My Sister Makes Fun of me when I try to be healthy..
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I've had "friends" do similar things. Just know that it is their own insecurities, bleeding out on you. I've had a hard time with that in the past, but don't let people make you feel guilty for the the good choices you are making in your life. Stay strong, and know that you have lots of people on MFP that will support your healthy changes, and give you encouragement. I found the people in my life who ARE supportive, and try to be around them as much as possible.
Good luck to you! :-)0 -
I would lovingly confront her about it. Sisters are forever. She needs to correct the behavior now so that your relationship can be healthy and happy. Let her know how it makes you feel, try to get her in your shoes. Maybe come up with a word, a code word that calls the conversation back to her when she says something hurtful. Try to get her to explore WHY she does this. Yeesh, I'm sorry man. I would be really upset if my sister did that to me. How awful. If nothing helps, just keep your distance, like you said.
I totally believe that Sisters are forever and will always be there if she needs me. However, I won't treat her as my Best Friend. I just can't do that anymore. There's been many things in the past that made me think "Wow, what the!?" She's gone after guys she knows like me.. tried taking friends, etc.
Honestly the reasoning behind this is I have done a lot of things she hasn't- I graduated High School and Went to College. I lived on my own, and don't have kids. She dropped out of High School her Sophomore Year, Had her first child at 17, then she got married, had two more kids and got her RN! Her Husband is Super Awesome & She's come a long way. But I often hear I am Selfish, cause I don't have kids... It's difficult but there.0 -
challenge her to lose xx amount by xx time but be encouraging to her, it just might rub off on her.
My sister use to be that way but then found what clicked for her she "is" smaller then I will ever be but she is very encouraging and suportive now
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Sadly there ill always be people who will TRY to bring us down. I feel your pain0
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I agree, she's definitely got her own self-esteem issues. Unfortunately, instead of recognizing them for what they are (as you seem to have done for yourself), she's taking them out on you. Those we love are easy targets, as bass-ackwards as it may seem. Hopefully recognizing it for what it is will help you let it go, but perhaps a candid discussion is in order.0
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Dang. She said that a dude has to be gay to like you?
Yea, that sucks right!? I have had to have other people support the fact that so and so isn't gay and doesnt like everyone.0 -
Sounds like it's time to get some new friends who like you for YOU, not how you eat or party (or whatever it was).I have the same problem, but with all my friends. To them I'm the "New, boring Katie"...0 -
I would suggest trying to get her to jump on board with you. Even if she doesn't have to lose anything, she may see that the choices you are making are actually good and it could possibly even help y'all grow closer together.0
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My friends jokingly picked on me as well. They'd invite me to eat but I'd always either bring a protein bar or eat before we met. Over time, they got used to it and stopped nagging me. And judging by your photos, "boring" is certainly not a way I'd describe you!I have the same problem, but with all my friends. To them I'm the "New, boring Katie"...0 -
Sisters are competitive. I know-- I have two of them! We also often get jealous of each other's bodies when one of us starts to look better. Don't let it get to you!0
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may i ask... how old is your sister?0
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may i ask... how old is your sister?
She's 29 and I am 260 -
I have 2 sisters, one who is the sweetest thing, so supportative - even now that I am smaller than her we still challenge eachother and than on the other hand my other sister, is a complete witch, she puts me down for trying to live a healther lifestyle. I too, as others try and distance myself from the negativity. Your sister has her own issues that she needs to obviously work through, I know its easier said than done, but either have a chat with her or just completely ignore her. All the best in your fitness journey, remember this is for you! 0
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I have recently had this happen also in a different way. My sister is a one upper. Anything I have done, well she always did just a little bit more. I have been dancing to Dance Central, slowly building up so (at the time) I had done 10 songs in a row. She commented Oh well I did 15. She is the same size as I am and I know sure as *kitten*, that me getting to 10 was hard enough. Her getting to 15 was not possible, especially if she just did it one day, no building up to it.
It annoys me that she is a one upper. But it pushes me to try to match "her 15". But I have distanced myself from her recently, simply because I do not need her always making MY accomplishments seem like nothing compared to her. if she even did 15. I doubt it very much.
It sounds like your sister is jealous of what you are doing. You are beautiful. Maybe she is scared you will get alot of attention for what you are doing from guys and other family members?0 -
Use it to motivate you! One of the best things to help motivate weight loss in my opinion is turning negative energy in your everyday life in to motivation! You are making strides to better yourself, not only your physical self but your mental self. Getting healthy the right way should improve your whole lifestyle! Think about it this way, you know that she is treating you this way because of her own insecurities...when you hear those hurtful comments and the laughing channel it into motivation by thinking or even saying just you wait, I CAN do this and really love who you are now to strengthen your self esteem. I believe you have to love yourself now to be able to love yourself when you're not dieting, or you'll fall back into the same habits. Then when you're conquering your goal hopefully you will give her the motivation to come to love herself.
Anytime it gets hard or you find yourself staring in the fridge not hungry, hear her in your head saying those negative things and say " I can do this" "I am beautiful" and "I will show her that I have the strength to surpass her shallow remarks, and hopefully someday I can help be her positive motivation"0 -
may i ask... how old is your sister?
She's 29 and I am 26
oh dear Lord. i was expecting 10 years off that number.
i hate it when everything has to be a pissing contest with someone. and trust me, i know. i'm the oldest of 5, my husband is one of 4, my mom is the youngest of 5, i have know that sigblings can be very competitive.
just let her dig her own grave and don't let it bother you. other people will see how everything is a pissing contest for her and she will isolate herself. but you just doing you is the sweetest revenge she's obviously not happy inside, so she has to bring others down with her. its not about you, its about her and her own issues. don't let it get you down. and if/when the time is right, approach her about her behavior in a loving way. 0 -
Wow. She actually sounds jealous and miserable. Sorry to say that about your sister, but I used to do that to people... and at the time I was 270lbs and miserable... so, whatever she's unhappy with, she needs to fix it. Quick.0
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This!! ^^^My sister was the same way. I haven't talked to her in four months. Toxic people will only bring you down. I have found that I am happier without her and without her judgement/drama. It only gets better from here.0 -
This!! ^^^My sister was the same way. I haven't talked to her in four months. Toxic people will only bring you down. I have found that I am happier without her and without her judgement/drama. It only gets better from here.
i agree with this. you both are ADULTS, not kids any more. you have every right to (and you SHOULD) seperate yourself from her until she's ready and able to not be a toxic presence in your life. i have a brother that i've had to do this to. trust me, its for the better for both of you.0 -
I agree that Toxic People should be put aside.. but then I feel like I am doing something wrong by putting my Sister aside.
Afterall she is Family.. Ya know.. It just is an inner conflict I have within myself I suppose.0 -
I agree that Toxic People should be put aside.. but then I feel like I am doing something wrong by putting my Sister aside.
Afterall she is Family.. Ya know.. It just is an inner conflict I have within myself I suppose.
Toxic Sister......hmmmmm a good band name?
Being family does not giver the right to be abusive. Sounds like she has to try to drag you down to make herself feel better, it may sound harsh but be straight with her. Tell her she has two choices, she cans the crap or you create some distance.0 -
you arent doing anything wrong by putting her aside, she is doing something wrong by putting you down and being so hatefully jealous of your success. I know you love your family, but you cant let them suck you down.0
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I agree that Toxic People should be put aside.. but then I feel like I am doing something wrong by putting my Sister aside.
Afterall she is Family.. Ya know.. It just is an inner conflict I have within myself I suppose.
Toxic Sister......hmmmmm a good band name?
Being family does not giver the right to be abusive. Sounds like she has to try to drag you down to make herself feel better, it may sound harsh but be straight with her. Tell her she has two choices, she cans the crap or you create some distance.
It would make a good band name, huh! haha
I have had that talk with her saying that I am going to step back and live my life without including her in my Day to Day things.
She will just make comments now like "Oh you're still mad at me?"
Just the other day she mentioned a Cute guy on my Facebook and how she thinks he likes me. I was like, yea we're good friends and she was like "Well he's probably Gay- so Don't waste your time" I was like "Ummmm Thank You!?"
Anyways- it seems like talking with her about the issue doesn't matter much. These sort of things have been happening for years now.
Even our Father says she's a Bully. Boo to that- because there are other times where she's the nicest person!! It's hard to know which way it up really..0 -
As you have done, distance yourself from her. At this point, you are giving her far too much power over your feelings. Surround yourself with people who are really on your side, 100% of the time. When she wonders why things have changed, you can explain or not. She is who she is--you cannot change her--she has to want to recognize what she is doing and stop it. Sounds like it will be awhile. I understand how hard this is--I have gone through a loss of a brother due to similar circumstances. We live in the same town. It took a year for him to realize it was his problem, now we are close again.0
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As an older sister who is meaner to her younger sister, here is my advice-
the meaner she is the hotter and more interesting you probably are or are becoming! Try to ignore her and if you have to, just avoid conversation with her. You can try to be nice by inviting her to become more healthy with you and if she responds rudely, just say you were trying to be nice and continue ignoring her. Just because she's family doesn't mean she gets to treat you like ****. I've realized my sister and I will never get along well so we see each other very rarely now. But honestly the distance means that for the brief time we do see each other we get along a bit better. Family doesn't mean you two have to be best friends or hang out all the time.0 -
As someone who is a huge fan of sibling relationships, I fully support you taking a breather from her. There is so much unspoken competition with sisters, you need to focus on yourself right now and channel your energy there.
As someone who is a huge fan of sibling fighting, you should totally be mean. Ruthless mean. The kind of mean you can only be to family. "oh, he likes everyone." "Really? Because he told me you're a *&^%."
"He's probably gay." "Oh... did you get to him first?"
But you should probably be mature and just stay away for awhile.0 -
She is, in the truest sense of the word, a hater. Haters hate on you because you have something they want and they think that they can't have. Whether it be a nice car, a wonderful husband or a healthy lifestyle. What you need to do is realize that the hate comes from HER OWN INSECURITY, as so many others have already mentioned. You don't need her for support or approval, you are wonderful and strong as you are, and if you're feeling down and out or uninspired, you can always come here or go to someone else for support.0
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I'll say this: She is definitely jealous of you. You are VERY pretty in your profile pic. If she is not so pretty, then she is really feeling threatened that you will be skinny and beautiful. Try to ignore it the best you can. I know her support means alot, but I don't think she has it in her to support you.
Come here for your support!!
Good luck!0 -
She often will say "If you get skinnier than me, I will be so pissed" at first I thought- oh haha, she's kidding.
But then she would start making fun of the things I was doing..
Eating Salad or a low Calorie item when we go out to eat.
Not eating Dessert or having a yogurt instead..
Eating Fruit or Veggies alone instead of chips & dip or added things.
Etc.
But it goes further too..
If she sees, hears or finds out about a guy flirting with me she'll be like "oh they like everyone" or " I bet their gay"
I myself have Self Esteem issues & she knows this. So It's so hard having someone who should be that go to person put you down.
ugh- just needed to vent.
like I always say, let the haters be your motivators!! lol0 -
You have to be your own best friend- at least for now!
It's hard when someone has to compare themselves to you in order to feel self-esteem. But she puts you down because if you don't change then she doesn't have to change too,
and maybe she is giving you a back handed compliment - if you are strong then she can rely on you for support when she needs it. JMHO0
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