Does my friend need help/support?

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Replies

  • dreamingchild
    dreamingchild Posts: 208 Member
    I think you should be a friend to her. Keep your eyes open and try to let her see she has choices. If you see marks on the kids or the kids duck when someone moves fast near them then I would call CPS. Otherwise I would just try to be there for her, maybe she doesnt see a way out or know there is something better. Maybe you could talk to her in a tactful way. It is a tough situation.

    I like this advice. She doesn't have any friends...be a friend, don't make assumptions.

    On the guy ripping the door off when drunk, that is abuse. When a husband rages or become violent, which that is, it conditions everyone else in the home. Watch out when dad is drunk because you never know what he is going to do...i better be good, i better watch everything i do, i better stay out of his way, i am scared of dad. etc.
  • Dethea
    Dethea Posts: 251
    I have been in abusive relationships before, and I agree with pretty much everyone. Be her friend. Do whatever you think is right to help her and her children. An abusive husband will keep her away from other women.

    Maybe you could offer to help her pick up or something. But something definitely isn't right!
  • sondrawolfe
    sondrawolfe Posts: 30 Member
    Are you in a position to offer your help? Could you spend some time with her and the children? Offer to help clean the house without judging? Often depression can cause the conditions you describe: being without friends, house in that state. The woman can be overwhelmed and not coping. Having a supportive friend can be a huge help.

    Also, just because he ripped the door off does not mean he is physical abusive or even trying to get in to get someone. That is a huge leap. Sounds like he probably has anger issues, but does not mean he is hurting them.

    Yes, this family needs help but might not be as critical as some believe.

    That being said, if you got the feeling that it is an immediately dangerous situation for the children and the woman, you need to make that call.
  • NewMeTomG
    NewMeTomG Posts: 60 Member
    Help however you can.
  • LastMinuteMama
    LastMinuteMama Posts: 590 Member
    Thanks for the last few replies.

    I did chat with a friend who was a social worker for a few years and she did say that she had seen many filthy homes. Some people just live like that. She gave me a few more red flags to look for. So for now, I'm just gonna be a friend, spend some time with her and her children. I'm almost hoping that she'll bring up her home again...she was so apologetic about the mess. I'm hoping that would be a chance for a conversation, ask her is she's happy with it or does she want some help....honestly she needs one of those crews from Hoarders, but I'd be willing to help if she wanted it.

    Thanks again!
  • kaotik26
    kaotik26 Posts: 590 Member
    I agree with most people. Your gut is trying to say something here. Just standing by to wait and see what happens may just be one day too long. It almost sounds like she is a hoarder, which causes very unhealthy living conditions and little ones don't need to be exposed to that just by itself.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,841 Member
    make the call, the house being in a mess is neglect and getting drunk and swearing, throwing furniture and ripping doors off IS ABUSE, its verbal abuse, fear of violence, damage to property and the fear this instils is abuse, the children are living with this neglect and abuse, a man who rips a door off when he is drunk is a man who can do other violent and aggressive things too, a woman who lives in a home that is in the condition you describe is neglectful of her children and herself, for what ever reason, I work in child health, and this is something we come across all the time, it is a PUT THE CHILDREN FIRST thing, don't worry about doing the wrong thing, put the children first, make a call and let people who are trained deal with this can of worms.

    Please don't dither on this, people ARE being hurt, and they are children. The Mum in this case is able to make a choice to stay or go, the children have no choice, they need to be protected and they need YOU to protect them.
  • LastMinuteMama
    LastMinuteMama Posts: 590 Member
    make the call, the house being in a mess is neglect and getting drunk and swearing, throwing furniture and ripping doors off IS ABUSE, its verbal abuse, fear of violence, damage to property and the fear this instils is abuse, the children are living with this neglect and abuse, a man who rips a door off when he is drunk is a man who can do other violent and aggressive things too, a woman who lives in a home that is in the condition you describe is neglectful of her children and herself, for what ever reason, I work in child health, and this is something we come across all the time, it is a PUT THE CHILDREN FIRST thing, don't worry about doing the wrong thing, put the children first, make a call and let people who are trained deal with this can of worms.

    Please don't dither on this, people ARE being hurt, and they are children. The Mum in this case is able to make a choice to stay or go, the children have no choice, they need to be protected and they need YOU to protect them.

    Reading this makes me cry. I will call. The thing that kills me is that they live in a neighborhood with houses in close proximity to each other. Why has noone called or helped or be-friended her? It is heart-breaking. She's been there for 8 years and there is no way the place got that way over night. I guess the buck stops here. I will make the call.