Freind request with an ED person?

mermx
mermx Posts: 976
in Motivation and Support
So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.

This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`

So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?
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Replies

  • kajpen
    kajpen Posts: 120 Member
    I don't see the harm in adding her. If she admires you for the advice you give then you are doing a good thing. There really is no reason to not add her in my opinion.
  • paint_it_black
    paint_it_black Posts: 208 Member
    IF you are not worried about being triggered by the person with the ED, and you eat reasonably well and give good advice you sound like a perfect role model, even if the interaction is low between you you might end up demonstrating a healthy way to be. But if you're uncomfortable with the situation just decline it.
  • deadbeatsummer
    deadbeatsummer Posts: 537 Member
    What are you so worried about? I don't understand why you would worry about one friend request on here to ask everyone on your FL and on the forums.. you've probably scared her away and made her embarassed if she has read this topic.

    she's not an alien..
  • KeriW626
    KeriW626 Posts: 430
    I don't see the harm in adding her. If she admires you for the advice you give then you are doing a good thing. There really is no reason to not add her in my opinion.
    at the same time there is no reason to add her if you feel uncomfortable with the situation. Do what you are comfortable with keeping in mind you want a certian number of friends. good luck.
  • Purple_Orchid_87
    Purple_Orchid_87 Posts: 517 Member
    giving someone the opportunity to view your diary, or to read a small post, can do wonders when it comes to eating disorders

    the thing i hated when i went through self induced vomitting was the ppl constantly messaging telling me to 'just stop doing it' - support is good, but orders or messages of frustration not so much - i was and still am frustrated at myself about it

    you never know exactly *how* the smallest thing on your profile will 'help' someone
  • lindsy721
    lindsy721 Posts: 350 Member
    In my personal experience, I find it difficult to keep people with EDs on my friends list for very long. I've done it, and I try to encourage them toward more healthful habits, but after a while it is kind of depressing to continually see diary entries with less than 500 calories consumed and 200-300 calories burned from exercise. At that point, I end up deleting them. I've tried to explain (kindly) that these practices are not sustainable or healthy and will not get them the results they want long-term... but I can only do so much.
    But hey do what you feel comfortable with!
  • moriaht
    moriaht Posts: 251 Member
    Depends how tolerating you are.. I recently deleted someone with an ED because she CONSTANTLY posted about how fat she was and it just annoyed me.. also she never commented on anything or talked to me since the day she added me.
  • Purple_Orchid_87
    Purple_Orchid_87 Posts: 517 Member
    So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.

    This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`

    So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?
    did i miss where the OP said the friend request came from a female????
  • teampugador
    teampugador Posts: 49
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:
  • drmerc
    drmerc Posts: 2,603 Member
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    This
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    I don't decline them b/c I know there's no chance in heck of me being influenced by them, first and foremost. I also am not a therapist and EDs have little to do with weight and everything to do with control issues...the ED is only a symptom of something bigger! I will not praise ANYONE who is eating less that 1200 cals per day but I'm also not the food police so I don't admonish them, either. My hope is they see how much I eat, what I look like, and they will have that moment of clarity one day that will get them out of the cycle. I don't want them feeling alone but if they ask me for specific advice about their ED (if they aren't in denial about it) I will be honest but I lack the necessary degree to effectively counsel them...
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    giving someone the opportunity to view your diary, or to read a small post, can do wonders when it comes to eating disorders

    I've been recovering from an ED for years, and having a friend with a good diary wouldn't have helped me in the slightest. If you really have had an ED yourself, you are well aware that it has almost nothing to do with food. She doesn't need a "role model", she needs a therapist. A person struggling with anorexia or bulimia is not struggling because they need nutrition tips, it's a psychological disorder.
  • ValRAAAAY
    ValRAAAAY Posts: 270 Member
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    YES!!!! ME TOO!!!!! :laugh:

    It's the FIRST thing that ALWAYS comes to mind.

    ALWAYS!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    This is your experience and you make what you want of it and do what ever you're comfortable with. If I were her, reading this post, I'd rescend my friend request.
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
    If you're going to friend and say "way to go" when it's clear they have a ED, don't do it.

    If you're going to friend and be honest, even though they may then unfriend you, do it. (honest doesn't mean harass, but be clear in questions/answers/statements because ED is a mental disease and that's going to be their filter to anything you do/say)

    I doubt I could friend them and be silent when it's clear there is an issue.
    I've been recovering from an ED for years, and having a friend with a good diary wouldn't have helped me in the slightest. If you really have had an ED yourself, you are well aware that it has almost nothing to do with food. She doesn't need a "role model", she needs a therapist. A person struggling with anorexia or bulimia is not struggling because they need nutrition tips, it's a psychological disorder.

    And this is correct. You can point him/her to some self-help or professional help, but him/her viewing your eating habits/diary is going to do ziltch if they have an actual ED.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    If they aren't actively working towards recovery, I don't add them. I'm not worried I'll be triggered, but until they are willing to seek help for their condition, I know I will just get frustrated. If they do add me, I make sure they know I will comment if they are eating under consistently because I genuinely understand where they are coming from and know how hard recovery can be. I have a hard time when they have a lot of ED friends that encourage their unhealthy habits.
  • Kenhabes
    Kenhabes Posts: 187 Member
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    Also this!
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
    I don't see the harm in adding her. If she admires you for the advice you give then you are doing a good thing. There really is no reason to not add her in my opinion.

    This, I have friends with EDs & although I don't comment on their diary I do comment on their NSVs & personal issues, etc.

    Russ
  • Vonnie2006
    Vonnie2006 Posts: 246 Member
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    THIS! I was like WTH?
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    did i miss where the OP said the friend request came from a female????

    The vast majority of people with eating disorders are female. Because someone defaulted to "she" without knowing the gender, you really are going to take an issue? Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?
  • chi18
    chi18 Posts: 95 Member
    I got a request from a girl who was in recovery, which I did not know at the time, and I found it very uncomfortable. Seeing posts in your timeline that say, "I wanted to binge for lunch but had some cucumber and a glass of water instead!" can be a little awkward. I just felt like I didn't know what to say - good job on not binging but there's a lot of healthy options in between a binge and some cuccumber? Way to try, I know this must be hard? Or, "Do you guys think I can lose 5 pounds this week?" This girl didn't have 5 pounds to spare based on her profile picture.

    I just felt ill-equipped to help her in any way, you know? And honestly, I'm happy to support my friends on here who are just trying to be more active, eat better, etc. but ultimately I come on here for myself. Commenting on their healthy posts helps me, logging my food helps me tremendously, but seeing a young girl's issues in my timeline did not help me and feeling uncomfortable with the situation did not help me. Ultimately she stopped logging in so I never really came up with a solution. You may find that you feel like you can really help her, but my personal experience was more like, "I just don't want to be responsible for this girl's health. She should be talking to her doctor/therapist about this stuff." Again, some people may not have a problem with it and I was feeling very guilty about the situation, but wanted to offer my honest perspective.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    This is your experience and you make what you want of it and do what ever you're comfortable with. If I were her, reading this post, I'd rescend my friend request.

    I agree.
  • DsAdvocate
    DsAdvocate Posts: 93 Member
    I was wondering why you'd want a friend with erectile dysfunction and had to check this thread out. Not that there's anything wrong with having one but it's not something that'd show up on my radar of potential friend qualities.
  • 600racer
    600racer Posts: 149 Member
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    I thought it was a guy named Ed.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
    First, congrats on having a reputation for giving sound advice. Most advice here should be based on common sense and knowing when to keep that in perspective. You could probably give good advice, and be supportive, to a person with an ED except if that person asks a medical question you don't know the answer to. If I were accepting FR, I wouldn't hesitate to add that person. Later, if they are bent on self-destruction and you no longer feel you can be supportive, just tell them so and advise to get professional help. That being said, anyone with an ED should be seeing a professional along with using MFP as a tool.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    Friend them and then continually post food porn pics on their feed. Things like a plate full of delicious sizzling bacon or a cilantro decorated chicken korma. They'll either unfriend you or improve. Either way you win.
  • CynthiaElise
    CynthiaElise Posts: 262 Member
    You'll never know whether it'll be an epic fail or not until you add her and interact with her.. I say do it and see how willing she is to accept your advice/help and apply it to her life.. if you then realize she's not looking to change I'd move on. To be honest I respect those who have ED's and come here to MFP to get healthy support... no need to judge her off the get go and decline simply because she was being honest about what she's been through on her profile. I don't decline people who friend request me because they're over-weight and looking for support in getting healthy so I don't see why we must judge those who are on the opposite spectrum of things... Just like anyone else if we don't interact with one another and if they're clearly not using MFP as a healthy outlet then guess what? They're deleted.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    If you're thinking about it this much and posting a topic about it, I'd say No...

    Just like I won't add people with an erectile dysfunction... I'd have to provide too much support.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    If you think you can help, have at it. It can be exhausting and frustrating though.
  • CynthiaElise
    CynthiaElise Posts: 262 Member
    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    Baahahahaha, you're my hero!

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