Mind Not Believing the Change in Physical Appearance

blonde71
blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been trying to lead a healthy lifestyle for about 5 years now but really kicked it into high gear at the end of last summer. I wasn't overweight per se but very frumpy and out-of-shape. Years of inactivity and a bad diet, left me very soft-looking.

Anwyay, I've made some good progress and I'm happy that I'm in a healthier place. The problem is that in my mind, I'm still very much that frumpy, out-of-shape woman, especially when I look in the mirror. I've taken progress photos along the way so intellectually I realize that I've changed for the better.

Has anyone else experienced this where you can't wrap your mind around the physical change in your appearance? How long does it take for your mind to realize that the person in the mirror really is you? Just wondering.
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Replies

  • eig6
    eig6 Posts: 249 Member
    YES! Most days I am still convinced I am fat, unhealthy, and over weight. Im not where I want to be yet ( I want to get down to 18%-20% BF) but I know I'm not fat when I really think about it- Im a size 4 for crying out loud! Still..I often FEEl fat if that makes any sense. I was fat for 10+ years, almost my whole life though. I think it will take a while to catch up mentally :ohwell: .
  • Carrie3B
    Carrie3B Posts: 45 Member
    I'm in the same boat! I look in the mirror and all I see are my flaws. I know from looking at pictures that Iook better than I use to look. But I have a certain "picture" in my mind of how I want to look and I am nowhere close. My husband and trainer are both getting sick of me--ha ha. But then again, that's what keeps me working harder--even when I don't want to hit the gym. Is it a "self image problem" or just wanting to be the best that we can be?
  • purpleprose
    purpleprose Posts: 650
    I'm definitely experiencing some of that, too. I've lost nearly 100 pounds, have gone from a 22/24 to a 10/12 and still see a fat person in the mirror. I was complaining about my butt to a friend recently, and she got a little snappy because mine is now smaller than hers. But I can't *see* that so it makes it really hard.

    I have a side-by-side before and after photo that helps me realize it. But it's still a struggle.
  • lauleipop
    lauleipop Posts: 260 Member
    If you are like me, you've spent the majority (or all) of your life looking in the mirror and hating what you saw. I did. I can remember thinking I had fat thighs....when I was 5. Awesome.

    A speaker I heard (H. Walker) said we teach others how to treat us. The same is true of ourself: I taught me how to think about me. And I taught me to hate, belittle, despise, nitpick, tear down. I started this journey unable to see anything valuable or attractive about myeslf.

    About 2 years ago, I started saying "I am beautiful. I am powerful." I said it to myself, in front of the mirror. Feeling stupid. Whispering it if I thought my partner or my daughter might hear me. Now I say it with confidence.

    It's a small step, those affirmations, but it has instilled a massive change for me.

    Now I have other affirmations:
    "I am fast. I am strong." (because I run)
    "I am a warrior. I have overcome. I am victorious." (because sometimes life sucks)

    Lately, I've been working on accepting body parts. I have a HUGE rump. Now I stand in front of the mirror and say "Look at that *kitten*! B!tches pay money to get an *kitten* like this." (not all affirmations have to be classy, ya'll)

    I hope you find your peace about the new body you've worked so hard to achieve.
  • trojanbb
    trojanbb Posts: 1,297 Member
    Yep. I still feel like the skinny little boy I used to be. I honestly have to remind myself on a daily basis that I've physically changed.

    ^^The affirmations above help a lot.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    "Look at that *kitten*! B!tches pay money to get an *kitten* like this."

    OMG, I think I now have a girl crush on you. I am totally stealing this affirmation. :laugh: :laugh: :flowerforyou:
  • lmliddicoet
    lmliddicoet Posts: 5
    Yes! I struggle with this issue daily! The support and reassurance I get from my friends and family is amazing, but later, I'll find myself looking in the mirror and focusing on the flaws I still see there. My principle problem seems to be that I can't wrap my head around my current weight (169) and the size I'm wearing (8). In my brain, the two do not correspond, though I am proof that they do. It's a very odd and frustrating situation to find yourself in. You are so completely not alone.
  • trm981
    trm981 Posts: 42 Member
    I feel like I look almost exactly the same as 30 pounds ago. I honestly don't know if its because I thought I was a lot skinnier then than I actually was or I think I'm a lot bigger now than I actually am. I guess its probably somewhere in between those two. I wear a 5/7 in Juniors yet I still feel enormous.
  • akaporn
    akaporn Posts: 231 Member
    Are you crazy???? You are really HOT! I worked my *kitten* off so hard and still doesn't have crazy abs like yours. Your smile is beautiful too!

    In addition to that, why don't you try something new. Pick up a sport. Start with something easy that you can enjoy (softball / kickball / Frisbee golf / etc). And go crazy with it. join a league, a pickup game (check out www.meetup.com). This will take your mind out of the day-to-day workout/diet routine. Focusing too much on one thing is not healthy. As you progress in those activities, it will help you realized how far have you improved. I can't imagine myself doing just insanity of lift weight. I need soccer to help me reaffirming myself that I am better, faster, stronger... Having good friends and relatives also help as well.

    By the way, You guys and girls are amazing! your transformations are awesome. If I had to go through what you guys already been through and be where you are right now, I'll be super happy. But, since Blonde71 is the only one who is my MFP friend, she gets No1 by default.

    Take it easy. This suppose to be fun.
  • blonde71
    blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
    Nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I will have to try those daily affirmations, for sure. I'm positive eventually my mind will accept the new image in the mirror. One day at a time...
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    I def feel that way!! I went from almost 16 to a 10. Do you think I notice a difference? NOPE!!
  • trojanbb
    trojanbb Posts: 1,297 Member
    Nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I will have to try those daily affirmations, for sure. I'm positive eventually my mind will accept the new image in the mirror. One day at a time...

    You do look incredible though!
  • ang3h
    ang3h Posts: 185 Member
    I have that same problem. I've never been obese or even just "fat".. maybe chunky at the most, I'm 5'3" and my highest weight was 148 and that's about when I decided I needed to make some changes.. I've never been happy with my body and have never been big on exercise and it's hard to accept all the progress I've made. I've lost 30 lbs and did some toning up.. I only started going to the gym about 5 months ago, before that I'd never stepped foot in one or had the desire to.. and now I go 6 days a week.

    When I'm having a particularly bad body image day, which is still most days unfortunately, I look back at old pictures of myself and I'm really shocked at how different I look and that helps.. but I still have a hard time accepting my "new" body. I almost feel like if I do accept it and am happy with myself, I'll become complacent and go back to not exercising and eating whatever the hell I want whenever I want.
  • purpleprose
    purpleprose Posts: 650
    Lately, I've been working on accepting body parts. I have a HUGE rump. Now I stand in front of the mirror and say "Look at that *kitten*! B!tches pay money to get an *kitten* like this." (not all affirmations have to be classy, ya'll)

    EPIC. Love it!
  • 20shan08
    20shan08 Posts: 219 Member
    I feel the same way, especially when I'm naked. I have no idea what I looked like, naked 55 lbs heavier but I still see myself that way. Unless I look at my progress pictures, then I'm like "whoa, where did i go?'
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
    If you are like me, you've spent the majority (or all) of your life looking in the mirror and hating what you saw. I did. I can remember thinking I had fat thighs....when I was 5. Awesome.

    A speaker I heard (H. Walker) said we teach others how to treat us. The same is true of ourself: I taught me how to think about me. And I taught me to hate, belittle, despise, nitpick, tear down. I started this journey unable to see anything valuable or attractive about myeslf.

    About 2 years ago, I started saying "I am beautiful. I am powerful." I said it to myself, in front of the mirror. Feeling stupid. Whispering it if I thought my partner or my daughter might hear me. Now I say it with confidence.

    It's a small step, those affirmations, but it has instilled a massive change for me.

    Now I have other affirmations:
    "I am fast. I am strong." (because I run)
    "I am a warrior. I have overcome. I am victorious." (because sometimes life sucks)

    Lately, I've been working on accepting body parts. I have a HUGE rump. Now I stand in front of the mirror and say "Look at that *kitten*! B!tches pay money to get an *kitten* like this." (not all affirmations have to be classy, ya'll)

    I hope you find your peace about the new body you've worked so hard to achieve.



    I just have to say "YOU ARE AWESOME!". :) I vow to remember this post when I reach my goal.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
    I still avoid looking in mirror when I am naked because I am scared I will still see the 190 lbs me. A lot of times this summer I have felt like I shouldn't be wearing the shorts and dresses I have been because of thoughts that I look too big. I know I have lost weight and look better- all you wonderful MFP ppl tell me so, but it's still hard to wrap my head around it. I've been on the bigger side for 28 years of my life, this is a huge adjustment.
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    I had that same problem when I was doing some in-between-sizes clothes shopping (buying just a couple of pieces here and there). I could not make myself buy a size 18. Id never bought or worn a size 18 in my life.... I kept buying 20s and they wouldnt fit. It was a complete mental block. I was in denial that I had actually gotten down to that small of a size.
  • ChrisRS87
    ChrisRS87 Posts: 781 Member
    I know I have more definition too but psychologically it happened so slowly it still feels like the same person from 2 years ago. Then I found before pics from 2 years ago and I was like woah!

    But I know I'm not where I want to be, yet.

    #getcut
  • jesscaponigro
    jesscaponigro Posts: 114 Member
    I feel this way all of the time. I am constantly looking at myself in the mirror and saying, wow, I'm still fat, and then my husband yells at me and says, "You look fantastic, what are you talking about?". I have struggled with my weight my whole life, my heaviest I was about 245 and now I'm down to 145. I didn't join MFP until this past November to take off the last 20 pounds to reach my goal, but I still struggle with seeing the difference when I look in the mirror. I however do see the change in pictures, someone will take a picture of me, and I usually say, wow when did I lose that weight, because I don't see it.

    We all happen to be our own worst enemy when it comes to body image!
  • charlotte66
    charlotte66 Posts: 248 Member
    yep i feel like this! i remember 2/3 years ago looking in the mirror thinking i was the same as i am now and i was 3 stone lighter then!! looking at old pics i was tiny but im still in the mind set i look the same as i did pre children 5 years ago the out of shape 14 stone teenager
  • jodyw83
    jodyw83 Posts: 38
    It's called body dysmorphia and it's a real and serious thing. I looked at old pics from high school when I thought I was huge and I was tiny! I hope now that I can appreciate the thin me this time!
  • Amryfal
    Amryfal Posts: 225
    i have lost 41 lbs. (4 sizes) and i still can't see it in the mirror. i have another ~50 to go and i'm hoping that someday i'll be able to see it. i know my old clothes are all too big; i've been buying sizes i haven't worn since high school (was still heavy then); i ask my fiancé if he notices, and he says he does. but i can't see it. i wish i'd taken a "before" pic or measurements so i could look at that when i'm feeling low, but i steered well clear of cameras/measuring tapes at my biggest.

    you aren't alone. when i need to reassure myself, i check my upper arms and thighs (starting to show a straight line in places rather than a wide curve, lol) and find my recently-revealed hip-bones. i have a corset, and occasionally i put it on to see how much tighter i can lace it - more than i could have imagined (when i have to buy a new one, *that* will be news - heh). i've got a ways to go but i can *feel* small differences much more effectively than i can *see* any changes in the mirror.
  • sweetbeckymarie
    sweetbeckymarie Posts: 144
    I'm the same way and have been for years, aside from having my "skinny days" I still see the flawed areas that have always been my troubled areas body wise. Which is just ridiculous at my size. But when I put on those jeans that used to fit just a bit snugger and they are comfortable that is enough for me.
  • 1Cor1510
    1Cor1510 Posts: 413 Member
    Bump.
  • reggie2run
    reggie2run Posts: 477 Member
    Ditto!

    But one of my MFP told me once that if I didn't want to go back from where I came weight-wise, I had better start working on my mind as well as my body. It's still a work in progress but slowly and surely, I am beginning to see the new me when I look in the mirror. I'm still not fond of my behind or my tummy, but it's a work in progress and so am I....so I'm working on being proud of where I am, of all I've accomplished cause I don't want to ever go back. We have to work on catching our minds up to our bodies. Not any easy task as, like another poster said, we are our own worst enemies.
  • gmichaelguy
    gmichaelguy Posts: 123 Member
    i wish i'd taken a "before" pic or measurements so i could look at that when i'm feeling low, but i steered well clear of cameras/measuring tapes at my biggest..

    Well take that picture now so you won't be in the same place 20 pounds from now! And I bet someone snapped a picture at some point. Maybe you just have to search for it.
  • mc1927
    mc1927 Posts: 1
    you look amazing you should be happy with what you've done for yourself
  • Rockmyskinnyjeans
    Rockmyskinnyjeans Posts: 431 Member
    I have the occasional "skinny" day where I see myself as I probably should, but usually I still see all the flaws. Putting the pics side by side has helped some. Having a husband who rearrirms that I've lost a ton helps, too. Retail therapy in clothes 3-5 sizes smaller definitely helps, but then I fall back to the bad days. I wish there was some magic cure to get past them. *sigh
  • Amryfal
    Amryfal Posts: 225
    i wish i'd taken a "before" pic or measurements so i could look at that when i'm feeling low, but i steered well clear of cameras/measuring tapes at my biggest..

    Well take that picture now so you won't be in the same place 20 pounds from now! And I bet someone snapped a picture at some point. Maybe you just have to search for it.

    i did that just the other day :) and i'm thinking my mother has to have pics floating around - she is ALL CAMERA ALL THE TIME especially when she's in grandma mode lol

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