I just feel so disgusting and ugly right now

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  • MaretL
    MaretL Posts: 50 Member
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    I reckon this guy triggered the pain you had experienced before, men have a tendency to be tactless with their honesty and sometimes too honest!!!! When we have been hurt before we can be super sensitive to any comments regarding the issue.

    Agree with that! I totally understand how painful these words must have been for you and nobody should ever say these things to anybody really but then it happens that men sometimes just don't realize the impact of their words. Please tell him how you felt!!! I'm so sure he didn't really mean to hurt you that much!!

    Big hugs for that beautiful time of carrying that tiny little person inside you. I had a look on your pics and honey bunny - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! You suppose to gain some weight with pregnancy. Go to him, give him a kiss and tell him that his words really hurt you before. I so hope the situation will lighten up real soon and you two can enjoy that special time 100%.
  • Emilit_uk
    Emilit_uk Posts: 87
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    If it means anything I think you're really pretty. i know you have to be comfortable in your own skin though, dispite what others tell you. No advice here, just wishing you the best of luck on your journey
  • ramgi
    ramgi Posts: 196 Member
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    I know you've been hurt but the main thing is how you feel about yourself. Do you love the way you look? If so, don't change it, If you're unhappy then you have the power to change. It sounds like you need a big hug!
  • ramgi
    ramgi Posts: 196 Member
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    I agree with everyone who says your baby should be your biggest concern.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    yeah these guys are a*hols, but sorry sis some part of you knew that when you were getting into the relationship, so why are you surprised when they act like a*holes..

    I don't think that's fair. From her posts the guy she's with now has never displayed this before. Sometimes people will blindside you after you've known them a long time.
    impossible.. unless they are psychopaths or sociopaths which is very rare. regular a*holes always show you who they are from the beginning but sometimes people overlook warning signs...

    and even if they both were psycho/socio paths, the question still holds and the OP needs to ask herself why is she attracted to socio/psychopaths.

    i'm not trying to be mean or unfair?, but just saying that the bigger issue, IMO, isn't whether or not she needs to lose weight while she's pregnant - which is obviously a no.
  • Sabresgal63
    Sabresgal63 Posts: 641 Member
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    Oh my gosh honey.......first off, you are beautiful and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. It sounds to me like you have been in a relationship where you were always put down or made to feel bad about yourself. We are all on here for a reason. Stress, self esteem and bad situations seem to be one of the major causes of overeating. I have been there with all three. Find some positive affirmations online and print them out. You need to believe that you are beautiful and not disqusting.............Truly, a good and wonderful "other half" would accept and love you just the way you are...........Good luck sweetie!:heart::bigsmile:
  • spikefoot
    spikefoot Posts: 419
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    Pregnant or not that would be upsetting.

    Is he typically a well meaning guy? The only reason I ask is because sometimes stuff comes out really wrong when guys think it is a compliment. For example "I love your body, but your personality sucks really bad" is almost more offensive.

    I am a big fan of total honesty and openness in a relationship. Sometimes it is harsh and the timing is off.... I once offended an entire table at a wedding when I said I don't lie to my wife if she asks if a certain outfit looks good or not... or "does this make me look fat".

    I am not trying to defend inappropriate behavior but I am the king of screwing up compliments and I am a pretty laid back, nice guy. :)
  • tonyote40
    tonyote40 Posts: 30
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    I have so been there. I always had a issue with my weight. In high school & college I dated some guys who made me feel like by body was never good enough. I went through the not eating, purging & laxatives. I was very thin when I married and got pregnant with my first son. When you are pregnant it is totally normal to feel huge and uncomfrontable, but your are going a miracle in your body. I was at least 20 pounds over weight when I got pregnant with my second child. I remembering feeling so fat and ugly. My husband, I swear can eat whatever he wants and not gain any weight, but he always tells me how beautiful and sexy I am. I realize now that you have to be comfrontable in you who you are and most of the time it is your own self image that needs the working on, not your body. Get that in check and the rest of it falls into place. Just enjoy the moment right now, you can work on your weight when you are chasing that little bundle of joy around. Stay strong!
  • beauty2323
    beauty2323 Posts: 70 Member
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    First thing first you need to love you.... you need to love you regardless of how you look! OWN THAT *kitten*! Both your ex husband & boyfriend began a relationship with you while you were this weight.
    It is possible to lose weight while pregnant... (look it up)
    Don't diet... exercise & speak to your doctor before anything.

    You are a natural beauty & now is not the time to be doubting yourself. You have to be strong for yourself & your baby. Those comments your boyfriend are making are not helpful. I don't know if you asked him "are you happy with my body" or whatever.... but men tend to say things without thinking & it sounds meaner than they meant it.

    For anyone bashing your boyfriend/ baby's father its really not something you need to hear right now. You need to try to make it work with him.... tell him what he said was hurtful & how emotional you are right now. Tell him how his support is needed .... & how you are unhappy with your weight & will start the process but being pregnant is not the time to be starting any vigorous workouts. You hope he loves you regardless of your weight & that he will be here for you & your baby.
  • RichardCMolloy
    RichardCMolloy Posts: 130 Member
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    First of all, you are a very beautiful girl. No matter what you may think or feel...speaking as a guy here you are beautiful.

    Also speaking as a guy here, what he said may have been different from what he was thinking. Us guys tend to say stupid things sometimes. One question that all us guys fear is when a woman asks us if we think she looks fat....There is no answer to this question that will not make the man look like a jerk! He may have sensed that if he said that you looked hot to him, that you'd snap back & yell at him. I know from experience here when my ex wife was pregnant.

    So, my advice is to worry about the health of you & your child. Listen to the advice of your doctors about your weight, not us here. Make sure that you give that angel growing inside of you all the nutrition it needs to be healthy.

    Best of luck with your baby. I know that my 2 are the best thing that ever happened to me. My babies are 14 & 10 yr olds now :)
  • KittleCakes
    KittleCakes Posts: 7
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    I just wanted to give an update. It took me nearly 24 hours of crying/sleeping/trying to get rid of the awful cry-headache before I finally sat down with Richard and talked with him about how I was feeling. I explained that my ex husband used to make comments like that all the time, meaning well, but in the end, my weight was too much of an issue and we didn't last because of it. I also explained that I felt guilty because my weight is my own doing, and the thought of how much weight I'd have to lose to be healthy is so daunting it sounds impossible, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I explained that I was scared he would wake up one day and resent the heck out of me because he didn't wake up next to a skinny wouman.

    Richard, while crying and hugging me, said he never meant it in a bad way, and the whole conversation got started because he wanted to know what I thought he thought about thin women, like one we had seen earlier that night. He told me that he thought I was beautiful and perfect for him, and when I told him I didn't believe that I was good enough for him deep down, he said "You don't have to believe me right now. I'll spend my whole life convincing you it's the truth."

    Richard really is a wonderful man, he just happened to hit on my biggest insecurity and a very hard time for me emotionally. After my divorce, I thought I was starting to heal in regards to my weight issues. This whole experience has taught me that there is a lot of work to be done, and most of it mental.

    Maybe with Richard's continued love and support, I'll heal enough, and then my body will fall in line.
  • tonyote40
    tonyote40 Posts: 30
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    Good for you for talking it out. Good or bad you have to be honest with each other. He can't read your mind. Just stay strong for yourself. You don't want to pass your insecurities on to your kids. Just realize that at the end of the day, you have to love you. We all struggle with insecurities, but the things that really matter are the only things that should make us feel so sad, not the words someone says to us. I hope you find love for yourself in your journey. STAY STRONG, STAY HONEST & STAY BEAUTIFUL!
  • MaretL
    MaretL Posts: 50 Member
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    Really really pleased to hear that!! Well done lovely!!
  • sbaldino29
    sbaldino29 Posts: 38 Member
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    I happen to think your beautiful. Congrats on your baby. You will soon learn the meaning of unconditional love when that baby arrives and then no one else's insensitive comments will matter!
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    I happen to think your beautiful. Congrats on your baby. You will soon learn the meaning of unconditional love when that baby arrives and then no one else's insensitive comments will matter!

    I know that was meant to be a really sweet post, but you shouldnt have to rely or put your need for unconditional love and acceptance onto a baby. Thats not fair. You need to make sure you become happy with yourself.
  • varyfi
    varyfi Posts: 1
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    I wonder if baby's father is being set up: Frequently we gals give off the message, "tell me what you really think, tell me what you really think"--then when they do tell us what they really think, we get steamed up. Playing devil's advocate, he didn't tell you anything you didn't know.

    Now here's some advice that will knock your socks off--and maybe a bit of weight:
    Go to a nutritionist and learn exactly what you need to nourish your baby and what you need to nourish yourself. You'll be surprised at what you learn. Then do exactly what the nutritionist says. Add to that very moderate exercise as approved by your obstetrician--perhaps a half-hour walk each day. Add to that a good 15-minute per day mind-relaxation/refreshing meditation-type plan--perhaps writing in a journal. You'll be shocked by how good you feel, how well your pregnancy progresses, the support you receive from the baby's father, the relative ease of your birthing experience AND the self-pride, which will be well deserved.

    As women, we're in control of our own destiny on a personal level. When we wimper around worrying about something someone said, especially when it's true and we need to hear it, we weaken ourselves and do disservice to our gender. Chin up, Woman! Get a grip, Gal! Take the challenge and WIN!

    Wishing you the best and challenging you to put the "poor-me's" to bed and wake up the "oh yeah, watch this's"! I've seen women in just your situation, follow the above, and not only grow a healthy, strong baby--but lose weight while doing it!!

    You know what else: If that man really loves you, he'll be so impressed and proud that he's selected you. If he doesn't best to know now so you can plan a good future for you and your little one.

    In your own best interest!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    i think the real question you should be asking yourself is why are you not only attracting to a*holes but also OK with allowing them into your life on a long term basis..

    yeah these guys are a*hols, but sorry sis some part of you knew that when you were getting into the relationship, so why are you surprised when they act like a*holes..

    like my great granny used to say, you can't polish a turd, so dont even bother taking it out of the toilet bowl

    Don't you just love how people on here are so quick to judge
  • Perfectdiamonds1
    Perfectdiamonds1 Posts: 347 Member
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    bump
  • mlewon
    mlewon Posts: 343 Member
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    Wow, no offense but you seem to be picking guys who are *kitten*.

    You're pregnant, so you're going to gain weight. Yes there are workouts you can do, but if you push yourself more than you're used to it could hurt the baby...

    I think it would be best if you worked on your confidence first and worried about what the guy thinks second.
  • ryansgram
    ryansgram Posts: 693 Member
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    I am so sorry these people have hurt you like this. You deserve better than that. Right now, your primary concern has to be to do the things that will provide your unborn child the healthiest prenatal environment; after that, you can work on YOU... But do it for YOUR sake, not for theirs. Both of these men have been insensitive to you and while your current BF recognizes your intelligence and is attracted to that, he was most insensitive to tell a 24 week pregnant woman something like that. Dieting cannot be your concern at the moment. Afterward, you need to do it for your health's sake... but he either loves you for YOU... or he does not love you at all... May seem harsh but he really needs a reality check on this. Please realize, YOU are NOT the problem here.. They are the ones that need the reality check. Best wishes on your pregnancy and your future fitness goals...
    What he said! Now thats a real man!

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