Am I being unreasonable??

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  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    I'm curious if the husband's friend is married?..with children?
    OUCH!
    I know what you are implying.
    I never considered that......wow....
    If that's it, I take back everything I said.....:sick: :sick: :sick:
    Anyway, done here.
    Sorry if my take on things is at odds with the echo chamber.
    I wish you all well in reaching your goals :drinker:
  • juscallmeb
    juscallmeb Posts: 369 Member
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    I don't think your request is unreasonable, but you actually won that one... so tread lightly. You're asking for a lot... you got your husband to ask his friend to leave. That's what you wanted. I know you ALSO want him to be all sweet to you and tell you that of course your dad is worth it and his friend should be only too happy to go for that reason... but he has agreed to ask him to go. That's the important part. Afterwards, he will more than likely see how important it was that he do that. I am just urging you to be grateful for the small victories right now. You're stressed out.

    It's all going to be okay. But yes, let your husband follow through and ask his friend to leave on Friday. You'll get an evening to gather yourself and talk to your husband about it all before your dad gets there.

    Mrsbigmack, Thank you so much for your input.....I can see where sometimes I not only want what I want, but I also WANT my hubby to want it to, which may not be possible. Good perspective.

    that is great advice. nice :) i'll have to keep that in mind - small victories :)
  • dreamingchild
    dreamingchild Posts: 208 Member
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    Husband is being the selfish one. Why? He changed his plans last minute when he knows that your father is visiting and ill and that you need him to act like a husband and support you. Ask him if the situation was reversed how he would feel. Never feel embarrassed for expressing to another person what you need in a situation. You might not always get what you think you want/need, but at least you expressed what your reality is to another and you can come to a solution together.

    Good luck and (((hugs))).
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I'm curious if the husband's friend is married?..with children?
    OUCH!
    I know what you are implying.
    I never considered that......wow....
    If that's it, I take back everything I said.....:sick: :sick: :sick:
    Anyway, done here.
    Sorry if my take on things is at odds with the echo chamber.
    I wish you all well in reaching your goals :drinker:


    Hmmm not sure if what you think I was implying was exactly what I was implying so let me clarify as not to offend anyone -

    If he's single he has more time on his hands, not a wife and kids at home waiting for him. Thus he may not be realizing that he's inconveniencing his married friend...being single he may not relate to the situation. Hope that explains it...I wasn't insinuating anything else!!!
  • mazasmusings
    mazasmusings Posts: 74 Member
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    I'm curious if the husband's friend is married?..with children?
    OUCH!
    I know what you are implying.
    I never considered that......wow....
    If that's it, I take back everything I said.....:sick: :sick: :sick:
    Anyway, done here.
    Sorry if my take on things is at odds with the echo chamber.
    I wish you all well in reaching your goals :drinker:


    Hmmm not sure if what you think I was implying was exactly what I was implying so let me clarify as not to offend anyone -

    If he's single he has more time on his hands, not a wife and kids at home waiting for him. Thus he may not be realizing that he's inconveniencing his married friend...being single he may not relate to the situation. Hope that explains it...I wasn't insinuating anything else!!!

    I don't think you have to be married and have children in order to appreciate or recognize that those who are married and/or have children have different needs/schedules/responsibilities, etc. Honestly, in order to recognize that, one must simply remove head from sphincter.
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    So, the friend usually comes down over Memorial Day, and stays about a week (yikes). This year he couldn't come that week, so he came this past Sunday, and is here now.

    So....put those two pieces of the story together, and I have back-to-back houseguests, which is kind of stressful, but I knew that when I made the plans with my dad, so I'm ok with that.

    If the friend usually stays a week and he arrived on a Sunday, why wouldn't you expect him to say the entire week? You also stated that you knew about the back-to-back houseguests and you were okay with it.

    I am a wife in a marriage of 17 years and we have visitors regularly. It does not seem like you are anywhere near okay with it. I maybe out on a limb here, but who scheduled the back-to-back visit? One lesson I learned with house guests (no matter who they are or what is going on in life) - never do a back-to-back unless you are COMPLETELY okay with it because there is always the chance of the visitors overlapping. Always give yourself a 4-7 days in between visitors. On an outside note, why wouldn't you want your dad getting to know your husbands best friend? Doesn't your husband consider his best friend family?

    I say suck it up and have the visitors overlap by a day and take it on as a lesson learned.
    Heres your winner, and she s staying married forever.

    Thanks! Its all about respect and communication. On my wedding day my husband's friend gave some good advice to the both of us in his speech.... Just remember that your spouse isn't out to get you.
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    I say suck it up and have the visitors overlap by a day and take it on as a lesson learned.

    I may agree with that if not for her father that she has a strained relationship with that she wants to repair wasn't dying. Those are some extenuating circumstances.

    (I also don't think your husband is being inconsiderate for not having thought of it--we can't expect people to read our minds, we have to tell them what we need.)

    That may be but she said she was okay with it, she clearly changed her mind after inviting her father. Effective communication was obviously lacking here.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    That may be but she said she was okay with it, she clearly changed her mind after inviting her father. Effective communication was obviously lacking here.

    Maybe so but is the bigger issue WHO is right or wrong or WHAT is right or wrong? Forget about OP for a second--what about her poor dying father and his wife? Shouldn't their comfort also be taken into consideration?

    My hubby and I have had plenty of miscommunication misunderstandings but the end result is not decided by who was wrong first. It's by who will be the least harmed and/or most helped. OP's hubby and this guy get together twice a year (not just the once that people keep quoting.) OP has once, forever ever, to get together with her father again.
  • Beth720
    Beth720 Posts: 661 Member
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    Maybe so but is the bigger issue WHO is right or wrong or WHAT is right or wrong? Forget about OP for a second--what about her poor dying father and his wife? Shouldn't their comfort also be taken into consideration?

    My hubby and I have had plenty of miscommunication misunderstandings but the end result is not decided by who was wrong first. It's by who will be the least harmed and/or most helped. OP's hubby and this guy get together twice a year (not just the once that people keep quoting.) OP has once, forever ever, to get together with her father again.

    The father's comfort and well-being was why I initially wondered why if it's so stressful for everyone to have them visit they aren't staying in a hotel. Stress only exacerbates everything around cancer, and it just sounds from what the OP said herself about when her father visits that the less stressful setting might be to let him and her stepmother have their own space for sleeping and to have a place to go if things get too intense.

    And I'd have suggested that regardless of the bromance situation.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    You got what you wanted right? Or is it that you want him to be happy about it? Sometimes you can't have both.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    In this case, no, you are not unreasonable. Your husband is being very insensitive to your needs.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    You got what you wanted right? Or is it that you want him to be happy about it? Sometimes you can't have both.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^
    THIS
    The RoadDog Speaks!!!!!
  • megleo818
    megleo818 Posts: 595 Member
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    Husband and friend are being *kitten*. You're right. Hold your head high and concentrate on enjoying your dad and stepmom.

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