Would you tell?

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  • htmlgirl
    htmlgirl Posts: 314 Member
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    If a friend was the cheater, I wouldn't tell their partner; if their partner was cheating and I knew, I would tell the friend. But it all depends on how close I am to them.

    It all comes down to: I would want to know if my spouse was cheating on me. I would be pissed if one of my family members/close friends knew he was and never told me and I found out they knew.
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
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    I understand what you are saying... she knows I do not like it or agree with it and that I feel she is making a huge mistake. Mostly we do not talk about it because she knows how I feel. I would not end my relationship with her because of something that doesn't involve me though.

    What if it was the other way around and you knew her husband was cheating on her? Since she is your BF, would you say something then?
  • kbrogden1887
    kbrogden1887 Posts: 2 Member
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    Considering I caught my boyfriend in bed with his ex-girlfriend almost two months ago, I am a little sensitive to this subject. My heart was (and still is) totally broken! I wish someone would have told me so I could have avoided the heart break of finding the two of them naked in bed...Just saying!
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
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    Do nothing, nothing, nothing!!!! Cannot express this enough!

    Must totally disagree with this. In my first marriage (long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away) I had a cheater husband. The first person to finally tell me told me, but also said I couldn't mention it to him! Ha! I cannot tell you how humiliated I was that his entire company knew he was a big-time cheater, but I had no details. (Of course, I was getting the clues....)

    I am still thankful someone finally told me and I could make the right decisions.

    Question for you: are you still friends with the person who outed him?
  • leahartmann
    leahartmann Posts: 415
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    If there was absolutely no doubt about the cheating, I would talk to the cheater, tell him/her that I knew and ask them to tell their spouse. Or I would. Yes, it might start a war, but the unpleasant feeling of knowing and not saying would, for me, be even worse. And it would always stand between me and them both.
  • PShep17
    PShep17 Posts: 221 Member
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    I was going with a guy for a year and a half, some people knew but it was on the down low as we worked together. He started seeing someone else behind my back and before I knew it people were referring to 'his girlfriend'. I got replaced and was somehow made out to be the 'side-chick'. I was absolutely devastated but made the effort to tell the girl what a ****ebag he was.

    She's still with him now, and has since cheated on him. Tried to do her a favour but she chose to ignore it, she's welcome to him!!
  • Kirkajuice
    Kirkajuice Posts: 311 Member
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    I've been on both sides of the fence. Both are damaging. So just ask if it's worth the scars.

    Even if they ended up hating me, it's worth it to try and prevent them from getting sick. Only a worthless and disgusting person would ever risk infecting the person they were supposed to love with curable or incurable diseases. Nobody deserves to get a lifelong condition when it maybe could have been prevented if they'd been told sooner. There are only two situations where I wouldn't say anything at all and one of them involves prlonged terminal illness.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
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    I understand what you are saying... she knows I do not like it or agree with it and that I feel she is making a huge mistake. Mostly we do not talk about it because she knows how I feel. I would not end my relationship with her because of something that doesn't involve me though.

    What if it was the other way around and you knew her husband was cheating on her? Since she is your BF, would you say something then?

    No, but I would confront him and tell him the same things I tell her. As I said before... best not to get involved directly.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    I cut off all ties with my childhood best friend because she was cheating on her BF (who was my cousin) with some guy in the neighborhood. I couldn't tell him, though he found out on his own and broke up with her, but I did tell her that we couldn't be friends anymore. Unacceptable behavior.
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    tell
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I wouldn't do anything, unless I knew the intimate details of the relationship (ie if I knew for certain that they didn't have an open relationship/marriage - swingers, etc). Since I don't really have those kind of discussions with my friends, chances are I would remain silent. If the person who was cheated on (if that is what the case ends up being) asked me why I didn't tell -- I would explain my reasoning. If they wanted to view that as a betrayal on my part - I probably wouldn't want to be friends with that person anyway.


    If I did KNOW somebody was being done wrong I would tell - but in a round about way. Like mentioning that I saw the cheating spouse somewhere I knew they weren't supposed to be or say something about seeing the cheating spouse out with somebody and asking who it was (playing dumb, basically).
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
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    Snitches get ditches.


    True Dat!!!
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
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    It depends on where my loyalties lay to be frank. If the cheater is my friend, I'll keep his/her confidence. If the one being cheated on is my friend, I would tell them. I don't have many good friends, but the ones I do I stick with, whether or not I agree with every choice they make in their life.
  • Miribg
    Miribg Posts: 149 Member
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    My best friend is cheating on her husband and I don't condone it at all. I tell her if she is not happy with him that she should just leave him. I like her husband, he is a nice man but doesn't treat her they way she needs to be treated. I feel kind of guilty because he is my friend also but I keep her secret because I know she needs someone to talk to. I hope she stops what she is doing. I won't tell him, it would be like betraying her even though she is betraying him....very difficult situation.
  • Kirkajuice
    Kirkajuice Posts: 311 Member
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    I have a friend who cheats on his wife - but is always careful, so STDs aren't a concern.

    You can get some diseases just from kissing (depending on factors like bleeding gums, when infection period is and if symptoms have not yet shown) , and I doubt that he's careful enough to use multiple condoms and barrier methods when doing other activities just in case one fails.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
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    My best friend is cheating on her husband and I don't condone it at all. I tell her if she is not happy with him that she should just leave him. I like her husband, he is a nice man but doesn't treat her they way she needs to be treated. I feel kind of guilty because he is my friend also but I keep her secret because I know she needs someone to talk to. I hope she stops what she is doing. I won't tell him, it would be like betraying her even though she is betraying him....very difficult situation.

    I agree completely!
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,289 Member
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    Keep your mouth shut. If the one being cheated on is your friend they arent gonna want to hear it from you and they will be mad at you and it will damage your relationship. If the one being cheated on isnt your primary friend in the relationship why do you care. Its a no win situation
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
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    When my friend was out of town I saw a girl come out of her apartment. I walked into to find her hubby naked and said just wanted you to know I saw that. He called her to confess before I had to say anything. Worked it self out.
    But no I would not have told her.
  • d0gma
    d0gma Posts: 3,966 Member
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    I have a friend who cheats on his wife - but is always careful, so STDs aren't a concern.

    You can get some diseases just from kissing (depending on factors like bleeding gums, when infection period is and if symptoms have not yet shown) , and I doubt that he's careful enough to use multiple condoms and barrier methods when doing other activities just in case one fails.

    Using multiple condoms can increase the odds of getting an STD. The rubbing of the two (or more) latex surfaces can cause small tears that are large enough to allow the transmission of various STDS.

    The more you know.
  • Kirkajuice
    Kirkajuice Posts: 311 Member
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    I have a friend who cheats on his wife - but is always careful, so STDs aren't a concern.

    You can get some diseases just from kissing (depending on factors like bleeding gums, when infection period is and if symptoms have not yet shown) , and I doubt that he's careful enough to use multiple condoms and barrier methods when doing other activities just in case one fails.

    Using multiple condoms can increase the odds of getting an STD. The rubbing of the two (or more) latex surfaces can cause small tears that are large enough to allow the transmission of various STDS.

    The more you know.

    No, I mean as in changing them whenever doing something else.

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