Freind request with an ED person?

Thing is, most people don't understand how hard having a ED is to people. Someone very close to me struggles with a ED and I know she works incredibly hard at getting better. Some days she doesn't reach the 1,000 calorie mark, and other days she does. But she's trying and is getting better at it, albeit slowly. ED isn't something someone can just turn off and change right away. It's something that they will have to fight the rest of their lives. The key is helping them by giving them tools to help overcome EDs voice.

Honestly, if you don't have personal experience with someone with ED, I think you will do better for them in the long wrong by not accepting their request. Something that you consider a normal comment "Hey, try eating some more calories tomorrow" can send someone with a ED in a spiral. It's an evil little voice in their heads that is constantly whispering to them. Tough love with someone with ED usually doesn't work and generally makes them retreat further into the disorder, or worse gets them to start lying about it to hide it.

I know early on before I knew about her ED, I said a lot of things and did a lot of things that looking back, I can see how it "helped" her to spiral out of control. I spent a lot of time learning about ED so I could help her out and be the kind of support she needed to allow her to succeed. But if you are not prepared to help them, then you could easily do more harm then good.

Just my 2 cents...

Thanks for your feedback everyone!

A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`

"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big

I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!

Alos, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)

There's a big difference b/w having an ED and being pro-ana. And men don't wear a size zero... usually... whatever, i quit...

Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?

I kinda do, actually. She's a Great Dane. It doesn't take a lot of effort or any particular knowledge of doggie anatomy to figure out her gender.

If that's all it takes to piss you off, we should totally be friends. It'll be fun.

So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.

This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`

So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?

I would add them. They need healthy support and thats why they are reaching outd.

It's all up to you. From the way it sounds, she believes you are a good role model and if you are eating healthy, then you are being a good role model to her. She is probably trying to recover. If I were you I would add her, but if she does constantly post negitive stuff I would delete her.

IF you are not worried about being triggered by the person with the ED, and you eat reasonably well and give good advice you sound like a perfect role model, even if the interaction is low between you you might end up demonstrating a healthy way to be.

Sure enough. I have a few friends that make me cringe at the low calories they consume but there's no danger of me being triggered unless someone brings a Reese's into the room. Just be a good role model for them and show them what healthy eating is all about.

LOL!

It does get old. As do the jokes about putting a saddle on the thing, questions about who is walking whom, and others of the ilk. And don't even get me started on people that think it's funny/cute when their little terrors are generally being asshats towards my dog, and she'd doing her best not to sit on their heads.

Do you call yourself a "furmom"

respond asap this is important

Why did I think that meant erectile dysfunction??

I thought it was a guy named Ed.

totally thought he was talking about erectile disfunction... thought this guy was awfully bold!!!

Thanks for your feedback everyone!

A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`

"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big

I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!

Also, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)

Hmmm and never mentioned erectile dysfunction lmao!

Since she is glorifying it I would just decline. I have struggled with anaorexia and bulimia and they are not easy things to recover from. I accept friends that are recovering but not those that are still pro-ana as I am not willing to let myself slip back into that lifestyle.

IF you are not worried about being triggered by the person with the ED, and you eat reasonably well and give good advice you sound like a perfect role model, even if the interaction is low between you you might end up demonstrating a healthy way to be. But if you're uncomfortable with the situation just decline it.

Perfect Advice!!!

Off Topic: But if someone ever referred to their children as "skin kids" I'd be on the phone to CPS faster than I can drink a beer....

eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

OMG!! I thought I was the only one! hahaha

I don't decline them b/c I know there's no chance in heck of me being influenced by them, first and foremost. I also am not a therapist and EDs have little to do with weight and everything to do with control issues...the ED is only a symptom of something bigger! I will not praise ANYONE who is eating less that 1200 cals per day but I'm also not the food police so I don't admonish them, either. My hope is they see how much I eat, what I look like, and they will have that moment of clarity one day that will get them out of the cycle. I don't want them feeling alone but if they ask me for specific advice about their ED (if they aren't in denial about it) I will be honest but I lack the necessary degree to effectively counsel them...

^This!!!