Cheating (on your spouse, not with food)

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Ali_TSO
Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
in Chit-Chat
This isn't really fun OR games, but we'll have to settle for chit-chat. :) This is a long story, but if you want to, please read on.

This is the biggest confession I've ever made in a public setting.... but I'm gonna fess up: I'm a chronic cheater. :ohwell:

This doesn't make me a bad person, it's just a flaw I have. I haven't done it in YEARS, but still...it's there. To break it down a little:

~Was "bf/gf" with a guy when I was 10-14 and then we broke up bc I kissed someone else (I know we were young, but that's a LONG time in kid years)

~Went out with a guy when I was 15-17 and somehow I fell into an actual "relationship" (not just kissing) with his cousin, ugh

~Went out with a guy when I was 18-21 and I kissed his best friend when we were 20, we didn't break up though, got through it (& then broke up when he slept with someone else)

~Went out with a fantastic guy when I was 21-23, didn't cheat on him, but we broke up for other reasons

~Moved to FL, met my husband when I was 24, married when I was 25, and been together ever since (I'm turning 30 next month).

Now, I know it's hard to believe, but I LOVED all these guys, and I'm not REAL sure why I strayed... Thinking maybe it was boredom? :huh:

I'm just asking for opinions, bc I want to keep my marriage strong. This is not a troll thread. He's the best man I've ever known and I want to make him happy bc he makes ME happy. But there's always that thought in my head of something better... and I want it to go away. Maybe we should spice things up? Maybe I should talk to a therapist?
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Replies

  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com
  • camelgirlmn
    camelgirlmn Posts: 226 Member
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    Im no therapist. But my opinion is... Maybe all them other guys you didnt really love? Maybe you thought you did/ felt you did. I was with the same guy for 14 years, I swore up and down that I loved him. And always claimed that up till recently. he was my high school sweetheart. I realize now that Im engaged to another man. This man has made me happier than Ive ever been in my life, I realize I truly didnt love that other guy because I cheated on him more than once. Which caused a rift in our relationship at the time. But thinking back I know that it wasnt really meant to be. Now if you have the thought of cheating on your current husband, think about what it is that is causing you to want to stray. and go from there.
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com

    Thank you, but I already make a mean grilled turkey and cheese.
  • cindyhoney2
    cindyhoney2 Posts: 603 Member
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    Talk to someone or you're never going to be happy. My BF is going thru the same thing right now and I tell her she has to completely trust herself before she can trust someone else. I have been happily married for going on 20 yrs snd I have never wondered if there is something better out there...he's all I need :)
    Good luck to you!
  • JPO1980
    JPO1980 Posts: 34 Member
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    Think you're labelling yourself - at the ages you've mentioned I would put that down as pretty standard behaviour...
    If you're looking outside of your marriage currently; you need to look at that relationship to see what is not right, forget the past!

    Just my opinion

    :flowerforyou:
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com

    Thank you, but I already make a mean grilled turkey and cheese.

    I'd love one. Thank you.
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Im no therapist. But my opinion is... Maybe all them other guys you didnt really love? Maybe you thought you did/ felt you did. I was with the same guy for 14 years, I swore up and down that I loved him. And always claimed that up till recently. he was my high school sweetheart. I realize now that Im engaged to another man. This man has made me happier than Ive ever been in my life, I realize I truly didnt love that other guy because I cheated on him more than once. Which caused a rift in our relationship at the time. But thinking back I know that it wasnt really meant to be. Now if you have the thought of cheating on your current husband, think about what it is that is causing you to want to stray. and go from there.

    Thanks. I think the serious weight gain is a large part of it, bc I'm 347 and he's just over 400, and while we've each lost a bunch of weight, we're not that intimate. Another part of that is, he's been without a job for over 6 months, and his confidence was shot, so I think that kept some distance between us too. He just got a job though, starts Monday. Hoping things will get back to great with us and my thoughts will not stray.
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Think you're labelling yourself - at the ages you've mentioned I would put that down as pretty standard behaviour...
    If you're looking outside of your marriage currently; you need to look at that relationship to see what is not right, forget the past!

    Just my opinion

    :flowerforyou:

    Thanks :flowerforyou:
  • jaxdiablo
    jaxdiablo Posts: 580
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    Man, I saw this then saw you were in Middleburg and was like, man, I'd be a horrible person to start flirting with her wouldn't I? lol j/k

    Good luck with your issues, just be good to the person who is good to you.
  • Twidget12
    Twidget12 Posts: 71
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    www.howtomakegoodsammiches.com

    Hahahah YESSSSS!
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    This isn't really fun OR games, but we'll have to settle for chit-chat. :) This is a long story, but if you want to, please read on.

    This is the biggest confession I've ever made in a public setting.... but I'm gonna fess up: I'm a chronic cheater. :ohwell:

    This doesn't make me a bad person, it's just a flaw I have. I haven't done it in YEARS, but still...it's there. To break it down a little:

    ~Was "bf/gf" with a guy when I was 10-14 and then we broke up bc I kissed someone else (I know we were young, but that's a LONG time in kid years)

    ~Went out with a guy when I was 15-17 and somehow I fell into an actual "relationship" (not just kissing) with his cousin, ugh

    ~Went out with a guy when I was 18-21 and I kissed his best friend when we were 20, we didn't break up though, got through it (& then broke up when he slept with someone else)

    ~Went out with a fantastic guy when I was 21-23, didn't cheat on him, but we broke up for other reasons

    ~Moved to FL, met my husband when I was 24, married when I was 25, and been together ever since (I'm turning 30 next month).

    Now, I know it's hard to believe, but I LOVED all these guys, and I'm not REAL sure why I strayed... Thinking maybe it was boredom? :huh:

    I'm just asking for opinions, bc I want to keep my marriage strong. This is not a troll thread. He's the best man I've ever known and I want to make him happy bc he makes ME happy. But there's always that thought in my head of something better... and I want it to go away. Maybe we should spice things up? Maybe I should talk to a therapist?

    I think you need help...not just for the issue you raised, but for even giving your 1st world problems airtime.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    I think it boils down to this;

    Do you understand the difference in needs of men and women in a relationship? Did your partners?
  • KilikiMom
    KilikiMom Posts: 237 Member
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    Think you're labelling yourself - at the ages you've mentioned I would put that down as pretty standard behaviour...
    If you're looking outside of your marriage currently; you need to look at that relationship to see what is not right, forget the past!

    Just my opinion

    :flowerforyou:

    yes this

    you are not one i would call a chronic cheater....you did it a few times when you were young so what?!?! obviously you have no intention of doing it to your husband....
  • sweetnotsour
    sweetnotsour Posts: 14 Member
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    Could it be that you are sabotaging yourself? Maybe deep down you feel (for some strange reason) that you don't deserve a good relationship and try to sabotage it? I think talking it out with a therapist would be the best bet in that situation. Otherwise, if you truly always wonder whether there is something better out there, then maybe this man isn't fulfilling your idea of a relationship. And hmm, if you don't want to cheat... don't? Good luck!
  • secondchance82
    secondchance82 Posts: 66
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    I agree with what the other person said -- maybe it really wasn't love?

    I was with my first love from the time (only had a silly puppy love boyfriend before him) we got married at age 22, til we divorced this year. I never loved him. Never...there was even a point where I was ok with his porn addiction, and constant booty calls till I realized it was an unhealthy relationship. I also got married this year (we met during the divorce process) and what I have with him is just amazing, unlike nothing I EVER experienced with my first husband. I will NEVER look anywhere else because of what we have AND...we got counseling as soon as we got married since we both come into this marriage as divorcees and have a **** ton of baby mama and daddy drama that will effect our marriage.

    Counseling is key - seems like you both could benefit from it! :)
  • OMG_Twinkies
    OMG_Twinkies Posts: 215 Member
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    Talk to a therapist. How is your self-esteem? How was it when you were younger? Has it changed for the better or worse? This is about you, not the guys, and it will continue to circle until you understand what's feeding the behavior.
  • starrygirl82
    starrygirl82 Posts: 76 Member
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    It sounds like you were bored. You have to be a stronger person. If those feelings come again, think about what the end result would be. Would a moment of satisfaction really be worth destroying what you have with someone that you love and loves you back? Just remember that every time that you have a desire for something more. We all have flaws and nobody is perfect. Do something different to spice things up. Do something spontaneous. :)
  • threnners
    threnners Posts: 175 Member
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    There is a website called Surviving Infidelity (google it) that has a special section just for wayward partners. I suggest you check it out, in addition to getting individual counseling.
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Man, I saw this then saw you were in Middleburg and was like, man, I'd be a horrible person to start flirting with her wouldn't I? lol j/k

    Good luck with your issues, just be good to the person who is good to you.

    hahaha, I can flirt without cheating, lol. But thanks!
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
    Options
    Could it be that you are sabotaging yourself? Maybe deep down you feel (for some strange reason) that you don't deserve a good relationship and try to sabotage it? I think talking it out with a therapist would be the best bet in that situation. Otherwise, if you truly always wonder whether there is something better out there, then maybe this man isn't fulfilling your idea of a relationship. And hmm, if you don't want to cheat... don't? Good luck!

    sabotage....never thought of that.... I think a therapist is gonna be my best bet too, thanks

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