Almost in tears and I can't quite explain why

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Crystal0827
Crystal0827 Posts: 244 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am on the verge of tears and can not completely tell you why...maybe complete disappointment in myself or I am total jealous jerk?!?

Let me explain what happened.

I e-mailed my grandmother yesterday catching her up on a few things and she responded and wanted to know about how the weight loss was going. She told me my Aunt has also been dieting ( she was very over weight) and has lost 80 pounds.

I was so happy for my Aunt because I can personally relate and I know how bad she wanted to be healthy.

I responded to my grandmother about how slow the last few months of my weight loss has been but I am still losing and thankfully haven't gained. I asked what my aunt was doing to lose her weight. I told her about this website and few others that I use for recipes.

I just read her responding e-mail and for some reason which I can't explain and find totally selfish--I am on the verge of tears. She explained my Aunt is doing low carb, low cal and has been walking3-4 miles a day. She said she buying clothes at a thrift store because she is changing sizes so much and she is currently in a size 12.

That is when a complete feeling of failure came over me and I could have let tears fall. I think I am jealous. I have been doing this journey longer and even though I know I didn't have as much weight as my Aunt to lose but I still haven't made as much progress as she has. I am not wearing a 12. I went from a size 16 to a 13 and that is where I have been for the past 4 months... I should be happy for my Aunt and I shouldn't feel this way but somewhere in my screwed up head I am mad at myself for not being a 12 too.

I'll get over it.

I am sorry I needed to vent and where else better but here.
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Replies

  • Kara_xxx
    Kara_xxx Posts: 635 Member
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    why does someone else doing well means you're not?

    it's just bad logic.

    if your aunt had a lot more to lose it's obvious that she'd be losing faster?

    why don't you do something positive with this information, for example looking at your carbs and seeing where you can improve things etc?
  • Crystalchaos72
    Crystalchaos72 Posts: 531
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    First of all you should never compare yourself to others. Second, isn't a 13 a junior size? Third, just keep doing what you are doing and don't let what people say get you down. You got this and are doing a great job! Plus think of it this way the faster it comes off, the quicker it comes back when things go back to *normal*. A kind of spiteful yet realistic way to look at it. Keep your chin up and continue on this lifestyle adjustment the right way! P.s. I am half carb :) love 'em
  • ajfc1971
    ajfc1971 Posts: 258 Member
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    52lbs lost is amazing. As I say you didn't go to bed slim and wake up fat. It will take time and it has got to be forever.... I am cut out bread for my 1st 3 weeks ( this is my 4th) and potatoes rice and pasta. But this was more to do with me being an eater that will do anything for quickness. You need to ask yourself if your Aunt could keep this up forever or will she fall back to her old ways. I don't know what exercise you do but maybe if you can try walking as well. Buy a pedomitor and set yourself a goal to walk that bit further each day or week. But mostly think of what you could have been if you had not started this journey. May email your Aunt as she knows what its like to go through it. Remember everyone has down days. Get old photo's out and put them to one side to check out everytime you forget how far you have come. Chin up - keep going xxx Amanda xx
  • Kara_xxx
    Kara_xxx Posts: 635 Member
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    Having looked at the last 3 days of your diary you're always considerably over on the sugars and carbs and always considerably under on the protein. Why don't you try turn that on it's head? Protein is a life force and absolutely essential.
  • sweetpea5445
    sweetpea5445 Posts: 36 Member
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    I understand how you feel. My sister has lost a lot of weight quickly and has kept it off. I"ve been yo=yoing for a long time. I think this time I'm going to make it. Because of this site, we have the support and motivation we need. Please add me as a friend.
  • aimeemusic
    aimeemusic Posts: 73 Member
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    *hugs*

    It's normal to have these feelings. Remember that with weight loss comes both physical AND emotional change. You don't see yourself as successful because you are comparing yourself to someone else instead of remembering the formal probably less heathy you.

    You need to stop attacking yourself and shaming yourself.

    This not a race....this is your life and change is hard AND You are succeeding.

    You slimmer, you probably have more endurance, you getting better at making choices food for yourself and you are still making time for huge lifestyle change.


    This is forever for us....focus on you....you deserve it. :)
  • Blondehelmet
    Blondehelmet Posts: 32 Member
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    Seriously, that's okay, it's perfectly natural to compare yourself to other people. And you don't sound jealous, it actually sounds more to me like you just wish that your grandma was talking about your successes. And it sounds like she will be eventually!

    All I can say is, you will get there. You are doing the work, and you need to understand that it's different for everyone.

    And also, I think you are doing so well, you WERE a 16, now you're a 13 (which is closer to 12 than 16 is), you keep going and soon you'll get to 12, thats amazing progress! Compare how you felt a few months ago to how you feel now... would you go back there? I doubt it. Now imagine continuing your path and look a few months into the future.... Imagine how amazing that is going to feel!!!

    You're on your path, it's just different and a little less drastic than your aunts. And it sounds like it's working for you.

    Hope this helps a little anyway,
    Bec
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    I understand how you feel, and as has been said, there's no logic to it, we shouldn't be comparing our progress against others, but I do think it is natural for us to do it. Ask me how jealous I've felt from time to time about the success my sister has accomplished.

    Thankfully, for me it's not a long lasting feeling, and I try to use it for the best, as in giving me incentive to focus instead of giving up.

    We just have to remind ourselves how well we are doing .As you said, you're losing, you haven't gained. That's success. Not failure.

    Keep up the great work.

    ~leaves a hug~
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
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    ((hugs)) feel proud of your achievement - slow but steady means you will keep it off.

    BTW severally impressed your Nan can email ...
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    13 is juniors size and 12 is misses. You can't really compare them, and I would venture that you're actually in the same size. So I'm not sure why that's an issue.

    But I do understand the frustration and jealousy even though you're happy for her. It's difficult to struggle and struggle and watch others drop weight so easily (or seemingly easily, anyway).

    But like you said, you haven't regained what you lost and that's a victory in itself!
  • Sweet_Potato
    Sweet_Potato Posts: 1,119 Member
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    "even though I know I didn't have as much weight as my Aunt to lose" <--- There, you identified why she's losing weight faster than you are. I've been using MFP since October and haven't even lost 10 pounds, and it's discouraging when I see people on this site bragging about dropping 100 with hardly any effort. But I remind myself that they started off much worse than I did.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    why does someone else doing well means you're not?

    it's just bad logic.

    if your aunt had a lot more to lose it's obvious that she'd be losing faster?

    why don't you do something positive with this information, for example looking at your carbs and seeing where you can improve things etc?
    ^^^^^^^^
    THIS
    Buck up and be glad for your progress. Let others' success inspire you.
  • jdavis193
    jdavis193 Posts: 972 Member
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    Feel proud what you have accomplished. You know she maybe doing drastic measures like low carb etc depending on how low if she goes back to the way she was eating she can easily gain back. I think you are doing great by doing it the right way.
  • Mrshotwing
    Mrshotwing Posts: 166 Member
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    You should not compare yourself to her, but instead use it at motivation to kick it up a notch!
  • waldenlev
    waldenlev Posts: 102 Member
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    You've lost 50+ lbs, why are you unhappy? Bet if you called your aunt she'd kick your *kitten* seven ways to Sunday for not being incredibly proud of what you accomplished! Bet your grandmother would too! Every body is different, we all have our own cycles of loss and rebalance. Be happy for your aunt, but more importantly, look at what you've done and be happy for yourself. Don't let this be a reason to go back to old habits, you're doing great keep it up!
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Having looked at the last 3 days of your diary you're always considerably over on the sugars and carbs and always considerably under on the protein. Why don't you try turn that on it's head? Protein is a life force and absolutely essential.

    This is excellent advice, particularly if you don't train regularly. Focus in on protein because irrespective of whatever side you fall on in the fat v carbs debate one thing is clearly true: most people do not eat enough of stuff.

    As for being a little jealous of your Aunt well that is nothing to beat yourself up over. It is a perfectly natural reaction to feel that way if you are struggling. That simply makes you human.

    I would say however that it indicates to me that your goals need redefining. Anyone can lose weight quickly. The big question is...can they keep it off in the long term.

    One of the major goals of your diet should be creating the building blocks of eating habits which can last you a life time. Do that and your weight loss may take a little longer but in five years time you will still be slim whilst other people will have regained and look upon your beauty with envious eyes....
  • Crystal0827
    Crystal0827 Posts: 244 Member
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    Thank you everyone. This is what I needed and this is why I posted my feelings. I need the outside view looking in. I needed someone to grab me by the shoulders and give me a BIG shake!

    Iknow this whole journey has a lot to do with "re-configuring" the brain also. Which is VERY HARD FOR ME. And my response/reaction to my grandmother's e-mail is very dramatic. I know this but can't change my feelings and there is even a voice in the back of my head as I type this "stop bit**in' and get over it!"

    I am going to do as everyone suggested. This isn't a race maybe in another 4 months I'll be wearing a 12, Maybe I should try a 12 on today and see how the do or don't fit and use that as motivation? Cause as I sit here and think...I haven't even tried a 12 on yet.....How do I know?

    I will reevaluate my eating habits which have been CRAP. I will reevaluate my meals, which have been CRAP. I will reevaluate and set goals--which I haven't done in 3 months. I will use my Aunt's success to push me harder--maybe instead of 15 push-ups I will think about that size 12 and do 25.

    I will stop whining, start smiling and keep moving. I can and I will.
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
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    Hugs Crystal,

    It just hit you wrong, honestly it happens to all of us. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are doing fantastic. Keep working on this for you and in your own time and you will reach your goal.

    Good Luck,

    Craig
  • prism3
    prism3 Posts: 10
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    I think to admit you are jealousy is honest and healthy. The crying is normal too. It is when you bottle it in and smile and be fake about it, let it consume your thoughts...well I think that's when it turns to envy. Envy is not good. Same goes with anger. If you are honest with yourself you show you are angry, but if you let it stay bottled in that anger can lead to hate.

    I think one thing to point out before people might get confused as to thinking why I am saying jealousy and anger are good things, is that what I am really trying to say is that jealousy is a temporary human emotion.

    When people act out of jealousy or anger, they are really acting out of fear. In your case, fear of failure is so common - I experience this same fear when I used to be out with my ex boyfriend who would check out other women in front of my face - but I would portray my emotions to him out of jealousy and anger. What I was really feeling was the fear he would leave me, or that he would not love me. I had to find out later (after painful relationship after painful relationship) that you have to love yourself before you can love others - in any size you are in first. Than you can heal. You're doing a better job than me! I just started.
  • MadeInDR022
    MadeInDR022 Posts: 260
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    You are doing GREAT! And are doing it to get yourself healthier and make yourself happier. Think about the positive changes you have made! Email your aunt and congratulate her. Support above all is what we ALL need.

    I completely understand you though. I used to feel like that sometimes when I saw people that have lost 60lbs in like 8 months and I've been at this for almost a year and have lost 15lbs. I know that in my journey I have gone the opposite direction and fallen back to my old habits, but I decided that I will use other peoples accomplishments as inspiration rather than another "bump" on the rode that takes me back to bad habits.

    You got this. You are amazing, and wonderful and just a freaking fantastic weight loser!

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