my man is trying to sabotage me - annoyed, advice please.

I keep trying to get my wife to participate with me, she seems to support me but will not participate. I understand the insecurity he is probably feeling. If you get hot and sexy you may have a better offer. That is his issue, not yours. Nothing you can do..

Thank you to all the people in this thread who understand that i'm not trying to get him to lose my weight for me, that i'm still working hard at eating my 1200 calories AND losing weight in a healthy way.

Thank you to the people who understand my worry about him stealing/trashing my things, even if it is just a cheap measuring tape.

I appreciate all the comments urging me to reconsider this relationship. I think i have taken on WAY more than i should've with him cause i'm not sponsoring him into the country and since that decision has been made he's been treating me like ****, even though both my mom and i have gone into massive debt trying to get him through the immigration process, including my mom paying for groceries and my family pooling money to get an immigration lawyer. I think a piece of me doesn't want to give up on him cause i've put so much into this relationship but this might be a real wake up call for me.

For everyone suggesting i bring him here, he innately HATES calorie counting and insists that i need more like 5k calories to live. He is uneducated about it because the only nutrition advice he's ever got was from the marines however he is absolutely blocked when it comes to learning new things about diet. he insists that the way to get 'healthy' is to max load every single rep and really shock your body by intensive hella exercise (think boot camp). He doesn't seem to understand the idea of adopting a healthier 'lifestyle'. We have talked about this and I told him that he didn't even have to log his food, he could just use it to creep on my food journal. I think i really need to think about things more.

Thank you for all the feedback everyone

You're in a difficult situation. From the relationship perspective, I've been where you are. He should be kissing your feet for all you have done and he is treating you badly. It is very disappointing when we invest time/money/effort/love into a person or a relationship and it doesn't work, however investing MORE isn't going to give you a better result.

I would suggest attending counselling together. It will be interesting to see if he is willing to address the relevant issues, his behaviour, and if he's prepared to "do the work" to make the relationship better.

If not, you need to cut your losses. I have put a helluva amount of effort/money/emotionalinvestment into somebody only for it to turn out completely differently. It took time for me to realise that they were never going to be who I wanted them to be (i.e. loving, emotionally available, supportive and an equal partner in the relationship) and a lot of their wonderful qualities were figments of my imagination. All the words in the world made no difference when their actions didn't back it up.

It is very hard though, to admit that you've been dating a dud, and lost money over them, however it's also incredibly liberating. If it comes to it, being single will give you the opportunity to concentrate on your health, surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

My current partner is everything my ex wasn't, and more. If I hadn't decided that I deserved better, and deserved an equal partner, a best friend, and a rock of support (who loves me at any size - 160-210) then I would still be with my selfish @sshole ex and struggling every day to try and make him and us something we aren't.

I hope that he comes to his senses and is willing to do the work and value you for who you are.

Good luck on your journey.

He really just might be worried about you. You mentioned a history of eating disorders. He should be concerned. It would be questionable if he wasn't.

I understand he might be worried.... that is why i am making every effort to eat my 1200 calories and even let him see my food log in detail. I'm trying very hard to get rid of my ED forever because i'm afraid to go back to it.

i agree with the poster who thinks he may just be concerned because of your past. also, 1200 is the absolute min on here mabey you could set it for a slower weight loss, mabey 1lb per week? (1200 may be putting you back where he doesn't want you to be)

If you included him in this process with plenty of discussion, he might understand what you are trying to do and be a bit more supportive. i'd encourage him to have a good look at this site as it really does encourage everyone to lose weight healthily - mabey even sneakily leave your browser open on this thread so he can see what you're trying to do.

Honey, put your foot down. If the choice is you or him then its you. Try to explain to him that the best way to not fall back into old eating disorder habits is to have his support in you doing this the healthy way. He can get on board.... or get out.

certainly sounds challenging; I need a lot of support when I am making changes--have you thought about joining a support group? there are ones that are free; however, that may raise the issues with your man even more

You should sit down and talk to him because lying is not the case. Talk to him and tell him that your going to be fine, tell him if you guys can do this journey together.

You don't need a measuring tape, you can use a belt or scarf that you are willing to mark somehow (thread, tape, pencil, etc.) to track your progress. Since you have a history of disordered eating, your fiancé overreaction to your lifestyle change could just be fear or concern that you are going to harm yourself.

You didn't say in your post if he is sabotaging you in other ways, such as temping you to overeat. This is pretty common in families where one person commits to getting healthy. Is your fiancé healthy and committed to being healthy? If not, he may feel threatened that if you change you won't want to be with him anymore, especially if he is unwilling to change his own habits.

So I have officially been here 10 days and over the last 10 days my fiance is really really acting like a child. he's said he doesn't want me to lose ANYTHING because he's afraid i'm wanting to starve JUST my boobs off. he's accused me of using this site to fast. (for fasting you don't really need to count anything other than water.....) I have a history of eating disorders so i'm here to try to lose it in a healthy way, but he's making it really really hard. Since i can't measure myself today (today was my day to do that) now i feel like i don't want to eat anything at all because i'm worried about the measurements the more i just sit here on my fat *kitten* and wonder where the hell my 2 measuring tapes are. Why would he do something like that? Doesn't he want me happy? doesn't he want me the weight i was when i MET him??
edited to add: wednesday i'm going grocery shopping and will be buying another 3 measuring tapes and hiding them deep in my wardrobe or a jewelry box or something he won't go through.

my fiance hid all of my workout/food journals a few times; not to sabotage me but to illustrate how obsessive i was being. He said i was using exercise and health food to cover up my relapse into an eating disorder. If you cant go on with one missed measurement, you are being obsessive. Men dont typically come out and say, "i think you have a problem and im worried about you." my fiance doesnt give a rats rear end what size i am, i was paranoid and convinced myself he would leave if i ever got too big for my size 3 jeans. Im betting your man feels the same.

Sweetie Life is TOO SHORT to be in a non-supportive relationship. Ultimately, no man will ever be happy with a woman who becomes like his "mom". Sounds like HE needs to grow up and take charge of his own life, just as you have.

God Bless you!

In my dumbass humble opinion......

1. This is a fitness site, not an ED site. He needs to learn the difference.
2. Forget the tape measures. I have measured myself 3 times in 145 days. Good enuf.
3. If he's that controlling now, rethink the marriage thing. Hiding tape measures is definitely a red flag. (Again, my 2 cents)
4. Id talk to my Primary Care physician about the best way to use this site/program and not fall into an ED situation. (I actually got my doctor hooked on MFP! LOL)
5. This site is for support and fresh ideas on how to get and stay fit. He assumes that boot camp exercise is all that is needed. Well that may work for him, but it’s not the universal method. If it was, the only fitness program out in the rest of the world would be the boot camp exercise. But in contradiction, there are THOUSANDS! I have tried a lot of them and THIS MFP works for me.
6. Put your big girl panties on and tell him to get his bog boy shorts on and work healthy living together or think about both going it alone.
Again, this is just my opinion and dumbass advice.

Good luck!

I say it's great advice