lack of support issues
alisha11
Posts: 41 Member
So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.
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Replies
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I dont have any support either. My family thinks im going through a phase.0
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Sounds like my family when I was younger, they would tell me "You look fine the way you are, why change?" I always partially blamed them for not supporting me when I needed it most, I ended up telling myself that I really was fine and gained even more, now I need to lose weight even more! Don't let them get you down sometimes you just have to start on your own, change little things and acheive small goals! Add me if you need a support buddy!0
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So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.
Here's my story. I know how you feel about wanting support and a work out buddy. I tried for 2 years to get friends and family to join me in walking, to take a yoga class, whatever. Finally I just had to do it on my own. I realized that it wasn't so much about wanting support, but about being insecure about being on my own without a comforting buffer of a friendly face. Once I came to that realization I decided to face the insecurity head on and started to branch out on my own. Further on down the line I started to enjoy the time to myself, meeting new people, and reaping the benefits of getting my health in check. I was at about 200 after the birth of my son. I'm down to 175 and still have 25 to go to my goal. I did it for myself, by myself.
So, my advice is to do what you know is right for you. Sure, it would be great to have a partner in it but maybe he isn't ready for that. You are. It's your time, do what you know you can do. Maybe after he sees how determined and healthy you are he will realize that he's ready to join you. Until then, be your own best cheerleader. You got this!0 -
find someone at the gym... or something...
my 15 yo is away at school now... but when he is home we go together and work out... we have mini competitions
I wouldn't try to force the issue with the spouse... he MAY intrepret your "please go with me" as "I think you are a fat slob and you need to change"... weight loss/getting fit has to be something that you decide to do personally and not to feel pressured into...0 -
Are any of the things you want to do activities he likes?0
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Are any of the things you want to do activities he likes?
He used to be really active but the activities he used to like; biking, swimming and such he doesn't show much interest in anymore, feels as if he's embarrassed to do them...0 -
my husband supports me, but he won't go work out either! He does have a job where he is on his feet & he burns way too many calories, so I understand why he won't join me. He does praise me & encourage me and hopefully your man will. Maybe if ya compromise...like take a walk together, go swimming, hiking, etc...then later you can treat him with your specail treat ....I do & it works wonders! :drinker:0
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Any of you who would like to can add me as a friend. I'm generous with the support, but too many of my friends aren't. Just please include a short message. :-)0
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Yeah I'm afraid of that happening but at this point I just feel like I'm being undermined even when we go grocery shopping he wants spaghettios, and chips, and cookies, I try offering up different suggestions and I get a look like "are you nuts?"find someone at the gym... or something...
my 15 yo is away at school now... but when he is home we go together and work out... we have mini competitions
I wouldn't try to force the issue with the spouse... he MAY intrepret your "please go with me" as "I think you are a fat slob and you need to change"... weight loss/getting fit has to be something that you decide to do personally and not to feel pressured into...0 -
Sometimes the only thing you can do is be a good example and hope it catches on.
If that doesn't work, smack'em with a telephone book and tell'm to get his *kitten* in gear.0 -
I joined my gym originally BECAUSE some of my friends encouraged me to "come exercise with us!" How many times did they actually go when I did? ONE TIME!! Eventually I came to really appreciate my alone time at the gym. I take a good book, prop it up on a cardio machine and enjoy my mostly uninterrupted "me" time. I come home re-energized and refreshed, having had as much time to work out (or not) as I chose.
Maybe in time your husband will see how much fun you're having with this or that activity and he'll want to join in? If not, the important thing is that you enjoy it. If you don't, you won't keep it up. Swimming, biking, running, walking, karate...whatever you choose to do for your fitness and well being, have fun, and good luck with your journey towards better health and feeling great!0 -
I think that's what the issue is, I'm just super insecure, but another part of me just really wants him to get in shape too, what steps did you take to branch out?So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.
Here's my story. I know how you feel about wanting support and a work out buddy. I tried for 2 years to get friends and family to join me in walking, to take a yoga class, whatever. Finally I just had to do it on my own. I realized that it wasn't so much about wanting support, but about being insecure about being on my own without a comforting buffer of a friendly face. Once I came to that realization I decided to face the insecurity head on and started to branch out on my own. Further on down the line I started to enjoy the time to myself, meeting new people, and reaping the benefits of getting my health in check. I was at about 200 after the birth of my son. I'm down to 175 and still have 25 to go to my goal. I did it for myself, by myself.
So, my advice is to do what you know is right for you. Sure, it would be great to have a partner in it but maybe he isn't ready for that. You are. It's your time, do what you know you can do. Maybe after he sees how determined and healthy you are he will realize that he's ready to join you. Until then, be your own best cheerleader. You got this!0 -
Just do it yourself. My partner is quite overweight, smokes, eats horribly and has a congenital heart problem and he still won't walk with me. I just have to wait until he finally gets to the point where its not just talk.0
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I'm getting to that point!! I just don't know how to get him motivated, it's like we're speaking a different language. He has a gym membership that he wanted but doesn't use, and he says he doesn't have energy for anything but I'm pretty sure it's because of what he eats, and his sedentary lifestyle...Sometimes the only thing you can do is be a good example and hope it catches on.
If that doesn't work, smack'em with a telephone book and tell'm to get his *kitten* in gear.0 -
My hubby never walks or exercises, other than bedroom activity. lol He will eat healthy with me, cause I cook his food, again lol. I used to have a friend be my exercise partner, but she bailed on me, so after about 2 weeks just skipping exercise cause I didn't have a partner. I saw the number on my scale go back up. That's when I decided to just go it alone. I just grab my headphones, listen to music, and dance walk around my local nature trails. I dance my *kitten* off in my Zumba class. It's all so much fun, even if
I have to do it alone0 -
Do you do any group activities at the gym?0
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You start getting healthy first, for you and if he's interested he'll see you and what you've accomplished and decide he needs it to. There is nothing you can do about him. You may need to make new friends that have the same time as you do. Take a Zumba class and meet those girls. If you have a class you don't like then find another. I love my Zumba instructor and will be sad to see her go. She will be off for a while having a baby. But not just yet. I kept telling my husband that I could be alone all by myself and if he didn't start sticking around and doing things with me I would do just that...well guess I lied cause we are still together and still not doing things together. But I found people at work that wanted to go exercise, walk and zumba so I go do some kind of exercise every day.0
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my husband supports me, but he won't go work out either! He does have a job where he is on his feet & he burns way too many calories, so I understand why he won't join me. He does praise me & encourage me and hopefully your man will. Maybe if ya compromise...like take a walk together, go swimming, hiking, etc...then later you can treat him with your specail treat ....I do & it works wonders! :drinker:
even though my man doesn't exercise with me, he is way supportive too. Always praising and telling me I'm doing a great job, and I'm looking good. He always complemented me before I started this journey too 0 -
Thanks for all the great suggestions! Yes, I think going it alone may just be what I have to do. I do go to classes at the gym I haven't much lately being that it's summer and want to do more outside, but hopefully soon it'll click for him and he'll go to or something. If anyone needs support like me add me! I'm great at giving advice just trying to learn to take some of it myself! haha0
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My hubby never walks or exercises, other than bedroom activity. lol He will eat healthy with me, cause I cook his food, again lol. I used to have a friend be my exercise partner, but she bailed on me, so after about 2 weeks just skipping exercise cause I didn't have a partner. I saw the number on my scale go back up. That's when I decided to just go it alone. I just grab my headphones, listen to music, and dance walk around my local nature trails. I dance my *kitten* off in my Zumba class. It's all so much fun, even if
I have to do it alone
I love Zumba, I'm not the best at it yet but I will be one day. Did the whole hour today and I've never done that so I'm getting better0 -
I am in a similar situation. My husband desperately needs to lose weight and focus on his health but he is just not willing right now. I decided that if I wait for him to "be ready", I will probably die of complication of obesity before he does...that is just my luck. So here I am, one month and nine pounds lost and I am so determined that I will lose the weight this time. Just hoping and praying that he sees that it is possible and jumps on the bandwagon. You can't make someone want to be active and lose weight. So, maybe you can search for MFP members in your area and you could get together to work out. That is what I did and I am meeting up with my new friend next week! Good luck and stay strong!0
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I think that's what the issue is, I'm just super insecure, but another part of me just really wants him to get in shape too, what steps did you take to branch out?So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.
Here's my story. I know how you feel about wanting support and a work out buddy. I tried for 2 years to get friends and family to join me in walking, to take a yoga class, whatever. Finally I just had to do it on my own. I realized that it wasn't so much about wanting support, but about being insecure about being on my own without a comforting buffer of a friendly face. Once I came to that realization I decided to face the insecurity head on and started to branch out on my own. Further on down the line I started to enjoy the time to myself, meeting new people, and reaping the benefits of getting my health in check. I was at about 200 after the birth of my son. I'm down to 175 and still have 25 to go to my goal. I did it for myself, by myself.
So, my advice is to do what you know is right for you. Sure, it would be great to have a partner in it but maybe he isn't ready for that. You are. It's your time, do what you know you can do. Maybe after he sees how determined and healthy you are he will realize that he's ready to join you. Until then, be your own best cheerleader. You got this!
I started with just baby steps... saying "hi" to strangers, going shopping on my own, went and volunteered at a horse rescue (a passion of mine) where I didn't know anyone. Anything that seemed "uncomfortable" in my mind. Then things came easier. I started walking on my own. Dropped in on a zumba class solo. And I still have other "just me" goals that I want to reach. Basically, just do things that are outside of your comfort zone. You'll start to feel more and more sure of yourself and independent. It will do wonders for your self esteem.0 -
Stop pestering him. You don't need support, this is YOUR journey.
After a while, when he's ready, maybe he'll want to join you. Or maybe he'll want to do it alone.
Let the man breathe.
How would you feel if someone had started harassing you about your lifestyle before you were ready to change?0 -
There MAY be some hope for your husband. Mine also refused to so much as go for a walk with me for the first 10 months. But when he started seeing me get stopped by co-workers and asked "what are you doing, you look fantastic" he started to join me. He was quite shocked that I could kick his *kitten*, fitness wise (I've never been an athlete, he used to be) when the walks included some hills. Slowly but surely, he's pushed himself, and is now down almost 30 lbs. He doesn't do much more than a weekly hike and maybe a walk or two during the week, but it's a start.
I say just keep doing what you're doing, even if it means you're out there by yourself everyday. YOU have to do it FOR YOU. When he sees you getting healthier (and doesn't feel like you're "nagging him to join you" he will do what most males do: think they came up with this GREAT IDEA to join you all on their own (like you had nothing to do with it...LOL.)0 -
Stop pestering him. You don't need support, this is YOUR journey.
After a while, when he's ready, maybe he'll want to join you. Or maybe he'll want to do it alone.
Let the man breathe.
How would you feel if someone had started harassing you about your lifestyle before you were ready to change?
Usually I only casually bring it up like "Hey lets go for a walk" and then I get turned down, so I go, but it's funny because usually when I get back is when I hear him say, "I'm so sick of looking this way" or something to that effect. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. But really if someone would have pressured me to change my lifestyle earlier I think I would have been better off than where I am today.0 -
Sound like something my hubby would do, yep just going to try to keep up what I'm doing and hope he comes along for the ride!There MAY be some hope for your husband. Mine also refused to so much as go for a walk with me for the first 10 months. But when he started seeing me get stopped by co-workers and asked "what are you doing, you look fantastic" he started to join me. He was quite shocked that I could kick his *kitten*, fitness wise (I've never been an athlete, he used to be) when the walks included some hills. Slowly but surely, he's pushed himself, and is now down almost 30 lbs. He doesn't do much more than a weekly hike and maybe a walk or two during the week, but it's a start.
I say just keep doing what you're doing, even if it means you're out there by yourself everyday. YOU have to do it FOR YOU. When he sees you getting healthier (and doesn't feel like you're "nagging him to join you" he will do what most males do: think they came up with this GREAT IDEA to join you all on their own (like you had nothing to do with it...LOL.)0 -
Stop pestering him. You don't need support, this is YOUR journey.
After a while, when he's ready, maybe he'll want to join you. Or maybe he'll want to do it alone.
Let the man breathe.
How would you feel if someone had started harassing you about your lifestyle before you were ready to change?
Usually I only casually bring it up like "Hey lets go for a walk" and then I get turned down, so I go, but it's funny because usually when I get back is when I hear him say, "I'm so sick of looking this way" or something to that effect. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. But really if someone would have pressured me to change my lifestyle earlier I think I would have been better off than where I am today.
I find it amazing how I can mention something to my husband one time and if it's something he doesn't want to hear I am "constantly nagging him".
Just let it fester with him. I try to do the same with my husband and the more I keep quiet and do my thing the more interested he gets.
I know how you feel... I wish my husband would have said something like "WIFE YOU ARE GETTING FAT PUT DOWN THE CHEETOS" before I gained so much weight. Although I may have killed him it would have given me the kick I needed haha But you know men, it always has to be their idea
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Agreed, it's funny he used to be way more athletic than me and it's like we've traded places!Stop pestering him. You don't need support, this is YOUR journey.
After a while, when he's ready, maybe he'll want to join you. Or maybe he'll want to do it alone.
Let the man breathe.
How would you feel if someone had started harassing you about your lifestyle before you were ready to change?
Usually I only casually bring it up like "Hey lets go for a walk" and then I get turned down, so I go, but it's funny because usually when I get back is when I hear him say, "I'm so sick of looking this way" or something to that effect. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. But really if someone would have pressured me to change my lifestyle earlier I think I would have been better off than where I am today.
I find it amazing how I can mention something to my husband one time and if it's something he doesn't want to hear I am "constantly nagging him".
Just let it fester with him. I try to do the same with my husband and the more I keep quiet and do my thing the more interested he gets.
I know how you feel... I wish my husband would have said something like "WIFE YOU ARE GETTING FAT PUT DOWN THE CHEETOS" before I gained so much weight. Although I may have killed him it would have given me the kick I needed haha But you know men, it always has to be their idea0 -
I recently started back at the gym and I've been begging my boyfriend to come with me! I have a free pass for him and everything so he can try it out. But he just does NOT want to. He has given me every excuse in the book for why he can't go, even though I have countered with a solution to each excuses. Logic has no place here, I guess. LOL And while I don't mind going to the gym alone, I wish he'd be more supportive, too. He's not exactly Mr. Universe at this point. But ultimately, just like it's our decision to get in shape, it has to be their decision to do it too. it sucks, but I've found a lot of support online and even at the gym. There's only so much you can do!0
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Thanks for all the great suggestions! Yes, I think going it alone may just be what I have to do. I do go to classes at the gym I haven't much lately being that it's summer and want to do more outside, but hopefully soon it'll click for him and he'll go to or something. If anyone needs support like me add me! I'm great at giving advice just trying to learn to take some of it myself! haha
Dude...you have me to go to the gym every day with you, listen to the advice: GO WITH ME!
Since I won't be working 3rds anymore, we're also starting up our nightly jogs and we have a route by your house that we do. We should do it. Could start the Couch 2 5k if you want. Seriously, partner right here willing to exercise with you! *waves and points* Let's do this!0
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