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Body shame

leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
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Replies

  • Gloriam_SanguinisGloriam_Sanguinis Posts: 1,480Member Member Posts: 1,480Member Member
    Ha! Mine thinks I'm to muscular but he loves me. He just doesn't like all the muscles. He actually prefers soft and curvy, size UK 12 would be his ideal body with figure like Scarlett Johansson..

    To bad for him that he got me... I'm a UK size 6 with muscles.

    What we do about it? Well he's conditioning himself to find my body attractive again. He says it's working but we will see. :D If not then he's just gonna have to suck it up lol
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    mbonacci12 wrote: »
    I would be determined to lose weight and be healthy for myself first. I would find it difficult to be with someone who only "loved" me when I looked a certain way. That's not love.

    I am finding it difficult expecially when I see my partner stare at women who are younger, prettier and slimmer than me. I agree that's not love. I would rather be loved for me. I am losing weight for me, i am becoming healthier for me. It just sucks.
  • TavistockToadTavistockToad Posts: 24,632Member Member Posts: 24,632Member Member
    has he told you he doesn't find you attractive? surely at some point he did to want to be with you?

    is he saying he doesn't find you attractive since you gained weight?
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    I wouldn't be too worried about him looking at other women. I'm sure you notice other dudes. "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't sneak a peak at the dessert menu." I think you're on the right track doing it for you. Better to work on making yourself whole instead of a half.

    It's all the time though, I get concerned he might get whiplash!!
  • Run4fitness12Run4fitness12 Posts: 34Member Member Posts: 34Member Member
    He actually prefers soft and curvy, size UK 12 would be his ideal body with figure like Scarlett Johansson..

    Is Scarlett Johansson a UK size 12?? I wouldn't have thought so seeing as I'm a UK size 12 and I wish I looked like her! :D

    I agree you should lose weight for you and not for someone else but it's tough if your partner doesn't find you physically attractive. I'm also not sure how someone can "condition" themselves to find you attractive. How does that work?

    We all hope the person we are with loves us for us, but I think the element of physical attraction is very important.

  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    has he told you he doesn't find you attractive? surely at some point he did to want to be with you?

    is he saying he doesn't find you attractive since you gained weight?

    I have gained 9lb since meeting him, I had his child. He hasn't said anything but when I ask he says "I love you for you" talk about insult to injury. He said he likes my accent and I sound posh, that's the reason he was attracted to me.
  • Gloriam_SanguinisGloriam_Sanguinis Posts: 1,480Member Member Posts: 1,480Member Member
    He actually prefers soft and curvy, size UK 12 would be his ideal body with figure like Scarlett Johansson..

    Is Scarlett Johansson a UK size 12?? I wouldn't have thought so seeing as I'm a UK size 12 and I wish I looked like her! :D

    I agree you should lose weight for you and not for someone else but it's tough if your partner doesn't find you physically attractive. I'm also not sure how someone can "condition" themselves to find you attractive. How does that work?

    We all hope the person we are with loves us for us, but I think the element of physical attraction is very important.

    I think she's an 8 or 10. Not sure.. but he likes that figure, just a little curvier..

    It's just like quitting smoking.. you *kitten* with your mind and teach it new things.. NLP training... you can use basic phsycology to aqqiure new tastes.
    edited July 14
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    He actually prefers soft and curvy, size UK 12 would be his ideal body with figure like Scarlett Johansson..

    Is Scarlett Johansson a UK size 12?? I wouldn't have thought so seeing as I'm a UK size 12 and I wish I looked like her! :D

    I agree you should lose weight for you and not for someone else but it's tough if your partner doesn't find you physically attractive. I'm also not sure how someone can "condition" themselves to find you attractive. How does that work?

    We all hope the person we are with loves us for us, but I think the element of physical attraction is very important.

    I agree, I think physical attraction is important too. It just makes me feel down
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    has he told you he doesn't find you attractive? surely at some point he did to want to be with you?

    is he saying he doesn't find you attractive since you gained weight?

    I have gained 9lb since meeting him, I had his child. He hasn't said anything but when I ask he says "I love you for you" talk about insult to injury. He said he likes my accent and I sound posh, that's the reason he was attracted to me.

    so you want him to love you for you, but when he says that you don't believe him and you think he doesn't find you attractive....? i think you're leaving out some of the story here....

    I would just like "oh you look nice today" or any kind of compliment rather a generic "I love you" like the other night we was watching TV while he was eating, some woman came on, nothing left to the imagination and he stopped chewing his food, I actually thought at one point he'd stopped breathing, eyes transfixed and I don't even get a glance not even a peep. Probably being to self conscious and insecure.
  • Run4fitness12Run4fitness12 Posts: 34Member Member Posts: 34Member Member

    It's just like quitting smoking.. you *kitten* with your mind and teach it new things.. NLP training... you can use basic phsycology to aqqiure new tastes.

    Interesting. Just not sure I'd be happy if my partner said he needed to condition his brain to find my body attractive...
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I agree, I think physical attraction is important too. It just makes me feel down

    I'm sorry you're feeling down but I'm not quite sure what the problem is here. Your original post asked what we would do if your partner doesn't find you attractive.. Then you said your partner hasn't said anything and he "loves you for you". Is it just because you've caught him looking at women?
    edited July 14
  • TavistockToadTavistockToad Posts: 24,632Member Member Posts: 24,632Member Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    has he told you he doesn't find you attractive? surely at some point he did to want to be with you?

    is he saying he doesn't find you attractive since you gained weight?

    I have gained 9lb since meeting him, I had his child. He hasn't said anything but when I ask he says "I love you for you" talk about insult to injury. He said he likes my accent and I sound posh, that's the reason he was attracted to me.

    so you want him to love you for you, but when he says that you don't believe him and you think he doesn't find you attractive....? i think you're leaving out some of the story here....

    I would just like "oh you look nice today" or any kind of compliment rather a generic "I love you" like the other night we was watching TV while he was eating, some woman came on, nothing left to the imagination and he stopped chewing his food, I actually thought at one point he'd stopped breathing, eyes transfixed and I don't even get a glance not even a peep. Probably being to self conscious and insecure.

    i've been with my husband 11 years, married 5, i never get 'you look nice' without asking... some men just aren't like that... has he ever been one for compliments, or is it recently that its changed?

    as for a woman on TV... you can look at the menu as long as you're eating at home IMO.... there is always someone out there thinner, prettier, younger, but if he's coming home to you, what does it matter?
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    Interesting. Just not sure I'd be happy if my partner said he needed to condition his brain to find my body attractive...



    I'm sorry you're feeling down but I'm not quite sure what the problem is here. Your original post asked what we would do if your partner doesn't find you attractive.. Then you said your partner hasn't said anything and he "loves you for you". Is it just because you've caught him looking at women?
    Interesting. Just not sure I'd be happy if my partner said he needed to condition his brain to find my body attractive...



    I'm sorry you're feeling down but I'm not quite sure what the problem is here. Your original post asked what we would do if your partner doesn't find you attractive.. Then you said your partner hasn't said anything and he "loves you for you". Is it just because you've caught him looking at women?

    I just feel when someone says I love you for you it's a cop out. He's always looked at other women, it's just in him. I think I just want to feel special and wanted sometimes. He doesn't have to say he doesn't find me attractive his actions says it when he isn't interested in me.
  • Run4fitness12Run4fitness12 Posts: 34Member Member Posts: 34Member Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I would just like "oh you look nice today" or any kind of compliment rather a generic "I love you" like the other night we was watching TV while he was eating, some woman came on, nothing left to the imagination and he stopped chewing his food, I actually thought at one point he'd stopped breathing, eyes transfixed and I don't even get a glance not even a peep. Probably being to self conscious and insecure.

    Ah I see. I agree with TavistockToad, some men just don't say things like that without prompting. You could also try discussing it with him and tell him you don't feel attractive and it would be nice if he could compliment you every once in a while. I've said that to my boyfriend in the past and he definitely makes more of an effort now.

    Also, sometimes people don't realise what they're doing/not doing. For example, my boyfriend and I took a picture together the other day and I said "I don't like that, I have a double chin, let's take another one" :/ and he said "how will taking another picture make any difference", which I took to mean he thinks I always have a double chin (which I don't, it was just the angle) :lol:
  • ManBehindTheMaskManBehindTheMask Posts: 178Member Member Posts: 178Member Member
    Ha! Mine thinks I'm to muscular but he loves me. He just doesn't like all the muscles. He actually prefers soft and curvy, size UK 12 would be his ideal body with figure like Scarlett Johansson..

    To bad for him that he got me... I'm a UK size 6 with muscles.

    What we do about it? Well he's conditioning himself to find my body attractive again. He says it's working but we will see. :D If not then he's just gonna have to suck it up lol

    Is your partner crazy and/or blind? :D
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    You are all right. And anyway I shouldn't need anyone else to make me feel good about myself, I should feel good because I feel good not just because I have been complemented. I have to admit he always says the wrong things, he doesn't think. I just wanted to know if it's all about being attractive to your partner or if it is all about the personality.
  • Gloriam_SanguinisGloriam_Sanguinis Posts: 1,480Member Member Posts: 1,480Member Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    You are all right. And anyway I shouldn't need anyone else to make me feel good about myself, I should feel good because I feel good not just because I have been complemented. I have to admit he always says the wrong things, he doesn't think. I just wanted to know if it's all about being attractive to your partner or if it is all about the personality.

    Personality. It's all about personality.
    You gotta base your relationship on friendship and love.

    Ans he might not find athletic women attractive but I find my body amazing. It's strong, flexible and I can do amazing things with it and that gives me self confidence.

    I know what I look like and I'm proud of my body even though it's not his ideal female body . Besides, he and I both agree that confidence is the sexiest thing about a person... and after I gained confidence we've never had a better love life ;) or a better relationship
  • Gloriam_SanguinisGloriam_Sanguinis Posts: 1,480Member Member Posts: 1,480Member Member
    Ha! Mine thinks I'm to muscular but he loves me. He just doesn't like all the muscles. He actually prefers soft and curvy, size UK 12 would be his ideal body with figure like Scarlett Johansson..

    To bad for him that he got me... I'm a UK size 6 with muscles.

    What we do about it? Well he's conditioning himself to find my body attractive again. He says it's working but we will see. :D If not then he's just gonna have to suck it up lol

    Is your partner crazy and/or blind? :D

    Haha he might be crazy but not because of that lol
  • TavistockToadTavistockToad Posts: 24,632Member Member Posts: 24,632Member Member
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    :huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    I don't want to be someone that has to be gotten used to. I do believe you when you say men assess their surroundings, I cook, clean, look after our son and I believe that is why he wants me around, a mother figure, I don't want to be a mother figure, he calls me mummy, weird!!! No one sees their "mummy" in "that" way. I know before I came into his life he was a swine, and now he is a respectable person of the community, I can let him out without being worried.
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    You are all right. And anyway I shouldn't need anyone else to make me feel good about myself, I should feel good because I feel good not just because I have been complemented. I have to admit he always says the wrong things, he doesn't think. I just wanted to know if it's all about being attractive to your partner or if it is all about the personality.

    Personality. It's all about personality.
    You gotta base your relationship on friendship and love.

    Ans he might not find athletic women attractive but I find my body amazing. It's strong, flexible and I can do amazing things with it and that gives me self confidence.

    I know what I look like and I'm proud of my body even though it's not his ideal female body . Besides, he and I both agree that confidence is the sexiest thing about a person... and after I gained confidence we've never had a better love life ;) or a better relationship

    I always hated my muscles, when I was younger I'm was bullied for them, my legs still are so muscular, I have had lots of compliments about them. I love that you are so confident, I wish I had an ounce of confidence. It's me not him.
  • Run4fitness12Run4fitness12 Posts: 34Member Member Posts: 34Member Member
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    :huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??

    Exactly what I thought when I read that.. What does that even mean? "if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal" ?! What? Why?
  • leasy1leasy1 Posts: 159Member Member Posts: 159Member Member
    But I just wanna add.. your profile photo is amazing. If that's you then kudos cause you look great and it doesn't look like you have any weight to lose.

    I think you're beautiful and I hope you think so as well. Confidence is key. Don't let his opinion matter to you.. cause it's you who's gonna live in that body of yours and you deserve to love it.

    Again.. you look beautiful

    Yes that's me and thank you. I have about 28lb to lose. I need that confidence and I have to do positive things for me to achieve it. Thank you.
  • abetterme9366abetterme9366 Posts: 2,173Member Member Posts: 2,173Member Member
    Not being complimented by your partner isn't quite the same as body shamed. :trollface:
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