Body shame
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Well today I am shorts, yes shorts, I am never in shorts and it's not even hot, get me!!! I don't care if am me like it or lump it. If he don't like it he can bugger off and go happy hunting for a new woman and gawk all he likes. What's the worst that can happen we will separate and I will be a single parent, I have done it before I can do it again. Happy confident me here I come.........
Why would you ever think he wouldn't like you wearing shorts?!0 -
It's more about me not being confident enough to wear them and when I walked in the room wearing them I had a look, an up and down kind of look, it was like the look said a hundred words. I mean that was me assuming it was a disapproving look he might of actually thought "phraww what a sexy beast" but the horror in the face staring back at me actually made me chuckle inside. Hey ho never mind he can deal with it.1
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It's more about me not being confident enough to wear them and when I walked in the room wearing them I had a look, an up and down kind of look, it was like the look said a hundred words. I mean that was me assuming it was a disapproving look he might of actually thought "phraww what a sexy beast" but the horror in the face staring back at me actually made me chuckle inside. Hey ho never mind he can deal with it.
Really?! A look of horror? :huh:
I think theres a little over dramatisation going on here... i really think you should give some serious thought to seeing a therapist.1 -
Ben_there_done_that wrote: »I wouldn't be too worried about him looking at other women. I'm sure you notice other dudes. "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't sneak a peak at the dessert menu." I think you're on the right track doing it for you. Better to work on making yourself whole instead of a half.
It's all the time though, I get concerned he might get whiplash!!
It's not going to change no matter what you look like. Some guys are like that; you have to decide your comfort level.1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »It's more about me not being confident enough to wear them and when I walked in the room wearing them I had a look, an up and down kind of look, it was like the look said a hundred words. I mean that was me assuming it was a disapproving look he might of actually thought "phraww what a sexy beast" but the horror in the face staring back at me actually made me chuckle inside. Hey ho never mind he can deal with it.
Really?! A look of horror? :huh:
I think theres a little over dramatisation going on here... i really think you should give some serious thought to seeing a therapist.
You call it over dramatisation I call it how I saw it shock, horror, disapproval. And forgive me for saying but I was there you wasn't. If I decide to see a therapist it will because I choose to not because you or anyone else says I should. Thank you for your concern.
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I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it0 -
hollysin81 wrote: »I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it
I think most of my insecurities with him and my body stemmed while I was pregnant. He said he didn't find my body attractive and he couldn't touch me, it was just the worst time ever. I think that is why I only gained 9lb when I was pregnant because I thought a big belly I can't control but weight gain I could try to. I think this has stayed with me. But again that's my demons not his.0 -
hollysin81 wrote: »I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it
I think most of my insecurities with him and my body stemmed while I was pregnant. He said he didn't find my body attractive and he couldn't touch me, it was just the worst time ever. I think that is why I only gained 9lb when I was pregnant because I thought a big belly I can't control but weight gain I could try to. I think this has stayed with me. But again that's my demons not his.
I guess he gets credit for being honest, but any guy who would say this is a p rick. If that's how someone feels, they need to end the relationship.1 -
accidentalpancake wrote: »hollysin81 wrote: »I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it
I think most of my insecurities with him and my body stemmed while I was pregnant. He said he didn't find my body attractive and he couldn't touch me, it was just the worst time ever. I think that is why I only gained 9lb when I was pregnant because I thought a big belly I can't control but weight gain I could try to. I think this has stayed with me. But again that's my demons not his.
I guess he gets credit for being honest, but any guy who would say this is a p rick. If that's how someone feels, they need to end the relationship.
Oh he's brutally honest alright and I respect the honesty, I might not like it but I respect it.1 -
Wtf... Honestly. What are you doing with him? I cannot believe a man would find you unattractive while pregnant. The kid is half his? And you gained 9lbs!!! I gained 50lbs. For real. I am now losing is and 17lbs from before pregnancy and my quite fit fiance always told me i was sexy and wanted me. Granted i am pear shaped with small waste to hip ratio and he likes that but he constantly says i am beautiful. I noticed he says I'm sexy more often as i lose weight but I'm also wearing a lot less on my body lol. But dear god your bf sounds like an *kitten*.... Leaving someone is probably the hardest thing ever but i wouldn't stay in such a toxic environment..yet again I'm quite independent and also with the most wonderful man.1
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Wtf... Honestly. What are you doing with him? I cannot believe a man would find you unattractive while pregnant. The kid is half his? And you gained 9lbs!!! I gained 50lbs. For real. I am now losing is and 17lbs from before pregnancy and my quite fit fiance always told me i was sexy and wanted me. Granted i am pear shaped with small waste to hip ratio and he likes that but he constantly says i am beautiful. I noticed he says I'm sexy more often as i lose weight but I'm also wearing a lot less on my body lol. But dear god your bf sounds like an *kitten*.... Leaving someone is probably the hardest thing ever but i wouldn't stay in such a toxic environment..yet again I'm quite independent and also with the most wonderful man.
I know!! He hounded me until I agreed to have his child, I was done, I have a 24 year old a 18 year old a 17 year old, I had done my bit for the human race and he was like that I couldn't believe it, I could tell you about the birth but I am sure I would get called a liar or told I am over exaggerating. It is hard but I left my husband after 16 years I could leave him. It's just a bit crappy. I need to gain independence and decide what to do for the best.2 -
You look young to have a 24 year old.Wtf... Honestly. What are you doing with him? I cannot believe a man would find you unattractive while pregnant. The kid is half his? And you gained 9lbs!!! I gained 50lbs. For real. I am now losing is and 17lbs from before pregnancy and my quite fit fiance always told me i was sexy and wanted me. Granted i am pear shaped with small waste to hip ratio and he likes that but he constantly says i am beautiful. I noticed he says I'm sexy more often as i lose weight but I'm also wearing a lot less on my body lol. But dear god your bf sounds like an *kitten*.... Leaving someone is probably the hardest thing ever but i wouldn't stay in such a toxic environment..yet again I'm quite independent and also with the most wonderful man.
I know!! He hounded me until I agreed to have his child, I was done, I have a 24 year old a 18 year old a 17 year old, I had done my bit for the human race and he was like that I couldn't believe it, I could tell you about the birth but I am sure I would get called a liar or told I am over exaggerating. It is hard but I left my husband after 16 years I could leave him. It's just a bit crappy. I need to gain independence and decide what to do for the best.
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OutOfUserName wrote: »I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
its pretty hard to love somebody just on looks alone...im guessing your other half finds your personality crappy
For the sake of sounding a bit dim here I don't get what you're saying.
How I took it was he doesn't find me attractive but also finds my personality awful too that's why he is like how he is to me.0 -
Jdismybug1 wrote: »
You look young to have a 24 year old.Wtf... Honestly. What are you doing with him? I cannot believe a man would find you unattractive while pregnant. The kid is half his? And you gained 9lbs!!! I gained 50lbs. For real. I am now losing is and 17lbs from before pregnancy and my quite fit fiance always told me i was sexy and wanted me. Granted i am pear shaped with small waste to hip ratio and he likes that but he constantly says i am beautiful. I noticed he says I'm sexy more often as i lose weight but I'm also wearing a lot less on my body lol. But dear god your bf sounds like an *kitten*.... Leaving someone is probably the hardest thing ever but i wouldn't stay in such a toxic environment..yet again I'm quite independent and also with the most wonderful man.
I know!! He hounded me until I agreed to have his child, I was done, I have a 24 year old a 18 year old a 17 year old, I had done my bit for the human race and he was like that I couldn't believe it, I could tell you about the birth but I am sure I would get called a liar or told I am over exaggerating. It is hard but I left my husband after 16 years I could leave him. It's just a bit crappy. I need to gain independence and decide what to do for the best.
I had her when I was very young, the best decision of my life!!
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OutOfUserName wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.
its pretty hard to love somebody just on looks alone...im guessing your other half finds your personality crappy
For the sake of sounding a bit dim here I don't get what you're saying.
How I took it was he doesn't find me attractive but also finds my personality awful too that's why he is like how he is to me.
i was just commenting on the bolded question
Are lady a little while ago said to me "I could do with losing weight but I suppose if they don't like me like this they are not going to like me thinner" i just thought that was a true statement and took it to mean being thinner doesn't make you a better person and doesn't change who you are. I just wondered if anyone thought the same.0 -
Yes, I think that is true. Personally I am too judgmental of guys and girls if they are overweight or lack muscle, and I would hate my own standards to be applied to me. But that is usually for people I don't know. Once I get to know them I am more inclined to see their strengths regardless of appearance. I think when two people already have a relationship, and then become emotionally distant, they begin too look for ways to then be more critical physically. But that's just a theory. My guess is your guy never got to the point where he was all that close emotionally.0
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Sounds like the relationship has run it's course. Find someone to temporarily replace them until you can do better.0
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Kamikaze_into_your_soul wrote: »Sounds like the relationship has run it's course. Find someone to temporarily replace them until you can do better.
Temporarily replace? Why just not cut ties and move on and be happy and the rest will happen as it does?2 -
Kamikaze_into_your_soul wrote: »Sounds like the relationship has run it's course. Find someone to temporarily replace them until you can do better.
Temporarily replace? Why just not cut ties and move on and be happy and the rest will happen as it does?
The second part of that was a joke0 -
BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »Yes, I think that is true. Personally I am too judgmental of guys and girls if they are overweight or lack muscle, and I would hate my own standards to be applied to me. But that is usually for people I don't know. Once I get to know them I am more inclined to see their strengths regardless of appearance. I think when two people already have a relationship, and then become emotionally distant, they begin too look for ways to then be more critical physically. But that's just a theory. My guess is your guy never got to the point where he was all that close emotionally.
He is very judgmental about people's appearances and I hate it, I have been judged about my appearance and it's not nice. I totally agree, he hasn't been emotionally involved in me and us. Like I said previously he had photos of his ex that he only got rid of last year ( we have been together 2 and a half years) he doesn't have one of me and he told me he loves he, they haven't been together for about 7 years!! I don't know if this is the truth or he said this to hurt me. Whatever the reason it is a horrible thing to say.1 -
Kamikaze_into_your_soul wrote: »Sounds like the relationship has run it's course. Find someone to temporarily replace them until you can do better.
Temporarily replace? Why just not cut ties and move on and be happy and the rest will happen as it does?
I couldn't cut ties because we have a son together. Trust me after my vile ex husband and this one I have been put off relationships for life!!! I am a few years off 40 I don't want to just settle i want to settle down with some one who is mature enough to realise beauty is only skin deep, we all get older, our bodies change shape, looks fade, personality.0 -
I think the person you are with should love you for your personality, not your body. You dont want to be with someone, and have something horrible happen to you, like burn your face off, and have them leave you in the most trying time of your life. * Sorry I just read a story where that happened to a lady.
On a personal note, I have been with a man who gave me grief about my weight when i was 130lbs, at 5'7". he never loved me, he liked that I was skinny and got mad when i gained 5 lbs... And I am now with a man who has known me since I was 14, seen me fat, thin, sick, seen the ugly side of my personality, and still tells me everyday I am gorgeous. And I know he doesn't mean my body because there are days he says it, and I'm like, "who are you looking at? cause its not me, im a bloated mess!" It's hard to describe the feeling you get when you are with someone who loves you so deeply. I do know, that if someone is worried about my weight in our relationship, it's me and never him.1 -
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harmonyashlyn5 wrote: »I think the person you are with should love you for your personality, not your body. You dont want to be with someone, and have something horrible happen to you, like burn your face off, and have them leave you in the most trying time of your life. * Sorry I just read a story where that happened to a lady.
On a personal note, I have been with a man who gave me grief about my weight when i was 130lbs, at 5'7". he never loved me, he liked that I was skinny and got mad when i gained 5 lbs... And I am now with a man who has known me since I was 14, seen me fat, thin, sick, seen the ugly side of my personality, and still tells me everyday I am gorgeous. And I know he doesn't mean my body because there are days he says it, and I'm like, "who are you looking at? cause its not me, im a bloated mess!" It's hard to describe the feeling you get when you are with someone who loves you so deeply. I do know, that if someone is worried about my weight in our relationship, it's me and never him.
That's all I want, someone who loves and accepts me for who I am not what they feel I should look like. It's free love and acceptance cost nothing but it seems the hardest thing to get and you have asked for the world.
You saying that about that poor lady reminded me of a very beautiful lady I know and she had quite a big scar on her face. We was out and her new boyfriend I had known since school said when she wasn't around "she would be so beautiful if it wasn't for that scar on her face" I was so mad, she dumped him not long after!!1 -
HooperDrivesTheBoatChief wrote: »
You have hit the nail on the head, I am in fact called Lisa, I am good and I am smart. If I wasn't made to feel like I was ignored, insulted and actual fact graded and evaluated by him in a negative way then I might not want to seek a very small amount of his attention and be told once in a blue moon I am wanted and to be told I looked nice or anything along those lines.
You obviously don't have any issue or insecurities that you can take the mick out of someone's situation you probably don't or won't understand. Good for you I am very pleased for you that you have to make someone else feel bad to make yourself look or feel better. You are not funny, you are a fool and a bully, everything I have just said about my ex husband and my partner now. Well done.1 -
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Why are you still on this thread? Do you just go around being a *kitten* to everyone or are you only just interested in me and mine? Do you want to tell me i look nice? I have heard of people like you who pick on the one they fancy the most.......1
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At the end of the day, you are who you are. They met you that way and fell in love with you that way. For someone to fall out of love with someone because they have put on a few pounds, just goes to show how shallow they are. I know the first thing we do is be attracted to someone on sight, then we get to know them. I cant think of anything worse than having someone who is drop dead stunning, but the personality of a house brick or a complete horrible person, no thank you not for me. Give me a genuine person anyday.1
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That's all I want, someone who loves and accepts me for who I am not what they feel I should look like. It's free love and acceptance cost nothing but it seems the hardest thing to get and you have asked for the world.
I don't wanna sound too 'hippy' here but you need to give yourself that. You may eventually find it with somebody else (DEFINITELY not the guy you're with now!) but if you focus on that too much and keep trying so hard to squeeze yourself into a shape you think somebody else will find worth loving, you'll work yourself into the ground.
Oh, and...leave that guy behind! Never speak to him again, or only as much if you absolutely have to. Move to another planet if you have to.2 -
iamunicoon wrote: »That's all I want, someone who loves and accepts me for who I am not what they feel I should look like. It's free love and acceptance cost nothing but it seems the hardest thing to get and you have asked for the world.
I don't wanna sound too 'hippy' here but you need to give yourself that. You may eventually find it with somebody else (DEFINITELY not the guy you're with now!) but if you focus on that too much and keep trying so hard to squeeze yourself into a shape you think somebody else will find worth loving, you'll work yourself into the ground.
Oh, and...leave that guy behind! Never speak to him again, or only as much if you absolutely have to. Move to another planet if you have to.
You're right, I need to love and accept myself first and foremost. I absolutely feel like I am trying so hard to be what he wants but I know i never will be, I am exhausted.
Moving away would be very easy, I'd go back home which is 2 hours away from him.1
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