What to tell someone who asks for your weight loss help ?

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  • psiren28
    psiren28 Posts: 530 Member
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    If someone asks me how I did it I tell them, basically just eating better, counting calories and exercising over a LONG period of time. They can do what they want with the information. Beyond that there's not a lot you can do. People will use the information or not depending on whether they're serious or not. Maybe when you say its taken 2 years that seems like a long time to them. It is a long time, it's not a quick fix. Some people want to hear 'do X & Y for a couple of weeks and voila! you'll look like this'.

    I've had people I haven't seen in a long time ask me what my secret is as though it just dropped off overnight. No, it didn't, it took 2 years and there ain't no secret. It's not what some people are hoping to hear :indifferent:
  • kapzilla
    kapzilla Posts: 84 Member
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    I was one of those women (theoretically), until last week. I decided it was time to make the change. I've said things about how I needed to lose weight. I knew that I was eating terribly, and that not exercising was why I was the weight I was.

    I had to build up the courage to face it myself. I used to give my husband crap about it to be honest. I was watching him lose weight, and it was making me jealous. Even behind my jealousy I still didn't step up to the plate. Instead I made snide, sarcastic remarks about his eating habits.

    Here I am now.. making the same choices he is. They need that "light bulb" to go off, and they have to do it on their own. Don't feel bad for them, but don't be mad at them either. Hopefully they will realize the benefits of a healthier lifestyle on their own.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    You can drag a horse to water...yada yada yada.
  • Acliff510
    Acliff510 Posts: 122 Member
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    a coworker of mine asked me the other day. i talked to her for a minute about everything i've done to get healthy and then showed her the MFP & calorieline websites (the latter of which has a few paragraphs on the home page explaining the trend of yo-yo dieting and how to outsmart it, which was a HUGE breakthrough for me)... Her eyes LITERALLY glazed over and she actually said to me, "can't you read that for me and tell me the major points?"

    i knew at that point she was a lost cause.

    LOL!~ this reminds me of a coworker of mine!!! I'm way to nice of a person to say ... 'Really ?!? B*#!@ Please!, do it your own D@#^ self!!!!' But I'll kindly tell her that it doesn't work that way .... ;)

    Best of Luck
  • 75Juniper
    75Juniper Posts: 376
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    I direct them to MFP and ask them to friend me and let them know we can do this together! If they take the step of joining, we have the building blocks... otherwise I just don't have enough time in my life to deal with that stuff...

    This is what I do, too. When people have asked me, I give them the website address and give them a short description of it. I also tell them that if they have any questions or want to be friends, let me know. Usually, when they find out that it takes a lot of hard work, commitment, and dedication, they get that disappointed look and I know they aren't ready. I try to treat them as kindly as possible, because I used to be looking for that magical weight loss remedy as well and I remember how that felt, but at the same time, I don't waste my time trying to motivate people who aren't serious about their health yet.
  • juicemoogan
    juicemoogan Posts: 999 Member
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    you cant help anyone until they want to help themselves..
  • PandaCustard
    PandaCustard Posts: 204 Member
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    In both personal experience and experience with friends that decided to get healthy, you need a wake-up call: something that really makes you look at yourself and say, "Hey, I should probably do something about this." They're not going to do anything about it until something clicks with them, and that is no one's responsibility but theirs.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    So I know two girls, that are overweight, a little bit more then what i was before I lost 50lbs a few years ago.
    And They saw me losing it over time. (2 years or so)

    But the whole time they were like, yeah I really need to lose weight too and asked advice.
    So I told them EVERYTHING I went off for a long time with tips and my success stories blah blah...

    And I even said lets go walk the track together and all that.

    But then the next day, I see them eating mcdonalds, and beef jerky .... And they really dont see a connection...

    I dont want to be rude and say, hey put that crap down thats why you arent losing weight ! but I cant do that to them, They would just get pissy about it probably... Also they dont work out at all either, and never met me at the track like I asked.

    And they think it was just so easy for me, like the pounds melted off and now I am this effortlessly skinny chick, and its so easy for me to say lose weight, and its really hard for them (even though the on girl east fast food every day)
    But i had to work my *kitten* off to get here, and still do to keep it off. !!

    Sorry about the spelling, rant over lol.

    Does anyone else have friends that seen their sucess and do this too? Just wanted to know how other people handle it. I know it shouldnt bother me, and I should just say oh well do w/e you want, but I feel so awesome since losing it, and I want other people to feel it also, because they seem very low self esteem from it. (they just dont get that you cant eat fast food everyday and lose weight)

    OMG Yes!!! I have a very obese friend that is always asking for advice and never taking it!!! She just doesn't want to accept that there is no easy way to do this. She is always falling for the fad diets and pills and even has tried Sensa. I've tried giving her straight forward commonsense advice when she asks for it. I've even referred her to MFP. Bottomline - they will not change until they are ready. Now when she asks for help I change the subject!!
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    what's wrong with jerky?!

    (that's a rhetorical question.)

    no really.....not a rhetorical question. you can eat Mc Donalds and lose weight too....I think people make it too complicated and think of it as an all or nothing deal.....That's not how it works.
  • dewgirl321
    dewgirl321 Posts: 296 Member
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    It's great that you want to help others obtain the many benefits you've achieved through weight loss, but some people just aren't willing to put forth the effort. Like you said, it wasn't easy. Your friends maybe hoped you would give them an easy solution. When your solution wasn't easy enough for them, they decided they didn't want it enough. I think it's great to continue sharing your knowledge and experience with them when they ask, but don't be disappointed when they don't join you.

    I have people ask me about weight loss too, and I tell them about MFP. Some of them have joined. I don't think any of them have stuck with it. I have friends say they want to work out with me, and I can have a free guest every time I go to the gym, but I RARELY have anyone actually take me up on it.

    nsblue, your ticker is insane! What an amazing accomplishment!!!
  • L_amore
    L_amore Posts: 52 Member
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    You could spend your whole life trying to convince someone to do something they're not ready to do.

    If they ask for advice then give it sincerely. Bottom line, they have to be ready to commit to it before anything you say will truly sink in.


    ^^I agree with this^^ People will not put in the effort or change until they are ready to do so. You can talk till your blue in the face, but if they aren't ready to commit, they won't.

    I would just say, I didn't lose all this weight by wishing it, I got out there every day and busted my butt, ate right, and committed myself to a life change. And just leave it at that.
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
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    The next time someone asks you that, just say, "I stopped making excuses," and be done with it.
  • Jenn09870
    Jenn09870 Posts: 66 Member
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    I got annoyed at first, I have never been the person who liked to be made the center of attention and when someone loudly announces that you've lost so much weight everyone looks.
    I would tell them simply "Diet and Excercise" which was vague but true.
    I really credit this site for all the things i have learned, either through the message boards, or for the little tidbits i get here and research on my own.
    I started to get people's email addresses for a little while and send them a link for the website because while it is work, it is not as complicated as people think it is and I would love to be able to help people feel the sense of accomplishment that I have been feeling.
    The few that tried didn't stick with it for more than a week or two. Even the couple that were most concerned about their weight- I see them drinking alcohol, or eating crap, it just makes me sad. (everyone's definition of crap is different and I know you can eat crap and still lose as long as it's within your calories-not intended to offend anyone).
    Now I just write down the website, tell them it's available as free apps, and tell them it has been working wonderfully for both me and my husband.
    You can't take their bad choices personally, they have to have their own epiphany before they will be ready to change. At least you have given them tools to help when they are ready, and even if they don't follow the advise now, they will remember it later (hopefully).
  • TRISTAR
    TRISTAR Posts: 105 Member
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    I don't think it's your place to comment on what they are currently eating (unless they ask for it). They originally asked you how you did it, and you took the time to explain how. They then had a choice to either learn from this or ignore it. I think if you comment on what they are eating now, after you have told them your key to weightloss success, they may think you are the food police.
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
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    I know someone who blames it on her hormones and lack of money to afford to go to one of those boot camp places!

    She has 15 lbs to lose. She eats very well, she is active, and goes to the gym for cardio 30 mins x 2-3/week and 1 45-minute toning class/week.

    I tell her that she needs to try to up her cardio and strength training sessions in either minutes or frequency. Like if she would just do 30 minutes of strength training after her weekly cardio classes but she WON'T make the time.

    She tried working out at least 60 minutes everyday for 1 week and didn't see any results and gave up.

    I've decided she just wants an excuse. So I'm just trying to be a good example again (AND THIS TIME KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF!)
  • mlynnea03
    mlynnea03 Posts: 41 Member
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    Before I started to lose weight I never asked anyone what I needed to do. The information is not hard to find. I just did not want or feel like doing what I needed to do to get in shape. I did get a lot of unsolicited advice from slimmer friends and my mom. I accepted the advice, but continued to do what I wanted. I knew they cared, but them caring was not enough to change me. On another thought I hate when people who REALLY don't want help drag me into their problems. With any goal that I'm trying to pursue I tell myself to stop talking about it and work on it. I will support anyone, but change takes more than the desire to change. I sat for years silently loving my unhealthy lifestyle, but hating where I was headed (obesity, diabetes, heart disease, bigger clothes, unflattering shape, etc. I will not join anyone in stressing about things if they are not putting in work to change. I at least had the decency to keep my mouth closed when I wasn't ready.

    Lizziebeth102 I thought of myself as the family therapist for a long time, but then I woke up one day and said I'm not getting paid for this. It is so hard to change the subject when you are really close to the person and want to see them change, but I had to become the queen of that in order to keep my sanity. :noway:

    I save my passion for when the person starts to show signs that they are really ready and when that happens the support goes both ways.
  • vice1989
    vice1989 Posts: 34 Member
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    what's wrong with jerky?!

    (that's a rhetorical question.)

    no really.....not a rhetorical question. you can eat Mc Donalds and lose weight too....I think people make it too complicated and think of it as an all or nothing deal.....That's not how it works.

    This is true, and actually when I lost the 50 LBS I was eating w/e the heck I wanted to, hot dogs, kraft dinner all that junk, I just stayed under calories and it came off... But Now that I eat good food instead of that crap I feel SO much better, look healthier and can eat WAY more food since its not so high fat

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