How do you feel about this article?

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  • faefaith
    faefaith Posts: 433 Member
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    Sounds like 'opp' to me.
    And by that I meant Other People's Problems. The judgement is about their own fear. It has nothing to do with you. You are beautiful and brave and an inspiration. Something I do when someone behaves out of line or makes a comment that gets under my skin... I say to myself..."That has nothing to do with me. That is about them and their issues." And I find that it helps me to disconnect from any negativity and go about my day. Good Luck!
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    I haven't really had this problem...when men hear how much I have lost, they realize how much work it takes. I often will recommend something fitness related for dates...I'd rather go dancing than a movie, I order healthy options at dinner and am not shy about it, I'd rather go hiking or a walk in the park than meet for coffee. Anyway, the fact that I am in much better shape now, most of the time they find it a turn-on.
  • sofitheteacup
    sofitheteacup Posts: 397 Member
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    It's kinda like, you've been to prison but have since straightened your life up, you've still been to prison.

    You mean that's the way people treat you, right (like you're an ex-con)? You're not really suggesting that being a former fatty is actually comparible to being a convicted criminial, are you?

    Pretty sure she meant the former not the latter.
  • SarahSwimmer
    SarahSwimmer Posts: 125 Member
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    I dated a guy who thought it was hot that I lost weight when he noticed I had to safety pin all my skirts. He was a basketball player and never had to worry about not looking good, so I think he just liked the idea that someone could control their own outcome with conscious thought.
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
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    WTH! I haven't read the article but people's attitudes about obese people make me sick. So you were big so what? Does being big make someone a bad person? I don't think so. Can I slap your mother-in-law for you?
    Devil's advocate time!

    No it doesn't make them a bad person, but it DOES put them in a category of people who most likely have poor impulse control and or possible addiction issues. Those are serious things to consider when choosing a life partner.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    I've had a different experience.

    I found a picture of myself from a couple of years ago, and people don't actually remember me being that fat. They only know the new and improved me. Short attention span, I guess.
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
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    I haven't really had this problem...when men hear how much I have lost, they realize how much work it takes. I often will recommend something fitness related for dates...I'd rather go dancing than a movie, I order healthy options at dinner and am not shy about it, I'd rather go hiking or a walk in the park than meet for coffee. Anyway, the fact that I am in much better shape now, most of the time they find it a turn-on.

    Good point, this is also true... the time and work it takes to change your life and lose a significant amount of weight can show that a person can accomplish goals that are impossible for the majority of people. That is certainly be a positive attribute when choosing a partner.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    I haven't really had this problem...when men hear how much I have lost, they realize how much work it takes. I often will recommend something fitness related for dates...I'd rather go dancing than a movie, I order healthy options at dinner and am not shy about it, I'd rather go hiking or a walk in the park than meet for coffee. Anyway, the fact that I am in much better shape now, most of the time they find it a turn-on.

    Good point, this is also true... the time and work it takes to change your life and lose a significant amount of weight can show that a person can accomplish goals that are impossible for the majority of people. That is certainly be a positive attribute when choosing a partner.

    That and confidence is completely sexy...those who have lost weight sometimes still have "fat mind" as I call it. Where you look in the mirror and still see the fat girl and doesn't feel completley confident about herself. That is more a turn-off than being formerly obese.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    Wow that is weird and disturbing!
  • jackie2866
    jackie2866 Posts: 62 Member
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    I second the slapping. :explode:
    Yeah she sounds like a real gem. Can I get in line for the slapping?
  • jmilian825
    jmilian825 Posts: 193 Member
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    wow...... um just wow.....:noway:....
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
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    I would think that it shows that you are a determined, goal-oriented, hardworking, committed individual, because you were able to change the fact that you were obese and became a fit, healthy individual. Just my opinion.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
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    I read an article the other day, and am surprised I haven't seen anything on the boards here about it. To summarize the article, it stated that they did a study that showed a woman who was once obese and is now thin is considered less attractive than a woman who has always been thin. That the stigma of obesity still exists even if you are no longer obese.

    Has anyone else dealt with that issue? I have. Prior to meeting my husband, I noticed almost instant changes in guys I would date when they learned I used to be obese. They would start watching me eat, when they never had before. We would stop having dessert when we went out. And the relationships all fizzled within weeks of my previous weight struggle being revealed- when no other problem existed prior to it. My husband's family even told him not to marry me because I used to be fat, and that I would probably get fat again, and have fat children. At least they didn't try to hide it I guess- but my MIL has often said she would rather die early of cancer from smoking cigarettes and be thin, than live longer and be fat from quitting. She said this with a tracheotomy in her throat from the throat cancer she now has. She still smokes with the trach.

    Anyhow, if you haven't read it, the article link is below:

    http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/05/study-were-biased-against-obese-people-even-if-they-get-thin/257898/

    What the H3ll is wrong with your in laws? First of all IF you have been fat before, the likely-hood of going back to that lifestyle is slim (pun intended), simply cause you've been there, done that and will not go back. The possibility of someone being super skinny then gaining weight as they age is a common possibility.
  • msmindylee
    msmindylee Posts: 61
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    When I met my husband, he was heavy, and he lost 65 lbs while we were dating. About a year after we got married, we were visiting his family back east and one of them remarked on what a "big guy" he was. Except he wasn't any more (not particularly tall, either).

    But this particular family member (a nephew) couldn't even see him differently. I thought THAT was kinda sad.
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
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    We're told on this board many times how something like 80% of those that lose weight will regain the weight and maybe more. So, knowing this, why wouldn't someone be concerned that someone maybe got thin in order to find a mate and then will let themselves go once they are in a relationship?

    This happened to me. Twice in the last ten years I've lost weight to get down to a healthy weight (50+ pounds), found a girlfriend and then put the weight back on. I felt like I had done a bait and switch. It really wasn't fair to them. People may not like it, but it makes some sense to suspect future behavior will match past behavior. Most of the time, you'll be right.
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
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    Another devil's advocate angle... if you were romantically involved with a person and found out they spent 20+ years of their life morbidly obese (even though they were now thinner and healthier) would you possibly wonder:

    "Does this person have a shortened life span?"

    "If we were to marry will this person die early and leave me alone without a partner?"

    Now I don't know stats or medical figures on formerly obese people and life spans, but both of those seem like reasonable questions that might occur to someone, and I can see how they might negatively affect a person's "attractiveness".

    I know, it's cold and analytical - but it's not unreasonable to consider.
  • Skeena4
    Skeena4 Posts: 209 Member
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    ...my MIL has often said she would rather die early of cancer from smoking cigarettes and be thin, than live longer and be fat from quitting. She said this with a tracheotomy in her throat from the throat cancer she now has. She still smokes with the trach.

    I hope your MIL has lots of life insurance to leave you a big FAT inheritance. ;)

    ^^^^ this!!! Hahaha - that's awesome!
  • Jupitermermaid
    Jupitermermaid Posts: 270 Member
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    Last year I started dating a guy after loosing 49 pounds. When we would run into people I know they would tell me how wonderful I looked. He said that he couldn't imagine me ever being "fat." Wellllllll.........we went on a couple of back-to-back vacations, and I gained 7 pounds. He asked me if I was going to lose it, and I told him yes. Apparantly, I didn't lose it fast enough, because he stopped calling me and didn't return the couple of calls I made to him. Since then, I've lost 20 more pounds and wear a size 4-6 (I was a 10 when we were going out).

    I ran into him three months ago and he asked me what "finally" motivated me to lose the weight. I responded that I was a much happier person than I was last year so didn't feel the need to compensate with food. It went over his head, and now he's been bugging me to go back out with him. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................not a chance, baby......not a chance!!!
  • Shock_Wave
    Shock_Wave Posts: 1,573 Member
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    I hope your MIL has lots of life insurance to leave you a big FAT inheritance. ;)

    ^^^^ this!!! Hahaha - that's awesome!
    Really????? Thats still her husbands mother...
    :frown:.............................................................. :frown:
    fail-thumbs-down.american-apparel-unisex-fitted-tee.white.w760h760.jpg
  • Shock_Wave
    Shock_Wave Posts: 1,573 Member
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    ..del

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