Need advice on getting my wife on MFP
Replies
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It sucks to "diet" alone but at the same time you cannot make anyone else want to lose weight or get healthy. I am not sure what changed for me but I have had doctors tell me my heart is bad, my cholesterol is high, my knees and back are bad and the best thing would be weight loss. I have been told I should plan on dying very young. None of that was enough for me to lose weight. No matter how many people tell me I need to lose weight or anything of the sort no matter how kind all it did was damage my already poor self esteem. She has to do it for her. Be an example and support her in whatever decision she makes.0
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Help! My wife is also weight challenged and really needs to lose weight, if for no other reason, to live longer and not make me a widow. I have been gently trying to get her to join MFP and log her caloric intake, as well as be more careful about what she eats. So far, she always has an excuse: e.g. "I'm so busy, I just don't have the time", or "It's such a hassle to log everything, I don't think I can do it".
I could use and and all suggestions on how to get her on here and on the path to better health. Thoughts?
I've noticed that the more I pick up healthy lifestyle habits, my husband seems to naturally do the same. Perhaps as you continue to lose weight and meet your fitness goals, your wife will be inspired by your progress.
My husband actually _did_ sign up for MFP, and he uses it to log in his weight every week. That's it. But he has lost 13 lbs. (out of a 30 lb goal) in one month nonetheless, mostly by being more aware of food choices and by moving more. Just keep doing what you're doing, and your new habits may rub off.
Weight is a sensitive topic for many, and as well-meaning as your intentions are, your wife may be resistance to what she perceives as pressure. Ultimately, that spark or impulse to be healthy has to take root internally...it has to be something she really wants for herself in order to sustain long-term changes.
She now knows you are hyped about MFP and that you recommend it to her. She won't forget; maybe give her a little time to think about it before bringing it up again.0 -
Good luck.0
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Just do your own thing. It's the only way it ever works.0
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If all else fails, be harsh. Tell her you don't want her weight to be the reason you lose her.. =/ You have to be careful though.. this could have the opposite affect =|
A person does have to be ready to lose weight or else it will never work. Just try to be a good example for a while.. She might get a shock somehow..0 -
What is that old adage? "You can lead a horse to water but, not make him drink" She has to be ready to do this for herself not you. I have been trying to get my husband to be more aware of his diet also. No luckj0
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what everyone else said!!
Leave her be. She'll either want to or not. You can't force her and encouraging her might just have her digging in her heels and not doing it for spite.
Just do your thing. Work out, get healthy. Look great. She'll come around once she sees how well you are doing, and how well she isn't doing.
Patience and love!0 -
One suggestion I haven't seen yet. Make sure if she has a smart phone that she knows about the app! I rarely have time to come on to the regular site, but I can log like a mutha effah from my phone!!!0
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First, you can make her do it.She has to want to do it for herself. But hey, let her watch you log your food and get her to see how the support is on her and let nature take it's course. Good luck.0
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It's not something you can force upon somebody. I understand you're just worried and trying to help your wife but if she really wants to diet and/or just get fitter she'll do it in her own time.
I think you've done the right thing by talking to her about it and trying to persuade her, and it sounds like she's a stubborn woman (not un-common for us women).
Maybe she's comfortable with her weight perhaps?
My partner doesn't like how he looks and I tried helping him on a diet in less than a week he gave up and told me he just can't do it. It's fair enough I wouldn't say he's huge like he thinks. But if he wanted to perhaps try again one day i'd be there to support him.
All you can do is sit back and be there for when she needs you 0 -
Do not push her. I have a husband who has never had to worry about his weight. It is very hard when he says stuff about my weight. I have always been overweight and delt with people saying negative things. It has always pushed me further away and not closer. If you tell her that there is other women on here ready to support her, it will crush her that you even brought this up to other. I promise that it is all in how you approach it. Start cooking and doing the grocery shopping and maybe you logging what she is eating and if she is starting to loose weight then you giving her encouragement that will help. This is a very tough and hard subject as well.
However when she is ready hopefully she will join us and we will be here ready to help and support her.
Good luck.0 -
Lead by example. She'll do it when she's ready.
And maybe she won't join MFP, maybe she'll find her own way. Respect that everyone's journey is different.0 -
its prolly not the same, but i can say anything to my hubs. the first time we started trying to get healthier together i just told him "look, we are both fat here. plus i dont want either of us to die any time soon" he go the picture and jumped on here. just ask for her to do it, and have a comeback to everything she says. No time- get the app. its less time to prepare healthier options for both rather then two different meals. etc.0
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If she's not ready, you can't force her. Just keep kicking *kitten* and eventually, she'll see how far you have come and want to lose weight.
No woman wants to feel like a slob while her husband is smokin' hot after all his hard work. Just give her time.... and GOOD LUCK! 0 -
My husband told me about this site. He got me on it. Here's how...
He begged me. He told me couldn't do it without me and my support. That part may be true. He sent me the email invite because I'm too lazy to look for the site myself. From there we also got his best friend involved and anyone else we could amongst the people we know.
It takes a village sometimes.
The more weight I lost, the more I was able to get other friends on the site. But it's not for everyone. Fast forward to today, and my husband isn't here anymore, hasn't lost anymore weight, but I'm still here and I'm 10 lbs from my goal.
That doesn't mean that the shift hasn't happened in our house towards healthier eating and a more active lifestyle. I know that soon my spouse will find what will work for him. He's a food addict and a compulsive overeater, so we keep narrowing down what kinds of foods we keep in the house, and I think that's helping.
Tell her you love her and you need her. She's your team. She's your partner. Do it together, hand-in-hand, and all that romantic stuffs.
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First, you can make her do it.She has to want to do it for herself. But hey, let her watch you log your food and get her to see how the support is on her and let nature take it's course. Good luck.
lol typooo ftw.0 -
Maybe just stick with it yourself and tell her about the fun parts and non-judgmental information (like if you discover something has unexpectedly high or low calories) in a no-pressure way, since it is natural that *if you push, people will push back in resistance, and if you don't, they feel more free to move towards or away more naturally*. Good luck.0
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I would hope seeing the progress you are making would be enough, but I know hat is not always the case (my husband prime example). Perhaps if you do not have smart phones, one as a gift may help...would make it pretty effortless. No excuses there. Offer her some sort of incentive....certain amount of money for poundage lost, or some sort of reward that is valuable to her. And we all know that MFP is awesome! But she will need to do what works for her, sof if she is able to do it in some other way, more power to her, and perhaps last, but certainly not least, emphasize to her how important she is to you and that you are concerned etc and tell her the reasons why and maybe that will be a wake up for her...oh yeah, and perhaps if she is on any meds because of weight issues, cholesterol, bp etc., maybe inquire with her physician how much she would need to lose to maybe get off of them, I know that is one of my many motivations! Good luck...hope you can turn he to the lighter side!0
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My husband has always been in shape, he lifts weights everyday. He tried over the years to get me to exercise, eat better ect...but finally it was me who decided that I needed to change my life...you can't force anyone to do this, they need to be on board 100% and they have to be in the right frame of mind. You can support her and tell her how you feel...but she is the one that needs to take the first step.0
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lol.
only thing i can suggest is if she has an android, or BB, tell her it's easy, she can log things on the go !
doesn't take much time.
and lead by example.
just eat right, and watch what you eat.
she's a women, eventually she will feel like she wants to do the same thing, or she'll start to feel guilty.
even offer to start logging it for her.0 -
Like lots of others have said, you can't force her.
MFP works for you, but it may not work for her. On top of that, she may have some insecurities opening up honestly about eating and exercising not only with others but with you too (seeing as you're already on MFP, she'd know you could check her diary and see her posts). Maybe she doesn't, but that's a very personal part of any person and she may not want to share that yet.
Maybe encourage her in other ways. Get you both matching pedometers and challenge each other to walk more steps each day (loser has to do the dishes!); decide to go for evening walks together to just talk about the day; schedule weekly outings like paddle boating, biking, or window shopping (lots of walking) to get out and get moving. If she does most of the cooking, offer to cook dinner one night and make something healthy and delicious so that she can see it's not that painful to get healthy.
If you've been talking about MFP, she may already be on the site or looking at it and not telling you! We women can be a touch stubborn, so don't give up on her health (but don't push it either! lol). Good luck! 0 -
Tell her there are lots of really friendly women here who post pictures in bikinis and are really supportive of your weight loss... She'll be on in no time to claw their eyes out ;-)
Alternatively just keep mentioning it but not pressurising and curiosity will get to her in the end. She can't be busy all the time.
Great answer.0 -
It has to come from within. When she is ready, she will and not a minute sooner. Lead by example and love her for who she is now.0
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Sign up for a fun event that you might both like to do. For us it was Warrior Dash a couple years ago. Signing up for an event is a good motivator to get into workout mode because people naturally don't want to make fools of themselves and look totally unprepared in front of other people, even if the event really is for any fitness level.0
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If anything, the more my husband bugged my about weight, the less I wanted to do anything. And even after a health crisis. When they say you have to be ready, it is really true. Of course my mom's nickname for me was opposite-poposite as a child.
I am in the same situation with my husband- he needs to lose 40-50 pounds. The other day a friend who has not seen me asked if my 30 pound weight loss had inspired him to change? In a word- no! He claims to have - only in that we do not order appetizers or desserts out anymore. But unlike me- who has dieted since I was 15, he never had a weight problem until now. Well I still have 50 more to go so there is hope that when I look great he will want to join in! Every time I want to say anything, I think "would I want to someone to say this to me." And the answer is ALWAYS no! Best of luck!0 -
I agree with letting her come to it on her own. I really think losing weight Has a lot to do with your attitude and mental readiness. It does require time and effort and commitment. She will likely see the changes your making and start making changes. My husband has lost 15 pounds just swapping regular soda for diet (it's a start!) and eating the healthier foods I've been making. I let him do it his way and he's letting me do it my way. If and when he wants to start counting calories, I'll support him.0
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take control of grocery shopping and share in cooking them (gives her more time) also go for walks together and have some one on one alone time.. remind her of what about her made you fall in love with her. Keep everything positive. I'm sure she knows shes over weight, she does not need to hear that from you. My husband lost 5 lbs because I changed what we cooked ( in 1 week)
best of luck0 -
When you find out what works to influence her to get going on MFP, let me know, because my hubby needs to be on here too. He sees that I've had success dropping my extra weight and I've tried to get him to start by telling him how I couldn't have done it without this website, but he's having none of it. He wants to lose some pounds, but he does NOT want to be told what to do (by me). Stubborn.0
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Tell your wife how easy this is and if she has an android or smartphone, put it on there for her. I carry mine everywhere and I am trying like the ****ens to make "better choices"! Everyone is busy, but she needs to take care of herself for herself!
I made myself a 3 x5 index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror, it says, "Get UP, Dress UP, Be UP, You are beautiful!!!!! Sounds corny, but every morning I read that card and I smile. You could make her a card that says the same and sign it with
I love you! That would encourage most women.
My husband is on this with me and we try to help each other, it makes it more fun! I just got him to try Fage Yogurt, plain No-fat
strained Greek! He needed more protein in his diet. It has 23 grams and I had him add fresh blueberries and some Truvia!
He tried it and now he asks for it in the mornings. Just a simple healthy choice can make a big difference!
You can't pressure anyone into change, but you can be supportive and loving and it's true, actions speak louder than words!
Good Luck!
Krispy0 -
Lead by example the best you can. Perhaps she will see your life changes and body changes and realize MFP was the key to your success.
But don't bring the place up again and for heavens sake don't tell her she should join.
Women are sensitive and as much as she probably even knows that changes need to be made...
You don't want to be the dude her friends all call a jerk for constantly harping her .
Do your thing. Hopefully soon she'll follow.0
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