Need a laugh? I do..

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2

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  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
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    what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
    ...
    virgin mobile
    i actually laughed out awesome
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
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    This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
    The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts."
    The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket."
  • springseternal
    springseternal Posts: 245 Member
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    A priest, a rabbi, and a black guy walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "what is this? A joke?"
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    An Irishman walks out of a bar... :P


    Now, that's funny.

    Lol, glad you think so. So along a similar thread, here's my next one.

    An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go to a bar and each order a beer but three flies come along and land into their drinks. The Irishman picks the fly out of his drink and drinks the beer. The Englishman demands the bartender get him another beer as his has been sullied by the fly. The Scotsman takes the fly out and starts hitting it, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
  • AnotherHolly
    AnotherHolly Posts: 47
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    It's not really a joke but it makes me laugh when I think of it.
    My four year old niece asked me where milk comes, I told her cows...
    She asked "how?" and as I was about to explain she said
    "oh I know, the farmers let the cows pee in the cups and we drink it"
    She seemed satisfied with her answer, and is happy drinking milk even though she thinks it is cowpee.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    (I'm blonde, so I will tell blonde jokes haha)

    Blonde comes home. Finds her house has been robbed. She calls the police department. Closest unit to her is the K9 unit.
    So the officer walks up to the house with his dog and knocks on the door. The blonde answers and door and bursts into tears.

    Officer: What's wrong ma'am?
    Blonde: I just got robbed and they send me a blind cop!

    I loved this one!!!!
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
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    My daughter got a guinea pig. My nephew who was like 7 came over to see it. He wanted to get a ball to put him in so he could run around. I explained to him that guinea pigs have back bones so they can't run in a ball. I explained that his hamster doesn't have a back bone so he could run in one and not get hurt. My nephew looked at me puzzled and said "Do they have front bones?"
  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
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    Laws of Washington state (my state usa)

    Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.

    When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.

    It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.

    Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.

    LOL represent Washington State.!!!
  • AnotherHolly
    AnotherHolly Posts: 47
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    My daughter got a guinea pig. My nephew who was like 7 came over to see it. He wanted to get a ball to put him in so he could run around. I explained to him that guinea pigs have back bones so they can't run in a ball. I explained that his hamster doesn't have a back bone so he could run in one and not get hurt. My nephew looked at me puzzled and said "Do they have front bones?"

    That is fantastic!!! Bahaha
  • stevee71
    stevee71 Posts: 29
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    Why did the football coach go to the bank? He wanted his quarterback. :)
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,094 Member
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    a blonde, a brunette and a red head walk into a bar.
    bartender looks up and says "what, is this some kind of joke?"

    what is the blondes mating call? "i am so drunk"
    what is the brunettes matting call? "all the blondes are gone"
    what is the red heads mating call? "next"


    two men walk into a bar, the third ducks

    did you hear about the polish terrorist?
    he tried to blow up a car, and burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

    (that last on was my husbands joke.. )
  • Merrychrissmith
    Merrychrissmith Posts: 238 Member
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    If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
  • Tat2dDom624
    Tat2dDom624 Posts: 1,226 Member
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    The other day i went to use spot remover. Now my dog is missing.....
  • lil_bit_crazy
    lil_bit_crazy Posts: 161 Member
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    Seems nowadays everything is made in China.
    Except babies.
    They're made in VaChina.
  • FlyByJuly
    FlyByJuly Posts: 564 Member
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    Q: What do you get when you breed Lassie with a pitbull?
    A: A dog who will chew your leg off and then run for help.
  • ucpg
    ucpg Posts: 158
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    ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
    half a giggle.. can you do better?

    LOL i had to read it over cause my amazing brain turned bra into bar automatically. heeheehee
  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
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    what do you call a constipated German?

    Farfrompoopin
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
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    A guy walks into a bar and asks for a jack and coke.
    The bartender hands him an apple. Guy looks at the apple and says, "This is an apple, I asked for a jack and coke".
    Bartender says, "Take a bite." Guy bites it and says it tastes just like jack. Bartender says, "Turn it around and bite the other side."
    Guy does so and says it tastes like coke.
    Next guy walks in and asks for vodka and orange juice. Same thing, bartender hands him an apple.
    He looks at the bartender and begins to ask, but the guy says just bite the apple its amazing.
    Guy bites one side and it tastes like vodka, bites the other side and it tastes like orange juice.
    Third guy comes in and the two guys immediately says, ask the bartender for anything and he'll give you an apple that tastes just like it.
    Guy says, ok I want some *****.
    Bartender hands him a *****.
    Guy bites it and says, this tastes like *kitten*.
    Bartender says, "Turn it around"
    LMFAO
  • XmanMike
    XmanMike Posts: 183 Member
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    Three men decided they were going on a journey through the desert. They agreed to bring something to help them along the way. The first man arrived with buckets of ice water on his camel. The second one brought white linen. The third guy showed up with a car door.
    "Why did you bring a door?" the first guy asked.
    The third guy replied, "When it gets hot, I'm gonna roll the window down."
  • XmanMike
    XmanMike Posts: 183 Member
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    A brunette, red head and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender points to the brunette. "You first."
    "I'll have Captain and Coke."
    The bartender hooked her up and looked at the red head.
    "I'll have vodka and red bull."
    The bartender made her drink and looked at the blonde.
    "I'll have a 15," she said.
    The bartender gave her a funny look. "What's a 15?"
    "You know what it is, silly," said the blonde. "Seven and seven."

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