I got my feelings hurt.

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  • Original_Sinner
    Original_Sinner Posts: 180 Member
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    you married him, how did you handle issues when he asked you questions that made you sensitive in the past? handle it the same way.

    therapy, a nice talk, beheading....
  • MistyinTN
    MistyinTN Posts: 78 Member
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    Thanks All for the support. I am going to begin lifting so we'll see if that helps.
  • MissJay75
    MissJay75 Posts: 768 Member
    edited October 2014
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    He is your husband, he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

    If he is otherwise generally sensitive, chalk this up to naïve tactlessness and forgive him.

    If he often makes thoughtless comments that hurt your feelings, perhaps you should have a conversation with him about the kinds of things that you are sensitive about, and that come across as rude even if they aren't intended that way. And forgive him.

    If he gets defensive about being able to talk that way, that is when I would say there is a problem. But still forgive him. No matter what, holding onto this comment and revisiting it in your head on a loop all day long will hurt you (and your relationship with him) far more in the long run.

    Oh - and stop comparing yourself to his ex. He chose you. :smile:

  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    mistypile wrote: »
    So my husband and I were talking this morning about liposuction and tummy tucks. He proceeded to ask me how I got all that excess skin on my belly. I was so hurt and I cried. I'm trying to be forgiving but it's hard. I weigh 130 now but still need to lose a little more. Surgery is not an option and in comparison to what I've seen, mine isn't really that bad.

    You'd think by now men would know better, but it might have been a legitimate question. Your ticker says you've lost 10 lbs and only need to lose 10 more, so that little bit of weight wouldn't normally cause a lot of loose skin. How recently was your child born?
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    To those who are suggesting lifting weights, how would that help with loose skin? As a woman she's unlikely to build up so much muscle that it stretched the skin back out, especially in her belly.
  • MistyinTN
    MistyinTN Posts: 78 Member
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    My daughter is 9. I can't blame it on baby weight. I was over 180 at one time and got down to 120. I've always had this lower belly flop.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    Had he not seen your abdomen before today? Regardless, it's a legit question and it doesn't sound like he asked in a way to purposely hurt you, but I wasn't there.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    mistypile wrote: »
    My daughter is 9. I can't blame it on baby weight. I was over 180 at one time and got down to 120. I've always had this lower belly flop.

    Was she born via c-section? I'm convinced that my flop will NEVER GO AWAY.

    People unthinkingly say insensitive things all the time (which is not exclusive to men). I'd mention that he hurt your feelings to him and try to let it go. If it were me I would have chased him around the house flapping my flop and growling or something.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    mistypile wrote: »
    My daughter is 9. I can't blame it on baby weight. I was over 180 at one time and got down to 120. I've always had this lower belly flop.

    If its from weight loss, then time is probably your best bet for getting rid of it. Make sure you stay hydrated and use a good lotion. Hopefully, it will shrink back down.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    I'm sorry... maybe I have an incredibly think skin and few body issues... but how exactly does this hurt your feelings? You were talking about things that might bring that topic up...
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    mistypile wrote: »
    Apparently his ex-wife didn't have any problems rebounding after 2 kids.
    How nice of him to share that with you. Wait...no, it wasn't. It was pretty jerky.

    If your feelings are hurt, you need to tell him to cut that crap out. If he doesn't, remind him that his ex also rebounded after he ceased to be her husband and you could, too.

    Geez.

    Do not put up with that crap.
  • MistyinTN
    MistyinTN Posts: 78 Member
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    k8blujay2 - I got blindsided by his comment. I had no idea he thought it was that bad.
  • sarahb2023
    sarahb2023 Posts: 17
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    mistypile wrote: »
    Apparently his ex-wife didn't have any problems rebounding after 2 kids.

    everyones skin is different bottom line...duh husband
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    I feel like there is a lot of information being left out.
  • Lasmartchika
    Lasmartchika Posts: 3,440 Member
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    k8blujay2 wrote: »
    I'm sorry... maybe I have an incredibly think skin and few body issues... but how exactly does this hurt your feelings? You were talking about things that might bring that topic up...

    I seriously don't see where the horribleness is in this story. I keep re-reading this to try to see the hurt...
    I can only imagine this...

    "Blah blah blah liposuction... blah blah blah tummy tuck... Hey hun, how come you have a lot of skin on your stomach?"

    Was he pointing and laughing at it like kids do? It was a question that had to do with the topic... from your husband... not a stranger asking outta the blue.

    I'm still lost. :huh:
  • MissJay75
    MissJay75 Posts: 768 Member
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    mistypile wrote: »
    k8blujay2 - I got blindsided by his comment. I had no idea he thought it was that bad.

    Are you sure he thinks it's that bad? His words of 'how did it get to be so much' do not equate to 'and it looks terrible you huge slob'. (Please don't think *I* think you are a huge slob. I don't at all. I just wonder if you are reading that into his comment because this is an area you are sensitive about)

  • MistyinTN
    MistyinTN Posts: 78 Member
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    That's right Lasmartchika. It wasn't from some random stranger. It was from my husband who knows that I am sensitive when it comes to body issues and should be telling me I'm beautiful no matter what.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    mistypile wrote: »
    k8blujay2 - I got blindsided by his comment. I had no idea he thought it was that bad.

    ...did he say it was bad?
  • mrsdenno82
    mrsdenno82 Posts: 13
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    Men say dumb things sometimes. So do women. I would just tell him it hurt you. He may not even realize. Give him a little leeway before full on man bashing him.
  • LolBroScience
    LolBroScience Posts: 4,537 Member
    edited October 2014
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    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    mistypile wrote: »
    k8blujay2 - I got blindsided by his comment. I had no idea he thought it was that bad.

    ...did he say it was bad?

    This.

    To me it sounds like you just took at as something that strikes a nerve.

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