Need a laugh? I do..

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Seems nowadays everything is made in China.
Except babies.
They're made in VaChina.

''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
half a giggle.. can you do better?

LOL i had to read it over cause my amazing brain turned bra into bar automatically. heeheehee

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a jack and coke.
The bartender hands him an apple. Guy looks at the apple and says, "This is an apple, I asked for a jack and coke".
Bartender says, "Take a bite." Guy bites it and says it tastes just like jack. Bartender says, "Turn it around and bite the other side."
Guy does so and says it tastes like coke.
Next guy walks in and asks for vodka and orange juice. Same thing, bartender hands him an apple.
He looks at the bartender and begins to ask, but the guy says just bite the apple its amazing.
Guy bites one side and it tastes like vodka, bites the other side and it tastes like orange juice.
Third guy comes in and the two guys immediately says, ask the bartender for anything and he'll give you an apple that tastes just like it.
Guy says, ok I want some *****.
Bartender hands him a *****.
Guy bites it and says, this tastes like *kitten*.
Bartender says, "Turn it around"
LMFAO

A brunette, red head and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender points to the brunette. "You first."
"I'll have Captain and Coke."
The bartender hooked her up and looked at the red head.
"I'll have vodka and red bull."
The bartender made her drink and looked at the blonde.
"I'll have a 15," she said.
The bartender gave her a funny look. "What's a 15?"
"You know what it is, silly," said the blonde. "Seven and seven."

Blond girl is on the bus and she really needed to fart. Luckily the music was on and she let one rip. When she got off the bus she noticed she was listening to her iPod.

What do you call a vegan with diahrea?





A salad shooter.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

This is the world's funniest joke, according to Wikipedia. We have the excellent Spike Milligan to thank for it

Although I have always had a soft spot for the second funniest joke, which cracks me up as much today as it did when I was a kid:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Kind of long but the best one I've got:

A boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog on a leash, thump, thump, thump. The head madam, somehwhat puzzled, asks "Can I help you?". The boy says "I want a prostitute with VD". Shocked, the head madam says "I'm sorry, but you are only a young boy, we can not help you". The boy responds "Look lady, I'll pay extra" and pulls out a huge wad of cash. Against her better judgement, but because business was slow, she agrees and sends him upstairs.

A little while later he comes back downstairs, still dragging his dead frog on a leash- thump, thump, thump. Before he can leave the head madam stops him.

"I'm sorry, but I just have to know why a boy with a dead frog wanted a hooker with VD so bad."

"Ok lady, here's the story... I just banged the hooker and now I have VD. I am going to go back home and make it with the baby sitter and give her VD. Tonight, mom and dad are going to come home and dad will take the babysitter home. Along the way, he will do her and give her VD. When Dad gets back, he and mom are going to do it and then mom will have VD. Tomorrow morning dad will go to work and mom will bang the mail man and .... (wait for it)....... and he is the son of a b--ch that ran over my frog!!!!"

Standing in the park I was wondering why it is that a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

You guys are killin' me here !
LOOOOL

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

lol poor rabbit!