Getting To The Gym!
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Your problems wont be solved here...You need some real marriage advise. Seek a professional.They're both our kids. I can't just up and leave because I know if I did, he wouldn't look after them. He'd likely lock them in their rooms until I got back and just put headphones on so he didn't have to hear them cry.
& no, no daycare at the gym.0 -
They're both our kids. I can't just up and leave because I know if I did, he wouldn't look after them. He'd likely lock them in their rooms until I got back and just put headphones on so he didn't have to hear them cry.
& no, no daycare at the gym.
^^^^Wow, you have more serious problems then just getting to the gym. Daddy needs a serious wake up call on what being a father is!0 -
I too get my blood boiling with this, no one should tell you what you can and can't do. I would follow the other people's advice and make the gym at home, or look int o the daycare at the gym, or again make arrangements with other people to help you when you need it. I certainly would not leave them with him, if he is gonna lock the kids in the room.0
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ignoring all the relationship stuff could you go to the gym once the kids are asleep so that he dosent actually have to do anything? and dont know your kids ages but my gym also offers some kids workout classes for kids aged between 4-12 where they can work out at the same time you do?0
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Some people just aren't up to handling kids. My DH is the same way. I can't leave the kids with him, and we've been married 13 years. But he does clean, make a good salary and let me spend all his money. It's just a matter of what your priorities are.
At this point - you have a few options. Find another mom and trade off childcare with her (swap babysitting). If you have family nearby, see if they could help. Look and see if there's drop-in childcare in your area. Finally, suck up the $65 - or see if you can sell the membership to a friend - and buy some DVDs so you can work out at home WITH the kids. It's not the best solution, but I did lose 40 lbs that way, it can be done.0 -
I'm not trying to defend anything except myself. You assume that you know me and how I would act based on comments I made. You never asked for clarification on anything that I said, you just assumed that you knew what I meant and threatened my job because of it.
If you had maybe asked for clarification instead of just assuming this entire time, we wouldn't keep going round and round.
Seems like we agree on one point and one point only.. and thats about compliance.
Now can we please let this thread rest.. I think it's gone on long enough.
I didn't really assume anything, any more than anyone else reading your specific words would have. That's the nature of printed words on a screen, and having a language we all share with which to communicate. Ask anyone to read what you wrote, I doubt many will see it the way you do.
We do agree on the compliance/etc, and can certainly let the other part of our discussion rest.
Also...I see she hasn't been back. Every time I see threads like these, I honestly worry for the safety of the OP when they just disappear. People...not just men (though sadly it is often men in this regard, as they are usually more physically powerful and/or aggressive) can be truly crazy when their motives and/or behavior are called into question. I carry physical scars myself (and will for the rest of my life) from a similar situation, only reversed.0 -
I'd say that he should step up and watch the kids while you go to the gym for an hour. I'm a stay at home dad and when my wife gets home from work I leave for the gym for an hour. it must be a respect thing because we give each other the time we need.0
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Does your gym have child care? You may want to look into that and move your membership.
In addition there are things you can do at home.0 -
I was in the similar situation after my son was born. My husband encouraged me to go to the gym so I can lose the baby weight, but after baby-sitting for a few evenings, he said: ' Sorry baby, but I can't handle that any more'. That was the end of my gym for many years. Some men just can't handle the one on one with the little kids. That does not make them bad fathers or husbands - they just can't deal with it.
You can try to talk to the people in the gym and maybe pay some penalty. It will probably be less then 12 month of membership. As for workouts - get some tapes/dumbbells/resistance bands and workout when the kids are asleep. You can get great results without the gym.0 -
You could try to go first thing in the moring before the kiddo's are awake.0
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I wake up at 4am and go while everyone is still asleep. Kids aren't awake, so he doesn't need to be awake to watch them. Problem solved.0
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I wake up at 4am and go while everyone is still asleep. Kids aren't awake, so he doesn't need to be awake to watch them. Problem solved.
I'm childless, but this was also going to be my suggestion. Additionally, it's probably the most peaceful time to go and it's out of the way for the day.
Not to sound too 'tough love' but I feel like you are blaming someone else for your slack on going to the gym. Where there's a will, there's a way. If you want it, you have to work for it. Blah blah blah more motivational slogans...
My husband is absolutely opposite, if I dropped some cash on something, I'd better be using it or else I would never hear the end of it.0 -
all those who are quote upon quote upon quote- please stop- its unproductive and we are just scrolling past it all anyway.
I like LadyBugs idea- work out when they are all asleep- that may be a solution, would require some discipline from you to get to bed earlier, but at least your membership fees wouldn't be wasted.
I also agree we aren't here to give relationship advice, or parenting advice- never a good idea since we don't wear that pair of shoes
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Agreed. There is only a handful of people there at this time. Takes a lot of discipline to get my butt out of bed, but if I want to get it done then this is how it's got to be. No excuses, just get it done.I wake up at 4am and go while everyone is still asleep. Kids aren't awake, so he doesn't need to be awake to watch them. Problem solved.
I'm childless, but this was also going to be my suggestion. Additionally, it's probably the most peaceful time to go and it's out of the way for the day.
Not to sound too 'tough love' but I feel like you are blaming someone else for your slack on going to the gym. Where there's a will, there's a way. If you want it, you have to work for it. Blah blah blah more motivational slogans...0 -
I wake up at 4am and go while everyone is still asleep. Kids aren't awake, so he doesn't need to be awake to watch them. Problem solved.
I'm childless, but this was also going to be my suggestion. Additionally, it's probably the most peaceful time to go and it's out of the way for the day.
Not to sound too 'tough love' but I feel like you are blaming someone else for your slack on going to the gym. Where there's a will, there's a way. If you want it, you have to work for it. Blah blah blah more motivational slogans...
My husband is absolutely opposite, if I dropped some cash on something, I'd better be using it or else I would never hear the end of it.
Seriously? She is 18 and talking about her husband, pushing what are very likely babies into a room and ignoring them for the time it takes her to go to the gym, work out, and come home, because he can't be bothered. So you answer is to blame her for slacking? And in response to another post ^^ up there somewhere. It is not "babysitting" when they are HIS children, it's called being a dad!0 -
Seriously? She is 18 and talking about her husband, pushing what are very likely babies into a room and ignoring them for the time it takes her to go to the gym, work out, and come home, because he can't be bothered. So you answer is to blame her for slacking? And in response to another post ^^ up there somewhere. It is not "babysitting" when they are HIS children, it's called being a dad!
She didn't say husband. She said "partner." If he isn't man enough to put a ring on it after 2 kids, don't expect him to grow some and become a "dad".0 -
leave your husband and find someone who isn't an *kitten*?0
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Seriously? She is 18 and talking about her husband, pushing what are very likely babies into a room and ignoring them for the time it takes her to go to the gym, work out, and come home, because he can't be bothered. So you answer is to blame her for slacking? And in response to another post ^^ up there somewhere. It is not "babysitting" when they are HIS children, it's called being a dad!
She didn't say husband. She said "partner." If he isn't man enough to put a ring on it after 2 kids, don't expect him to grow some and become a "dad".
Ok, I mispoke by saying husband... mea culpa. I don't disagree with what you said right here. My point was don't blame her for "slacking" or making excuses when she actually does have a problem. She can fix it in a multitude of ways, but she is needs to face the fact that she has an unsupportive spouse. BTW there are plenty of men that are not married to their children's mothers that are good fathers who either coparent or raise their children alone. I personally find the idea of a man being unable to care for his own children by himself for a couple hours ridiculous. (Unless there are extenuating circumstances of course)0 -
Seriously? She is 18 and talking about her husband, pushing what are very likely babies into a room and ignoring them for the time it takes her to go to the gym, work out, and come home, because he can't be bothered. So you answer is to blame her for slacking? And in response to another post ^^ up there somewhere. It is not "babysitting" when they are HIS children, it's called being a dad!
She didn't say husband. She said "partner." If he isn't man enough to put a ring on it after 2 kids, don't expect him to grow some and become a "dad".
That's sort of funny. I wasn't married to my sons mother, after 'two kids'. Guess that makes me something less than a 'dad'.
Oh, wait...that's right, I fought for, and won sole custody of them both, when I could have just as easily gave them to their mother and went along my merry way.
Needless to say, your logic is a bit flawed...although I do agree with the conclusion that the guys worthless. The thing is, Mama's 100% correct, it's not HER fault he's a controlling asshat...other than for the fact that she hasn't done anything about it for whatever reason. What I find sad is if she'd actually ASKED for relationship advice, everyone would be giving her sympathy and telling her to leave the jerk, rather than saying it's her own fault she isn't going to the gym lol.0 -
I personally find the idea of a man being unable to care for his own children by himself for a couple hours ridiculous.
This. ANY Dad (barring those with medical or diagnosed emotional issues)...that can't care for his OWN KIDS for ANY amount of time (meaning even weeks or years or their whole effing lives)...doesn't deserve to be called a Dad.0 -
sell the membership to someone else (get it cleared by gym first) or hold off on the *lovin* until he decides to watch the kids.0
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$65 a month is a rediculous amount of money for a gym w/out childcare. Find a gym with child care or enlist the teenager down the road to keep the kids for an hour.0
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sounds like you need a new man!0
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Ok so back in March I joined a gym. I joined only after my partner agreed that he'd look after the kids and let me go at least 1-2 times week (even though I'd prefer every 2nd day). This went okay for about a month, then he started to refuse to let me go.
Now it's months later, and we're paying $65/month for NOTHING. I am so irritated. I will even get into my workout clothes, pack my gym bag, get the kids fed, settled ect so they're easy to look after... and I'm still not allowed to go.
Anyone else have this happen and have advice?
I think your Partner is scared of you leaving/ other blokes finding you hot. As he has seen the differance a month of gym work has done. I swop child care with a friend/family to go to the gym.
You could ask some friends if they want to do exercices with a buggy. In the uk there are groups here is the website http://www.buggyfit.co.uk/ or google.
I do think he is being unfare to you & i hope it can be sorted.0 -
All this advice and I don't see a reply from the OP. Hope her partner isn't as bad as he sounds and it has just come across worse as sometimes it's hard to translate feelings over the net and with the written word. I used to work out at home to fitness DVD's when I couldn't afford the gym/couldn't get childcare. It's quite easy and cheap to exercise at home with just a few bits of kit (dumb bells, skipping rope , kettle bell) Hope your situation improves OP. Been there, wouldn't go back in a million years. Sad times ;-( Good luck xx0
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Guys, I wasn't asking for relationship advice. I was asking for help on how to get to the gym.
As for my membership fees, I cannot "get out" of my contract. I either have the pay the months remaining at once if I cancel, or leave it as it is and pay the $65 a month until it ends. So keeping my membership active is the cheapest route. Also, this is the cheapest gym in town.
I was always going to the gym just after the kids went to bed, but at 3 and 1, they don't stay in bed asleep for very long!
Thank you for the advice to go early in the morning... Usually my partner gets home from 12hr shifts at 4.30am, or is leaving at 4.30am, so I'll see if I can make that work sometimes. Just gonna be so hard to get up, not much of a morning person & I'd be worried about being tired all day... but gotta do what ya gotta do!
As for family/friends to babysit I don't have any within driving distance, but thanks for that advice anyway! 0 -
Yes you may be tired, but not for long, any good habit like exercise is going to refresh you and give you more than the grueling idea of getting up early.
Have you been able to find any resolutions?0
This discussion has been closed.
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