How do you deal with siblings and yours/their weight?

SpockAdventures

First and foremost, I originally posted this in chit-chat and then realized that probably wasn't the place for this....so yes, this is a duplicate, just to make that clear.


I am the oldest of four sisters. I've always been the chubbier one, and I'm sure that part of that is because I'm 6 years older than the next oldest, and 12 years older than the youngest. However, in the last year, my weight hasn't changed much, but all three of them have gained - and I'm not even joking - a minimum of 30lbs a piece. My youngest sister started college last year, and easily put on 60lbs. Even my oldest of the three, who has danced her whole life, put on like 30lbs over the last year.

I feel like a terrible person for it, but looking at them is part of why I am so dedicated to losing weight now. I think that the weight they have gained is...well....kind of gross (and I am so sorry if that is offensive, I don't LIKE thinking that about anyone, let alone my own family!), and I want to help them take care of themselves, but the oldest has undiagnosed mental health issues, probably bipolar like myself, so is incredibly emotionally unstable and can't even talk about MY weight loss efforts, let alone her own. The middle lives with her boyfriend and his family who are all over weight, happily so, and she just lives in that culture of fat acceptance, and my youngest....she's the one I'm most worried about...she is in plain old full out denial that she is overweight at all, when she would easily fall into morbid obesity with her BMI.

I want to serve as a positive role model, but just casually talking about my own efforts just doesn't seem to mean anything to them, or they just shut down and don't listen. I'm really good at tough love - like, I'm the one they come to when they know they need a reality check - but this kind of tough love could be really really psychologically damaging to generally unstable people already. (We have a run of genetic mental illness in our family on both sides....awesome for us, I know!)

TL;DR: How do you guys deal with siblings or loved ones that need help, either to gain weight or to lose weight, if you help at all?

jemhh

If family/friends want help or encouragement with weight loss, they will ask for it. Until then, I don't say a word. I can't even imagine bringing it up. People know when they are fat. People know how to lose weight. We all have to decide on our own that it bothers us enough to do something about it. Having somebody point out your fatness is not helpful.

SpockAdventures

It's so hard for me to not say/do anything. I kind of raised my sisters - absent/kind of crazy parents, I was the oldest, blah blah blah - so seeing them struggle or just give up, it's so hard! That maternal sensor kicks in in me and I become genuinely sickeningly worried. It's so exhausting, I just don't know that I can turn that off!

...though I agree that if you're overweight you know, and someone pointing it out can just be hurtful. Le sigh.

Francl27

It's not my business to do anything about it.

SpockAdventures

Francl27 wrote: »

It's not my business to do anything about it.

I think I know that, I just know I would never be getting healthy if I hadn't had my husband helping me along the way and right now, no one seems to be helping them. I am better cause someone fought for me, and so I guess I feel like someone should be fighting for them.

broox80

Easy, I'm an only child!!!

yopeeps025

Lead by example and they will come around. I just laugh when my brother asks if I went to the gym. That should not be the question. The question can be what did you do there.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Maybe you should just worry about being a kind person and not their grossness.

nopotofgold

well if you are a role model for them and was always the biggest, I would think you would just need to lose the weight. Invite them over for dinner and make an amazing healthy meal. Ask them to go hiking, swimming, walking, what ever you do to stay healthy. Tell them you are wanting to lose weight but really need a buddy and who better than your sisters.
My siblings (older sister and younger brother) have over active thyroids, runs in the family. My mom had it, my grandpa, uncle, great grandma, and thats all I can think of at the moment. I am normal so when I was eating like them I gained weight. Good this I was the one into doing sports or I would be much bigger. I feel bad for them because they get picked on for being to skinny even though they eat like it is going out of style. So if the thyroid ever does slow down I am sure I will be getting them to put down the chips and go hiking with me ( I do that know anyway .

SpockAdventures

itsfuntobenormal wrote: »

Maybe you should just worry about being a kind person and not their grossness.

I don't worry about what kind of people they are, because they are really good people, and I am a good person. I am proud of them in every way, except for how they take care of themselves, and I don't like (like I said) that I think their sudden weight gain and just refusal to acknowledge they aren't taking care of themselves is gross, I'm just being honest about what my gut reaction is.

yopeeps025 wrote: »

Lead by example and they will come around. I just laugh when my brother asks if I went to the gym. That should not be the question. The question can be what did you do there.

Thanks, that's what I've been doing, just trying to talk about what I do, how good I feel, what is enjoyable, all in relation to my own health. I never bring up their health in the conversation, I guess I just wanted to see if others handled it differently, or if that's just the best I am going to be able to do, y'know?

SpockAdventures

nopotofgold wrote: »

well if you are a role model for them and was always the biggest, I would think you would just need to lose the weight.].

Thanks, that has been my instinctive reaction...just seeing if others do more than just that. But I guess that is a lot in and of itself.

yopeeps025

yopeeps025 wrote: »

Lead by example and they will come around. I just laugh when my brother asks if I went to the gym. That should not be the question. The question can be what did you do there.

Thanks, that's what I've been doing, just trying to talk about what I do, how good I feel, what is enjoyable, all in relation to my own health. I never bring up their health in the conversation, I guess I just wanted to see if others handled it differently, or if that's just the best I am going to be able to do, y'know?

Along with lead by example. My brother wants to lose 10 pounds as he see my weight get lower. We have lots of fitness talks too.

SpockAdventures

yopeeps025 wrote: »

Along with lead by example. My brother wants to lose 10 pounds as he see my weight get lower. We have lots of fitness talks too.

Well, I'm currently strapping my sneakers on, so I guess I'm at least part way there.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

SpockAdventures wrote: »

itsfuntobenormal wrote: »

Maybe you should just worry about being a kind person and not their grossness.

I don't worry about what kind of people they are, because they are really good people, and I am a good person. I am proud of them in every way, except for how they take care of themselves, and I don't like (like I said) that I think their sudden weight gain and just refusal to acknowledge they aren't taking care of themselves is gross, I'm just being honest about what my gut reaction is.

yopeeps025 wrote: »

Lead by example and they will come around. I just laugh when my brother asks if I went to the gym. That should not be the question. The question can be what did you do there.

Thanks, that's what I've been doing, just trying to talk about what I do, how good I feel, what is enjoyable, all in relation to my own health. I never bring up their health in the conversation, I guess I just wanted to see if others handled it differently, or if that's just the best I am going to be able to do, y'know?

No, I said YOU should worry about being a kind person and leave your sisters alone. Not worry about if they are kind.

kaseyr1505

I don't really work on helping my family, but I do mention things from time to time on Facebook (I'm about 1,300 miles from my family). I think people will get help when they want, and it's nice to make people know indirectly that you're there.

I talk about how good I feel from my weight loss, mention my runs/lifting, and how I lost weight, without giving anything up.

My uncle recently had a heart attack scare, and came to ask me for advice, so I guess something got through!

MyChocolateDiet

I don't. My siblings weight is their business and they respect that mine is mine.

mmm_drop

If a person wants to lose weight then they will do it. If they ask for advice, then help them out, but otherwise, I'd just keep on keeping on and focus on yourself.

hermann341

Most of my siblings (4 sisters, 3 brothers) tend to be overweight. The biggest exception would seem to be my youngest sister, who seems to be genetically similar to our dad, who is the thin parent. In the past, she was also the most active, earning a volleyball scholarship to pay for college. For me and my other siblings, we are/were all aware of when we needed to lose weight. And when one of us does lose weight, the others would marvel at how well they have done, and ask, "How did you do it." Currently, the weight loss champ and most active titles would belong to me, based on my running for fitness and my logging here on MFP. I have pretty much let my results speak for themselves, and let anyone know who asked, that I did it with myfitnesspal.com. I've tried to not be pushy with my siblings who need to lose some weight, but have encouraged those that ask to be diligent if they want to use this site.

FatFreeFrolicking

It's not your place to comment on anyone's weight. Ever.

lorib642

My sister has been waiting for me to show some interest and now she makes a lot of suggestions (I find it pushy). I usually ignore them but we traveled together over a weekend and it was painful feeling her watch me eat things she didn't "approve" of. I would wait until they ask for advice.