Freind request with an ED person?

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mermx
mermx Posts: 976
in Motivation and Support
So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.

This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`

So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?
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Replies

  • kajpen
    kajpen Posts: 120 Member
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    I don't see the harm in adding her. If she admires you for the advice you give then you are doing a good thing. There really is no reason to not add her in my opinion.
  • paint_it_black
    paint_it_black Posts: 208 Member
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    IF you are not worried about being triggered by the person with the ED, and you eat reasonably well and give good advice you sound like a perfect role model, even if the interaction is low between you you might end up demonstrating a healthy way to be. But if you're uncomfortable with the situation just decline it.
  • deadbeatsummer
    deadbeatsummer Posts: 537 Member
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    What are you so worried about? I don't understand why you would worry about one friend request on here to ask everyone on your FL and on the forums.. you've probably scared her away and made her embarassed if she has read this topic.

    she's not an alien..
  • KeriW626
    KeriW626 Posts: 430
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    I don't see the harm in adding her. If she admires you for the advice you give then you are doing a good thing. There really is no reason to not add her in my opinion.
    at the same time there is no reason to add her if you feel uncomfortable with the situation. Do what you are comfortable with keeping in mind you want a certian number of friends. good luck.
  • Purple_Orchid_87
    Purple_Orchid_87 Posts: 517 Member
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    giving someone the opportunity to view your diary, or to read a small post, can do wonders when it comes to eating disorders

    the thing i hated when i went through self induced vomitting was the ppl constantly messaging telling me to 'just stop doing it' - support is good, but orders or messages of frustration not so much - i was and still am frustrated at myself about it

    you never know exactly *how* the smallest thing on your profile will 'help' someone
  • lindsy721
    lindsy721 Posts: 350 Member
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    In my personal experience, I find it difficult to keep people with EDs on my friends list for very long. I've done it, and I try to encourage them toward more healthful habits, but after a while it is kind of depressing to continually see diary entries with less than 500 calories consumed and 200-300 calories burned from exercise. At that point, I end up deleting them. I've tried to explain (kindly) that these practices are not sustainable or healthy and will not get them the results they want long-term... but I can only do so much.
    But hey do what you feel comfortable with!
  • moriaht
    moriaht Posts: 251 Member
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    Depends how tolerating you are.. I recently deleted someone with an ED because she CONSTANTLY posted about how fat she was and it just annoyed me.. also she never commented on anything or talked to me since the day she added me.
  • Purple_Orchid_87
    Purple_Orchid_87 Posts: 517 Member
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    So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.

    This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`

    So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?
    did i miss where the OP said the friend request came from a female????
  • teampugador
    teampugador Posts: 49
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    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:
  • drmerc
    drmerc Posts: 2,603 Member
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    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    This
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I don't decline them b/c I know there's no chance in heck of me being influenced by them, first and foremost. I also am not a therapist and EDs have little to do with weight and everything to do with control issues...the ED is only a symptom of something bigger! I will not praise ANYONE who is eating less that 1200 cals per day but I'm also not the food police so I don't admonish them, either. My hope is they see how much I eat, what I look like, and they will have that moment of clarity one day that will get them out of the cycle. I don't want them feeling alone but if they ask me for specific advice about their ED (if they aren't in denial about it) I will be honest but I lack the necessary degree to effectively counsel them...
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    giving someone the opportunity to view your diary, or to read a small post, can do wonders when it comes to eating disorders

    I've been recovering from an ED for years, and having a friend with a good diary wouldn't have helped me in the slightest. If you really have had an ED yourself, you are well aware that it has almost nothing to do with food. She doesn't need a "role model", she needs a therapist. A person struggling with anorexia or bulimia is not struggling because they need nutrition tips, it's a psychological disorder.
  • ValRAAAAY
    ValRAAAAY Posts: 270 Member
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    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    YES!!!! ME TOO!!!!! :laugh:

    It's the FIRST thing that ALWAYS comes to mind.

    ALWAYS!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    This is your experience and you make what you want of it and do what ever you're comfortable with. If I were her, reading this post, I'd rescend my friend request.
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
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    If you're going to friend and say "way to go" when it's clear they have a ED, don't do it.

    If you're going to friend and be honest, even though they may then unfriend you, do it. (honest doesn't mean harass, but be clear in questions/answers/statements because ED is a mental disease and that's going to be their filter to anything you do/say)

    I doubt I could friend them and be silent when it's clear there is an issue.
    I've been recovering from an ED for years, and having a friend with a good diary wouldn't have helped me in the slightest. If you really have had an ED yourself, you are well aware that it has almost nothing to do with food. She doesn't need a "role model", she needs a therapist. A person struggling with anorexia or bulimia is not struggling because they need nutrition tips, it's a psychological disorder.

    And this is correct. You can point him/her to some self-help or professional help, but him/her viewing your eating habits/diary is going to do ziltch if they have an actual ED.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
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    If they aren't actively working towards recovery, I don't add them. I'm not worried I'll be triggered, but until they are willing to seek help for their condition, I know I will just get frustrated. If they do add me, I make sure they know I will comment if they are eating under consistently because I genuinely understand where they are coming from and know how hard recovery can be. I have a hard time when they have a lot of ED friends that encourage their unhealthy habits.
  • Kenhabes
    Kenhabes Posts: 187 Member
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    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    Also this!
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
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    I don't see the harm in adding her. If she admires you for the advice you give then you are doing a good thing. There really is no reason to not add her in my opinion.

    This, I have friends with EDs & although I don't comment on their diary I do comment on their NSVs & personal issues, etc.

    Russ
  • Vonnie2006
    Vonnie2006 Posts: 246 Member
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    eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

    THIS! I was like WTH?
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    did i miss where the OP said the friend request came from a female????

    The vast majority of people with eating disorders are female. Because someone defaulted to "she" without knowing the gender, you really are going to take an issue? Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?

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