Support from Husbands......
Katy009
Posts: 579 Member
So my weight loss has been slow, but I have lost almost 7 lbs now. People have started to notice and have been telling me that I look thinner, look great, etc. Well, my husband has not said anything….and I have not really expected him to (I don’t think he would notice if I lost or gained 10 lbs), however, he came home the other day and said that the dog, YES, THE DOG, looked great and seems that she has lost some weight. Whaaaa????
Ok, my main form of exercise is walking, and yes, I take the dog with me, and yes, she has lost weight…but so have I!!!
I just want to know what you all think of that. Would you be extremely mad or just chalk it up to men? I was SO mad that I didn’t say anything about it for two days (I just stewed for a while). Now he’s giving me compliments constantly, but that’s not what I wanted. Now they don’t really mean anything. It just would have been nice to have some recognition, rather than having it go to our German Shepherd!
Ok, my main form of exercise is walking, and yes, I take the dog with me, and yes, she has lost weight…but so have I!!!
I just want to know what you all think of that. Would you be extremely mad or just chalk it up to men? I was SO mad that I didn’t say anything about it for two days (I just stewed for a while). Now he’s giving me compliments constantly, but that’s not what I wanted. Now they don’t really mean anything. It just would have been nice to have some recognition, rather than having it go to our German Shepherd!
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Replies
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So my weight loss has been slow, but I have lost almost 7 lbs now. People have started to notice and have been telling me that I look thinner, look great, etc. Well, my husband has not said anything….and I have not really expected him to (I don’t think he would notice if I lost or gained 10 lbs), however, he came home the other day and said that the dog, YES, THE DOG, looked great and seems that she has lost some weight. Whaaaa????
Ok, my main form of exercise is walking, and yes, I take the dog with me, and yes, she has lost weight…but so have I!!!
I just want to know what you all think of that. Would you be extremely mad or just chalk it up to men? I was SO mad that I didn’t say anything about it for two days (I just stewed for a while). Now he’s giving me compliments constantly, but that’s not what I wanted. Now they don’t really mean anything. It just would have been nice to have some recognition, rather than having it go to our German Shepherd!0 -
Wow, men are strange sometimes :happy:
Don't worry too much about that. Maybe he wanted to tell YOU the compliment by telling this about your dog?? I know it sound funny but I guess women can never understand men fully, hehehe.
I know how you feel - a compliment after you say you need one is nothing. Same with me.
On the other hand, maybe you husband just loves you the way you are, no matter if you have 10lbs more/less!
Tell him how good you feel about loosing these pounds, I'm sure he'll be happy when you are :flowerforyou:0 -
I would be annoyed, but I wouldn't be too mad. He'll notice eventually. Heck, you can even say it out loud, "Hey, honey, I've lost 7 pounds. Isn't that great?"
When you're having trouble with someone not saying something, that's probably time to be straight-forward. Otherwise things fester and communication stagnates.0 -
My man told me that he won't complement me on my weight loss until he notices it. I can notice the minor things but he won't notice until there has been a drastic change in my weight like if I lost 15-20 pounds.
I wouldn't take it to heart as men are generally not as observant as females. He'll probably start dishing out the real complements when there has been a drastic change in your weight loss.
When I lost 12 pounds, which is where I'm at now, my boy finally noticed and complemented me. It took long enough but I'll take what I can get. :flowerforyou:0 -
Just wanted to add that my boyfriend never told me I look good because I lost weight. He was telling me compliments when I was heavier and less fit and he just does the same now.
I guess these few pound don't make that much difference to man
But expect to see jealousy if other man will notice you
Remember that all you do about you health and body is FOR YOU :flowerforyou:0 -
Well as a former husband and current boyfriend i can tell you from my perspective it can be a road to unhappiness to comment on your significant others waist line in either direction.
Sorry but you guys make it really hard sometimes.
Tim0 -
Thanks....I guess I just needed to vent a little about it and get some other view points. Like I said, I was not expecting him to say anything to begin with, but I was also not expecting the comment about the dog.....lol....thanks again! 0
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Well as a former husband and current boyfriend i can tell you from my perspective it can be a road to unhappiness to comment on your significant others waist line in either direction.
Sorry but you guys make it really hard sometimes.
Tim
Yes I touch that subject like I stick my hand through a propeller, with a long stick and only when I want to die! My girl looks great in my opinion, yea she put on like 15 pounds since I met her but I love her all the same ( heck she loves me for some reason, I think shes blind and deaf but I can live with that!:laugh: ) I do give her compliments, maybe too much but I steer clear of any comments like that. I was telling her about this site and how ive lost 19 pounds so far and told her its great and alot easier then her note pad. She was like are you trying to hint I need to lose weight? Yea..... so I don't bring it up. She is trying on her on way so I let it be. She wants new cloths but wants to get down to her goal weight before she buys any. I think I about cut my throat by saying this to give her more motivation " I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe when you reach your goal weight " Now shes trying more and I'm thinking about putting my kidney on ebay to pay for the new wardrobe!
I wouldnt stress over him complimenting a dog, were weird and we know it, we dont always think and talk in sync trust me! Im sure he loves you the way you are, I try not to get too involved in all the weight subject just so i dont say something without thinking, i did as I said try to provide a carrot to help her, but thats as far as it goes!
Good job and keep it up!:drinker:0 -
LOL!!!!:laugh: Well...Chalk it up to being a man!!! They notice if the dishes havent been done or if they've run out of socks...if it doesn't affect them directly......they're just slower at noticing...that's not to say they won't eventually notice.......but sometimes you need to smack them in the face with it....like if you stood in the kitchen, and your pants fell off!!! But don't be too hard on them they really can't help it...see a women is XX and a man is XY.....now he may think it's an actually "Y" but we all know it's really a broken X......cut him some slack......and give him a roll of duct tape.....0
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LOL!!!!:laugh: Well...Chalk it up to being a man!!! They notice if the dishes havent been done or if they've run out of socks...if it doesn't affect them directly......they're just slower at noticing...that's not to say they won't eventually notice.......but sometimes you need to smack them in the face with it....like if you stood in the kitchen, and your pants fell off!!! But don't be too hard on them they really can't help it...see a women is XX and a man is XY.....now he may think it's an actually "Y" but we all know it's really a broken X......cut him some slack......and give him a roll of duct tape.....
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Tim0 -
The one thing you have to remember about men (trust me on this one) is that we have been beaten into submission from women about the subject of weight. Most of us really do realize that weight is a VERY touchy subject for the ladies, and to mention it, even in a positive light, can have some pretty weird effects on you girls. I know that I have tried, in the past, to comment to my wife about how thin she has looked, and gotten back in response something to the effect of "Really? I just weighed myself yesterday, I haven't lost a bit." and then she will sulk and be passive aggressive the rest of the day.
It's a slippery slope for us men, we just don't get it sometimes, and for most men, they feel safer not even broaching the subject of weight with you guys. In a guy's mind, it's a no win situation. It REALLY is up to you ladies to make sure your man knows the ice is safe to tread on before they will comment on it. Seriously, would you want to bring up a subject with your husband that has a 50/50 shot at making him mad the rest of the day, no matter how positive a spin you put on it?
I have relagated my comments on my wife's apperance to times when I know she has put an effort into looking nice and then just telling her I think she looks beautiful. It's the only safe comment I feel I can get away with these days. It's a little frustrating on our part to tell you guys the truth!0 -
I agree with banks and barracuda. He's probably terrified that if he tells you you've lost weight, you'll sulk and say, "Oh, I'm actually really bloated and I went up 1/2 a pound, etc." I myself am guilty of the same thing. He was probably trying to compliment you by complimenting the dog.
BTW, congrats on 7 lbs. lost!!!0 -
yeah i can understand ur feelings.....but mens r meant like this............................::mad: well one thing u should uenderstand....that love ur self .....just do things for ur self................and u'll b happy...............dont expect fromm n e body......................n if ur spouse is not comenting.................dont feel bad...........after marriage for men priorities changes and they start thinking abt their career more than wife...........just keep maintaining ur self in a way u r doing right now.....................best of luck0
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You know, I think I may be the dissenting voice on this one. My husband notices whenever I lose a pound, and he's always super happy and supportive of me. Of course, when I told him I wanted to lose weight (somewhere between 60-70 pounds) he told me not to lose "too much" !!! He's the one who is constantly reminding me of how proud he is of me, and how far I've come. While no one has noticed the 20+ pounds I've shed, my husband is convinced I'm melting! I think I'll believe him. :happy:
Of course, my husband never notices if the dishes aren't done--even if I leave them for him to do! :laugh:0 -
Well as a former husband and current boyfriend i can tell you from my perspective it can be a road to unhappiness to comment on your significant others waist line in either direction.
Sorry but you guys make it really hard sometimes.
Tim
Yep, Chief nailed it.
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I would be annoyed, but I wouldn't be too mad. He'll notice eventually. Heck, you can even say it out loud, "Hey, honey, I've lost 7 pounds. Isn't that great?"
When you're having trouble with someone not saying something, that's probably time to be straight-forward. Otherwise things fester and communication stagnates.
Three cheers for Magdalune! Direct communication is what it's all about. Most people aren't good mind readers. Help your hubby out. Take him out of the danger zone that some of the other guys have mentioned by following Magdalune's advice.0 -
Yep, unfortunately...men just think differently than we do and notice things differently. Also, he doesn't want to get into trouble. Sometimes they just can't get it right, no matter what they say!!! Mostly because they don't mean it the way it can come out.
As I have been losing weight, as with most women....the boobs are often the first thing to go. And once I asked my husband.."Do you think they are getting smaller??"............and he said
"I am not answering that....if I say NO, then you will think I don't think you've lost enough weight for them to be smaller and if I say YES, you will say that I am so shallow to pay attention to them getting smaller."
Basically, it's a lose lose! I had to laugh though because I honestly wasn't going to be offended either way. It's just a fact!! HAHA! I said "Pete, they ARE going to be smaller, it's only normal!"..........and he finally said "Well, they are PERFECT for me!!"0 -
How refreshing to get the guys' points of view on this one!
I love my dh to death, but he rarely mentions my weight (good or bad) and I guess that's good and bad. However, he does comment on my workouts, wanting to know the details there. So, I know what you're saying about your weight and obviously you're working hard to have already lost 7lbs. It would be nice to hear, "Gee, Hon, you are walking up a storm. How many miles can you walk now, etc."
So, overall, I guess I'm just empathizing. Anytime you want a high-five on your progress, post it here. THAT'S what we do. I'm more than happy to say WAY TO GO, GIRL!!!!0 -
I'd be sad too!
If I want someone to notice something, and I was getting my feelings hurt, I'd work it into the conversation somehow and be more direct. Like, "Hey, ya, the dog had lost inches, but do you want to know how many pounds I've lost?" Brag about your weight to your good family an friends. They might jump on the weight wagon with you.
Your hubby might be a little jealous of your weight loss and if he admits you are doing great, it might feel like defeat to him. It's part of their *job* to tell us we look good! SERIOUSLY! Because they don't want some other guy saying it, so it's their job...or someone else will. Right?
)
Anyway, my last bit of advice is to either let the hot new dog in your house sleep on the couch with him, or get ride of the dog. LOL (kidding of course!)
You are doing great, keep up the good work!0 -
Banks, I love your view on things.
After being with my husband since high school...errrr....over 19 years... He and I definitely know each other. A few years ago I was down on myself after he complimented me. He finally rightfully bluntly said, "Why do you always put a negative with me saying something good about you? It's more work to say something nice than to not recognize why I like you."
Although I was stunned...I am smart enough to think back and HOLY COW! Yelp, I did it each time he said something nice.
"Your outfit looks good hon!" my answer, "Yes, but I look like a sausage."
"Your hair looks hot!" my answer, "I need a hair cut."
"Are you loosing weight?" my answer, "No, I'm a pig."
"When did you get those shoes? They look nice." my answer, "They cost too much."
So who friggin wants to say something nice to me after that? LOL Although funny now, I think we as women/girls/ladies...are taught growing up that we aren't pretty enough, thin enough, and good enough. So if we outwardly admit our flaws, nobody else has to... We are also taught that if we let anyone know that we THINK we are good/skinny/pretty that we are show offs, or snotty. Eeek! I don't miss those days!
I now say to my husband when he compliments me, "Ya, I'm hot! It's funny. Anyway...long story made even longer...lol I love this board.0 -
What women don't understand is, how confusing our appearance is to men. Truthfully (and i'm sure most men would agree) we wear so many diff colors and so many diff styles...we tend to get burnt out on the appeal. Wrap it however you want it. It's what's inside that counts. Lose 20 pounds and see what he says...but remember, do it for you, not for him. :flowerforyou:0
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As a now separated husband, I can say I sure wish I had been more supportive of my wife when she was losing a lot of weight over a year ago or so.
Yah, for a lot of us, for better or for worse, it just doesn't come out... It may not be easy for us but it is SOOOOO important to acknowledge things, good and bad, especially when someone is making a lot of effort....
I'd suggest you clue him in on the fact that you are making some great progress and want his support, and he can then take it from there hopefully.
- Thomas0 -
my husband doesn't see it at all. EVERYONE else notices i've lost 24lbs in a month i guess when they see you every day it's less noticible to them kind of how we don't notice our kids growing0
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Well as a former husband and current boyfriend i can tell you from my perspective it can be a road to unhappiness to comment on your significant others waist line in either direction.
Sorry but you guys make it really hard sometimes.
Tim0 -
Oops :blushing:Well as a former husband and current boyfriend i can tell you from my perspective it can be a road to unhappiness to comment on your significant others waist line in either direction.
Sorry but you guys make it really hard sometimes.
Tim
New to this "quote" business!
It's true, sometimes we women can be extremely cruel by reading the worst in whatever our hubbies say, depending on our moods!
I'm definitely guilty of that!
It may be just that if he comments on how much weight you've lost, or how great you're now looking, that you'll take it as a slight towards how you USED to look...
Don't be too hard on him - I'd definitely be hurt too, don't get me wrong - but try to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he's nervous to say the wrong thing?
Just my thoughts...0 -
Would us men be smarter if we just said you look beautiful today and not mention weight?
Please ladies answer.0 -
The short answer is...Yes.
And don't say, "I love you no matter how much you weigh." :grumble: :grumble: :grumble:
We know you mean well, but that sounds like, "Hey Fatass, drop the bagel."0 -
Oops :blushing:Well as a former husband and current boyfriend i can tell you from my perspective it can be a road to unhappiness to comment on your significant others waist line in either direction.
Sorry but you guys make it really hard sometimes.
Tim
New to this "quote" business!
It's true, sometimes we women can be extremely cruel by reading the worst in whatever our hubbies say, depending on our moods!
I'm definitely guilty of that!
It may be just that if he comments on how much weight you've lost, or how great you're now looking, that you'll take it as a slight towards how you USED to look...
Don't be too hard on him - I'd definitely be hurt too, don't get me wrong - but try to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he's nervous to say the wrong thing?
Just my thoughts...
I have definately been on the receiving end of a compliment taken out of context, and let me tell you, it sucks. I try to be an encourager, but once you are hit with an irrational response to 'Hey honey, wow, you look great, I can tell you have lost weight.' and she responds with, 'Oh, so you thought I was ugly before I lost a few pounds and you didn't even have the decency to tell me!' all I can respond with is.... :noway: :huh: ....
It actually *has* made me more gunshy about dropping compliments, which sucks because I really do enjoy building people up. I guess I should just get over it and keep doing it, but the above conversation has happened more than once, and from more than one lady. I just chalk it up to gender differences. *shrug* I can compliment my buddies 'Dude, you are looking awesome since you lost weight. If you were a chick I would totally kiss you on the mouth.' (:noway: )and my buddies are like 'You know it.' and I respond with 'Yep. Hey did you see that new (gun, car, motorcycle, sports team, guy conversation piece) etc...' we go on. Compliment accepted, not another thought given to it.
Just my thoughts. So, cut us some slack! Most of us want to compliment you, I mean cmon, you are women. You are beautiful, sexy, and totally better at life than most of us guys. We are blessed that you even talk to us, of course we want to make you feel good about yourselves! You make us feel good about ourselves (my ex-wife excluded, she makes me want to kill myself) and we can't find the ketchup and other stuff in the fridge without your help either! We don't always (or ever for that matter) mean the worst, so don't see it as that. :laugh: 0 -
Most of us want to compliment you, I mean cmon, you are women. You are beautiful, sexy, and totally better at life than most of us guys. We are blessed that you even talk to us, of course we want to make you feel good about yourselves!
:laugh: I love the "totally better at life" part, Sgt! Sounds like something my husband would say.
Who, by the way, is always telling me I'm hot, beautiful, pretty, sexy, cute - pretty much everyday, regardless of my size (unless he's really upset or distracted by something else). He knows I've been working on losing weight, so he asks about my progress and is always very supportive. Occasionally he will look at me and notice something that really looks different (like if bend over he might say, "Hey, your legs are getting more definition" or if I'm wearing a smaller shirt he'll say, "Hey, you're looking slimmer".
But I can tell he's also a little careful about what he says. Like the other day, I dug out some pictures from Christmas to see what I looked like 30 pounds ago, and I said, "Look how fat I looked." He looked, paused, and said, "Huh, you do look different. Still like you, but it is noticeable." Very diplomatic!!! 0 -
The short answer is...Yes.
And don't say, "I love you no matter how much you weigh." :grumble: :grumble: :grumble:
We know you mean well, but that sounds like, "Hey Fatass, drop the bagel."
Thanks.
I am a little scared about the bagel comment......I had one this morning and my *kitten*......well scary.0
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