Need Ideas for my overweight Daughter

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Replies

  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
    Take away her tv .. then she'll be able to come on here and complain ..oh wait I wonder if she already has.

    It's something she needs to do, you can help out by planning physical activities and making sure she has a healthy lunch. School systems now typically have to meet criteria for nutrition and I'd say she'd be better off eating the schools provided lunch options.

    When she gets off school go walking, help her find friends, encourage her to join a gym, learn karate, take up archery, swimming, skydiving, skiing, rock climbing, etc. If you make her do anything she'll retaliate and it's only going to make the issue worse.
  • 23kat23
    23kat23 Posts: 62 Member
    Weight is such sensitive issue, especially for a young girl. She probably knows she is overweight and feels badly about it. Try and start by being healthy as a family. Making healthy meals and being active together to sort of get things going. Promote health whenever you can. She has to be ready to make the change for herself. She may end up resenting you if it's always down to talks about her weight and trying to push her to lose it. Make it more about the family and getting healthy as opposed to just her and losing weight.
  • kmariet7
    kmariet7 Posts: 229 Member
    Would she enjoy hiking, biking, roller skating, or canoing? We try to do fun family activities as much as weather and time allows.
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    I think you really have two jobs here, and they are both equally important. One is to let her know that she is beautiful and wonderful to you just how she is (not just fine). She is not going to be getting that message out in the world and she needs it from her mom.

    The other is to guide her and encourage her as others have said. It's not about her weight, it's about being healthy, eating well and being active. Help her to find active hobbies (running could be good), keep only healthy food around, work on cooking and meal planning together, etc. Have talks with her, make it safe for her to share her thought on health and eating and being active. Be curious about what she thinks about those things. She may be defensive, but if you come from a compassionate place in time I think she will open up.
  • goalpeace
    goalpeace Posts: 272 Member
    We went to our first counseling appointment and without mentioning anything at all regarding her weight, the Dr. suggested she try exercising because of the effects it has on her mentally. She talked to her about how it will help clear her mind, build confidence, and make clear choices. She said she calls it a natural drug.

    This is perfect and exactly the message I want to convey to her. If she can get exercise in her life, EVERYTHING will be better. I know first hand. We are all here for that same exact reason. However, young girls aren't always as in step with accepting our bodies as adult women are.

    I've come up with an exercise plan that we will be starting. I will also figure out a good eating plan. If she doesn't lose any weight, It won't matter as long as she is getting mental fitness. However, we know that's not going to happen. She will lose weight and I will be very proud.

  • kmariet7
    kmariet7 Posts: 229 Member
    edited October 2014
    goalpeace wrote: »
    We went to our first counseling appointment and without mentioning anything at all regarding her weight, the Dr. suggested she try exercising because of the effects it has on her mentally. She talked to her about how it will help clear her mind, build confidence, and make clear choices. She said she calls it a natural drug.

    This is perfect and exactly the message I want to convey to her. If she can get exercise in her life, EVERYTHING will be better. I know first hand. We are all here for that same exact reason. However, young girls aren't always as in step with accepting our bodies as adult women are.

    I've come up with an exercise plan that we will be starting. I will also figure out a good eating plan. If she doesn't lose any weight, It won't matter as long as she is getting mental fitness. However, we know that's not going to happen. She will lose weight and I will be very proud.

    Glad the appt went well!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    kmariet7 wrote: »
    goalpeace wrote: »
    We went to our first counseling appointment and without mentioning anything at all regarding her weight, the Dr. suggested she try exercising because of the effects it has on her mentally. She talked to her about how it will help clear her mind, build confidence, and make clear choices. She said she calls it a natural drug.

    This is perfect and exactly the message I want to convey to her. If she can get exercise in her life, EVERYTHING will be better. I know first hand. We are all here for that same exact reason. However, young girls aren't always as in step with accepting our bodies as adult women are.

    I've come up with an exercise plan that we will be starting. I will also figure out a good eating plan. If she doesn't lose any weight, It won't matter as long as she is getting mental fitness. However, we know that's not going to happen. She will lose weight and I will be very proud.

    Glad the appt went well!

    Me too!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    girlviernes wrote: »
    I think you really have two jobs here, and they are both equally important. One is to let her know that she is beautiful and wonderful to you just how she is (not just fine). She is not going to be getting that message out in the world and she needs it from her mom.

    The other is to guide her and encourage her as others have said. It's not about her weight, it's about being healthy, eating well and being active. Help her to find active hobbies (running could be good), keep only healthy food around, work on cooking and meal planning together, etc. Have talks with her, make it safe for her to share her thought on health and eating and being active. Be curious about what she thinks about those things. She may be defensive, but if you come from a compassionate place in time I think she will open up.

    Very true. Good advice.
    I think the OP is on the right track. I see she's trying to be proactive and 1) get to the root of the problem NOW before her daughter struggles with this for years (or decades) and 2) knowing that, like it or not, high school is a tough time and if she can avoid her daughter being teased the she's going to try everything she can. I know I'd be the same way.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    goalpeace wrote: »
    She is larger than I ever was. Could be the genes on her other side affecting her worse than me.

    Way to teach her how to be accountable for her own health and fitness.
  • Miss_1999
    Miss_1999 Posts: 747 Member
    I haven't read this entire thread, but if you don't read anything else, and take it to heart, I hope you'll read this one. I was overweight, my entire life. My mother, wasn't, until she became and adult. Apparently, she feared it was going to just affect me terribly, and constantly "tried' to get me to lose weight. She'd make comments like, "Those boys looked at you and said, that girl had such a pretty face, but look at all that fat!".

    She would do things she *thought* was helping, but in reality, was harmful. I WANTED desperately to be thin. I wanted to be like everyone else. I was angry that I couldn't eat pizza, chips, ice cream, and other things like the rest of my friends and not be fat. I wasn't eating more than anyone else, and truly this isn't an exaggeration.

    Trust me when I say, your daughter eating school lunch isn't the issue. And Cross-Country , is this something SHE is interested in? Have you asked her what sports she's interested in and what maybe she'd like to do? Does she like running? If so, that's awesome! Help her train. If not, she's going to resent the hell out of you. Does she enjoy basketball, softball, volleyball, tennis, cheerleading, soccer? There are a lot of sports for young women that are available and she's definitely capable of any of them! It's all about what SHE wants to do. But the big thing is listen to your daughter. Get to know who SHE is.

    It's hard enough being a young person, feeling the pressures from your friends, looking at magazines, seeing actors/actresses on TV and in the movies looking a certain way, then wanting to do certain things and feeling excluded because you don't look the part.

    I'm a mother myself, now, and I know that you love your daughter, unconditionally. The most important thing you can do is to sit down, and tell her this. Let her KNOW that you love her. Let her KNOW she is a beautiful young woman inside AND out, and that you accept her, just as she is. I understand that you are worried about her health, and it is absolutely a valid concern! However, I think once she realizes that it's really NOT about how heavy she is, or thin she is, that it doesn't matter to you, that what matters is that's happy, she's loved, and she's doing what makes her happy, that she'll be more willing to take the steps WITH you, and the family to make healthier choices.

    Another thing, I don't know if she exhibits any of these symptoms listed in this article: todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/100111p58.shtml

    I beg you, PLEASE do not ignore it. It doesn't mean that she DOES indeed have PCOS, but it is a very real possibility. In the 70's and 80's, they didn't know what to do for girls like me. Other than to just tell us to "lose weight". Had I been given a diagnosis as a child, it would've made a huge difference in the way I have to live my life. I almost died because I wasn't diagnosed and treated.

    Regardless, I wish you the best. I hope that you'll be able to keep the doors of communication open, and really hear what your daughter has to say. Be encouraging of her, and help her good choices. Just like here on MFP, there isn't anything that we can't eat and enjoy, it's about balance. When you feel deprived of something, of course, you're going to hide it, binge on it, or do whatever you've got to do to get it. If your daughter is able to have the things she enjoys, along with things that are healthy for her, it will be a win/win situation. It can, and will work. It will just take time.

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Please remember that teenage girls are impressionable and anything negative you say, can stay with them for life. Lead by example here. Provide the healthier choices in snacks without making a big deal about it. Encourage her to go to the gym with you, walk, hike or take a class together, by telling her you want to have quality mother daughter time.
    I know my daughter is almost 15 and every little thing leaves them sensitive, but if I phrase it "This is important to me", she's all in!
  • goalpeace
    goalpeace Posts: 272 Member
    UsedToBeHusky wrote: »
    goalpeace wrote: »
    She is larger than I ever was. Could be the genes on her other side affecting her worse than me.

    Way to teach her how to be accountable for her own health and fitness.

    I don't understand this comment. Are you under the impression I told my Daughter this? If so, I would never. I am only stating my observations here.

    Anyway, thank you all for your support. I have more confidence and although I know none of you, it is very helpful to hear this advice. It is not only hard for her to discuss, but myself as well. I will continue to support and lead by example. This is the only reason why I forced myself up this a.m. for my workout because I wanted to sleep in! I want my Daughter to see me work hard and transform. I'm eliminating junk food from the house. We have a lifetime as far as I'm concerned.

    My short term goal is to walk twice a week, sign her up for a athletic hobby she enjoys, and work on healthy options.

    Also would like to sign us up to do a 5K walk together. Now that would be fun and rewarding.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    When I was in middle school I wore the largest size pants you could buy at stores like Express...13 or whatever. My mom never pushed me about my weight. I figured it out on my own in high school when I saw the scale. It's so hard in middle school to deal with weight issues on top of everything else that is going on. Just don't let her binge eat. You buy the food, you can make that rule.
  • robinm58
    robinm58 Posts: 5
    I love the idea that two of you tried to work together. I would say use this approach again. Let your daughter know that she is beautiful the way she is and instead of the goal being to lose weight have the goal be aimed at health. Trust me when you do it this way the weight will drop off naturally. I do not think the focus should be weight at her age it should be just being healthy. This way it can more of a lifestyle vs. you setting her up for yo-yo dieting. Once she has agree to team up with you for this healthy lifestyle challenge. How about the two of you do an art project (dream board) and right down what healthy goals you want to accomplish. These should be her goals so they may not look the way you want them to look. Find out what activities your daughter likes. Maybe dance is her thing? If so try Zumba, kickboxing, basketball, etc. Anything that will peak her interest. Just be careful about what you say. I know you mean no harm because you love her but she is probably experiencing pressure at school and needs some extra special support when she comes home.
  • Annahasababy
    Annahasababy Posts: 60 Member
    Unfortunately your best intentions are probably making it worse. I suggest when you get her counseling TO ALSO get counseling to see your role in this and to let go of some control issues.

    So sorry to say it.

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