Horrible mothers :(

distance yourself from her.

I have a different point of view.

My mom's been dead for 5 years now and I'd give ANYTHING to have her back here with me...even annoying me.

I didn't really appreciate her motherly concern when she was alive and now that she is gone, I truly miss it.

That's all.

Wow....this is a hard one! I had a toxic mother too. She gloated when I fell on my face, and never failed to point out how amazing my brother was! I would go for months without talking to her, she would do something nice, and I would be sucked right back in.

Unfortunately there is nothing that will change this. The best I could ever do was realize that although she loved me, there was something about me that she felt the need to pick at all of the time. I tried to please her until the day she died. I would just withdraw to lick my wounds, and gather strength to go near her again.

I'm sorry that it is like that for you. I fear that this is a common thing between mothers and daughters....sad! Keep your chin up and realize that whatever she says or does to you, does not define who you are! xo

Personally, I would be blunt with her. She's an adult, you're an adult. Just because you're her daughter doesn't mean you can't be honest with her when she's being a pain in the *kitten*. If you don't want that can of worms, just distance yourself from her. Don't take her calls as often or cut them short, assertively change the subject if she's adamant, and basically just don't give her the room to make drama. You can love her, still be in her life, and so on without having to take her childish behavior.

I'm 22, I live with my mother still and we have a fairly good understanding of what subjects don't get brought up because we know the other won't like it or will be hurt but sometimes there's stuff I'll say or she'll say that slips out and we let each other know that's not something we want to hear or discuss. My mother's subject vice tends to be race, she's going to be 64 in August, and I tend to have to say something along the lines of, "mom, please stop. We've had this discussion." She may not like it, but it's a respected thing.

I'm not saying be a jerk to your mom, lord knows I wouldn't, but she's saying stuff that bothers you and continually bringing up subjects that frankly you can't do anything about so why should you hear about them. If she wants to whine, let her do it with friends or whoever else she talks to besides you. You weren't born to be her shoulder, her pin cushion, and her therapist.

I have a different point of view.

My mom's been dead for 5 years now and I'd give ANYTHING to have her back here with me...even annoying me.

I didn't really appreciate her motherly concern when she was alive and now that she is gone, I truly miss it.

That's all.

This is how I feel too. My mom was a horrible alcoholic and we fought a lot, but I would still give anything to have her back.

What are some good things about your mother? Maybe try to find the positive things about her and see if that helps.

I think sometimes you just have to decide to love people for who they are and not who you want them to be. If figure if I can block out some of my son's music as white noise, then I can "white noise" negativity too

I can relate. I have a mother who is unhappy with her life and blames me for it.. .almost every day. I've worked so hard on my education and all areas of life to try to please her, and it's disappointing that nothing I do ever makes her happy. It's always a focus on the negative.

A while ago I went to counseling. Although I know she is unhappy because of her negative attitude on life, it helped to hear someone independent reaffirm that it's not me. I've realized that I just need to live for myself and my son, while doing my best to support her emotionally. I wish I could help her find more joy, but I can't.

I usually stay strong, but there are days when this relationship gets me down. Staying healthy helps!

My only advice would be to possibly withdraw from her for a while, so that she doesn't have you as a punching bag. Maybe that would give her a chance to think about what she is doing?

^^ Very good advice. If she keeps making these comments to you, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get some distance between yourself and her. If you think you can, sit down with her and tell how these comments make you feel. In my case, I wrote my mother a letter that included everything that bothered me. She got upset, like I knew she would, so I was able to give her the letter before she stormed out. Everytime after that, when she tried to drag me back in, I'd say, "Read the letter." We had no contact for several months/years. That was over 7 years ago. I have a distant relationship with her now, where we can tolerate each other. But she can't hurt me anymore.

Only you know what's best for you and your mother. If this is bothering you, I highly recommend counseling to help you decide what to do. It was a godsend for me. Good luck!! :flowerforyou:

I'm of the type that says cut her off. My mother is certifiably insane. She's a hoarder, paranoid, cruel, abusive and all sorts of terrible things. Always told me how awful I was in comparison to my older sister. My older sister was a carbon copy of my mother. I moved out at 18, I am now 26 and I am so glad I made that choice. Yes, it's hard not to have a mother to support me and love me and be there for me, and I for her. But, *my* mother isn't capable of that so she might as well already be dead. If your mother is really *that* toxic you need to weigh if the damage she does is greater than the positives she brings into your life and decide from there what level o relationship (if any) you want to have with her.

if she talks to you that way, i cant imagine what she says to them! lol no wonder no man wants her!

I can relate. I have a mother who is unhappy with her life and blames me for it.. .almost every day. I've worked so hard on my education and all areas of life to try to please her, and it's disappointing that nothing I do ever makes her happy. It's always a focus on the negative.

A while ago I went to counseling. Although I know she is unhappy because of her negative attitude on life, it helped to hear someone independent reaffirm that it's not me. I've realized that I just need to live for myself and my son, while doing my best to support her emotionally. I wish I could help her find more joy, but I can't.

I usually stay strong, but there are days when this relationship gets me down. Staying healthy helps!

My only advice would be to possibly withdraw from her for a while, so that she doesn't have you as a punching bag. Maybe that would give her a chance to think about what she is doing?

THIS.

My husband's mother is toxic to the core. We've tried everything to help her see that her negativity is just pushing us away. However, she can't see that she is doing anything wrong and thinks that we are just "being too sensitive" or "nit picking". Unfortunately, she wasn't present at our wedding and has missed nearly two years of her son's life. She simply wont change and we can't have that kind of a strain on our marriage. This may sound selfish, but I just like myself too much to put up with it. We are happier and stronger together than we have ever been. My advice is life is too short to deal with anyone who doesn't want the best for you, even if it is a parent. Walk away, and hopefully in time she (and my MIL) will see the error of her ways.