lack of support issues

So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.

Here's my story. I know how you feel about wanting support and a work out buddy. I tried for 2 years to get friends and family to join me in walking, to take a yoga class, whatever. Finally I just had to do it on my own. I realized that it wasn't so much about wanting support, but about being insecure about being on my own without a comforting buffer of a friendly face. Once I came to that realization I decided to face the insecurity head on and started to branch out on my own. Further on down the line I started to enjoy the time to myself, meeting new people, and reaping the benefits of getting my health in check. I was at about 200 after the birth of my son. I'm down to 175 and still have 25 to go to my goal. I did it for myself, by myself.

So, my advice is to do what you know is right for you. Sure, it would be great to have a partner in it but maybe he isn't ready for that. You are. It's your time, do what you know you can do. Maybe after he sees how determined and healthy you are he will realize that he's ready to join you. Until then, be your own best cheerleader. You got this!

I think that's what the issue is, I'm just super insecure, but another part of me just really wants him to get in shape too, what steps did you take to branch out?

I started with just baby steps... saying "hi" to strangers, going shopping on my own, went and volunteered at a horse rescue (a passion of mine) where I didn't know anyone. Anything that seemed "uncomfortable" in my mind. Then things came easier. I started walking on my own. Dropped in on a zumba class solo. And I still have other "just me" goals that I want to reach. Basically, just do things that are outside of your comfort zone. You'll start to feel more and more sure of yourself and independent. It will do wonders for your self esteem.

There MAY be some hope for your husband. Mine also refused to so much as go for a walk with me for the first 10 months. But when he started seeing me get stopped by co-workers and asked "what are you doing, you look fantastic" he started to join me. He was quite shocked that I could kick his *kitten*, fitness wise (I've never been an athlete, he used to be) when the walks included some hills. Slowly but surely, he's pushed himself, and is now down almost 30 lbs. He doesn't do much more than a weekly hike and maybe a walk or two during the week, but it's a start.

I say just keep doing what you're doing, even if it means you're out there by yourself everyday. YOU have to do it FOR YOU. When he sees you getting healthier (and doesn't feel like you're "nagging him to join you" he will do what most males do: think they came up with this GREAT IDEA to join you all on their own (like you had nothing to do with it...LOL.)

Thanks for all the great suggestions! Yes, I think going it alone may just be what I have to do. I do go to classes at the gym I haven't much lately being that it's summer and want to do more outside, but hopefully soon it'll click for him and he'll go to or something. If anyone needs support like me add me! I'm great at giving advice just trying to learn to take some of it myself! haha

Dude...you have me to go to the gym every day with you, listen to the advice: GO WITH ME!

Since I won't be working 3rds anymore, we're also starting up our nightly jogs and we have a route by your house that we do. We should do it. Could start the Couch 2 5k if you want. Seriously, partner right here willing to exercise with you! *waves and points* Let's do this!

I've noticed a lot of people try to rely on others going with them when they start a new (generally short-lived) lifestyle change. If you have someone who will, and is enthusiastic about it, then great. If not, don't try to force people to come with you. We live in a society where _EVERYONE_ talks about losing weight and getting in shape, and ALMOST no one actually ever does. I guarantee that if you go and kick some *kitten* and start getting in shape, the people in your life who want to do the same will notice, become interested, and want to participate.

You can't expect to get other people interested in something when YOU have trouble doing it without support. When you become an enthusiast, and start enjoying what you are doing, everyone will want to be a part of it. That's just the way life works.

I tried to make my husband workout. I bought him a 2 year gym membership. I pestered. I nagged. I made snide remarks about him dying early and being a bad influence on our child and wait what, none of that worked. That's right. It didn't work no matter what I did or said and it made me feel bad on top of it and constantly brought to mind that he wasn't very supportive of me.

So I decided that I wasn't going to talk to him about health unless he brought it up. This was about 2 years ago when I lost 69 lbs after having our daughter.

I went to the gym. I worked out on my Wii and with workout videos. I looked for people at the gym that were at the same level or slightly better than me. People who went to the same classes as me week after week and I started talking to them. Then, I friended them on facebook. We helped each other. I used my mommy playgroup for support and anyone who mentioned getting on a diet or workout plan automatically got my attention and support at work.

I still have about 24 lbs to go and I did have a setback last year where I went up about 10 lbs but I'm back on track and it was the support groups that I built that reined me in when I started to slip back into old habits. I have been back at it for 40 days and about 10 days ago my husband joined MFP. He doesn't log regularly and isn't near as into exercise as me but he cut out soda and he is thinking of ways to exercise more and all without me nagging him.

So hang on to hope for him but also build your own base.

Support can be really tough. It's so much harder to keep going if you dont have someone pushing you all the time. If you are interested, I have a ladies only support group on FB. The group is private so only we can see what is posted and it's just a group of ladies being supportive and asking/answering questions. Send me a message if you're interested. We are always looking for new people

I hear you with the lack of spouse support. My husband does not want to put any effort exercise or eating right towards getting healthy. It is extremely hard not to have his support. He does encourage me with words but it is so much easier with someone there by your side who cares about their health as well. So I have to find the mind set that I need to just do this for me and not dwell on what he is doing. I continue to cook healthy meals so at least while he is here he is eating healthy. It is hard I know.

So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.

as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If your hubby is not ready, he is not ready. Go out and get yourself healthy, pretty soon I would think he would want to join in the fun and look healthy while doing it.