Anyone else have this crushing realisation?

I have the exact same problem! Part of the issue is that I am extremely hard on myself, and can never seem to give myself a break. I am much better than I think I am, and so are you! Be kind to yourself.

Not that this will be you, but before I could get sirious about losing weight I had to resign myself to the fact that even if I made it to my goal weight not only would I never look as good as someone who has been that weight forever, I will never even look normal. Once I decided that was ok I made this about something other than how I would look in the end. Now I don't feel defeated before even starting.

This is a journey, and one that will take some time. You need to stay focus on the goal and not the amount of steps you are taking toward it. Stay focused and strong you can do it.

Take that picture and sit it next to a picture of before you started on your quest. Maybe others won't see what you see, but I'll just bet that you will see a more confident thinner version of you!!!

At the halfway mark, I did that. My husband wanted to know who the girl was in the pink sweater...duh!

It's just a difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us. I see myself in photos and still, my first thought is: yuck, FAT BOY. But when people see me who have not seen me in a long time, they are amazed at the shape I am now in and tell me so.

So I just chalk it up to my mind and my eyes being used to seeing the same old fat dude in the mirror, but I think to the rest of the world I do look different now. And even if I don't, I know I am healthier, more athletic and feel 1000 percent better!

I wanted to go out last night and just feel good about me and I didn't go because I have stopped feeling attractive. It is coming back but it is going to take awhile, for me at least. And I know for sure my total confidence cannot be based on "how I look" or how I "think I look". It's really an inside job. It's about liking myself or better than that, loving myself(not conceited or stuck on myself, just treat me like I treat a close friend or my sister. I don't know why we humans can be so hard on ourselves, why we aren't truly our own best friend.

I think the more we cherish ourselves and care for ourselves the more attractive we are to people. The right kind of people. There are always those out there that are so shallow they only stand near you or talk to you if you are rich and look good to them. True beauty and the beauty the "world" tends to push is not beauty at all. It's a big lie in my opinion,

denise
PS I'm betting you looked beautiful but you are the one that needs to realize that;)

So you've lost some weight, you get dressed up to go out for a dress-up party. You think you look pretty okay! Certainly better than you would have before you started on here. You have a grand old time, feeling the confidence that is back again for the first time in a long time.

Then...

Someone starts posting their photos from the event and you realise...

Same sad old heifer.

Humiliating.

How do I stop this from making me feel like it's all a waste of time and like my confidence will be misplaced forever?

This is so true, thank you for it:) denise

It's a self love issue. Some people already love themselves at 200lb some people don't love themselves at 120 and if you don't love yourself you want love what you see.

I just looked at your pics and you are looking great so it's all in your head.

I lost a lot of weight when I was younger and when I hit goal I cried one day because I thought no matter how thin I get I'll always look like me and be ugly. How depressing!

Im heavier than I have ever been but I'm happier than I have ever been now.

Don't give up Hun

Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Last week, I was looking at some pictures of me taken within the past year or two. I had a complete meltdown on my profile page (since deleted). The anger was aimed at myself. I was so pi***d off at myself that it was mindblowing. That made me want to work harder.

You know how far you've come and how far you have to go still. Right now, I'm looking forward to the day when I can actually stand to look at a photo of me and not cringe. I really don't know what to say to you, except keep moving toward your goals. You'll like what you see soon. That woman you are leaving behind won't be in any more of your photographs. Ever.

Map your progress visually as well as via weight / BF%

Every 2 weeks I strip down to my boxer shorts, take a photo of myself in the same front-on / side on pose, and save them in a folder on my computer.

Humiliating though it is (and it felt awful the first few times) especially when I see the same love-handles and bulges in the same stupid places, I can see the longer-term trend, and compare to my starting weight all those kilos ago.

Once you pass halfway in your "journey" mentally it gets easier.

I have the same feeling! I know I'm down 45, but when I look in the mirror, I feel ike I have the exact same body alot of the time, it's very hard, but then I look at old pictures, from a year...it helps with those feelings, I also keep a pair of my largest size jeans hanging in my closet. You are not alone..big hugs!

I think that slow progress is better than none. You probably look different than when you started. Give yourself a break. It doesn't help to be hard on your self. This isn't an easy journey no matter how much you have to lose.

i have the exact same problem. as soon as i go out and see all of these other people with such amazing bodies, my confidence = zero.

Yep, had that realization and I work hard to step out of the way of the "crush"… The good news is that once you get past comparing yourself to others, you can delight in your own successes. I am really happy at age 53 to be where I am today and now my huge goal is to maintain and find ways to get even healthier… this board is a big part of it!