Need advice on getting my wife on MFP

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Replies

  • Mrsbrandnewmeslimandtrim
    Mrsbrandnewmeslimandtrim Posts: 267 Member
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  • mdebbie1026
    mdebbie1026 Posts: 164 Member
    I agree with the people that said let her figure it out for herself, lead by example, get a smart phone & use the app. when she sees how quickly you can log in your daily info especially when you use the meals feature at the top, AND she would be crushed/furious/livid/mortified/humiliated etc. to find out you brought this up to others.
    My husband wants to lose the weight and is doing remarkably well on his own, we do use this sight to track his weight and he likes to see pics of guys his starting size, his current size, what they look like after losing x number of pounds and on down to their goal. He likes to know how long it took them and when possible kind of a general idea of what helped them and what they ate.
    I would NOT suggest showing her pics of women her height and saying this is what you could look like that would be a definate mistake BUT I am thinking if you were to find someone at YOUR height and goal weight asking her opinion or showing her where you plan to be would possibly be a motivation. Very much definately do NOT pester her! And NEVER EVER CALL HER FAT!! Every one has to have their own ah-ha moment on this, when/if she has hers, be what she needs you to be, not too pushy, not too nonchelant. Best wishes to both of you
  • saramea
    saramea Posts: 49 Member
    Well, IS she busy? Are YOU doing everything you can to give her time to exercise, shop, plan meals?

    It really ticked me off when my husband made comments about my weight (and I was not overweight to start). He was deployed and that's all he could do during his "free time". I, on the other hand have law school, a toddler, a job, and a house to keep from burning down. I WAS/AM busy.

    Leave her alone. Calling her fat is going to make her feel like crap.
  • hssheikh
    hssheikh Posts: 55 Member
    CANGE comes only when YOU YOURSELF want it to happen. no other person can make u change (things which are harming u) without your OWN will.

    so, keeping that in mind, all u should do is to keep on doing what u are doing but Ddont be assertive in asking her to join MFP, nor use any other means which could just irritate her instead of motivating her.

    apart from that, you can tell her about the motivational and success stories of real people in here. (do that in a subtle manner) this would slowly make her join the world of mfp and moreover be consciously concerned about her health. :)

    good luck n keep trying!
  • anorangie
    anorangie Posts: 975 Member
    My husband told me about this site. He got me on it. Here's how...

    He begged me. He told me couldn't do it without me and my support. That part may be true. He sent me the email invite because I'm too lazy to look for the site myself. From there we also got his best friend involved and anyone else we could amongst the people we know.

    It takes a village sometimes.

    The more weight I lost, the more I was able to get other friends on the site. But it's not for everyone. Fast forward to today, and my husband isn't here anymore, hasn't lost anymore weight, but I'm still here and I'm 10 lbs from my goal.

    That doesn't mean that the shift hasn't happened in our house towards healthier eating and a more active lifestyle. I know that soon my spouse will find what will work for him. He's a food addict and a compulsive overeater, so we keep narrowing down what kinds of foods we keep in the house, and I think that's helping.

    Tell her you love her and you need her. She's your team. She's your partner. Do it together, hand-in-hand, and all that romantic stuffs. :heart:

    :wink:

    This is a different approach from what I suggested, but I love the positivity of approaching weight loss and fitness as a team and the support of working together as partners. OP, here's to hoping your wife may see it this way, too...in her own time, of course. ;)

    Congrats, PatasDeGallina, on your achievement, btw! very inspirational
  • missymuffet459
    missymuffet459 Posts: 162
    Without her own motivation, she will have a hard time succeeding even with MFP. She has to WANT to change and have the motivation to do so.

    My best advice would be to lead by example. She will see the positive changes and hopefully want to join in. Maybe show her the before/after threads- talk about inspiring and motivating!

    Good luck!
  • angimac
    angimac Posts: 145 Member
    I started on this site last August... My husband didn't start on this site until just over 4 months ago. I tried nagging him about it, but that was nothing new, I've been nagging him about his weight and stuff for years (all while doing nothing about myself being morbidly obese).

    He had to come to the decision on his own. I like to think that my success at losing the weight had something to do with it. Maybe it was the the guys who would stop when I was walking down the road to ask if I needed a ride (after I'd lost a lot of the weight, that drove right past when I was first starting to lose it). I don't know what his "ah ha" moment was, but I'm grateful for it.

    He has cut his insulin intake by more than half. That's a HUGE deal...

    I hope that your wife decides to join you. It is much more fulfilling when you walk along this path with the love of your life.
  • airangel59
    airangel59 Posts: 1,887 Member
    I didnt' read ALL of the responses here but the ones I saw, I have to agree with. It is her life and she is the only one who can decide she's hit bottom or is concerned about her health enough to jump aboard and get on track to a longer, healthier life.

    Am sure you didn't like others nagging you about your weight (I know I didn't) and tell you what to do and how much better you'd feel if you ate better and how much healthier you'd be if you changed your life.

    She should see how good you are, how much better you are eating, how much better you will be looking and get inspired to join you. It would be great as shopping wouldn't include the bad food, you'd have company working out/walking and of course you'd both be on the way to living healthier longer.

    BUT....

    She has to realize it on her own or else she's not going to stick with it. It's a conscious decision to stick to a plan, to log in your food, to eat better, to work out and if she's not ready for it yet, it's not going to work. Lead by example and hopefully she'll see the light before long. I wish you both all the best.
  • kathy065
    kathy065 Posts: 3 Member
    Well, IS she busy? Are YOU doing everything you can to give her time to exercise, shop, plan meals?

    It really ticked me off when my husband made comments about my weight (and I was not overweight to start). He was deployed and that's all he could do during his "free time". I, on the other hand have law school, a toddler, a job, and a house to keep from burning down. I WAS/AM busy.

    Leave her alone. Calling her fat is going to make her feel like crap.

    Totally agree, I only became fat when my lifestyle changed from having kids. Apparently there was always time for him to continue with his golf and basketball, but no time for me as I had to look after the kids. Funny how he put on 40kg when the tables turned and he became the stay-at-home-dad.

    I agree with the others, she'll do it when she is ready. One angle I use with my husband now is that I want him to live long enough to enjoy our retirement. At the rate he is going, he wont. I also go and do fun and active things with the kids, he can't participate due to weight related health issues. I used to think that was my problem, not anymore, I serve up healthy meals, it is his choice to sneak out and have chocolate bars.
  • cordianet
    cordianet Posts: 534 Member
    Thanks to everyone for all the replies! I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the responses, but the general consensus seems to be DON"T push and don't call her fat.. (By the way, I would never do either. I haven't been married for 23 years without learning a thing or two...) Also, for the record, because there was more than one response telling me I needed to help her more: I already do at least 50% of the cooking, most of the dishes, and 90% or better of the shopping. In addition, when she was out of town for a few days recently, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom (except the kids rooms, I'm not going in there without a shovel!) I guess my point is please don't assume that just because I'm a man, I sit on my rear while she does all the housework.

    Sorry for the off topic rant... Back to the issue at hand: She has been willing to go on walks with me in the evenings lately, so we are making progress. I think I'll just quit worrying so much and hope the healthier eating rubs off some as well. And I also appreciate the thought that maybe MFP isn't right for her. It's working well for me when I never expected it to (I think I joined in February and didn't start logging till a few weeks ago). Knowing what I know about her, I'm pretty sure it would work, since in the past she has done best on diets that gave her very clear guidelines about what to eat.

    I'll close by saying that I LOVE the bikini idea, but I'm pretty sure she'd have to be in the right mood before that would work! I'll have to ponder that one more!

    Thanks again all!
  • raeraeti
    raeraeti Posts: 108
    Once you start to lose weight, tell her how it happened! Once she sees that it works she might be willing to give it a try. Give her time:)
  • BNance509
    BNance509 Posts: 79 Member
    Wow! That is so touching! I read it to my husband! He needs to be on here like your wife does! I just talk to him about things that are going on on here & tell him how easy it is & how it puts it in your face about what you eat. Maybe you could start on for her & add what she eats & show her. Add me as your friend I would love to keep up with you. I will keep you both in my prayers!! God Bless! :flowerforyou:
  • NeverGivesUp
    NeverGivesUp Posts: 960 Member
    I didn't read the whole thread, but I have to say that getting healthy is contagious!! My husband, mother, friends, inlaws are all getting healthy once I started to get healthy. It is not a coincidence. People see you looking and feeling good and then want a little of that for themselves. It is inevitable if you live by example. Don't push it. You have to be ready to take on this process (because it is a looooong journey) or you will fail. Step by step.
  • MrsBully4
    MrsBully4 Posts: 304 Member
    I flat out refused to go to the gym or join MFP for the first week my husband was trying to get healthier, but once I saw that he stuck with it for a full week I decided I wasn't going to let him get sexy without me. :P I really do enjoy exercise these days for its own sake, it was just hard to get up the motivation to start! For the first few days him asking me if I wanted to join him at the gym translated to "Hey, do you want to put on some embarrassing clothes, get really tired and sweaty, and jiggle your fat around in front of a bunch of strangers?" when I heard it.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    It has to be her decision...I think if my hubby was hinting to me that I should lose weight I'd eat more just to annoy him! (he would never do that by the way - he loves me no matter how much I weigh)

    Hopefully if she sees how well you're doing she will then decide to join MFP too - it would be easier for you if both of you were doing this together :)

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