lack of support issues

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  • JenJen0932
    JenJen0932 Posts: 34 Member
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    My BF joins me sometimes, and sometimes he doesn't. I am not the food police, nor the exercise police to decide what others should eat or do. (Good thing, as I would have had to arrest myself too many times to count!) I have friends who say they want to join me in my walks and activities, and who bail at the last minute, always too busy, too tired, too something... In the past that may have been my excuse to also bail, but now I love putting on the headphones, strapping the dog on his leash and just taking off.

    I am learning to breathe deeply and appreciate the opportunity to be outside, to breathe fresh air and to know that I am creating a better and stronger me with every step and every beat. If someone wants to join me, great. If not, watch my dust as I go anyway with a smile on my face.

    When you learn to love doing it alone, people will naturally be drawn to your new energy and be begging to join in your fabulous new world.
  • k2charmed4u
    k2charmed4u Posts: 282
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    Personally I need someone with me to keep me motivated and not "cheat" away from the exercise etc. I'm lucky enough that my husband wants to change his lifestyle too and is eating healthily and exercising with me.

    When I lived with my parents they would not help at all buying all sorts of crappy foods etc and didn't lose a thing just gained! Def need someone on the same page to get a better lifestyle with.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
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    Hubby has gained 50 pounds over the last 17 years...OK, so I am about 80 pounds heavier too, but I DID give birth to 3 children...

    Hubby always talks about how he is fat, and he needs to lose weight...so he'll do 50 sit-ups...then forget about it for 6 months. He says we have to eat healthier, but then asks why there isn't anything *good* to snack on.

    A friend and I were going to keep each other accountable for going to the gym 3x per week....but most times she cannot make it. I go anyway. It isn't as much fun, but why should I allow her lack of motivation to keep ME fat? She hasn't lost a pound yet--I am looking at almost 20 pounds lost.

    Don't give these people who don't support you the power to sabotage your success! If hubby wants spaghetti-os and chips, get them, but eat the foods that are appropriate for YOU. When you achieve your goals, you can look at them and tell them that you did it despite them!
  • HannahsReturnToFitness
    HannahsReturnToFitness Posts: 86 Member
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    I think it would be great to have someone supportive.

    When I lost weight before (after my pregnancy) my partner was slightly supportive and did comment upon the improvement.

    This time however, he is being no support at all. I exercise alone and have altered my diet for myself. I swim daily and have found it helpful seeing the same faces every morning. He insists on eating whatever he wants and buys high fat items, biscuits, cakes etc.

    It would be a lot easier if we were in it together!
  • Amazon_Who
    Amazon_Who Posts: 1,092 Member
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    My husband is verbally supportive-but not so much when it comes to bringing a lot of things into the house I am trying to stay away from. He specifically get them for me because he knows I like them even though I have asked him not to. For support I have joined TOPS Club (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). There people there battling their weight just like me and success stories too. We have one member that has stayed no more than 3# above or 7# below her goal weight for 27 years!

    I am literally scared about my husband's health. 12 years ago at age 47 he had triple bypass. He lit up a cigarette on the way home. If I "encouraged" him too much after the surgery he would just eat and smoke more. This depressed me and I gained more weight too. Now I do what I can but he has to do the rest for himself. I am trying to get healthy for myself.
  • kathrynangelabaird
    kathrynangelabaird Posts: 53
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    my husband supports me, but he won't go work out either! He does have a job where he is on his feet & he burns way too many calories, so I understand why he won't join me.

    My partner is the same, he kinda supports me but he has a very hands on job and doesn't want to waste £17.99 a month on a gym membership he doesn't need just to support me!
    He does take me to the gym which helps as I can't drive but I find myself having to work out at home more and more as his support goes out the window. So I feel your pain with lack of support
    He also doesn't like my healthy food and loves eating pizza, take away curry and fish and chips all the time :(
    It's mean!!
  • Healthydiner65
    Healthydiner65 Posts: 1,579 Member
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    Keep doing these healthy things for yourself and don't ask him to participate. He will see you are serious and either get with the program or not.Either way you will feel better physically and emotionally.Most sporting goods stores have walking programs.Good luck!
  • BrownEyedSister
    BrownEyedSister Posts: 74 Member
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    I understand your desire for support. I too would love it if my fiance would join me. However, he has a very physical job and then does side jobs after work that are also very physical. So, he has zero interest in doing anything remotely like exercise when he has time off.

    On top of that he is a serious coke addict. I've attempted to get him to drink more water with no progress. However the other day he had a horrible mid-back ache. It happened again a few days later and glory be, he wondered if it was because of the *kitten* load of soda he has been drinking recently. I was able to control my eye-roll and said that maybe he wanted to drink a bit more water and see if that helped. So far, so good...

    Luckily, two of my sisters introduced me to MFP and we are working together to eat better and move more. It's not a buddy to go to the gym with but it is someone to keep me accountable and that is what I need most! We have a family history of obesity and I don't want to end up that way.

    Perhaps if you set a good example he will see your progress and be inspired to make changes. In the mean time, you have friends and support here! :bigsmile:
  • somatiff
    somatiff Posts: 27 Member
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    I feel that sometimes you really have to love yourself in order to love someone else. My boyfriend is supportive, but doesn't get involved in going on walks or anything. In the past I have let it hold me back and then I've ended up gaining and being resentful. Now it is my goal to do it regardless and get healthy for myself! I think once he sees the success I have, he will join in. He knows he needs to get healthy. He just needs the motivation.

    Anyways, I kinda like the alone time anyways... It gives me a chance to just clear my mind.

    If anyone needs motivation, feel free to add me. I'm always up for connecting with people that are encouraging and positive in this journey!
  • twoodward0005
    twoodward0005 Posts: 7
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    I completed one round of P90X lean and a round of insanity by myself before my wife began to show interest in becoming more fit. Please note; that even though my wife would eat icecream, eat cookies and milk wile Tony Horton and ShaunT were beating me into the ground, she would ALWAYs let me know that she was proud of me and that she though that I was looking really good. Just a few months ago she introduced me to MFP. She seemed to really want to "go for it", so I signed up with her. She has done incredible! We both have stayed on a healthier eating plan, and have been walking no less than 2 miles every day. This is the exciting part. As of Monday, June 18 2012, Toghether we started a round of P90X classic!! and she is doing great! It's only been 2 days, but she has the drive and the determination.. On top of that she will always have me to support her. I tell her during the breakes in the videos that she is doing great and that I am proud of her. She has to modify a lot of the exercises just so she can "do soemthing" to stay active during the videos. but thats the key; just keep moving. My wife still smokes, but I am hoping that to will pass as time goes on. Please be patient with your partner, when he/she is ready they will join you. If not, then there are always others out there that would appreciate your words of incouragement and would love to recieve the same from you.

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