Need a laugh? I do..

Jbjessi
Jbjessi Posts: 288
in Chit-Chat
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
half a giggle.. can you do better?
«1

Replies

  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    What do you call a three legged donkey?
    >
    >
    A wonkey donkey.

    What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye?
    >
    >
    A winky wonkey donkey.

    What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells?
    >
    >
    A stinky winky wonkey donkey.

    What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells and plays the piano?
    >
    >
    A plinky plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey.

    What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells and plays the piano in a country music bar?
    >
    >
    A honky tonky plinky plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey.
  • Tat2dDom624
    Tat2dDom624 Posts: 1,226 Member
    A horse walk into a bar, sits down, asks the bartender for a beer. Bartender asks, "hey buddy, why the long face?"
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    An Irishman walks out of a bar... :P
  • Jodi827
    Jodi827 Posts: 40
    An Irishman walks out of a bar... :P


    Now, that's funny.
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • bigsargswife
    bigsargswife Posts: 74
    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

    This is my life today.
    And you are now my hero. :)
  • Doxts
    Doxts Posts: 4
    Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers?



    Under his buckin' hat!
  • Tat2dDom624
    Tat2dDom624 Posts: 1,226 Member
    I told my son that someday he'll have kids of his own. He said to me, "so will you".
  • TriThreat
    TriThreat Posts: 313
    (I'm blonde, so I will tell blonde jokes haha)

    Blonde comes home. Finds her house has been robbed. She calls the police department. Closest unit to her is the K9 unit.
    So the officer walks up to the house with his dog and knocks on the door. The blonde answers and door and bursts into tears.

    Officer: What's wrong ma'am?
    Blonde: I just got robbed and they send me a blind cop!
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
  • tajmel
    tajmel Posts: 401 Member
    A man walks into a bar.
    He says, "ouch".
  • 180farm
    180farm Posts: 230
    I told my son that someday he'll have kids of his own. He said to me, "so will you".

    Took me a minute. Hahahaha

    Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • waski1214
    waski1214 Posts: 12 Member
    How do catch a special animal? Unique up on him!

    What do you do if he gets away? Unique up on him again!
  • blair_bear
    blair_bear Posts: 165
    A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer. With that a man at the bar said I don't want to drink at the same bar as this dog. The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot. With that the dog yelped out of the bar and down the street.

    A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw"
  • basillowe66
    basillowe66 Posts: 432 Member
    A guy eating by himself in a nice restaurant. He notices a beautifull lady by herself next to him. He doesn't have the nerve to talk to her but soon she sneezes and her glass eye pops out, but he catches it and gives it back to her. She thanked him and joined him and bought his dinner. Then she bought him a couple of drinks. Soon she said lets go to my place and have a nightcap. As they are walking out he asks, are you always this nice to guys you just met? She said not really, but you just caught my eye!!!!!

    Basil
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    my mother saw the irony in calling my brother a son of a *****
  • Tat2dDom624
    Tat2dDom624 Posts: 1,226 Member
    My wife's the worst cook in the world. In my house we pray AFTER we eat.
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
    ...















    virgin mobile
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    my mother saw the irony in calling my brother a son of a *****

    lol
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
    ...
    virgin mobile
    i actually laughed out awesome
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
    The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts."
    The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket."
  • springseternal
    springseternal Posts: 245 Member
    A priest, a rabbi, and a black guy walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "what is this? A joke?"
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    An Irishman walks out of a bar... :P


    Now, that's funny.

    Lol, glad you think so. So along a similar thread, here's my next one.

    An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go to a bar and each order a beer but three flies come along and land into their drinks. The Irishman picks the fly out of his drink and drinks the beer. The Englishman demands the bartender get him another beer as his has been sullied by the fly. The Scotsman takes the fly out and starts hitting it, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
  • AnotherHolly
    AnotherHolly Posts: 47
    It's not really a joke but it makes me laugh when I think of it.
    My four year old niece asked me where milk comes, I told her cows...
    She asked "how?" and as I was about to explain she said
    "oh I know, the farmers let the cows pee in the cups and we drink it"
    She seemed satisfied with her answer, and is happy drinking milk even though she thinks it is cowpee.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    (I'm blonde, so I will tell blonde jokes haha)

    Blonde comes home. Finds her house has been robbed. She calls the police department. Closest unit to her is the K9 unit.
    So the officer walks up to the house with his dog and knocks on the door. The blonde answers and door and bursts into tears.

    Officer: What's wrong ma'am?
    Blonde: I just got robbed and they send me a blind cop!

    I loved this one!!!!
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
    My daughter got a guinea pig. My nephew who was like 7 came over to see it. He wanted to get a ball to put him in so he could run around. I explained to him that guinea pigs have back bones so they can't run in a ball. I explained that his hamster doesn't have a back bone so he could run in one and not get hurt. My nephew looked at me puzzled and said "Do they have front bones?"
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    Laws of Washington state (my state usa)

    Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.

    When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.

    It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.

    Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.

    LOL represent Washington State.!!!
  • AnotherHolly
    AnotherHolly Posts: 47
    My daughter got a guinea pig. My nephew who was like 7 came over to see it. He wanted to get a ball to put him in so he could run around. I explained to him that guinea pigs have back bones so they can't run in a ball. I explained that his hamster doesn't have a back bone so he could run in one and not get hurt. My nephew looked at me puzzled and said "Do they have front bones?"

    That is fantastic!!! Bahaha
  • stevee71
    stevee71 Posts: 29
    Why did the football coach go to the bank? He wanted his quarterback. :)

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