though that you should never put a 10-year-old on a "diet." She needs to start forming life long healthy eating habits now while she is young. Don't talk to her in terms of "diet" or she'll start to resent you for it. Instead, slowly start incorporating new things into the routine until it becomes normal for her.

Why not one night a week have her help you make dinner? You can try new, healthy recipes together. She will be much more inclined to eat a meal she helped prepare. It will also help her confidence to cook for her family. Each cooking night will be a mini nutrition lesson as well. You can even let her pick the main ingredient, say chicken, and then design a healthy meal around that.

Another thing I will suggest is enlisting the help of her brothers. It might be different if she hears it coming from them rather then from you. Maybe she doesn't want to work out with mom, but would want to swim with her brother.

Good luck. I am glad that you are doing something about it before it gets any worse, there are too many parents that just don't care these days. She's about to enter middle school and we all know how cruel a bunch of 7th graders can be.

anacsitham5 · June 2012

As with everyone else, this is just my opinion. Unfortunately, it does sound as though she is obese. No 10 year old should weigh that much unless she is about 5'7". What does she eat in a normal day? I agree that the pediatrician could help. He/she needs to sit her down and explain it to her. In 5 years she will be glad you did. I also agree that it shouldn't be a "diet" but she should be taught the correct things to eat. Don't allow the processed foods, snack foods, etc... in the house, period. Load up on fruits and veggies, make nutritious meals. Desserts aren't a mandatory meal. Healthy snacks are fine. TV is fine, but there should be guidelines. In order to watch TV for 30 minutes you need to be active for 60. I would skip "cheat" days as that will cause binge eating. Good luck!

SmallMimi · June 2012

Why are kids so difficult? My sister's son was also heavy as a child, she never took the time or spent the energy to help him understand what he was doing to himself. She always used the excuse "He's a growing boy". Well her growing boy never stopped growing and at the age of 31 is now in excess of 400 pounds. I agree with the majority that a visit to the pediatrician should be your first stop. Then whethter she and the rest of the family like it or not, only provide healthy food choices. So you are not so much making her "diet" as you are only providing the better choices in foods.

mcarter99 · June 2012

I agree with 'talk to her doctor'.

I hate to suggest dieting for a kid that age but maybe just education and maybe she'll choose to diet?

I have mixed feelings about this one but just fyi- WW is free for kids who go with a paying adult. It's a great program with a good education component and she might find it fun. Or it might be awful to her to begin dieting so young.

It's a tough, tough thing. I don't envy you. I'm so hesitant to cause food 'issues' in girls I'd be tempted to try to get her more active and eating better without a lot of overt manipulation.

I think maybe the most important thing too is for you to lead by example. Tell her why you eat healthy and what the (non-appearance) benefits are in terms she'll appreciate. Being able to do more, feel better about yourself, etc. (not cancer, diabetes, etc.)

Good luck!

going2befit4ever · June 2012

try and find out what she likes we have 6 children 5 skinny fit who also take after dad and one who would never do nowt loved to read and bake the others played lots of sports and that changed when we got a trampoline and the one who could jump the longest could give one chore to a parent she took 7 weeks but lost weight trying and buildling her endurance and totally enjoyed giving up the dreaded compost and garbage detail up for a week

LADIES HELP! a mother's struggle - what do MFPERS suggest?

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